Not by any means a domestic goddess #49849584

It's been raining here heavily for the last five days and because I don't have a dryer means I have loads and loads of laundry. And loads and loads of laundry on a rainy day equals Mush stuck on a Friday night [domestic goddess style] ironing every single fricking sock, towel and hoodie dry.

Two loads took me three hours. I got so frustrated with trying to iron bedsheets that I gave up and stuffed all the sheets back in the machine. Ha.

In the beginning it was fine. I stuck an old dvd on and watched as I worked.

Here's a tip- when ironing pick an average dvd. Don't pick something fantastically good or something astonishingly bad. I in my infinite wisdom picked something so dumb.. you know what? I've seen a lot of dumb movies but this one takes the cake.

I grabbed a collection of Johnnie To dvds from my mum. For those who don't know Johnnie To is like the Jerry Bruckheimer of the Hong Kong film industry. So really I shouldn't have been expecting anything .. smart.

The story is set in the near future Hong Kong and the world has been devastated by nuclear fallout. Mr Kim. [a man with a scarred face] has polluted the water with um.. radiation and now controls the water supply and uses this to try and control Hong Kong with a convoluted plot to try and get everybody to uprise against the president. Did you get that? He controls the water and pretty much everything but he still wants the title. Hows that for an ego fuck? Why not try withholding the water completely so that everyone has to kiss your ass? Why not press for a democratic election and ask the people if they want to vote for the guy with the water or the guy without the water? My bet is they'd vote for him and not the bald useless president.

ANYWAY. It stars the beautiful Maggie Cheung, Anita Mui, and Michelle Yeoh. They are the Charlies Angels of post apocalyptic Hong Kong. Right. For some reason, Maggie's character is supposed to be a rough bandit so for characterisation they have her swearing every second word. You really haven't had an acid trip until you see Maggie Cheung curse like a pirate.

And they've subtitled it badly so the swearing comes off as "I wish I had a son that had no asshole!" or alternately "I'm a jerk! Why can't I go to hell?!"
It takes away from the plot a little. Just a tiny inch.

It's up to our fortitous trio [and this hella fucking annoying kid. By the way can't Hong Kong pick better child actors?? Is it just me or does the stupid kid always run away when they're not supposed to and then gets someone killed?! I digress] to stop Mr Kim.

To show you how little Johnnie To actually cared about this movie.. Watch how many times Anita's outfit changes in the final battle scenes. It's pants. It's a miniskirt. It's pants. The video editor must've been asleep at the wheel.

Look at Maggie! a paragon of grace in a crotch shot. By the way I didn't even know the villain was Anthony Wong until I wiki-ed it.

It's the type of movie where the villain actually laughs when he thinks he's accomplished something. "Muhahahahah!" and then twists his moustache. It's also the type of movie where people drink rats for nutrition and five year old girls who've never seen water can swim underwater for two kilometres. It's that type of movie.

So at the end, there is one of the most bizarre fight scenes I've ever seen where everyone just rips each other apart [no, seriously everyone's an amputee and they keep fighting!] and I drop my iron.

Ohfuck.Ohshit.Ohfuck. The iron has burnt an iron shaped shape in my carpet!

I leap onto it and spray it like crazy but it's too late. Another stain I have to hide from the agent. [that orange juice stain is not coming out either. Eek.]

I blame that shite movie! And it's crappy explosions!

Or maybe you know, I'm just not the type of person who is supposed to reserve her friday nights for laundry.

None of this would've happened if I had just gone out!