Luckier than I realise (or how I spent today dodging bullets)

So this morning, I was shuffling around getting ready for work and it's been quite muggy lately so I had the fan on.

I stopped for a second (to stare into space I think) when all of a sudden the fan fell off its perch. split out of its cage and proceeded to continue whirring about 5cm away from my toe.

5cm more and my fourth piggy would have been shark food.


I  sat down (far away), really relieved that I wasn't spending my morning in the hospital.
--

So I went with my boss to a meeting close to home today and when we finished we both headed home in our respective directions.


When I got back to home comp, I was greeted with this image.

That's my building (I can wave to you from my window on the other side), that's a crane on fire and that crane is about to topple over into construction.

So they closed off the road, evacuated the building and sent everyone home. Lucky, lucky, lucky that no-one was hurt because it doesn't look like it from the photo but that crane is extraordinarily close to some windows (there must have been quite a few people wetting their pants from the view. Or maybe they were already halfway down the stairs at that point)

--

 I will be extra careful today and not go outside and not tempt fate (also not turn on anything which is likely to kill me)

You are who you are

My cousin Matty looked at this photo today and said "Mush, this is awful. You look fifteen. It looks like one of those Japanese .... (trails off) magazines!"

I didn't ask him what magazines he was referring to but I am taking the fifteen year old thing on board as a compliment. Please everyone tell me that I look fifteen and I will do my best to accentuate with graphic tees and coloured converses.

Which leads me to..

I interviewed a lady the other day (and I cannot believe I'm calling her a lady, but that's what she is.) She is just a few months older than me and she is just so poised and unlikely to spill coffee down her white top or sit on yoghurt on the bus (you know, I don't think she even takes buses). She doesn't eat muffins, she always wears heels (without slouching) and standing near her I kind of feel like Pig Pen trailing after a very clean Linus. I've had two meetings with her and each time I've felt like there's a tumbleweed of garbage following me.

 

But you know here's what I figure (other than if I don't see her for a long, long time I'll be really relieved): I am who I am, I wear scuffed shoes. My hair will never be 100% neat, I'm goofy, I make really bad puns, I sing to myself in public and that's fine. Reaching towards the looming 3-0 is about fundamental accepting who I am and if that means I'm not a person who can wear a pristine white blazer then so be it!

Which brings me to..

My mouse broke at work the other day so I had to run to Kmart and buy myself a new one. My choices were the navy blue, silver and hot pink. I picked up the hot pink and made my way back to the office.

When I got back, my boss turned around and said "What did you get?"
I showed her the mouse, she laughed and said "That's so you! It's such a mush mouse!"

And so it is what it is and you are who you are.

Coffee is giving me a heart attack.

I was never the kind of person that had to have my morning cup of coffee, I have family members who say that if they don't get their dosage, they get headaches, they feel sick, the world comes off its axis when then go without. It just doesn't seem like a fun place to be.

Anyway I kicked my coffee habit a while ago, and this morning I was like 'why the hell not?' I had two back-to-back meetings- what could be wrong with two coffees in a row?

I met someone who said they used to have 15 coffees a day and now they're allergic to caffeine (True story. Maybe.)

That was at 11, and now it's four in the afternoon and I'm still struggling with heelarious heart palpitations.

So here we go, recorded for posterity. I. am. old. and drinking too much caffeine in one sitting is threatening to kill me.

If you don't hear from me in more than two months time, it's because my heart spazzed out and I'm playing the harp in the Holy Diner in the sky.

When you cry, you cry together

So I had had a long day and I was sitting outside on the ferry on my way home. It was a cloudy and overcast and I was pissy and feeling sorry for myself and I was tempted to bury my head in my hands and have a good weep.

That was when I noticed that sitting 2m away from me, there was a young guy imperceptibly crying, reading a text on his phone.

There was just two of us on this bench in the blasting wind, getting teary. It was like the ferry seating of doom.

What would you give your ex? Would you give him a liver?

Back again! (see? doing well)

I was going to write something about difficult it is to be friends with a republican. But then I shelved it in favour of this.



 So if your mouse doesn't work and you can't click the link, basically the story is of a Chinese lady who decided to donate a portion of her liver to her ailing ex-husband to save his life.

And because China only allows donation from spouses and blood relatives... they then had to get remarried.

Good for her. There are some really selfless people in the world who will gladly donate body parts to their exes.

But you know if I put my hands behind my head, leaned back on my chair and thought about it, I don't think I would.

 I think that if you're my ex and you've buggered off into the ether and then returned to ask me for my liver. I would briefly admire you for your sheer brazenness but I would still show you where the door is (it's over there!). Seriously, I don't think any of my exes deserve my liver.

On the other hand, you know if I came to a grisly end under a bus (erk) and my 'donations' could save someone, I don't really care where it goes, as long as a) you leave my eyes alone and b) it's not going to a notorious serial killer/paedophile/dictator. So exes, if you're reading this, you may help yourself when I'm dead.

Which brings me to..  doesn't the liver regenerate anyway? Or is that just a Greek myth?

So what would I give my exes (when I'm feeling kind and generous and not bitter)?
There are boundaries everywhere: I would offer them a chip if I was holding a packet of chips.
I would not shout for coffee.
If they were homeless, they would most certainly not be sleeping on my couch but I would gladly point them towards Airbnb.
I wouldn't lend any of them anymore books because frankly no-one ever returns them (and I pet hate it to death) and who knows if they would disappear into the ether again with my book??
 But then if they asked for money, I probably wouldn't begrudge them twenty bucks (hey big spender!)

So in summary: Boys of the past, you may ask me for chips, twenty dollars and directions and that would be about it.

Also if your ex-wife willingly donates you a liver, you might want to think about keeping her.

Another ten things post

I thought I would camho to show that I still exist and that my blog hasn't been taken over by the government and that I haven't been run over by a bus- although the photo shows no body so I could very well be a robot or a head on a stick.

I am not going to take a photo of my body so you will just have to take that leap of faith that me is still me.

It's 11:15 at night and waaaay past my bedtime (I am 29 going on 84) but my guilt is keeping me typing.

So very quickly ten thoughts of the last two weeks in no particular order.

- Watching the presidential election map on the NYT cover page was giving me major heartburn. Looking at that middle strip of red made me think that Romney was going to take out the crown. Thank God, he didn't. And when Obama's victory was announced, I had to stop and cry a little.

- I am too lazy to put on nail polish anymore

- There's a mythological Malaysian monster who separates at the neck and flies with her entrails behind her. That isn't scary per se but that is legitimately gross. And I would run simply because I wouldn't want her to flop me with her big intestine.

-Which reminds me. Cabin in the Woods is a great movie. I spent a lot of time afterwards counting monsters on my fingers. Good times.

- George Lucas doesn't look like a greedy guy but his actions sure make him seem that way.  I think you have enough money George.

-I had always thought that Brunei was located in the UAE. I was really wrong.  Why a sultan then? Aren't sultans specific to the Middle Eastern area? What am I missing?

-If you were one of those kids that tried to make money as a kid, chances are you have that entrepreneurial spirit as an adult. You can't really be a successful entrepreneur without one of those stories about you trying to sell off your baseball card collection for money.

-I am 700% more wary about female colleagues of partners than before. It was only just something that I noticed today - not jealous, just wary. The only way to solve that is to a) date a guy who works in a monastery or b) not date at all. It's seriously easier to lean towards the latter.

-Don't walk your dog in the eye of a hurricane even if he really needs to pee. Let him pee indoors if you have to. If you venture out with your partner (!) and your dog into the middle of a natural disaster then yes, an electrical cord is going to snap and set you on fire, leaving your dog an orphan in a puppy pound.

-Next year, I am going to try for Nanowrimo. I am aware that no amount of eye cream will ever make up for it.

Guilt abolished. See you all next week!