Those wacky Indonesians..

Forgive the lack of patriotic pride, but I really love seeing John Howard portrayed as a fornicating dingo! If only he were portrayed in the media like that all the time, then I'd probably look more forward to seeing him as opposed to always wanting to kick his kneecaps in.

And so she said..

[On the phone to Squee*]

Me: Hmm.. well I'm gonnna go before you rip my head off and feed it to Jabbers [the cat]
Squee: I don't think Jabbers wants head.

[Tremendous pause]

Me: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. well not from me.

*Identity undisclosed due to possible life endangerment

Funny bits

I'm a bit down tonight so maybe I thought I'd keep it light.

1. My dog is at the dogsitters for the weekend, when she was here the place smelt fine however now that shes gone, the entire place is rank of pee. It's like shes astrally projecting herself back to go to the bathroom.

2. Music video question [and a double, ok fine its a triple]. Its the first time I've seen the band yellowcard- Why is the violin player asian?? and why do you have a violin player in a rock band in the first place?? The other members of the band actually seem to be much better looking than the lead, errr.. why don't you focus more on the umm.. good looking players? [so I'm a leedle bit shallow]

3. Meimei gave me a confused look "Her name is Whore?"
Me: Meimei, did you just call her a whore?!
Meimei: No,no.. its spelt H-U-A!
Me: "Haahaha.. Meimei just called her a whore!
Tina: What?
Me: "Her name is Hua, but Meimei called her a whore!
[Cue Meimei slapping me to death]
Tina: [Falling into laughter] Well I'll call her that. I'll do it, no really!.

[Waiting for poor Hua's entrance, the audience is captivated]
Tina: [Without missing a damn beat] Is your name Whore?
Hua: [Completely missing it, as you do] No my name is Hua
[Straight faces, then helpless giggling.]

4. The ideal love
"Waiting for the perfect love?"
"No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat Strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you're doing and you run out and buy it for me. And you comeback out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. Thats what I'm looking for."
.."And when I do it, I want the man to apologise to me. "Now see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donket shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?"
Midori, Norwegian Wood. Haruki Murakami.

Encounters of the strange kind

Mood: Recountable

I met Marian Keyes last night, famed writer of chick-lit. I couldn't say anything but squeak out "It's nice to meet you", she smiled graciously and then said "Blurghblurghblurgh [thick Irish accent]"
"Sorry?"
"It was very nice meeting you too, and I love your necklace, its so cute is it Mickey Mouse?"
"Um.. yes" [Marian Keyes loves my necklace! squee!]
....silence...
"Well it was nice meeting you" [Didn't I already say that??! Oh Gawd]
"Thanks for coming"
[Freak.freak.freak.freak.]

I always thought that I'd be as cool as ice in front of a celebrity. I was wrong. If I ever got to meet him, I think I might vomit on Harrison Fords shoes.

****
At a Lincraft store
Storelady: And he was so rude, I said its six ninety five and he says six!
Friend: So he was trying to bargain you down? How rude.
Storelady: Yes, but in Penrith, its all white australian. In Castle Towers, a lot of them are asian. The first generations are all a bit quiet, but the second generations are all so polite and so nice!
Friend: They're so lovely.
Storelady: And they speak english better than you and me!

Me: [standing there like a beacon, holding the reputation of all second generation asians on my shoulders. enuciating clearly] Hi.
Storelady: Hullo, what can I do for you?
Me: Oh, this please [Starting to sound like a stepford wife, didn't realise I had an New Englander accent]
Storelady: [swipes my card, charges me the wrong amount]Sorry, wrong amount.
Me : [Not glaring as per usual, but nodding politely]okay
Storelady: Here you go.
Me: Thank you ma'am. [Curtseys]

Outside breathing a huge sigh of relief, oh gawd look here you second gneration asian australians! look at the type of stress I go through to uphold our collective reputations! Argh!

Everybody needs a holiday

Mood: Positive

It was a weekend headed for absolute disaster, a "spontaneous" visit to the Gold Coast.. hooray! I had booked the tickets and the accomodation [spare no expense!] and had just finished an eight hour shift at workplace of the damned when I got the dreaded phone call.
SB: Mish, we have a problem. The tickets are booked for seven at night. Not seven in the morning.
Mish: WHaaaaa? :curses the agent, curses him to Hades:

So after a furious fight with the emergency flight agent, we catch the plane at seven at night. When we arrived, it was pouring rain.. the locals called it cyclone season, that was sort of putting it nicely. We were doing a lot of swimming and not the kind of swimming we thought we would we doing.

Along the way we met up with family [family!], of which I learned a few choice insults to be thrown around courtesy of brothers dearest.

1: You're so fat, that when you pee you create a new ocean.

2: You're so fat, that you take up most of the universe and we're all sitting in your ear.

Well okay it was much funnier when they said it.

SB and I headed to the casino [through the rain!] and proceeded to lose 120 on blackjack.. the queer thing was I thought I would be much better at it [hmm], the other thing was that after a while it became really really boring.. who knew? I thought I'd be at the edge of my seat screaming "picture!" but instead my butt started to hurt and the cards started to blur into one big pile so I was just randomly waving and tapping at the dealer.
Well it was only one hundred and twenty, I've seen much worse.[The money is gone, spilled milk and all that]

So it was raining and we had to deal with my [other] crazy parents and the trip was a whole lot shorter than I expected [Thanks lousy travel agent!] but I had fun..so maybe next weekend???