Happy CNY!

[Back for a minute] Happy Chinese New Year everyone. May your year of the rabbit be filled with love, family and lots and lots of food.

Listen to your parents, be kinder to your friends and take your fortune cookies with a grain of salt.

Hiatus

Whatever it is, I lost it and I don't know where to find it. And I give up trying to write about it. I've been staring at the screen for like two hours now and I can't even muster up decent rage.

So universe, do with me what you will. I give up.

Going to take a break from the blogosphere. I'm not dead folks, but I really need some time out.

Apply to reapply

And this is how I know I'm turning into my mother.

In the car I turn around to Campbell and say "sunscreen?" and she refuses.

When we get to the beach, I offer it to her again. Nope.

We're on the Bronte walk and I give her a "put the sunscreen on" lecture and she breezily replies "Don't worry, I won't burn" [I have on good authority that she will burn because you know I've seen it.]

And then this triangle pink patch starts forming on her shoulder like the beginnings of the Bermuda Triangle.

Lady, you are roasting! And now she starts to believe me.. so she obediently applies.. but I'm thinking it's too late.

She looks concernedly at her shoulder. I think I'm burnt. This is your fault. And then I turn into my mother: I TOLD YOU TO APPLY! and if you complain to me about how much it hurts, I'm going to push you over the insanely pretty cliff.

I hate you. I hate you more.

We head to the beach where I flop over onto my stomach and start reading and Campbell sits on her towel and starts people watching. Our snark radars are up, so we talk about bad tattoos, people's bodies and of course, the sunburn. There are a lot of people with really really bad tanlines.. it's like they're wearing two shirts. Good thing that we ourselves are not burnt right?

I shove the sunscreen at her, your thighs. And she says no worries, I'll just sit on my legs so that they don't get burnt. Okay then.

And she looks okay. Until we get home. Where her sunburn shows up. It looks like pink pizza patterns have been applied all over her body. And she starts freaking out.

AHHHHHH..! AHHHHHHHH..! Oh My God. What happened?! You burnt me!

I know it's really mean but I can't stop laughing. I applied the sunscreen on you! I wasn't randomly slapping you! I told you!

And then she looks down at her thighs which have started turning salmon fresh. And the screaming begins anew.

AHHHHHHH! You killed me! I'm never going outside ever again!

I've never seen anyone drive so fast for a dosage of aloe vera.

I think possibly the two of us [well her more likely] are going to stay out of the sun for a while, and for all my lecturing the bridge of my nose really hurts. I hope it's not sunburn. I only do a passable Rudolph imitation.

Conversations about nothing

"I think she hates me deep down
I know she does
She wants to erase me
hmmmmmmmmm"
-Erase Me Kid Cudi

I've been dancing around my living room to Erase Me for something like six months. It's what we would call an unhealthy obsession. So at the house party the other day, imagine my delight when this song started to play over the stereo. And then the host started to bust-a-move to it. He had these cool foot swivels going on and he started gyrating.

It was kind of all I could do to keep from squealing like a stuck princess.

Did I mention I'm refraining from total contact with the male species this year? And especially male species of the hipster variety? Well I'm not breaking that two weeks in. Come on, I can hold tight better than that.

So I gulped, gripped the sides of the couch and said very casually. "Cool song."
He smiled "Isn't it?"
Ha. See I'm not the kind of girl who would throw herself at someone just because they got down to one of her favourite songs. I totally am. But I didn't. Does that make me easy?

--

Matty: I'm buying a car!
Mush: What are you buying?
Matty: A Toyota Corolla.
Mush: ........................................ Are you planning on starting a family?
Matty: Haha! No! It's for dating.
Mush: Dating. You need to think about this more carefully. You're not going to impress anyone with your Corolla unless they have kids.
Matty: When they see my Corolla, they'll think I'm stable and responsible. It sends the message that I'll sleep with them but I won't cheat.
Mush: I concede your point.

--

I was having yum cha with my parents, when the trolley lady stopped to offer dumplings to the table. I think she vaguely knew my stepdad and she began to make conversation with him about I can't-remember-what. The weather I think. And then she noticed me [although seriously I don't think she could of really missed me because I was in bright red -you could probably have spotted me from space today]
She turns to him and says: Is this your daughter?
He smiles and says: Yup
TL: Wah! She's so grown up! And you're so young!
Mush: I'm so grown up?
Stepdad: I have an older son too.
TL: Seriously? But you are not that old?
Mum: [joking] He got married in his teens and had them in his teens. Also [gesturing to me] she's only twenty.
Mush: I'm twenty?
TL: Wow. Even though she's twenty, you still had them really young. She's so grown up! [shaking her head, walks off]

Mush: What was that?? Why do I feel insulted by that entire conversation??
My stepdad just smiled and looked proud. What the heck.

Earth from the Air

I was in Ariel with Speedy today and I was flipping through Yann Arthus-Bertrand's photography book 'Earth from the Air' and this image caught my eye. It's an Iraqi tank graveyard. And I'm really sorry that the picture can't accurately convey the detail of seeing the page up close. But I thought I would share it anyway. It really is something fucking amazing.. seriously go source the book or try the website.

[My travel bug is going haywire lately, I wonder if I should take that leap and just go get a damn TESOL]

The one

And he said: Looking for the one is, I feel, really emotionally unhealthy. Life is too short. You could search the world and never find them. If I had an eternity, I would do it. But I don't have eternity.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! It's what, Jan the 13th? And already they're laying out the Cadbury Cremes [at $1.58 each! When did Easter become a millionaire's holiday?!]

--

Coincidentally while trawling through a HK employment website [yep. Still looking.] one ad for a teacher was very clear to point out that Easter is not a holiday. So lest you be employed by them, you'll be praying during a bathroom break and smuggling chocolate like contraband. They also point out how much fun they are to work for. It's not very convincing
--

Lately life has been very quiet, I don't even know what to say when people ask me what I've been up to. It depresses me when I can't tell them my week was full of naked men, bungee jumping and presidental assassination attempts. So what can be said but "uh, nothing?". It's a conversation killer. I asked for retirement a couple of months ago and now I have it. I kind of like this quiet lifestyle but as always be careful what you wish for [I'm reduced to writing about eggs, people. Eggs.]

Standing in the flood

I've been watching the news coverage of the Queensland floods and there really is no eloquent way to describe that kind of damage and devastation. I guess a submerged phone booth can say a thousand words.

It's been getting progressively closer and closer to my parent's house. Which I guess makes it all the more real and not just moving images on a television screen. I still can't pick up the phone to call my Dad [we really are more alike than we think] but my brother says that they're good for the moment.

I forgot to ask him if they brought Tess inside. That big crazy dog would probably knock everything over.

The mating call

People keep asking me why I don't want to get back out there. Imagine someone placed a bucket of dark water in front of you and said that at the bottom there's a gold coin! But before you dump your hand in there, just as a warning - in the bucket there's also hundreds of rats and frogs in there swimming around. The rats are bitey and the frogs are slimy. Enjoy! Would you seriously still put your hand in there??!
No, of course not. Don't be silly.
--

So we're sitting at the table outside the club when we notice some random plunker eyeballing us. This would all be good if he didn't resemble a really really sleazy Kevin Smith [just for the record, I like my Kevin Smiths with wide friendly expressions and mute. Like Silent Bob. I digress.] He stood there and stared for a while as we gossiped and then he decided to pull a move.

I've never seen this move before. It was a brand new move. I give him a one handed clap for audacity.

He slid into the bench opposite us and gave us both a meaningful stare.
And then he proceeded to light the cigarette. Smoke it.
And then blew the smoke directly at us. Several times.

Now if this was a play or something it would go one of two ways -the first being that one of us would be polite and ask him to stop and he would then apologise and then you'd be friends in a meet-cute type situation. I think this was what he thought would happen. Uhm. Poor dude. He misunderestimated how pissed off we get when smoke overpowers our fragrance.

St Mary: What the fuck are you doing?
Not Kevin Smith: !!
St Mary: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T BLOW THAT SMOKE ON US!
Not Kevin Smith: what.. I..?
St Mary: Didn't you hear me?
[Not Kevin Smith tries to salvage the situation and he lumbers over and pretty much stands over St Mary who is giving him snake eyes. If her ears were on top of her head, they'd be flattened]
Not Kevin Smith: Sorry?
St Mary: DON'T SMOKE ON US. SMOKE OVER THERE. [points in a far off direction ] please.

Not Kevin Smith sulks off back to his friends in the far corner who all give him commiseration pats.

Mush: Ouch.
St Mary: I said please.

--

And then later on in the night, St Mary is approached by some random and he was so suave and memorable that I cannot for the life of me remember what he said. Whatever it was, she completely rebuffed him and he walked off. I looked down at my glass for two seconds and when I looked up, he turned around at the same time - caught my eye and gave me the international symbol for a serious-good-time.

[Sorry, I had to post this random photo so you could see what I mean- I couldn't search anymore, Google now thinks I'm totally perverty. Anyway]

It was so unexpected and funny [seriously who does that?! When did that become a substitute for a goodbye wave??] that I almost fell off my stool, I was laughing hysterically when Miss HK patted me on the hand.

Miss HK: Do you like him? He likes you. You should go and talk to him.
Mush: [trying to regain composure].. he.. what.. you can't be serious... you're totally serious!
Miss HK: Yes.
Mush: [studying her] Lady, that doesn't mean he likes me. He likes something. But it's not me.
Miss HK: ..what do you mean? what does that mean?
Mush: Oh my God, you're so young and cute. I don't want to corrupt your innocence.
Miss HK: St Mary, what does that mean?
St Mary: [laughing] I think you need to think about it!

--

I'm not putting my hand in that goddamn bucket.

4am

Its 4am and I'm laying in bed listening to the rain outside. I wonder if he thinks about me as well. Would have been, could have been, should have been. Its the hour for nighttime regrets. There are too many things I would've done differently. I'm never plagued like this during the day.

I hate being awake at 4am.

Ramblement

I ran out of internet credit and so no photo uploading.. until the 15th .. well here's one. Wireless is going to be the death of me.

I love it .. my parents are such goofballs.

Here's a thought: Do you think the dork gene is exacerbated by environment? Say you grew up in a house where there were Peter Parker and Wolverine posters all over the walls - would you grow up dorkier? or would your innate coolness just rise above it souffle-style?
Am I dorky because my parents are dorky? If that's true, does that mean my ancestors were running around the rice fields being really really goofy?

If you've just tuned in - I don't think 2011 is going to be the year of the epiphany. I'm going to stay out [out!] of relationships [Noodle: Geez, don't you think that's going to be hard?] thus most likely cementing my status as that manic pixie dream girl. Except not tied down and not dead and I'm really sick of damaged hipster boys... is it too late to switch to nebbish sidekick?

All I seem to attract is damaged hipsters though. I will not be seduced by pop culture talk this year [or men offering candy and php skills].

I'm so uncertain about where this year is headed that I kind of want to fast forward through it to see where I am at the end [I do realise it's only the 5th]. I need a fortune teller stat.

Back from the holidays and straight from the beach

**Blogger just deleted 40 photos worth and a billion hours of uploading. Am going to follow my own advice and not rage everywhere. I will just try again tomorrow.

-Put sunscreen on your feet

-Research where the fireworks are actually going to be

-Be the only person you know to wear green converse [Cue exasperated sighs of another pair?]

-Appreciate what you have

-Breathe. This year you're going to learn to breathe properly and you're going to slow the hell down.