Friday, July 27, 2007

A girl crush

Anyway as you noticed that lately I've been what you would call.. a misery guts [thats the light term for it] so I thought I would treat myself for a blow dry, since my hair exploded sideshow bob style and I was only holding it together by forty five bobby pins [sideshow bob? bobby pins.. thats some weird karmic correlation right there.]

Back to the topic, I shuffled off to the hairdresser- some Japanese salon around the corner and this very very cute girl y'know comes and washes my hair. And then when she was finished, she directs me back to my chair and says:

I massagie your head, ok? [Wahahaha.. do you know how much I enjoyed her saying that? I'm seriously a forty year old, orange-coloured white man wearing a fake rolex]

And then proceeds to give me the most spine-tingling head massage that I've ever ever and will ever receive. You know how some people just don't know where the points are and just end up massaging your eyebrows and your earlobes? Well, she didn't do that.

Eeee... I think I was half in love with her by the time she finished, or in lust. Or wanting to hire her as my permanent massage slave.

Sb thinks I should ask her out. Should you really ask someone out on the basis of a good massage? Wouldn't that make me tremendously shallow?! [yes. yes, it would.]

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Deal or no deal

I just got offered a bit of a payrise to stay in this office longer.

Of course the obvious answer should be along the lines of "WAHAHAHAHAHA.. will you fuck off with yourself?"

But then I think.. [sigh] wouldn't an extra six hundred dollars help to take me to Taiwan to Saffron's wedding?

And then I think.. bugger that, I have just enough for an expensive handbag and what I want to do is lay down with it for a week.

then back to... "It's one of your best friends weddings.. Good fucking grief, get off your ass and go"

and then.... "But I'm tiiiiiired *whine and the people in this office are bitchy and lazy and don't eat salt n vinegar chips [even though bizaarely they buy it in bulk]"

After all this to-ing and fro-ing, when the time comes for me to answer the phone and do my job, my head is not even here anymore. "Hello, wedding dress. Mushmush speaking" and then the other person down the line says in befuddlement "Wedding dress? Isn't this Wynn Tressider?"

* Sorry no pictures lately, I can't hook my usb into this comp.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I'll stop talking about the office now



and let Dilbert do my talking. In fact, I think I'll just let Dilbert do all my talking from now on. [You'd like that wouldn't you?!]

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

No-one in this office eats

So I had a packet of salt n vinegar chips in the cupboard which I mentioned about two weeks ago and to my surprise when I opened it this morning, it was still there.

What kind of freaks ignore a packet of salt n vinegar chips?! What kind of sacrilege is this?!

Anyway I've been offering it to anybody who walks by and they just smile and say no. ..no...

The mind it truly boggles.

This is not really my kind of office, I need an office where people are stuffing chips into their mouths by the handful. [ This place is depressing me by the non eating, which in turn is making me eat more, its a vicious cycle]

Of course, its sort of hampering my ability to answer the phones when they can hear "Hmmpphllo? Rnnchhh rnnnchh" but you know its all in the name of the greater good, I'm slowly clearing out this place of all its food, so when people offer it to them, they don't have to shake their heads and smile politely.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Its an emotional epiphany!

*Bing. [lightbulb sound, sounds mildly nicer than *tncckk]

I am this very very angry person, and I never even realised that til today, and I'm channelling all my anger and resentment into this job and into my supervisor.

Of course, if you've ever seen me you'll say "Peh. She has anger? That girl is some sort of mouse"

But I'm at this office gig, my manager has ticked me off big time and all of a sudden I'm Angela from the Office [complete with icy glare and angry hushed tones], y'know that bitch you hate... I'm her!

So what exactly did my manager do? [She kicks kittens!] Well we usually car pool together in the morning where she'll pick me up. She didn't do that this morning, in fact she didn't even call me to tell she wasn't coming. I had to call her [do you see where this is going?] and she told me to catch a bus as she was going to be late.
What do you mean? How long exactly are you going to be??!
About half an hour.
Right. Its going to take me fifteen of that to walk to the bus stop and twenty of waiting and another half an hour of travel. Do you think that I'll still get there quicker if you pick me up?!
Take a taxi to the bus stop.
Okaaaay. Sure. Theres a taxi right outside my house now, no wait, no there isn't! [the sarcasm is now at its height]
Do the best you can do.

And then my head exploded into a million pieces and I had to catch the bus missing my most important body part.

Anyway she was at the office when I got there, all cheerful and no apologies!

I am trying really really really really hard to be civil but really I just want to smack her around with a blunt object.

My name is Mish and I'm a rage-aholic. Sigh. And I have work at the casino tonight too, I'm starting to look a little.. peeved. Nobody better ask me for a drink, otherwise they're going to hear me yelling "DRINK? DRINK?! why do you deserve a DRINK?!!" and then a kick in the nuts as an afterthought.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Scaring off future tenants. Ten Hail Marys

So I went home early today because I was snuffling all over the office. To come home to wipe up Minnie’s pee [sigh] when all of a sudden this strange lady popped up from nowhere.

Her: Excuse me?

Me: *screams and faints because my body is in a permanent half swoon

She then proceeds to tell me that she’s looking for a place for her son and three kids. I mean she seems like a nice enough person [other than the whole sneaking up on sick people thing] so I do what I think is right. I bitch about the house and the landlord. I point out that the roof is leaking and the broken gate is unsuitable for small children. I top it off with up some Mish-proof passive aggressiveness about how ultimately its up to her. She goes away disgusted with the landlord without even meeting him.

The whole thing left a really horrid aftertaste in my mouth [ I swear its not the strepsils]
Has this whole house thing made me so bitter that I have to ruin it for other people? But then the other side of my brain shrieks "You've saved her! Run lady! Run!"


I wonder how many hail Marys a priest makes you say for scaring off future tenants.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Sage advice

Stay away from Salt'n vinegar chips when you have a sore throat. It burns.

Monday, July 16, 2007

The various injuries I've sustained since I've been away

You can see how hard I've been working [or it may be an indication of my clumsiness.. I dunno]

*Cuts all over my feet from walking on broken glass. I broke glassware at work and it went into my shoes, and because I couldn't empty them in the middle of the floor I had to walk over them into the kitchen, and now my feet look like .. well.. you can play noughts and crosses on them.

*A smushed elbow from the bartender walking into it.

*A stubbed toe from tripping over in the shopping centre [Sb: again? theres nothing to trip over?? ]

* Bruises all over my back from the supermarket worker running into it with a trolley. I was standing in the aisle studying the shredded cheese and this stupid moronic imbecile [who should be desexed and not allowed to breed] piled her trolley so high she couldn't see where she was going and plowed straight into me. While I was nursing my back, the other customers took their time out to inform her what a halfwit she was . Cheese and idiots- a dangerous combination.

* Vinegar hands. I accidentally dumped vinegar all over Sb's head [It was an accident! I swear!]

* A broken heart, apparently its very easy to break.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Better one short boring post than none

I started a new job today. Its boring and involves stuffing envelopes. I know, I know you deserve a long post [and some funny stories.. Ta-dah! I have none!]

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Some more upheaval for your plate

"I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind"
-Keane, Bad Dream

Sb and I broke up last night, it seems to be amicable enough. There are no tears shed and no plates thrown [we're just not the war of the roses type]. Just quiet resignation where words fail us. Nine years of history placed into moving boxes and transported across town.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Miserable week means no posting

I've has a miserable week. So in between scarfing up the Smirnoff Double blacks, I've been shutting myself away from the world and playing my Sims. [Ahhh.. Sims, so easy to control], of course in my hermit state, my hair decided to play up and sit on top of my head dry yet greasy, so maybe its just as well I decided to stay home.

So my dad, stepmum and two brothers have come down for a holiday. So naturally I'm apprehensive [or as my mum put it, I looked like a four year old mouse about to pee itself], my other set of parents and I don't have the most functional relationship. Well it started off interestingly enough, at my Great-uncles 80th birthday. I call it interesting, because thats what it was. My Stepmum is still very very very loud- even a throat operation cant stop that voice. My Dad is still the solid quiet type. And then you throw a bunch of religious hymns, bad food, several very cheesy speeches and a scared and very sober mouse into the mix, and you get well not a car crash exactly, but more like a cartoon where the hero gets repeatedly thumped on the head with a gavel.

I did drink ten glasses of various alcoholic beverages beforehand- but to no avail.

Anyway, as much as I wasn't looking forward to it, I knew that I should spend some time with my Dad and his family. However, he didn't call. So I sat all week by the phone [simming, cursing, waiting] wondering what exactly was wrong with me and what exactly was wrong with him for being so .. cold.. and leaving me with reoccuring abandonment issues the size of New York State.

Woo.. I'm not proud of that large chip of self pity that nestles so nicely on my shoulders. I'm thinking I wasn't much fun to be around [and neither was my hair nice to look at]

Its Tuesday night now, and he finally called last night. It makes me sad to think that we'll never really bridge that gap. But maybe its cos we're too much alike, we never pass water under the bridge, we hold too many grudges and now its too late. Its an ironic little twist and a miserable end to a miserable week.
 
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