On a discussion of lost Tokyo Disney Souvenirs
Mush: You have a hat like that already, its a mickey mouse hat
Mexicana: oh yea, I don't know where it went
Mush: I don't know where my gloves went either. I presume that Tokyo Disney has like ninjas that go into customers houses that take back the souvenirs to Tokyo Disney and resell them
Mexicana: Totally plausible
Mush: [to Sb] what do you think?
SB: I don't think so
Mush: It's Japan, they have ninjas. [pause] Yakuza ninjas.
SB: [Rolls his eyes. Hard]
Mush: You can't explain where the souvenirs went!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sarsparilla Memories
I was with MD today [who by the way loves this blog, so I can rest on my laurels now] and we made our way to a Vietnamese restaurant which had... sarsparilla! on its menu. For my American readers, you guys have root beer everyday so it's not a big thing for you [so says my encyclopaedic Dennis the Menace knowledge] but I haven't had sarsparilla since I was a little kid and so it was a big thing for me and I was counting down the minutes til I popped open the can and could ruminate nostalgically on how good the beverages of my childhood were.
[I know I'm talking like I'm about to open my coffin and lay down. Shut up.]
Well firstly the can was warm which I guess is standard fare in an Asian restaurant [something about Asians having sensitive gums] and it was much flatter than I remembered. I don't know if it was the particular brand but it didn't have the tang of my childhood memories and it was distinctly more licorice-y.
I knew however that if I had ordered coke then I would have thought longingly about drinking sarsparilla all night and I would be writing now about my regret of not drinking that beverage. So in a way it was fate, the sarsparilla can and I were destined to meet in this way.
If you ask me .. how is that fate, you crazy nutso? Well what were the chances of that one can ending up in my paw and tainting my memories with licorice aftertaste I tell you??
So thanks Ace Sarsi for killing off one of my fond childhood memories! and putting me one step closer to just drinking sugarfree energy drinks 24/7 [No, diet coke doesn't count]
..
Of course I realise that if that is really what sarsparilla tastes like, then I'm pretty sure I figured why it died in popularity in Australia. Yerk.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
How Rice Balls ruined my New Year
So yesterday was Chinese New Year and you're supposed to spend the entire day thinking good thoughts. I don't think I've ever had so many bad thoughts in my entire life.
Most of them directed towards family and glutinous objects.
We had had a big family dinner the night before so New Year was supposed to be a bit more low key. I guess we could be mean, and say that it was beyond low key and had entered the zone of no key. My Aunty cooked three dishes, it was a bowl of prawns [I think there was about fifteen in there], a plate of bok choy and a fish. We're talking about for six people here, so my cousins and I hadn't even started eating when they decided to throw a lasagne in the oven for good measure.
I'm staring at my bowl of rice [please sir, can I have some more? More?!] when my mum asks me why I'm not eating.. I look at her like she's crazy and say [a touch bitterly] "I'm allergic.. to prawns" which left just the vegetables and my rice as the fish hadn't come out.
Please tell me how I reached twenty five and my mum hasn't realised I'm allergic to prawns?? How am I not dead yet??
So I'm hanging out on the couch, waiting to go home because I'm due to meet Sb to watch 'Slumdog Millionaire' and also I'm hungry. Hungry! I want to go and get some sushi or something. [which oddly also consists of rice, fish and vegetables... ]
And my mum comes out with "We're not going home yet because she's making rice balls [tong yuen]"
"Oh." So I very politely wait another hour [and by this time my phone has run out of battery and I think it would be better for Sb to pick me up there instead so we don't miss the session] when those tong yuen are finally finished. And I'm flicking through an old Sweet Valley [!] book, when my mum asks me if I want any.
... deep breath.. I hate glutinous food. Anybody who even remotely knows me knows that anything sticky- mochi- rice cakes- rice balls- red bean paste- floury squishy stuff makes me want to gag. That stuff just closes around my throat and won't go down. I LOATHE it and everyone in a fifty mile radius knows it. Except for some reason my mum.
So with as much patience as I can muster, I say "I hate tong yuen" [Sorry, I still think it's nicer than "I fucking hate tong yuen, and if you pass it to me I will take one bite and then puke it on the couch and how come you don't know this?!"]
She looks at me concernedly, and then I get this sharp epiphany that my mum and I are only connected by blood and nothing else. We don't know each other at all. The moment passes and she says mildly "oh, that was the only reason we were staying, I don't like tong yuen that much either"
And then my stepdad goes "errr.. why are we still here then?"
My mum makes her excuses to leave by saying she has to go feed Minnie. "Ai.. that poor dog hasn't had any dinner yet"
And then my aunty says something along the lines of "Don't ever get another dog, why are you the one stuck taking care of it?"
And there are my hackles- they are up and they are not going down.
She then turns to me and says something admonishing, in all honesty I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, something about being irresponsible. and dogs. Or Sb. Something.
so I look at her and say "gum dim leh?" [translation: "ok... and?" or "ok... point?"]
I say goodbye to my mum and I'm putting my shoes on out on the porch [and by the way it's pissing down rain] when my mum comes back and says to me "did your aunty give you your red packet?" and I say "No, its ok.. save it for next time"
And my mum goes in to ask her for it and I hear "I don't want to give it to her!" and my mum comes out and I'm still struggling to get my shoes on, my cousin J is standing in the doorway while I wait and then I hear "Close the door!" and my cousin J is "Mish is standing in the rain waiting for Sb"
"Don't push your luck!" and then the door slams.
Oh, I've finally managed to jam my feet into my converses at this point. And then my mum starts in on me. "Why did you have to ask her what her point is?? She's older than you! Aren't you coming home with me?? Why do you have to get Sb to pick you up??" and she begins to nag until I can feel an internal haemorrage coming on.
"Alright! alright! fuck! I will get in your car and I will tell him to pick me up at home!"
"Why do you have to get him to pick you up in the first place??"
My eyes then begin to slowly do spirals.
Just at that moment, Sb pulls up and I throw myself out of the car- rocket launcher style [ever seen a rocket-launcher come out of a car?]
And I know that I'm in no mood for a movie- uplifting or otherwise and I ask him to take me home. I'm quiet in the car but I can feel those hackles are not going to go down anytime soon.
When we get to my place, I ask him if he wants to come in- Mush vs Mum- first fight of the New Year. He politely declines [that's right, you no longer have an obligation to watch my dysfunctional family do dysfunctional things. Run, you stupid boy, run!]
And then we get down to it inside.
Mum: you were rude to her! She's elder than you!
Mush: They were three words! and not even rude words -She's lucky I didn't tell her to fuck off!
Mum: She's your aunty!
Mush: It's none of her business!
Stepdad: Stop fighting.. [realises it's not going to happen, then exits taking the dog with him]
Mum: And anyway, how can you be so cruel to Sb by getting him to drive you home like that?!
Mush: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO SOMEWHERE
Mum: Oh. Well, how would I know that?
Mush: Do you really think that I'm that cruel? That I would get him to come all the way from the fricking countryside to drive me home for five minutes?
Mum: Actually I think you would, you're very good at it.
And then the conversation halted and I just stared at her and there was that feeling again. That she doesn't know me at all, that we're two people who happen to be connected by blood but nothing else.
Mush: Get out
And then she left.
----
Sorry, this is kind of a long post isn't it? It was a night bore out of misunderstandings and more misunderstandings and incredibly pointless fighting. But it really helped me to gain some insight into the relationships with my family which I don't think I previously had. Look, I've always said that I put my friends before my family- this is because I have never felt able to count on my family in my times of need. They are not there, and they are not who I talk to. And I don't know if it's a generational thing or a cultural thing but out of their well intentioned advice always comes a metaphorical storm.
I was discussing politics with my uncle one time and when I moved away she asked me what we were talking about. I replied politics and she laughed "as if you would talk about things like that" and that stung. It was like a slap. I'm constantly surprised by not even how little she knows me but how little she thinks of me.
And as for my aunty, family always lets family stand out in the rain you know?
Most of them directed towards family and glutinous objects.
We had had a big family dinner the night before so New Year was supposed to be a bit more low key. I guess we could be mean, and say that it was beyond low key and had entered the zone of no key. My Aunty cooked three dishes, it was a bowl of prawns [I think there was about fifteen in there], a plate of bok choy and a fish. We're talking about for six people here, so my cousins and I hadn't even started eating when they decided to throw a lasagne in the oven for good measure.
I'm staring at my bowl of rice [please sir, can I have some more? More?!] when my mum asks me why I'm not eating.. I look at her like she's crazy and say [a touch bitterly] "I'm allergic.. to prawns" which left just the vegetables and my rice as the fish hadn't come out.
Please tell me how I reached twenty five and my mum hasn't realised I'm allergic to prawns?? How am I not dead yet??
So I'm hanging out on the couch, waiting to go home because I'm due to meet Sb to watch 'Slumdog Millionaire' and also I'm hungry. Hungry! I want to go and get some sushi or something. [which oddly also consists of rice, fish and vegetables... ]
And my mum comes out with "We're not going home yet because she's making rice balls [tong yuen]"
"Oh." So I very politely wait another hour [and by this time my phone has run out of battery and I think it would be better for Sb to pick me up there instead so we don't miss the session] when those tong yuen are finally finished. And I'm flicking through an old Sweet Valley [!] book, when my mum asks me if I want any.
... deep breath.. I hate glutinous food. Anybody who even remotely knows me knows that anything sticky- mochi- rice cakes- rice balls- red bean paste- floury squishy stuff makes me want to gag. That stuff just closes around my throat and won't go down. I LOATHE it and everyone in a fifty mile radius knows it. Except for some reason my mum.
So with as much patience as I can muster, I say "I hate tong yuen" [Sorry, I still think it's nicer than "I fucking hate tong yuen, and if you pass it to me I will take one bite and then puke it on the couch and how come you don't know this?!"]
She looks at me concernedly, and then I get this sharp epiphany that my mum and I are only connected by blood and nothing else. We don't know each other at all. The moment passes and she says mildly "oh, that was the only reason we were staying, I don't like tong yuen that much either"
And then my stepdad goes "errr.. why are we still here then?"
My mum makes her excuses to leave by saying she has to go feed Minnie. "Ai.. that poor dog hasn't had any dinner yet"
And then my aunty says something along the lines of "Don't ever get another dog, why are you the one stuck taking care of it?"
And there are my hackles- they are up and they are not going down.
She then turns to me and says something admonishing, in all honesty I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, something about being irresponsible. and dogs. Or Sb. Something.
so I look at her and say "gum dim leh?" [translation: "ok... and?" or "ok... point?"]
I say goodbye to my mum and I'm putting my shoes on out on the porch [and by the way it's pissing down rain] when my mum comes back and says to me "did your aunty give you your red packet?" and I say "No, its ok.. save it for next time"
And my mum goes in to ask her for it and I hear "I don't want to give it to her!" and my mum comes out and I'm still struggling to get my shoes on, my cousin J is standing in the doorway while I wait and then I hear "Close the door!" and my cousin J is "Mish is standing in the rain waiting for Sb"
"Don't push your luck!" and then the door slams.
Oh, I've finally managed to jam my feet into my converses at this point. And then my mum starts in on me. "Why did you have to ask her what her point is?? She's older than you! Aren't you coming home with me?? Why do you have to get Sb to pick you up??" and she begins to nag until I can feel an internal haemorrage coming on.
"Alright! alright! fuck! I will get in your car and I will tell him to pick me up at home!"
"Why do you have to get him to pick you up in the first place??"
My eyes then begin to slowly do spirals.
Just at that moment, Sb pulls up and I throw myself out of the car- rocket launcher style [ever seen a rocket-launcher come out of a car?]
And I know that I'm in no mood for a movie- uplifting or otherwise and I ask him to take me home. I'm quiet in the car but I can feel those hackles are not going to go down anytime soon.
When we get to my place, I ask him if he wants to come in- Mush vs Mum- first fight of the New Year. He politely declines [that's right, you no longer have an obligation to watch my dysfunctional family do dysfunctional things. Run, you stupid boy, run!]
And then we get down to it inside.
Mum: you were rude to her! She's elder than you!
Mush: They were three words! and not even rude words -She's lucky I didn't tell her to fuck off!
Mum: She's your aunty!
Mush: It's none of her business!
Stepdad: Stop fighting.. [realises it's not going to happen, then exits taking the dog with him]
Mum: And anyway, how can you be so cruel to Sb by getting him to drive you home like that?!
Mush: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO SOMEWHERE
Mum: Oh. Well, how would I know that?
Mush: Do you really think that I'm that cruel? That I would get him to come all the way from the fricking countryside to drive me home for five minutes?
Mum: Actually I think you would, you're very good at it.
And then the conversation halted and I just stared at her and there was that feeling again. That she doesn't know me at all, that we're two people who happen to be connected by blood but nothing else.
Mush: Get out
And then she left.
----
Sorry, this is kind of a long post isn't it? It was a night bore out of misunderstandings and more misunderstandings and incredibly pointless fighting. But it really helped me to gain some insight into the relationships with my family which I don't think I previously had. Look, I've always said that I put my friends before my family- this is because I have never felt able to count on my family in my times of need. They are not there, and they are not who I talk to. And I don't know if it's a generational thing or a cultural thing but out of their well intentioned advice always comes a metaphorical storm.
I was discussing politics with my uncle one time and when I moved away she asked me what we were talking about. I replied politics and she laughed "as if you would talk about things like that" and that stung. It was like a slap. I'm constantly surprised by not even how little she knows me but how little she thinks of me.
And as for my aunty, family always lets family stand out in the rain you know?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
On the verge of something wonderful
So 2008 wasn't the best year ever in terms of career and relationships. Ok, fine. It fricking stalled and lay down and died in the middle of the road.
But this year, I'm feeling quietly more hopeful. I have a feeling that this year will be a better year and I'll figure myself out and everything will be fine.
And even if it doesn't .. I know that I'll be ok- I'm scrappy and I'll make it through.
[Ha, I bet you missed those ridiculously melancholy posts.. it's been a few months]
But this year, I'm feeling quietly more hopeful. I have a feeling that this year will be a better year and I'll figure myself out and everything will be fine.
And even if it doesn't .. I know that I'll be ok- I'm scrappy and I'll make it through.
[Ha, I bet you missed those ridiculously melancholy posts.. it's been a few months]
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunny Days
It was a picture perfect day for a picnic. [Alliteration!]
Good friends, sunshine and bubbles.
Happy Birthday Coconat! I hope you had a great day.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My short lived career as a book-seller
The holidays are over and I am broke. b-r-o-k-e. or for the educationally challenged b-r-o-c-k.
Ever since I started living with my mum when I was thirteen, I've had a thing for collecting books. Of course, now that I'm [ahem] twenty three, my tastes are a little different and I have a huge pile of books which I wish to disassociate myself with. And what better way to do this by selling them to a second-hand dealer?!
I had ka-ching signs in my eyes thinking that the dealer would give me [a minimum!] of five dollars a book and I would go home and throw the money on my bed ala Scrooge McDuck and roll around in it.
Huh, I dream too much I think.
So I went with Meowmeow to the dealer and she shuffled through my pile of books- She looked at the Davinci Code and said "I have too many copies of this already" [Ok that is kind of funny] and she sniffed at the Grisham and said "also too many"
She looked at The Devil's Advocate and said "We don't take motion picture books" [Why is that? I asked Meowmeow. 'Cos people can watch the movie instead'. Oh.]
A Grown Up Girls Guide to Life? "While Kathy Lette might recommend it- I'm not taking it" The dealer is getting a bit spicy by this time.
In the end, she took the Diary of Anne Frank [which how come she doesn't have too many of?! Is it a guilt thing?!], Citizen Girl [[a really really crap book which was thirty dollars four years ago],
Some Anne Rice novel [How embarrassing] and something cheap by Robert Hough.
The dealer reached into the drawer and gave me two dollars. Two dollars.
Wow. Thats less than a can of soft drink. I think I must've had goldfish face for ten minutes after that.
Bah. At least I got rid of that crappy Citizen Girl book- Good luck her offloading that.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Rejection Monday
Good things about being single:
-The ability to eat copious amounts of two minute noodles without feeling guilty
-Not having to share the computer
Bad things about being single:
- Killing my own fricking insects
- Not coming home to anything cooked
- Rejecting people, and having them be bitter to you. I fucking hate that.
Tale of woe 1# 11-19:30
I work with this bartender called Louis Cypher and he has been literally chasing me for months. I've told him no a hundred billion times. Sometimes I will turn to him and say " I don't like you!" and he will say "I know".
As of recently, he has been bombarding my mobile inbox with countless squishy smses and I have been ignoring them ... look squishy smses are nice when you like the guy but when you don't like the guy, it's pukey.
So I decided to put an end to this once and for all, by just avoiding him completely at work. This resulted in "areyouok?whatswrong?talktometalktometalktome!areyouok?!".. thus making my head explode into thousands of pieces.
Finally he got the hint and he says "Look I'm not going to ask you anymore.. why are you not talking to me?" I didn't say anything, just pretended my sandwich was really interesting.
So he got the hint right?! The next day [henceforth referred to as Rejection Monday] I thought it would be all better, we would be civil and he would stop bombarding me so that I could re-piece my head. No such luck. He came into work and he was in the foulest moods I've ever seen, he was banging things and throwing things and barking at people. One of the servers whispered to me "What the heck is with him? Why so angry? I'm a bit afraid .." I just shrugged but I knew I had pissed him off something bad.
...
Tale of woe 2# 21:00
So I have a customer who wants [wanted] to date me and I had been out with him one time and it was fine. And when I say it was fine, it was really sort of boring and awkward. But anyway afterwards he apologised and said he was drunk. This was news to me.. he was drunk???
Aren't drunk people supposed to be entertaining and boisterous? I said it was ok and continued on as per usual with my life.
On Rejection Monday night, he started to chat with me online and he asked me to go out again
and I was and I'm being completely honest when I said "I'm really sorry.. but I'm not ready"
His reply was "Haha which I guess really means that you don't like me"
He then made an awkward comment on Ashley Judd and then promptly logged off.
I hope he logged off to grow a new pair of nuts.
...
Tale of woe 3# 21:35
SB: I miss you
Mush: You miss me because I'm fun! [which is true right?? I'm a fun person with fun qualities]
He then proceeded to rip my head off for not taking him seriously.
Oh for Fucks sake. by 9:35 I had had enough of men, with their pettiness and their unwillingness to just fricking get over themselves.
So Rejection Monday turned into Sapphic Tuesday and I have not spoken to a single man for over twenty four hours [with the exception of the make up artist at the Shu Uemura counter, he was strangely effeminate] I feel calmer and less likely for my head to detonate at any second. I should give up talking to men full-time, I don't need another repeat of Rejection Monday.
-The ability to eat copious amounts of two minute noodles without feeling guilty
-Not having to share the computer
Bad things about being single:
- Killing my own fricking insects
- Not coming home to anything cooked
- Rejecting people, and having them be bitter to you. I fucking hate that.
Tale of woe 1# 11-19:30
I work with this bartender called Louis Cypher and he has been literally chasing me for months. I've told him no a hundred billion times. Sometimes I will turn to him and say " I don't like you!" and he will say "I know".
As of recently, he has been bombarding my mobile inbox with countless squishy smses and I have been ignoring them ... look squishy smses are nice when you like the guy but when you don't like the guy, it's pukey.
So I decided to put an end to this once and for all, by just avoiding him completely at work. This resulted in "areyouok?whatswrong?talktometalktometalktome!areyouok?!".. thus making my head explode into thousands of pieces.
Finally he got the hint and he says "Look I'm not going to ask you anymore.. why are you not talking to me?" I didn't say anything, just pretended my sandwich was really interesting.
So he got the hint right?! The next day [henceforth referred to as Rejection Monday] I thought it would be all better, we would be civil and he would stop bombarding me so that I could re-piece my head. No such luck. He came into work and he was in the foulest moods I've ever seen, he was banging things and throwing things and barking at people. One of the servers whispered to me "What the heck is with him? Why so angry? I'm a bit afraid .." I just shrugged but I knew I had pissed him off something bad.
...
Tale of woe 2# 21:00
So I have a customer who wants [wanted] to date me and I had been out with him one time and it was fine. And when I say it was fine, it was really sort of boring and awkward. But anyway afterwards he apologised and said he was drunk. This was news to me.. he was drunk???
Aren't drunk people supposed to be entertaining and boisterous? I said it was ok and continued on as per usual with my life.
On Rejection Monday night, he started to chat with me online and he asked me to go out again
and I was and I'm being completely honest when I said "I'm really sorry.. but I'm not ready"
His reply was "Haha which I guess really means that you don't like me"
He then made an awkward comment on Ashley Judd and then promptly logged off.
I hope he logged off to grow a new pair of nuts.
...
Tale of woe 3# 21:35
SB: I miss you
Mush: You miss me because I'm fun! [which is true right?? I'm a fun person with fun qualities]
He then proceeded to rip my head off for not taking him seriously.
Oh for Fucks sake. by 9:35 I had had enough of men, with their pettiness and their unwillingness to just fricking get over themselves.
So Rejection Monday turned into Sapphic Tuesday and I have not spoken to a single man for over twenty four hours [with the exception of the make up artist at the Shu Uemura counter, he was strangely effeminate] I feel calmer and less likely for my head to detonate at any second. I should give up talking to men full-time, I don't need another repeat of Rejection Monday.
Monday, January 12, 2009
I am not a Hello Kitty nut
Most of my friends think I am a Hello Kitty nutcase, and when I exasperatedly protest- they point to my tattoo as the pinnacle of my [apparent] obssession.
"It's not about Hello Kitty! It's about irony! and conformity! and a delayed adolescence which makes me more appreciative of all things cute!"
They just eyeball me and say "Meh, say what you want. It's about that cat."
[Seriously, just because people get roses on their ankles or chinese symbols doesn't necessarily mean that they love roses or chinese calligraphy. I never see someone with a dolphin tatt and assume that they want to fondle a dolphin or something.]
So anyway this liking [and I stress LIKING] of Hello Kitty has made it easy for people to buy me gifts, they just buy me more Hello Kitty products and the more that people buy me, the more obsessed that they think I am with her! It's a fricking vicious cycle.
So as a top of my head list of Hello Kitty products I have:
a quilt [from Mum]
sheets [from Mum]
a blanket [from Sb]
a tv [from Sb]
a lipgloss [from Sumo]
a camera case [from Sumo]
a head cushion [from Sumo]
a computer mouse [from Mexicana]
a keyring torch [myself]
a keyboard [myself]
a "shoulder massager" [myself.. but more on that later.]
Can you see a pattern here?? I didn't buy most of the stuff! I'm still a person with feelings!
..
So anyway I just bought the keyboard from Melbourne and here it is in all its pink toned glory
It really was a bastard to lug back in a satchel. I think I'm most in love with the flowered keys. Oh, and her head on my shift key. Thats very cool. As you can see Mexicana's mouse is missing half a head- it was unavoidable. The keys as you can see are dark pink and half the time I can't see what I'm typing and so I typo everywhere, especially late at night. All future posts will be coming to you live from the Hello Kitty Keyboard! [with typos]...
I had heard many a legend about the Hello Kitty shoulder massager. The good people of Sanrio released a "shoulder massager" and it quickly began to be used for things other than shoulder massaging. These other uses were not very wholesome or family oriented [unless your family likes to play together. I don't judge.] and Sanrio quickly pulled the plug on these "massagers", but not before they had been completely sold out by crazy, randy Japanese school girls.
Ten years later a recession is coming and why not capitalise on a good thing? so Sanrio last year re-released these "shoulder massagers" in different colours! Feeling lucky? Try orange! Bit dangerous? Try red. There's a different colour for every mood. And how could I of all people resist buying a "shoulder massager"? My shoulders hurt. Ow.
There it is!
It even has a chain so you can put it with your car keys. So you don't lose it. Inside you.
Check out those studs!
I cannot even detail to you how fast the thing runs! it whirs like a blender. Don't worry people I'm not going to use it, just in case you are horribly icked out and want to never read this blog again. When you visit my [hello-kitty filled] room you will see that the "massager" is pristine and unused. I only bought it for entertainment value [not that kind of entertainment value, you sick puppies].
If you want one- visit Jlist.com- batteries are included!
....
...
Four hours later, I saw this on a website. Its a Hello Kitty MAC collection.
Oh my Fucking God. Was I complaining about people buying me this stuff? I changed my mind. I shut up. Please people continue to buy for me, start with the lip glosses. [Hey, my birthday's coming up! people..? people..? Where are you going?!]
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Happy [promiscuous] New Year!
These are the things I was expecting for New Years.
Friends. Check.
Alcohol. Check.
Fireworks. Check.
These are the things I was not expecting on New Years.
Getting lost and arriving late.
Arriving late enough so that everyone else was in alcohol camaraderie.
And lastly, I was not expecting to wander into the middle of a makeshift porn movie.
...
Everyone else was slushed, so I was feeling somewhat left out and not really participating in the [muddled] conversation. Sometimes I'm antisocial. Bite me. Anyway I was wandering around eating stale jellybeans and generally doing formations of eight around the living room when I spotted Girl A lean over and kiss the Girl B full on the mouth. Girl B responded and then quick as a flash, the boys had spotted it and the cameras were whipped out faster than you can say "Is lesbianfest 2008 over yet?". The cameras were out and the boys were doing the most uncanny imitation of paparazzi I'd ever seen. Complete with "Over here! Over here!"
...
Five minutes later, girl C joined in for a three way kiss. I'd never seen a three way kiss before. It involves a lot of mashing of tongue.
...
And then there was groping and squealing and general falling over
...
And I was clearly not drunk enough for this because all I could do was sort of gape at them bewilderedly, and all the while the boys kept shooting! I didn't know if it was impolite enough to keep staring or if I should start adding my contributory soundtrack of "bom-chicka-wow-wow-wow..."
..
Things started to wind down, the girls got sick of the attention and the boys had enough incriminating photos to blackmail the girls for life [or at least enough to share on facebook for a bit]
..
Girl A would five minutes later jump back on Girl B and then the whole process would start again!
...
Um... What can I say to that except that after a while it got boring and I thought it might be better to nurse my cocktail on the balcony. I'm getting old, if even lipstick lesbianism fails to thrill me.
...
About two hours later, I was sitting next to Girl B on the couch and she turned to me and asked me very seriously "Why does Girl A keep licking me?" "Aren't you and Girl A friends? Isn't it common for friends to show affection [by licking]?"
"No, I don't know her.. I just met her today"
"Oh. Then I don't know why she keeps licking you"
We both lapsed into thoughtful silence
...
Inappropriate Idiot guy thought that because Girl A 'seemed' easy that he would straddle her and try to get a public blow job. There's a reason I'm labeling him Inappropriate Idiot guy [henceforth known as IIA]. Girl A pushed him off and left the party in tears. Sigh
...
Now here's why I'm uncomfortable and though I've never met them before would probably be also happy to never see them again. Firstly, Girl A? Despite what Katy Perry sings- lesbianism is not a party trick, it shouldn't be used as a salacious entertainment tactic. Sing. Dance. Entertain then with your vibrant personality or something - don't use lesbian kissing to get attention.. it reeks of desperation and is just ridiculously inappropriate [sorry, I couldn't think of a better word] amongst a group of friends half of whom you don't really know properly.
[For those of you who say, "Maybe she really is a lesbian, you judgemental cow!" Her boyfriend is happily in Hong Kong on holidays unaware that his girlfriend is using her tongue as a human x-box]
...
Secondly, Inappropriate idiot guy? really? on a balcony? in front of everybody? Who did you think was going to agree to that? If I was her, I would've socked you in the nuts before pushing you off, but I guess she's nicer than me. You really are a prime example of a person who deserves to be sterile.
..
Ergh, rant off.
..
Happy New Year everybody, 2009 is getting off to a interesting start don't you think?
Friends. Check.
Alcohol. Check.
Fireworks. Check.
These are the things I was not expecting on New Years.
Getting lost and arriving late.
Arriving late enough so that everyone else was in alcohol camaraderie.
And lastly, I was not expecting to wander into the middle of a makeshift porn movie.
...
Everyone else was slushed, so I was feeling somewhat left out and not really participating in the [muddled] conversation. Sometimes I'm antisocial. Bite me. Anyway I was wandering around eating stale jellybeans and generally doing formations of eight around the living room when I spotted Girl A lean over and kiss the Girl B full on the mouth. Girl B responded and then quick as a flash, the boys had spotted it and the cameras were whipped out faster than you can say "Is lesbianfest 2008 over yet?". The cameras were out and the boys were doing the most uncanny imitation of paparazzi I'd ever seen. Complete with "Over here! Over here!"
...
Five minutes later, girl C joined in for a three way kiss. I'd never seen a three way kiss before. It involves a lot of mashing of tongue.
...
And then there was groping and squealing and general falling over
...
And I was clearly not drunk enough for this because all I could do was sort of gape at them bewilderedly, and all the while the boys kept shooting! I didn't know if it was impolite enough to keep staring or if I should start adding my contributory soundtrack of "bom-chicka-wow-wow-wow..."
..
Things started to wind down, the girls got sick of the attention and the boys had enough incriminating photos to blackmail the girls for life [or at least enough to share on facebook for a bit]
..
Girl A would five minutes later jump back on Girl B and then the whole process would start again!
...
Um... What can I say to that except that after a while it got boring and I thought it might be better to nurse my cocktail on the balcony. I'm getting old, if even lipstick lesbianism fails to thrill me.
...
About two hours later, I was sitting next to Girl B on the couch and she turned to me and asked me very seriously "Why does Girl A keep licking me?" "Aren't you and Girl A friends? Isn't it common for friends to show affection [by licking]?"
"No, I don't know her.. I just met her today"
"Oh. Then I don't know why she keeps licking you"
We both lapsed into thoughtful silence
...
Inappropriate Idiot guy thought that because Girl A 'seemed' easy that he would straddle her and try to get a public blow job. There's a reason I'm labeling him Inappropriate Idiot guy [henceforth known as IIA]. Girl A pushed him off and left the party in tears. Sigh
...
Now here's why I'm uncomfortable and though I've never met them before would probably be also happy to never see them again. Firstly, Girl A? Despite what Katy Perry sings- lesbianism is not a party trick, it shouldn't be used as a salacious entertainment tactic. Sing. Dance. Entertain then with your vibrant personality or something - don't use lesbian kissing to get attention.. it reeks of desperation and is just ridiculously inappropriate [sorry, I couldn't think of a better word] amongst a group of friends half of whom you don't really know properly.
[For those of you who say, "Maybe she really is a lesbian, you judgemental cow!" Her boyfriend is happily in Hong Kong on holidays unaware that his girlfriend is using her tongue as a human x-box]
...
Secondly, Inappropriate idiot guy? really? on a balcony? in front of everybody? Who did you think was going to agree to that? If I was her, I would've socked you in the nuts before pushing you off, but I guess she's nicer than me. You really are a prime example of a person who deserves to be sterile.
..
Ergh, rant off.
..
Happy New Year everybody, 2009 is getting off to a interesting start don't you think?
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