Sunday, October 31, 2010

Love in all its disparities

Here are the opposite ends of the spectrum:

She calls me and she's crying. He's breaking her heart and he won't stop hurting her with words. Don't you ever believe that words would hurt less than a slap. It's so easy to find the right words to hurt someone with. She says 'He says he never loved me. He never loved me this entire time.'
The ache of it vibrates right through the phone. You don't have the heart right now to tell her to tear it off. She can't hear you through her wall of pain. And as her friend, you do what you have to do. You stand there and you listen to it. If he knew how much damage he was causing to her, would he stop and reconsider?

--

Betty and MK got married on Friday in the Hunter Valley. And I was fortunate enough to be there to witness it [well most of it.]. They just radiated love and tenderness. How many couples do you know that radiate love and tenderness? At one point, she retold an anecdote which she had mentioned to me before. What is the secret to a long and successful marriage?

"Do everything together. Go to the supermarket together. Do ordinary everyday things together. When you go for a walk, go with each other. And when you go out separately, make sure that you come home together. It's all about being and wanting to be with the other person. And that's the secret to a long and successful marriage."

I think that she might be right.

--

"I'd rather have nothing then settle for second-best. I just wouldn't want to be with someone I didn't feel passionate about"

"Well I'd rather settle than have nothing."

I wonder where Coconat and I will be in five years. The incurable romantic and the hopelessly practical. What are the chances that she and I will have switched attitudes?

Happy Halloween

Do I or do I not make the best ghost ever made? I seriously should die and come back as Sadako [haha, oh the ironic circularity.. it kills me.. (oh, I did it again.)]

I spent the entire night scaring people inadvertently. I walk into a room- I scare the beejesus out of a gaggle of schoolgirls. I walk out into the street and someone on a balcony has a heart attack above me. I think I destroyed the mind of some poor guy on uppers in the middle of the party- everytime he walked past me, he would mutter "creepy.. so creepy. Creepy."

At the same party, a stranger tapped me on the shoulder and said in her best complimentary voice. "You are the scariest thing at this party." And I said back in my politest voice. "Why, thank you very much."

There's something about Sadako that gets under the psyche of people. Nothing prepared me for the spectacle of watching her squirm and writhe out of the tv, a 5 metre tall terror, I had one hand over my eyes and one stuffed firmly between my teeth- the only time at a cinema where I ever felt like screaming aloud.
I remember very distinctly placing a scarf over the tv across from my bed after I finished watching it. That scarf remained there for the next five days.

It's 11:02 on a Sunday night, happy Halloween folks! It's almost over for another year.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ungrateful princess

So this morning, I woke up with a total case of the weh weh wehs. You know I can't do the gracious princess thing every morning. And how come I have to be un-high maintenance? I am undoubtedly ridiculously high-maintenance, that's just the way it is and the way I am and I demand you deliver me a sour cream bagel and a diamond encrusted tiara now. Now.

Of course when I finished having my little tantrum, I felt ashamed and a little put-out. I really am very lucky and I have a very good life with or without the bagel. Good thing no-one can see me when I have my morning spazmoids.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It's funny because it's true.

Manager: Some people are rude and they just don't know they are.

I bite my tongue in half trying not to laugh out loud at the irony.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Farmer's Wife

[After battling over an hour of traffic for a trip that's under 5km!]
Mush: Oh I can't do this anymore. I should just go marry a farmer and live on a farm
Mexicana: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA.. *gasp... AHAHAHAHAHAA
Mush: What.
Mexicana: Nothing.
Mush: Just say it.
Mexicana: You are the most-unfarmiest person I know. You will not last. You will die. Of boredom.
Mush: I need to retire.
Mexicana: On a farm?
Mush: I could live on a farm. I wouldn't be the farmer so there'd be no hard work involved. I'd be the farmer's wife. I wouldn't have to do anything. I like ducks.
[Some lady walking beside me listening to this whole thing on speaker starts grinning at me!]
Mexicana: okay, you retire at twenty seven on a farm. I support you.
Mush: Are you patronising me?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dark Side

**I just had to come back and post this because it made me laugh so hard that I almost fell off my chair.

Random thoughts for 19/10

  • Apparently Get Off Facebook and Pray is happening right now. I wonder if all those Christians are actually getting off Facebook and praying or if they're going off to surf.. Gizmodo or something [I was going to say porn, but I didn't want the almighty to zap me]
  • One day, they'll organise for Diet Coke to be pumped directly into our veins so we don't have to go to the convenience store and hang out for it like addicts. Until that day we're not fully evolved as a society people. Bring on the Diet Coke IVs.

  • Last month I hacked off hunks of my hair because it was annoying me [shock me, shock me shock me with your deviant behaviour!] and normally after I've done that, my hairdresser can spot it straight away.. did you CUT YOUR OWN HAIR? But he didn't say anything last month- I was wondering if I should attempt it again but I don't want him to yell at me. I live in fear of my hairdresser. What kind of way is that to live?

  • Pigeons die with their feet up. Like cats.

  • Coconat made up a term today which I just fell in love with and died over. Banter slut. That is seriously the most perfect and apt description I have ever heard. If you banter with everyone and you fall for people over it. That's what you are. A banter slut.

  • If you're going to let Obama on Mythbusters at least let him blow up something. That is the whole point of Mythbusters.

  • #Kanyeshrug!

  • That's just nuts. How can my neighbour be going at it now?? It's 7:58! Cook dinner! Watch some tv. Do a crossword. Anything. Stop moaning.

  • Speaking of sex [at 11:00 last night]:
Mush: He did WHAT.. he WHAT.. he ate her WHAT ... WHERE?.. WHAT?!
She: Do you feel better?
Mush: WHAT. NO. *splutter splutter

Sometimes I feel I should turn the conversations that I have with my friends into comic strips. Except that they would find out and kill me. But try playing mad libs with that one.
He [verbed] her [body part] at [something something location].

  • I cannot stomach watching that Willow Smith video doing the internet rounds.. I just can't. Yes you whip your hair back and forth- go home- you're nine.




  • And on a final note. I want it bad. I want it so bad. I would skin a hundred puppies for that gloss. Not real puppies of course. But *muffled sob! wtf. Okay, fine I'll trade in my soul for that collection. I would have no soul but my face would look great.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Always with the wonder



I don't know how I got here. I've always trusted in a divine plan that will ultimately lead me to where I'm supposed to be. I think that's why in some ways my life lacks direction because I look for signs and goalposts and these signs and goalposts often take me right where I'm supposed to go- but in the most roundabout loopy way ever.

At least I eventually reach point B. But it's a constant existential crisis on the way.

When I look at him [and I figure he doesn't know I'm looking or maybe he does] I'm filled with just wonder. I can't think of a more appropriate word for it. This is nuts and this can't be real.

It's like a bizarre Christmas miracle that I can't explain. That I exist and that he exists and that we both exist at the same time. A thousand random events and errant molecules and purposeless spins to bring us where we are, and the eternal question of not understanding exactly what any of it means.

And then he reaches for my hand, and I don't feel the need to ask. I just let it be, because it feels right.

---

I'm lying on the grass and when I open my eyes, there's a hundred stars above me.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Random trains of thoughts

"She said...I keep on running, keep on running
and nothing works"
-Erase Me, Kid Cudi

--

Can yellow Yoshi save green Yoshi from being crushed by a giant handbag? Stay tuned!

--

Sorry, I honestly can't keep a single train of thought going lately. I need a holiday. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel tired. I think I'll quit just to stop being exhausted. I'm starting to resemble Edward Norton in the beginning of Fight Club, except I don't collect Ikea products. I'm not angry enough to smash in the windscreen of a VW. And if Tyler Durden hit me- I'd probably cry and roll foetal. But other than that- he is me. [or Tyler is me? Are we all confused yet.]

--

It's constantly raining outside.

--

I don't understand where homeless people get their magic markers from. When I'm homeless [and you will know because I'll not be blogging anymore..] is someone going to give me a texta for my signs?? I can't sing like Kesha.

--

Mush: It just occurred to me ask you right now [in the middle of dinner] Are you happy?
Noodle: Extremely.
Lately everyone I see is content but no-one is happy. 2 out of 15.

--

Yesterday my work-partner quit and walked out, she wasn't happy. She wasn't happy with management, she wasn't happy with how we were being treated, so she just up and left. Her last words to me were "Don't let them badger you."
I am in no position to up and walk so I bit my lip. I bit my lip through management's entire speech. My mouth is still tender today.

--

Still with the writers block did you notice?

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Where I am

So here I am forcing myself to write. Write about what I have no idea. This is off to a good start clearly.

Lately I've been a total space case, I'm either daydreaming or sleeping. Trying to get my attention is really hard. It involves waving at me continuously. I leave things everywhere [did I mention I left my phone in the car yesterday and had to hike 2kms in my pyjamas to retrieve it? That was fun.] I've stopped eating. I do things and then kind of forget that I'm doing them.

If this keeps up, eventually I'm going to be the new inventor of Flubber or something.

But most of all I've stopped writing. People are complaining. So here I am. Trying to think of something concrete to blog about.

This is not working.

All my neighbours are nuts. I have the Chinese pornstar next to me screaming at all hours of the night and then diagonally across I have the stressed out lady who's running around trying to kill the people downstairs by cutting their car brakes [do you think the pornstar contributes to the stress? Lack of sleep as a contributing factor maybe?] You'd think in a higher class suburb you'd have less incidence of sex and attempted murder- but no I'm starting to think it's roughly around the same amount.

Anyway. Writer's block.

During a particularly busy period last week, my manager leaned back and said "you know some people garden for a living... they just kind of potter around..." and then she looked kind of wistful. Do you know what? That's exactly how I feel. I'm starting to think I'm ready to retire. I just want to get up and paint for a bit. Play with the dog. Read a book lying on a bench and just do nothing. I say I never want to leave the city and I'll miss macaroons and chestnut dumplings and chorizos and phone reception but secretly? [or not so secretly anymore] if you moved me to a little property in the countryside and gave me a stack of books I probably wouldn't complain that hard. I get a daydream about raising ducks and planting lavender every time work gets stressful.

[Yes I know, ducks can get gross. I know they are messy and they just go to the damn bathroom everywhere. Shut up. My daydream ducks are clean and fly away for the winter so I don't have to go outdoors in the rain to feed them.]

--

I play one memory over and over in my mind. I'm sitting there on the bench waiting for him and I'm fussing around inside my handbag. When I look up, he's walking towards me and delivers me the biggest smile I've ever seen. I can't help but smile back. It was pure sunshine on a cold September night. And even now when I think about it- I get the fuzzies and I knock over things. [Ask me if my keyboard at work is ruined from constant drowning.]

I don't know what it was about that particular moment. But anyway now you know where my head is at. On a bench somewhere in a suburban mall.
 
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