Soccer Hooligans

Last night I dragged Noodles, Betty and Ms Smith with me to watch the soccer.

Australia vs Japan! and guess who lost?? Baka! #@*$*^&$(&$..

Anyway this is what happens you put one avid fan and three bored non-watchers in the same room. Mayhem and destruction.

It starts off with the construction of coaster castles..


And begins with cake..


I'm considering getting mad with my spoon if Japan loses. The cake will get it.


There are flags in the cake! It's madness!


Group shot! Notice the two whole salt and pepper shakers. They are soon to be destroyed very very soon.


Toppled over and broken. And then covered by the coaster castle. The waitress laughed when she took the plate away.


There was salt everywhere.


But pepper is still alive and is now wearing a hat. Well his wife's diaphragm to be exact.

And still with the construction..


Mr Smith practices his crying face in case we get turfed out of the club..


This is my angry face. I missed the Japanese goal while we played a game of coaster snap. AHHHHRRRRRHHHH...[That diaphragm is everywhere!]

And there it is again!

The eyeliner was brought out after the coasters were done. It's Charlie! Candy mountain Charlie!!

He is now French and has a moustache.

And um.. so does Noodle.

And this is obviously my heroin arm.

Some mutual friends were also watching the soccer! And trying to make off with my Hello kitty camera case..



Ms Smith won five dollars and then we all went home!

So in all in all it was really good clean fun [except for the mess bit itself ironically] and of course the fact that Japan didn't win. Baka Tare! Fuck!

How to annoy a security guard.

So I'm not sure where to park and my aunty throws me a garage pass.

"Mush. go park downstairs. Be careful of security- they're very anal."

So off I toddle and when I get to the front gate, I drop my pass. Oops.

The security guard knocks on my window.

SG: Excuse me ma'am. Where are you going?

M:I'm driving down there. But I don't know where I'm going. I'm supposed to park in visitors. I can't find my pass.

SG: Oh. Where do you belong?

M: That restaurant. I work there. I can't find my pass.

SG: Oh, that's fine. I'll let you in.

M: I can't find my pass. They're going to yell at me!

SG: Should I let you in?

M: Can I get out and look for my pass?

[Rummage. Rummage. Rummage.]

M: Oh. here it is! Hee. So where am I going?

SG: Downstairs to your right, next to the cage.

M: Oh ok. Left next to the cage.

SG: RIGHT. Next to the cage.

M: Right.

So I drive down and I hear

SG: OI! OI! you have to park here!

M: here? like this? [reverses]

SG: Not like that. Can you parallel your car?

M: Oh, is that better?

SG: [Beginning to get frustrated] No, not like that otherwise you can't get out!

M: Sure I can. [Starts to reverse] Like this?

SG: .... I have to go. Excuse me. [leaves]

I get back upstairs and give the pass back to my aunty.

"How'd it go? Did he give you any trouble?"

"No, no trouble at all."

Aww?!

This weekend I received a happy texts [the kind that makes you laugh]. One drunken phone call [one of those. It has been a while]. One epiphany where I decided that I'm not a lesbian. And a forehead kiss!

So we were talking shit in the back of the car and the conversation went like this

M: I'm so cute! Don't you think I'm cute?

Him: Oh my God. You are so cute.

M: Really?

Him: Here I'll show you how cute.

He grabs me and kisses me on the forehead.

M:....

---

When I told this story to Polish and Campbell, they collectively went "awwwwww! we love forehead kisses!"
And I was.. are you serious? if we were dating for two years then ok. But a random one? Meh. I'm not his sister!
Polish: There is no way you are complaining about a forehead kiss! Those are rare!
Me: I figure.

House Issues

This is what gardening does to your hands. Who says it's healthy???

So my real estate agent called me today and he sounded really really embarrassed.
RE: Mush?
M: Yes?
RE: I just wanted to talk to you today. About the house.
M: What about it?
RE: Well the other agent says that the yard is too messy. And weedy.
M: Yes, it's been raining i haven't gotten to it yet.
RE: And one other thing.
M: ...
RE: Your shoes. He wants you to fix up your shoes.
M: My shoes.
RE: Yes, he says that they are in disarray and impacts on the sale of the house.
M: They impact on the sale of the house.
RE: [Embarrassed silence] Just keep it neat, like normal.
M: .....

Would you like to see what my shoes look like on a normal everyday basis? They look like this. [Lots of converses, I know]

Yeah Ok. I think that if prospective buyers are scared off by how my shoes are laid out, they should probably consider buying a vacuum sealed bubble where the air only comes in through a via filtered vent. My shoes- affecting the housing boom, pair by pair. Eesh.


I was walking down the stairs and I noticed the picture was missing and I was what the heck?


On further inspection, the picture was laid facedown at the bottom of the stairs.

Tell me that's not weird, that the middle picture fell down by itself. In a space where there is no wind. None of the other frames are affected.
Can we get an x-files theme going??

The pictures are a series of three. They are little boats representing life. One indicates turbulence. Two is the calming of the storm. And three is the period of reflection that comes afterwards. I figure that it's some sort of sign that it's not over yet.

It's the freaking weekend!

"Sippin on coke and rum
Im like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun"
- Ignition. R Kelly



I had a feeling I was in for it this weekend. And it's Tuesday and I have a delayed hangover. My head hates me. Anyway photoes!

So Saint Mary said to me.. lets go pick up some lesbians!

My response was ..... sure. [This is my standard response to everything lately. Want to shave your head? Sure. Want to play chicken with an oncoming train? Why not.]

Sober faces. Try and remember these.

Smokey strobe lights. Not my camera.

Saint Mary is finding those light v. v. pretty. Whee! Lights!







We are so goofy! By this time we are high on wet pussies and Hanson. They actually played MmmBop! It was fricking hilarious.I distinctly remember standing with a group of girls in the bathroom serenading Saint Mary with "You're the voice" in the bathroom. Oh God.



I am told Ms Smith here regretted her shot of absinthe the next day. Much like the rest of us.

I was really wasted by one clock and I had no inhibitions left. So I said to this lady- You have a really great ass. Do you mind taking a photo with me? Well I guess who could turn down a request like that right?? Nobody.
She was trying to get her girlfriend to go home so she could spend quality time with her mistress. I wonder if she eventually convinced her girlfriend to leave. She was trying to hail a taxi as we walked away.

That was a much excellent night, but I paid for it the next day.

--

I went to work on one hours sleep. I was absolutely gorgeous. [Well actually I didn't look too bad considering how much make up I piled on] and I was wondering how I was going to make it to Dylmah's party in one piece. Considering I was designated driver and I was swerving even as I was walking.

In the afternoon, I got a message from Mexicana, she was down for the night. And she wanted dinner with me. We never have dinner anymore. Oh shoot. This is going to take my entire set of logistical skills. And I don't have any!

So I ran home from work, threw on some clothes and started driving. Of course, I was late. By the time I got to Dylmahs he pushed me out of the drivers seat. "I'm driving! Move out!". He's a proponent of offensive driving- I feared for my poor civic.

I stayed for a little while, ran to dinner with Mexicana [who got me the Hello Kitty MAC compact!] and then had to run back. Everyone was well on their way to getting completely trashed. I was going to stay til midnight Cinderella style but as soon as I stepped on the dancefloor I felt myself getting the most ridiculous headspins [the unfun kind] and I knew I had to get going before I drove my car into a pole. I was totally twinge-y at having to leave early.


Two of my favourite people. That was the first beer of the night.

Teeth everywhere!



Who's a happy chappy at having to leave early??






Everyone had an awesome time, there was talk about tabletop dancing and clothes coming off. I feel like I missed a lot of photo ops. When I left Dylmah was doing the AC/DC dance on the dancefloor.

Well that was my weekend topped off with a really really rushed essay on Twilight. [It may be the cause of my headache. Fucking Bella and Edward.]

Next week! I think more lesbian antics to come. I'm going to start getting a life again. About time~!

Relationships that are short and bitter [or I read the same book too, you mutha]

Last year or thereabouts I bought a book called The Game by Neil Strauss. And in it, it details the life of a pick up artist and how step by step to pick up women.

I figured the whole picking up thing would be useful [one day] so I did a basic memorisation of the steps- it goes like this:

1. Get the girls attention with a comment- doesn't have to be useful.

2. If shes with a friend, ignore her.

3. When you finish ignoring her, pay attention to her a bit.

4. Put her down so she feels insecure.

5. Touch her on the arm to gage a reaction. Forget it if she flinches

6. Pick up three signs that she's interested. Not flinching. Laughing at your joke. Staying put after your put down.

7. If successful then isolate and you're in her pants!

Anyway being a fully fledged clubling- I'm very careful to take note of people pulling these kinds of pick ups. I guess it really depends on the guy as well and his execution.

So Smiley came up to me today.

S: Hey hows it going??
M: Good. Feeling better?
S: Yes.

And then he proceeds to talk about the most random shit ever compiled. He watched the tennis and went to the bank. [Step 1: Engage in conversation]

And while he's talking to me about this miscellaneous miscellaneous. He touches me on the arm constantly and he pretty much gets right up in my personal space, which makes me paranoid that my face is dirty. Anyway. [Step 4: Keep touching her. If she doesn't back away- Good sign!]

And then he went to step 5# and this is where he completely failed. By this time I'm thinking.. I've also read that book buddy?

In the middle of all this randomness, he takes a deep breath and says:
Your mouth is open when you work. That's really weird. It looks weird.

And I stop and I'm flabbergasted. "Thanks? What? Thanks?" [I should've mentioned I breathe when I work but it escaped me because I'm too busy staring at him. With my mouth open. Ironically]

He sees me goggling, and he starts to backtrack. "I'm just pointing it out.. umm.. ahh.." and then he goes back to step 5. Touch her! save it! ahhh!

This time, I shrug him off and head back into the kitchen without a backwards glance.

Now the books says according to that step, when you put her down, you should point out that she has wonky fingers or big feet or something like that. The book doesn't even have to say don't ever ever make a judgmental comment on a womans face. It doesn't need to be said! OMG.

Of course when I get to the kitchen and I jump on Campbell with "HE SAID THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FACE." and she looks at me and says "There's nothing wrong with it. What is he talking about?"

Lighto [who is just an angry angry boy lately] says: What the fuck! Tell him he's an ugly &*%^&*#%$&*#^$&*! Did you say that?!"
"Um. no."

Look, if I be nice about this I figure that Smiley is just a guy who doesn't know how to talk to women. However, three conversations in and I also think the guy is massively massively dopey.

This is why I should crush from faraway. When I talk to them in person- they end up as massive douchebags.

---

I was talking to Lighto and I said "Whats new?"
He answers me all glum "I'm fighting with my girlfriend"
"Oh. What happened?"
"I don't know! She won't tell me!" [Heehee. Sorry, I've done this before and I really just wanted Sb to annoy me about it til I yelled at him and could get it all out in one go]
"Oh. Did you ask her?"
"Of course! But I don't care anymore! I'm not going to do anything anymore! I'm sick of it!"
"You don't... care..?"

"No, I don't and if she [expletive] annoys me [expletive] anymore [expletive] I'm going to [expletive] dump [expletive] her!"
"Wow. Um."

Last year, Lighto would've laid on a railtrack for her. I spent a lot of time trying to explain to him that he was insane. And he would verily dismiss me as "You're too young. What do you know about love?" [Nothing!] and I'd roll my eyes and the conversation would end.

I wonder if he promised his girlfriend he'd love her forever too. Men and the promises they make. In all honesty, I think I preferred when he was in love and all floaty.

Boys are dumb: volume no 12

Austin Powers [henceforth known as AP for short]and I have an interesting relationship. We are [almost] the only single people in our mutual group of friends. And we [were? are?] both batting very very long dry spells. We also have no attraction to each other, other than to end our mutual dry spells.

It's convenient, why not? [God, there has to be a better reason than that I'm sure]

Anyway a couple of disastrous sessions, we shook hands, laughed it off and promised each other we'd never even attempt such a thing ever again.

We handled it maturely like adults. Or at least I thought so.

Last week, I went to meet this group of friends and as I approached I saw some girl I'd never seen before making out with someone. [It's a bar. It's not unusual] I looked around for AP and I couldn't find him so I started talking to other people. When the girl finally shifted for air- there he was! And they went right back to it.

I didn't know quite how to catch his eye to say.. "???! .. wheres my heads up?!". Outwardly, I was happy and cheery and inwardly I was hoping that they would keep their clothes on and not sixty nine on the Goddamn table. I bet you he would have- the insensitive prick.

So she finally went to the bathroom and I caught his eye and smiled at him and he just looked blankly at me.
Oh for fucks sake, adults? is this how we're going to have to play this?

So he ignored me and I ignored him. He and her did all the girlfriendy boyfriendy things of chasing her around in the rain and I decided I had a headache.

I was mad mad mad the following morning [I deleted that post. Ha.] but then I realised that I actually didn't care that much and didn't think about it anymore.

Until this morning, he calls me and I didn't know what to think about this sudden lifting of the cone of silence.

Saint Mary calls me in the afternoon and asks me to hang out with her, and the make out girl.
Me: Isn't that AP's girlfriend? I don't know her from a bag of corn.
SM: Oh, they are not together. She broke it off with him. She wanted to be just friends. She might be easy.
Me: Snerk. Poor guy.

And then DING! FUCKING DING! Thus explains the lifting of the cone of silence. And boy, how unimpressed am I that I get a phone call once easy-make-out-girl slides out of the picture.

Yeah right. you must be stupid. You must think I'm stupid. Isn't it cute how convenient everything is. Erk. Whatever.

---

There's this dealer who we will call Smiley, that I've been faraway crushing on for a while. The last time we talked, he seemed so nice and .. smiley.. and I was going to talk to him longer until Campbell interrupted and asked me about my phone sex technique. He started to laugh and I slunk away, cursing Campbell [who for some reason kept talking to him about phone sex. Anyway.]So I've kept an eye out for him and I haven't seen him for a few months until today.

I should've picked a day to talk to him when he wasn't so exhausted. Also he wasn't that smiley.
When I went up to say hi- his eyes were not focusing.

Me: Sooooo.. you're exiled here?
S: Wha?
Me: exiled? you? here? alone?
S: oh.. yeah, sorry I'm really tired.

The boy has half a degree in medicine and a full degree in finance. So I figure I must've set him on some sort of smart geniuses pedestal. Well I don't know if it was because he was exhausted, we'll just blame it on the exhaustion.

[Talking about careers]
Me: I freelance design mostly.
S: Freelance? Is that where you do stuff for free?
Me: ............... no.

[Confirming his name]
Me: Sorry I didn't catch your name. Its....?
S: My name.[pauses and tries to remember it] Smiley.
Me: You... don't.. know ..your own name?!

And then I think the overtiredness was giving him the giggles, because towards the end he couldn't stop laughing.

The conversation went all distorted

S: I;m going to enter into a poker tournament on Sunday. Ever hear of drunken kung fu?
Me: Sure, Jackie Chan and all that. Um. Does that mean you're going to get drunk and play? or drunk and fight?
S: No, I can't fight! I'm the nicest guy here. I never fight, you could probably beat me
Me: Yah, I'd slap you over the head. So you never fight? Don't you have brothers and sisters?
S: Yes I have a brother.
Me: .. well don't you wrestle him?
S: [starts to laugh until he's crying]
Me: Oh boy.
S: My brother is five. I could wrestle him but I'd squash him! He'd most definitely lose. [Continues to laugh into his hands]
S: You're hilarious. Do you know you're hilarious?
Me: This conversation has lost the plot. I'm going back to work.


Well that didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I will try again tomorrow when he's less tired [apparently he was seeing double of everybody.]

Another dream

"If I could stay.. then the night would give you up"
- U2, Stay [Faraway, so close!]

We're driving past a long stretch of beach and

he asks: How was your day?

I say: It's ok. I'm leaving for Hong Kong next week.

:Thats good. You need a break.

And then I woke up.

I figure once everything is resolved I will no longer dream about talking to him. He, driving and talking are interlinked in my head.

Hooters

This is the look Campbell gave me when I told her to stop studying and come to Hooters with me. Not impressed.







However we both clean up nice. Don't you think? Well you can't really see me because I applied smoky eye and I look like someone punched me [actually it very closely resembles the effect of that Garnier Stuff] and I'm not really fond of pictures where I look like the victim of domestic violence. Mystic Meg gave me the leather jacket. I'm just giving props to her because she was going to throw it in the bin. The bin!


Hooters! You can't see very clearly because the rain is making everything blurry. But apparently those people on the balcony are waving. I'm such a tourist I know.



Menu!



Here's a picture of the waitress's ass. I didn't feel really comfortable asking for an actual photo- touristy as I am. Now here's the thing- I was going in expecting a mix of Penthouse forum and KFC. Uber beautiful women shaking their tits in my face while they repeated my order in breathy little voices.. "ooh.. chickennnn..". They just looked like ordinary women in short shorts! Orange short shorts.

When I expressed my disappointment to Betty that no-one looked like Jenna Jameson. She very sternly admonished me that no-one who actually looked like Jenna Jameson was going to work for Hooters when they could easily make much more money nabbing rich husbands in Double Bay. None of our waitress had asses either. They were nice however. And there was nothing wrong with our orders. They were much nicer than I would have been.

Clearly, anybody who goes to Hooters is not going for the food [except food critics] and the food.. well it was kind of atrocious. Who am I kidding? It was high priced subway on a bun bought from Woolworths. Blerk. I wouldn't give that stuff to Minnie and I'm sure she wouldn't eat it.
I ordered a philly cheese steak. It even looks terrible in my camera and I'm a food photo genius. Blah.


Remains of the entree.


My Philly cheese steak. Seriously it looked like that. All the meat was half out of my bun. I think it was supposed to be fashionable. It was just annoying having to push everything back in. I gave up and just started eating the meat by itself.


Betty and Noodle!




This is part of the meal where I'm getting told to put! the camera! down! I love the expression of the guy in the back by the way. Origin is playing and New South Wales is getting trounced.


Cheers Girls!


If nothing else, at least they have ice cream.
So the end conclusion? Well I'm not really in any rush to go back. Scratch that.What the heck would I go back for?? There's nothing to ogle [boy or girl wise] and the food is meh. And no-one has explained to me why there are groups and groups of teenage boys hanging around the parking lot [I know that seems like a dumb question but it really isn't]

Doing nothing and random musings.

Here's what I did today:

Absolutely nothing! So much so that I think my couch has a nice little dent in it from my butt.

I'm sitting here watching crappy tv, typing on the laptop, eating sausage pasta and drinking diet coke. I love diet coke. I also love documentaries on the Taliban, I don't know why- I think it's because I find it funny that they drive American Humvees. Death to the Infidel car! after we've used it, of course. Haha.

Lipstick Jungle is a positively crappy show. Not even pretty fashion for me to look at. Why is everybody dressed so blah? Fire the stylist! Or introduce some stripper zombies. Anything to make it more interesting. Killer mice? Time travelling nuns?

I'm going to Hooters tomorrow! I'll go and exploit some waitresses and squeeze some waitress-y breast. If they'll let me. Promise some pictures!

Feeling

:(

These games we play

[And how I fucking don't want to play them anymore]

Post deleted from too much blood spilled.

You know who you are, you fuckheads.

Past lives.

I saw Alphabeta today. That's a person I really haven't thought about for a long time. She was coming down the stairs with her sister and she looked beautiful- very professional. She went into the store and picked up her little boy and kissed him.

I was going to say hello but I didn't want to interrupt. I've been getting twinges of past lives all day.

Holiday Dreams

So I've been made redundant a month into my new job. Thanks Global economic recession!

I'm not as upset as I thought I would be.

I had a dream... that I would take a vacation to here.



And sit on the beach and read a book.

Or here. Where I would sit in a cafe and just people watch. [God, I miss that place so much my bones ache from it]



Anyway I thought it would be a good time before I threw myself back into house hunting and job hunting.

It was not to be so. Vague notions of palm trees were making me dizzy.

Ring ring.
Hello?
Hey Mush, can you please work on the public holiday?
What. Sure. What.

Afterwards Dylmah turns up on msn and demands that I take that day off.
What why?
It's the day after my birthday! Tell your supe you can't work! I've bagsed that day!
What. Sure. What.


The cocktails and books were starting to disperse before my eyes.


And then I mention to Campbell that I'm thinking about disappearing and her words were "Just wait til I've finished uni"
And this is where I start to get the shits.
What.
"We can play when I finish uni"

I can no longer see anything next week but Twilight essays, serving coffee to shitty customers and dragging drunk boy home on two hours of sleep.

And then my mum calls.

Ring ring.
Hullo?
Hullo.
We've started an account for you to buy a house, so we're saving for you and we hope that you're saving too.
[Fuck. The guilt, it is killing me!]
Ok mum, I'll be more careful with my money.
Don't forget your stepdad's birthday next week!

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. And poof. Just like that it's all gone. A mirage of myself on a blanket at St Kilda beach.

Monday mayhem

Its too big/
Its too wide/
Its too strong/
It won’t fit...


Ego- Beyonce

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK Beyonce. I guess it would be kinda crude to call the song "Penis."

_ _ _




I was a bit of a sucker for advertising and I went bought myself a tube of Garnier Nutritionist. From what I could tell from the advertisement was that it was a bit of a miracle eye cream that contains caffeine so it is supposed to immediately perk your eyes up and I'm a bit exhausted [and looking it!] lately so I thought it would be the perfect product.

I put it on before work yesterday and I didn't really notice it. I thought I would feel a tightening but there was nothing. Until I looked in the mirror in the afternoon and to my horror, the line under my eye [which is usually only small and tiny] was stretched right across.


[Sorry no photos]

I shrieked and ran back up the stairs, burst into the kitchen and yelled "CHRISSY! CHRISSY! OHMYGOD! MY EYE!"
Chrissy looks at me and says "Whats wrong with it?" She steps back and says "Why the heck are your eyes so puffy?"
"I used this cream! The caffeine cream! And now I have crows feet and I'm twenty six!"
"That caffeine cream!? I was going to get some.. errrr.. maybe not."

The next morning I was hanging out with Campbell and there was no line [well it had gone back to being tiny] and I picked up the tube and I thought about it.

What if it was a fluke?
Maybe the cream had nothing to do with my miraculous wrinkles at all?
Then wouldn't it be a waste of a tube?

Second times the charm right?

So I applied it very slightly under my eyes and Campbell turned to talk to me and mouthed "Holy. Fuck." and I said "What?"

"Chicks.... you look like you've been punched in the eyes"

"Whaaaaaaaaat?"

And it was true, The underlid of my eyes has swollen up and it looked like I had stuffed little cushions under there.

Campbell stared at me and started to laugh "wahahahaha... pandaface!"

"It's not funny! I'm not touching that tube anymore! its cursed! You can have it!"

She grinned at me "I don't have any lines."

----


They fired Lucifer today. Wherever he is, I hope he gets help.

Not by any means a domestic goddess #49849584

It's been raining here heavily for the last five days and because I don't have a dryer means I have loads and loads of laundry. And loads and loads of laundry on a rainy day equals Mush stuck on a Friday night [domestic goddess style] ironing every single fricking sock, towel and hoodie dry.

Two loads took me three hours. I got so frustrated with trying to iron bedsheets that I gave up and stuffed all the sheets back in the machine. Ha.

In the beginning it was fine. I stuck an old dvd on and watched as I worked.

Here's a tip- when ironing pick an average dvd. Don't pick something fantastically good or something astonishingly bad. I in my infinite wisdom picked something so dumb.. you know what? I've seen a lot of dumb movies but this one takes the cake.

I grabbed a collection of Johnnie To dvds from my mum. For those who don't know Johnnie To is like the Jerry Bruckheimer of the Hong Kong film industry. So really I shouldn't have been expecting anything .. smart.

The story is set in the near future Hong Kong and the world has been devastated by nuclear fallout. Mr Kim. [a man with a scarred face] has polluted the water with um.. radiation and now controls the water supply and uses this to try and control Hong Kong with a convoluted plot to try and get everybody to uprise against the president. Did you get that? He controls the water and pretty much everything but he still wants the title. Hows that for an ego fuck? Why not try withholding the water completely so that everyone has to kiss your ass? Why not press for a democratic election and ask the people if they want to vote for the guy with the water or the guy without the water? My bet is they'd vote for him and not the bald useless president.

ANYWAY. It stars the beautiful Maggie Cheung, Anita Mui, and Michelle Yeoh. They are the Charlies Angels of post apocalyptic Hong Kong. Right. For some reason, Maggie's character is supposed to be a rough bandit so for characterisation they have her swearing every second word. You really haven't had an acid trip until you see Maggie Cheung curse like a pirate.

And they've subtitled it badly so the swearing comes off as "I wish I had a son that had no asshole!" or alternately "I'm a jerk! Why can't I go to hell?!"
It takes away from the plot a little. Just a tiny inch.

It's up to our fortitous trio [and this hella fucking annoying kid. By the way can't Hong Kong pick better child actors?? Is it just me or does the stupid kid always run away when they're not supposed to and then gets someone killed?! I digress] to stop Mr Kim.

To show you how little Johnnie To actually cared about this movie.. Watch how many times Anita's outfit changes in the final battle scenes. It's pants. It's a miniskirt. It's pants. The video editor must've been asleep at the wheel.

Look at Maggie! a paragon of grace in a crotch shot. By the way I didn't even know the villain was Anthony Wong until I wiki-ed it.

It's the type of movie where the villain actually laughs when he thinks he's accomplished something. "Muhahahahah!" and then twists his moustache. It's also the type of movie where people drink rats for nutrition and five year old girls who've never seen water can swim underwater for two kilometres. It's that type of movie.

So at the end, there is one of the most bizarre fight scenes I've ever seen where everyone just rips each other apart [no, seriously everyone's an amputee and they keep fighting!] and I drop my iron.

Ohfuck.Ohshit.Ohfuck. The iron has burnt an iron shaped shape in my carpet!

I leap onto it and spray it like crazy but it's too late. Another stain I have to hide from the agent. [that orange juice stain is not coming out either. Eek.]

I blame that shite movie! And it's crappy explosions!

Or maybe you know, I'm just not the type of person who is supposed to reserve her friday nights for laundry.

None of this would've happened if I had just gone out!

Yelling

I am still not used to a workplace where everybody looks like they are yelling at each other but are actually not.

[Aveda tells me that they are actually are.. but it's kind of whooshed right over my head]

This morning, the yelling is of a higher pitch. It's like being in the middle of a chinese football field.

Star Trek Revisited

Well Kirk, your forehead is as big as I remembered it- so it wasn't the alcohol.

And.... HOLY MAMA! Something else is also big which I didn't recall during the movie! I don't remember seeing that!

Of relationships old, new and closing

In my new job, I've made a new friend called Aveda. Well technically, she's my marketing manager and she's the person I go to when I hate photoshop/gradients/brochures/life. Every morning I say that I'm hungry and she feeds me. I ate a good third of her breakfast [vegetarian dumplings.. mmm..] this morning and she hasn't poked me in the eye yet! I love people who give me food. The thing that I noticed about her is that [and this sounds weird] .. she helps me up. a lot.
When I'm getting out of the car, when I'm kneeling next to her desk- she'll cup her hand around her elbow and help me to stand. I've never had anyone do this for me before! Besides of course when I'm drunk/skating/ or skiing. I don't know why she does it, it could be because she thinks I'm a giant galumphous who'll fall on her or maybe she's just naturally really really nice. I prefer to think that it's because she's really really nice.

And also, this which has nothing to do with anything, she's really good looking- and naturally good looking. No help at all from make up or anything else. And her hair just falls in pretty waves and so every morning when she comes in with her coffee- I hate her just a little bit but then she says hi and is all smiley and I don't hate her anymore. I wonder when I'll get over it. I haven't seen her have a bad hair day in over a month. Some people have all the luck.

[Ok, I'm just feeling resentful because my hair is black and short and I look like this
Without the green eyes obviously. No contacts. Stupid hairdresser. I don't hate Aveda. I love her. I'm just jealous because the chances of her ending up with a buttercup bowlcut is minimal to none.]

So I had dinner with Lighto tonight, the first one in seriously over a year and a half. How odd to be sitting across from the guy and have talked to him for a good hour and think "I don't know the boy!". On the surface he is still the same, he's goofy and funny and easy to talk to but after talking to him for a bit [and I don't know if I just caught him on a bad day] but he's so much angrier. I'm not even sure what to attribute that to.

So I'm driving him to the city and he's roadraging! Taxis, pedestrians, other cars. I turn to him and say dude! relax! [Haha. I told someone else to relax. Haha]

At one point during the night, he said "I hate people." and I could only look at him and say "if that includes me, you're walking home." He had to laugh at that.

What happened to the happy-go-lucky Lighto that I knew? This one is not sleeping and overworking himself to death. If I could I'd wave a wand and send him to a tropical island for some recuperation. I hate to see him like this.

---

Some weeks ago, I had an argument with Lucifer. And I said to him out of maternal concern "Stop drinking in front of the fucking camera. You are going to get caught, you stupid fuckhead"
[I meant it nicely! really!]

and he said to me "what are you talking about?"

"Look, you alco. You are going to get fired if you don't stop bombing wild turkey and cokes for everyone to see"

He looked at me all hurt like I had kicked a kitten in the shins and said "My tooth hurts. I'm drinking to numb the pain. People do that with sore teeth. Is that all right with you?"

"People rub brandy on their gums, you moron. They don't chug bourbon for pain!"

"Oh whatever, I don't appreciate you calling me an alco. AND I don't drink that much at work."

"Yes you do, and if you don't stop- you will get your ass fired and you will be a forty year old with a drinking problem in a welfare house."

He gave me that hurt look again and ignored me for the rest of the day. God, I hate it when people don't listen to me.

A couple of days ago, one of the supes mentioned that when Lucifer got back from his holiday- he would be fired for drinking in front of the camera. And all I could say to that was Le Sigh.

I was half asleep last night when Campbell started talking about Lucifer and she says "He told me he likes you"

"Oh. A blind man who lives in a box with no light in Cuba also told me the same thing."

I started to drift off back to sleep.

"Don't be a smartarse. He also said that he's starting to stop liking you, because you're too hard to understand."

That woke me up. "Oh really? Thank God. All this time I was mean to him so he would quit it and all I had to do was be complex. Men."