So yesterday was Chinese New Year and you're supposed to spend the entire day thinking good thoughts. I don't think I've ever had so many bad thoughts in my entire life.
Most of them directed towards family and glutinous objects.
We had had a big family dinner the night before so New Year was supposed to be a bit more low key. I guess we could be mean, and say that it was beyond low key and had entered the zone of no key. My Aunty cooked three dishes, it was a bowl of prawns [I think there was about fifteen in there], a plate of bok choy and a fish. We're talking about for six people here, so my cousins and I hadn't even started eating when they decided to throw a lasagne in the oven for good measure.
I'm staring at my bowl of rice [please sir, can I have some more? More?!] when my mum asks me why I'm not eating.. I look at her like she's crazy and say [a touch bitterly] "I'm allergic.. to prawns" which left just the vegetables and my rice as the fish hadn't come out.
Please tell me how I reached twenty five and my mum hasn't realised I'm allergic to prawns?? How am I not dead yet??
So I'm hanging out on the couch, waiting to go home because I'm due to meet Sb to watch 'Slumdog Millionaire' and also I'm hungry. Hungry! I want to go and get some sushi or something. [which oddly also consists of rice, fish and vegetables... ]
And my mum comes out with "We're not going home yet because she's making rice balls [tong yuen]"
"Oh." So I very politely wait another hour [and by this time my phone has run out of battery and I think it would be better for Sb to pick me up there instead so we don't miss the session] when those tong yuen are finally finished. And I'm flicking through an old Sweet Valley [!] book, when my mum asks me if I want any.
... deep breath.. I hate glutinous food. Anybody who even remotely knows me knows that anything sticky- mochi- rice cakes- rice balls- red bean paste- floury squishy stuff makes me want to gag. That stuff just closes around my throat and won't go down. I LOATHE it and everyone in a fifty mile radius knows it. Except for some reason my mum.
So with as much patience as I can muster, I say "I hate tong yuen" [Sorry, I still think it's nicer than "I fucking hate tong yuen, and if you pass it to me I will take one bite and then puke it on the couch and how come you don't know this?!"]
She looks at me concernedly, and then I get this sharp epiphany that my mum and I are only connected by blood and nothing else. We don't know each other at all. The moment passes and she says mildly "oh, that was the only reason we were staying, I don't like tong yuen that much either"
And then my stepdad goes "errr.. why are we still here then?"
My mum makes her excuses to leave by saying she has to go feed Minnie. "Ai.. that poor dog hasn't had any dinner yet"
And then my aunty says something along the lines of "Don't ever get another dog, why are you the one stuck taking care of it?"
And there are my hackles- they are up and they are not going down.
She then turns to me and says something admonishing, in all honesty I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, something about being irresponsible. and dogs. Or Sb. Something.
so I look at her and say "gum dim leh?" [translation: "ok... and?" or "ok... point?"]
I say goodbye to my mum and I'm putting my shoes on out on the porch [and by the way it's pissing down rain] when my mum comes back and says to me "did your aunty give you your red packet?" and I say "No, its ok.. save it for next time"
And my mum goes in to ask her for it and I hear "I don't want to give it to her!" and my mum comes out and I'm still struggling to get my shoes on, my cousin J is standing in the doorway while I wait and then I hear "Close the door!" and my cousin J is "Mish is standing in the rain waiting for Sb"
"Don't push your luck!" and then the door slams.
Oh, I've finally managed to jam my feet into my converses at this point. And then my mum starts in on me. "Why did you have to ask her what her point is?? She's older than you! Aren't you coming home with me?? Why do you have to get Sb to pick you up??" and she begins to nag until I can feel an internal haemorrage coming on.
"Alright! alright! fuck! I will get in your car and I will tell him to pick me up at home!"
"Why do you have to get him to pick you up in the first place??"
My eyes then begin to slowly do spirals.
Just at that moment, Sb pulls up and I throw myself out of the car- rocket launcher style [ever seen a rocket-launcher come out of a car?]
And I know that I'm in no mood for a movie- uplifting or otherwise and I ask him to take me home. I'm quiet in the car but I can feel those hackles are not going to go down anytime soon.
When we get to my place, I ask him if he wants to come in- Mush vs Mum- first fight of the New Year. He politely declines [that's right, you no longer have an obligation to watch my dysfunctional family do dysfunctional things. Run, you stupid boy, run!]
And then we get down to it inside.
Mum: you were rude to her! She's elder than you!
Mush: They were three words! and not even rude words -She's lucky I didn't tell her to fuck off!
Mum: She's your aunty!
Mush: It's none of her business!
Stepdad: Stop fighting.. [realises it's not going to happen, then exits taking the dog with him]
Mum: And anyway, how can you be so cruel to Sb by getting him to drive you home like that?!
Mush: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO SOMEWHERE
Mum: Oh. Well, how would I know that?
Mush: Do you really think that I'm that cruel? That I would get him to come all the way from the fricking countryside to drive me home for five minutes?
Mum: Actually I think you would, you're very good at it.
And then the conversation halted and I just stared at her and there was that feeling again. That she doesn't know me at all, that we're two people who happen to be connected by blood but nothing else.
Mush: Get out
And then she left.
----
Sorry, this is kind of a long post isn't it? It was a night bore out of misunderstandings and more misunderstandings and incredibly pointless fighting. But it really helped me to gain some insight into the relationships with my family which I don't think I previously had. Look, I've always said that I put my friends before my family- this is because I have never felt able to count on my family in my times of need. They are not there, and they are not who I talk to. And I don't know if it's a generational thing or a cultural thing but out of their well intentioned advice always comes a metaphorical storm.
I was discussing politics with my uncle one time and when I moved away she asked me what we were talking about. I replied politics and she laughed "as if you would talk about things like that" and that stung. It was like a slap. I'm constantly surprised by not even how little she knows me but how little she thinks of me.
And as for my aunty, family always lets family stand out in the rain you know?
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