Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Building the roadblocks of happiness

"But just lately I have realised
The best is yet to come"
-Someone Like You, Van Morrison

I've been thinking [not very hard] about happiness. I've reached a plateau where I'm not sad but I'm not happy either- essentially I've flatlined. It can't be a good thing.

So now I'm going about my happiness in a more methodical way. I'm seeing it like lego blocks.

Pork roll - one block.

Close parking space - one block

Awesome night out with friends -three blocks

Eventually I figure that I 'll look up from my blocks and be like 'Wa-hey! I'm happy!

--

I was feeling really blah this morning [throat still hurts] and I was hunting around for socks. Mystic Meg had bought me a set of Hello Kitty socks in Hong Kong and I was wary about wearing them. I gave her a message " I have them in my hand. I don't know how to feel about this."

She msged me back "Just relax. Hello Kitty is your thing!"

So I put them on. I guess I'm not getting away from Hello Kitty products anytime soon.


I had to laugh after I put them on. I admit that they are hilarious.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Things that make me happy

I have never had any love for Buble. But I heard this on the radio yesterday and it made me happy!

And then I saw the video and I was.. well I was charmed [sif be so easily charmed- my generation should be appalled]



Now look here, how can anybody listen to this song and be like miserable and funky. You can't right?

[If you are not charmed, I suggest you go and see a cardiologist and check that your heart is not black and three sizes too small]

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Throat infection


Looks bad.
Smells like mothballs.
Tastes like mothballs.

Being sick is an epic fail.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Weight Gain

Sorry guys, I've dropped off the face of the earth with a throat infection. If it doesn't lift soon I may ask the doctors to remove my neck.

I realise I've gained like five kilos lately [and I can see it in photos which will never see the light of day] but I didn't know how bad it was until I struggled to get into my jeans this morning. I stood there huffing and puffing and when I finally managed to sow them on- I could barely walk. This fricking sucks!

I always advocate the body beautiful and believe that women are beautiful no matter what their size.. [and yes this reeks of hypocrisy and some of you will accuse me of having a major case of BDM] but I feel really really uncomfortable. I'm heavy and I don't like it.

** Updated. I am not going on a diet. I am just going to buy bigger size pants.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Eternal optimism


"Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives
Before it all ends, before we run out of time
Stay close to me,
Stay close to me
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay close to me.

...And the world comes alive"

-Greatest Day, Take That.



Jonathan Taylor Thomas

For a good part of my childhood and well up into my adolescent years I had a crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas or as he was more affectionately known JTT.

He was so cute! And he seemed so bright! He was the voice of Simba! So... whats not to love right?

I vaguely recall doing a school project on him once. It probably wasn't particularly in depth.


Even now- over ten years later I can recall that he is a virgo. Seriously the things in my brain that I retain useless information for.

Anyway I was trawling the net today and I hit upon a discussion on 90's heart throbs [FYI, Jeremy London is about to default on his mortgage. Stars, they're just like the rest of us] and I discovered to my shock and anguish that..

.. JTT is gay.

Now what in the whatty now? It was like finding out the sun does actually revolve around the earth. I'm confuzzled! Things are not right!

Now I'm all for gay acceptance and whatnot but really my thirteen year old self mourns for the possibility that JTT is never actually going to swing by [well he might- right to my better looking half brother] and my twenty six year old self is a little dismayed that I spent all that time and hormonal energy obsessing over someone who bats for the other team!

Well who woulda thunk it really? [Actually I'm sure there are actually lots of smug guys who are sneering "I told you so. He was a cartoon lion- How straight could he have been?"]

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Would be Banana Thieves

So Campbell and I were walking up to my apartment when she stopped and asked "What are these?" She pointed at three boxes.

M: Oh, those? Those are fruit boxes. My neighbours get them delivered because they don't want to go out and buy them I guess.

C: I feel like fruit

M: I could do with a pineapple. ..

C:..

M: Go on, get me a banana.

C: What? no.

M: Pansy.

C: I am not a pansy!

M: Then get me a banana!

C: Oh, alright....

She pulls her hood over her head so she won't be recognised and shuffles open to the styrofoam box. The styrofoam lid makes a squeaking noise- she panics and races up the stairs.

C: That was way too loud!

M: You really think they could hear a styrofoam lid through that door?? I want! my! pineapple!

C: I'll try again later... wait. What are you going to do with a pineapple??

M: Eat it.

Half an hour, I'm twisting her arm to get me some fruit. She makes her way slowly down the stairs and I'm holding the door open so she can run back through. She comes back and starts to laugh

C: It's gone! The box is gone!

So one of two things has happened. The neighbours actually heard the lid and went to save their fruit or someone else had the same idea and came and nicked it. It's clearly not a safe neighbourhood when people [like us] are out trolling for fruit.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Insight while running



Last night: not one but two phonecalls of girlfriends wishing to join me in goat herding solidarity. All you can do is listen; The urge is to wrap them in cotton balls to protect them from further hurt. Sending out hugs and support over the phone.

I hope they feel better this morning -I went for a run and at one point the sun made sparkles on the water and I had to stop and appreciate how pretty it was. The thought occurred to me that not a single one of these idiots is worth the pain that they cause.

What are those tears worth in the end?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Unrequited

Un⋅re⋅quit⋅ed
  /ˌʌnrɪˈkwaɪtɪd/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uhn-ri-kwahy-tid]

–adjective
1. not returned or reciprocated

And that's the feeling for today! and it freaking sucks! (V.eloquent lately)


I seriously should not form attachments/have crushes/associate with men. Any. All. Period. I might go be a goat herder in the Himalayas- goats are less likely to make me want to rip my arm off and start beating people with it.

And the most absurd thing is: nobody knows! [I've totally become a character in Shakespeare play- just continuously talking to myself about my romantic failures] So tomorrow life will continue as per usual- except for my being one step closer to farming hollow-horned, bearded ruminant mammals in a mountainous region on the other side of the world.

More Weekend Bits

I'm really really glad to have my weekends back- it's been a long time since I've had them.


Last weekend and this weekend in pictures:


Starting with Egg's Single person fridge. I told him he'd have to get used to it. My fridge also looks like that. Except mine is filled to the brim with Red Bull and moldy lemons.

We put Ms Smith in the closet..

She likes it in there!



We call the beanbag Mike Wakowski- Egg didn't get the reference.


I dragged Mexicana and Zamil to the MCA. Love it. No photos inside- sorry guys.





It looks like a beautiful day right? It was until it started pouring like a mother...

Hahaha.. we didn't know that we would be wearing matching shirts. We're so cool.


I made Alvmah buy me a scrabble victory cake. Unfortunately the cake was poisoned. No, seriously.


Big ass strawberry!

Mmmpghghghg..

That's my pimp hat- Over a total of eight people wore it the entire night. It needs a wash now.

I love these two photos. My parents look so happy. Normally they're so posed and stiff in their photos. And you finally get to compare: I don't look like my parents. I'm so obviously adopted.

So MD and I had the bright idea to crash this 40years old birthday party- do you know how young people.. shuffle? Adults.. like to conga. This is a little known fact which I didn't discover til last night. Also two of them fell on their faces in front of me so apparently conga-ing is only for the really co-ordinated.
Observe. At some point the entire room with the exception of MD and I formed a line.






And.. the end of the night. Dapper Dans and gorgeous girls.

And that's it for me. I can't put my finger on this feeling - when I figure it out I'll tell you- going to stare at the ceiling for a bit.


Thursday, October 08, 2009

In my hands

Everytime I see Mystic Meg, I annoy her to read my palms. I don't know why, she never tells me anything that I want to hear.

So the night before last night I shoved my hand in her face and said "Well?! Tell me that someone is going to ride up in a Prius and then whisk me away to a tropical island where I can read books and eat sushi."

She starts pulling faces at my hand. Like real sour faces.

Mush: Seriously you had better stop fkn pulling those kinds of faces at my hand!

MM: SB is still there

Mush: Where?

MM: He's in your hand

Mush: Come again?

MM: That line runs too deep, you'll be together again in three years.

Mush: No, we won't

MM: Yes you will

Mush: Where is my Prius driving entrepreneur?

MM: Oh there's a couple. But they're so flash in the pan that they're minute.

Mush: THAT'S THE MOST INCREDIBLY CRAP NEWS EVER AND ARE YOU FKIN KIDDING ME??

MM: oh, and you're going to be at the casino for a couple more years.

Mush: Why are you saying these things to me? Do you secretly hate me?


I get on the phone to SB after

Mush: Mystic Meg says we're getting back together in three years. Where will you be? Maybe we should consider moving to different continents.

SB: .....................

You'd think by now he'd be used to getting these kinds of phone calls. He is
apparently not.

---

I had dinner with my parents last night. My stepdad also reads hands and so I waved my hand around and demanded a re-palm read.

Stepdad: She's all wrong. You have a guy coming in soon. Christmas. And that's not three years- that's three boyfriends. Three serious ones in your lifetime.

Mush: Christmas?

Stepdad: Also your career is fine, so relax. Not much coffee making left.

Mush: OMG. I love you.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mario Video

Ok for the people that know me, you know I'm a Mario fan and Ive played him in all incarnations with the exception of Wii Mario and thats only because I haven't gotten around to buying a Wii yet.

I know I'm posting a lot of videos lately.. but seriously funniest video ever. Good thing he has unlimited lives.

People that have no Mario love can skip this video as it seriously goes for 24 minutes

Sunday, October 04, 2009

My poor neighbours.

I have a tendency to play music really really loud. Fire Engine loud. Now this may work in a townhouse- it doesn't work so well in a flat.

So tonight while I was stuck inside from the rain, it was 80's MTV night.

And this.



I realise that this is supposedly the worst song of all time. But fuck me, it's catchy.

And the clip is comedy gold. Lincoln standing up. The Giant Dice mowing down crowds of people. The consistent breaking of the fourth wall. The cardboard sets. And.. Marconi plays the Mamba! Whats not to love?

So my poor neighbours have had to listen to this on repeat almost the entire night. I figure I'll get a knock on my door soon to shut it and to please return to my regular programming of Britney and Lady GaGa.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Sex and the office

When you use the search function in this blog and you type in the word sex, you only get one blog post. So in the space of four years on this thing- I have mentioned sex once, so clearly it was heaps important.

I figure if I type sex more often- I should get more google hits. Ha. No longer is this blog going to be PG rated.

Because I was with in a relationship for so long and it was just there- I didn't pay that much attention to it. And now for fucks sake [please pardon the pun] people can't stop talking about it and I can't stop thinking about it.

Campbell: Why don't you have sex with person A#, person B# and or person C#?

Mush: You're going to have to stop talking about it. This dry spell is making me loopy. And also all of those people are people that you want to do!

Campbell: But I'm in a committed relationship so I have to live vicariously through you!

Mush: Come again now? You picked me to vicariously live through? A street lamp in Newtown at 3am is getting more action than I am.

Campbell: Do Smiley guy.

Mush: I hate Smiley guy and he probably has a small weiner.

Today it just got so much worse. I had this ridiculous snapshot effect going through my head the whole day. So I'd be typing about steam cleaners or hard drives and then all of a sudden I'd be flooded with images. [Don't ask me to explain what was in them, this blog is not R18+ yet] I'd had to stop what I was doing and just sit there and blush.

My face was on fire.

It got to the point where people started asking me about the rosiness of my cheeks. Am I running a fever? Is it hot in here? Um. A little.

The most hilarious part was I could not engage in any real conversation.

My lovely chatty workmate turned around and started talking to me about mooncake [Jeez, I hope it was about mooncake] and all I could say was 'uh-huh. yup mooncake. yes.' She looked at me concernedly 'If you're feeling a bit unwell- you should take off your hoodie. It's not that hot in here though. Want a pear?"

Another image flash. Oh God. The knees just did a small buckle. "What? pear? me?"

".. you really should go out and get some air."

And on it went. Til I got on the phone and yelled at Campbell for putting ideas in my head.

They say that statistically [I'm not going to google it] a guy at his peak thinks about sex for about sixteen seconds of every minute. If that's what entails being a guy- I don't want to be a guy... seriously how does anything ever get done?? If I were a guy I'd never get anything done! I'd just stand around with my hands in my pockets all day blushing. Do they just work around the feeling? or is the feeling just so normalised that it doesn't affect what they do.

I don't know.

I hope that I'm errr.. all better by next Tuesday and can fully conduct a normal conversation by then. And now I'm off to take a cold shower.

[I realise I've just written two posts in a row about not concentrating at work. I'm a hard worker. Really.]
 
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