10 things about the weekend

1. I inadvertently watched two Liev Schrieber movies this weekend. You know how with some actors you feel like you could be friends in real life? I don't feel that with Liev. He'd look at me disapprovingly and I'd yell "you! are not! my dad!" before slinking away somewhere.

2. I still hate work. Ta-dah!

3. I dyed my hair blonde, well streaky blonde, some people called it brown, others called it hazel. I'm the only one who thinks its blonde, so apparently I'm also colour blind.

4. Theres a woman moving in next door with her maltese, which should make for some interesting fights. [Between Minnie and the maltese, not me and the woman. I'm a lover not a fighter..]

5. Getting drunk will generally end up with me singing loudly and badly at two in the morning.

6. James Blunt does not belong in the middle of a happy hardcore collection [and never ever ever will]

7. No-one likes taking vodka shots

8. When someone at work offers to take you up the butt, the correct answer is "Sure, how about now?" and not "whuh?". Because "whuh?" will ensure you are teased mercilessly til the end of the day. Also "whuh?" is a terrible comeback.

9. Getting up at one in the morning to mark your boyfriend's essay is the mark of a true saint. [Me. saint.]

10. And the best fact for last, apparently Hitler had a thing for golden showers. Its true because I watched it on tv. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.. [I just went off on another set of giggles]

The weekend in the fourth dimension from hell.

[back to being whiny.. are you glad??!]


So on Sunday morning, its pissing down rain and Sb comes out of the bathroom and says "The lightbulb is leaking water" he says it all calmly and then he goes into hysterical the-titanic-is-sinking mode "ITS LEAKING WATER. I HATE THIS PLACE! RAWRRR *drools"

The bathroom is flooded with water coming out of every single electrical plug you can think of, so I calmly and surely called an electrician and cancelled all my plans for that day [which included eating much birthday cake and sitting around not thinking about leaky houses]

However, I still had to go to work and when I went in.. it was chaos. For the ten hours straight that I was there, it packed to the gills. It was a rainy Sunday night.. all you assholes go home! Go watch Sixty minutes, spend time with your kids.. anything?! I did two hours of overtime and the place was still wallopingly busy at two in the morning. I began to make death wishes to everyone that ordered a drink.

So fiiiiinally after the shift from hell, I decided to catch a cab home, we mostly drove in silence except for the one time I ventured into conversation "Don't you think its dangerous to drive in this weather?". Famous fricking last words.

I asked him to turn left and he turned right, when I said don't worry, just stop I'll walk. He shook his head and said "No worries" then proceeded to reverse ACROSS THE INTERSECTION. Well who knew what happened next, because my head made friends with the side window and all I could hear was the grinding of metal and myself shrieking. [It was an involuntary shriek of course, I'm not really a shrieker]

So we all got out and stood in the pouring rain to try and figure this out and the taxi driver and the girl are arguing and they both want my phone number and the pen is not really the kind that you use underwater. So the taxi driver pushes me back into the taxi, and I'm fumbling for the light switch because I can't see and his dodgy ass light doesn't have a dodgy ass protective cover and so I burn my hand. Instant welts. At this point, my rage is apocalyptic.

I politely excuse myself and tell them I'm going to lay down IN MY HOUSE. Thats where I live, if you want to find me I'll be in there. In the foetal position. So I slush home and find that there are no keys in my bag and so I pound on the window king-kong style until Sb wakes up. Wherein he finds me in shock and tears and sends me to have a shower.

And of course the bathroom has no lights, so I shower in the dark. Thus ending the worst weekend ever. Maybe not the worst, but up there with the all time greats.

Not Alone

I was walking home from college tonight and it was quite dark. But I was okay because I was listening to my ipod and ignoring everything, and then the song ‘Talk’ came on by Coldplay [which is not a freaky thing into itself obviously]. I started whistling the first few bars and then I stopped. I remembered that Sb told me that you shouldn’t whistle at night because it attracts ghosts and then I freaked myself the hell out. I started seeing shadows and movements everywhere and I’m thinking “God.. let me get past this dark area…” and lo and behold, two cars drive past me*.. so I’m tided over for a bit. And then I get to this part where its extremely dark- under trees and no lights at all, not even a soft glow from housing windows “Dear God, let me walk past this bit ok” .. and then a car I didn’t even know had a person in it turns its headlights on and shines on me til I get to the intersection.

See? Sometimes I think I’m alone and sometimes I know someone is watching over me.

*Not too many cars down a dark suburban street at night, but two! two!

Its another bendery weekend*

*courtesy of Jagarmeister: friends to trashbags everywhere!

Every so often I go out and get completely sodden off my face [ as I'm sure you are quite aware] and this was the weekend, I think I just needed to go and get away from the politics of "The Office", and my Michael Scott-esque supervisor.

So on Saturday, I went to Chicken's place. Y'know its sort of odd, I never get trashed around Sb's friends, I think its because I want them to see me as polite and friendly and not blind and puking. Anyway. But I was a bit stressed so when someone held up a bottle of vodka [triple distilled..mm] and said "who wants some?", I ignored all forms of propriety and yelled "memememememe". Thats what happens if you stress me out, I like to take it out on a bottle. And so then for the rest of the night me and jagarbombs were best friends. Or me and everyone were best friends, I dunno.. its kind of blurry all the things I said, I do recall Chicken lost his pants twice during the night and I didn't lose my pants so really it wasn't so bad.


we look so happy!

Onto Sunday, I was fighting with Sb [everybody sigh "again..?"] and so I had my friend Raver take me out. We were supposed to go to Ark, cos whats better than a glass of wine and some disco tunes right? But then we saw the line..
It was covered with people, I wasn't even aware that so many other people were looking for a boogie down on a Sunday at one o clock in the freaking night! So we went across the street to Kinselas, which I have to say is quite the funky little joint with its velvet couches and ridiculously high ceililngs. We sat there and as good friends often do, talk about absolutely nothing. I stumbled home at five o clock in the morning, and slept for four hours. Which is what happens you drink about twenty cans of red bull over the space of two days.

[Sometime during that weekend I worked, but I'm not sure exactly what I did]

The best thesis. ever!

Wait for it.. wait for it...

I'm going to do my thesis on Britney Spears!

Woo, I'm going to combine my voyeurism, my shallowness and my love of all things train-wrecky into a 6000 word essay.

Well I thought it might be more interesting than doing a media read out on global warming [not that global warming is not important.. change your lightbulbs people!]

5:54

Apparently Britney Spears is an anagram for presbyterians.. I'm going to full of these fun little facts for the next four months.

Things that are sweet 3#

I have good hair today. No, I have fantastic hair today. When you have fantastic hair, life is good. Anyway I'm waiting for Mexicana to hurry up so we can go out before my stupid hair goes flat and people will be like.. "Isn't that how it looks everyday??" and I'll be "Noooooooo! Look at the volume! The way it sits!" and they'll be "suuure.... crazy woman".




*Ignore the miserable expression on my face. I was stunned by the flash going off. Focus on the hair.

Things that are sweet 2#

Siiigh, I find myself looking around for things to be mushy about, this week is.. long.. I'll be glad to go back to cynical posting

So I was sitting on the lightrail and there was this baby in a pram and he was wearing a beanie and he looked just like a tomato, fat cheeks and all and I could feel my ovaries go ping! pinG! PING! PING! PING!

I must've looked like I was about to kidnap him because his Dad started moving him furtively away by pushing the pram away with his foot.

Is this a positive post? I really am trying my hardest. I will do a post on butterflies and whatnot tomorrow, something to look forward to. Hooray.

Something sweet.

I saw two kids on the bus today, one girl and one boy I think they were both about eight years old and it was obvious that they had crushes on each other. They were sitting across the row from each other and they were trying to figure out whether he should move to her seat or she should move to his and they kept half standing to figure it out when finally the boy took charge and squooshed along to her side. I've never seen a little girl look so happy.

my black heart melted and made piano plinking sounds.

Its a temporary personality upgrade

Yesterday I had a conversation on msn that went like this [paraphrased of course]

Cup: Do you like any of the jobs that you do??
Mush: No, I'm miserable. I attract misery like lint.

This little bit of conversation came right out of the blue at five o clock in the afternoon and I wasn't even whining [well to him anyway]

So I came to a decision, [woo! momentous!] I will stop complaining for an entire week. Not about men, food, work, .. nothing. So even if a gigantic meteoroid smashes into my living room and I have to be so highly inconvenienced as to walk around it, I will still remain stoic and talk positively ["ahh.. a huge rock! rocks are pretty!"].

Of course this blog will become extra boring as I talk about how remarkable life is and what not. but I guess if I have to repress [repress!] for a week you can put up with me going on and on about rainbows and butterflies..

2:22 [Its only 2:22!]

OMG. lets do a positive spin. Not killing my office manager will not land me in jail where I will be not be shanked by baldies in orange jumpsuits. There. that was... uplifting. You know what? I will just concentrate on my burger. Lalala. Nice burger.