Happy [promiscuous] New Year!

These are the things I was expecting for New Years.

Friends. Check.

Alcohol. Check.

Fireworks. Check.

These are the things I was not expecting on New Years.

Getting lost and arriving late.

Arriving late enough so that everyone else was in alcohol camaraderie.

And lastly, I was not expecting to wander into the middle of a makeshift porn movie.

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Everyone else was slushed, so I was feeling somewhat left out and not really participating in the [muddled] conversation. Sometimes I'm antisocial. Bite me. Anyway I was wandering around eating stale jellybeans and generally doing formations of eight around the living room when I spotted Girl A lean over and kiss the Girl B full on the mouth. Girl B responded and then quick as a flash, the boys had spotted it and the cameras were whipped out faster than you can say "Is lesbianfest 2008 over yet?". The cameras were out and the boys were doing the most uncanny imitation of paparazzi I'd ever seen. Complete with "Over here! Over here!"

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Five minutes later, girl C joined in for a three way kiss. I'd never seen a three way kiss before. It involves a lot of mashing of tongue.

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And then there was groping and squealing and general falling over

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And I was clearly not drunk enough for this because all I could do was sort of gape at them bewilderedly, and all the while the boys kept shooting! I didn't know if it was impolite enough to keep staring or if I should start adding my contributory soundtrack of "bom-chicka-wow-wow-wow..."


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Things started to wind down, the girls got sick of the attention and the boys had enough incriminating photos to blackmail the girls for life [or at least enough to share on facebook for a bit]

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Girl A would five minutes later jump back on Girl B and then the whole process would start again!

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Um... What can I say to that except that after a while it got boring and I thought it might be better to nurse my cocktail on the balcony. I'm getting old, if even lipstick lesbianism fails to thrill me.

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About two hours later, I was sitting next to Girl B on the couch and she turned to me and asked me very seriously "Why does Girl A keep licking me?" "Aren't you and Girl A friends? Isn't it common for friends to show affection [by licking]?"
"No, I don't know her.. I just met her today"
"Oh. Then I don't know why she keeps licking you"
We both lapsed into thoughtful silence

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Inappropriate Idiot guy thought that because Girl A 'seemed' easy that he would straddle her and try to get a public blow job. There's a reason I'm labeling him Inappropriate Idiot guy [henceforth known as IIA]. Girl A pushed him off and left the party in tears. Sigh

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Now here's why I'm uncomfortable and though I've never met them before would probably be also happy to never see them again. Firstly, Girl A? Despite what Katy Perry sings- lesbianism is not a party trick, it shouldn't be used as a salacious entertainment tactic. Sing. Dance. Entertain then with your vibrant personality or something - don't use lesbian kissing to get attention.. it reeks of desperation and is just ridiculously inappropriate [sorry, I couldn't think of a better word] amongst a group of friends half of whom you don't really know properly.

[For those of you who say, "Maybe she really is a lesbian, you judgemental cow!" Her boyfriend is happily in Hong Kong on holidays unaware that his girlfriend is using her tongue as a human x-box]

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Secondly, Inappropriate idiot guy? really? on a balcony? in front of everybody? Who did you think was going to agree to that? If I was her, I would've socked you in the nuts before pushing you off, but I guess she's nicer than me. You really are a prime example of a person who deserves to be sterile.

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Ergh, rant off.

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Happy New Year everybody, 2009 is getting off to a interesting start don't you think?