Funny bits

I'm a bit down tonight so maybe I thought I'd keep it light.

1. My dog is at the dogsitters for the weekend, when she was here the place smelt fine however now that shes gone, the entire place is rank of pee. It's like shes astrally projecting herself back to go to the bathroom.

2. Music video question [and a double, ok fine its a triple]. Its the first time I've seen the band yellowcard- Why is the violin player asian?? and why do you have a violin player in a rock band in the first place?? The other members of the band actually seem to be much better looking than the lead, errr.. why don't you focus more on the umm.. good looking players? [so I'm a leedle bit shallow]

3. Meimei gave me a confused look "Her name is Whore?"
Me: Meimei, did you just call her a whore?!
Meimei: No,no.. its spelt H-U-A!
Me: "Haahaha.. Meimei just called her a whore!
Tina: What?
Me: "Her name is Hua, but Meimei called her a whore!
[Cue Meimei slapping me to death]
Tina: [Falling into laughter] Well I'll call her that. I'll do it, no really!.

[Waiting for poor Hua's entrance, the audience is captivated]
Tina: [Without missing a damn beat] Is your name Whore?
Hua: [Completely missing it, as you do] No my name is Hua
[Straight faces, then helpless giggling.]

4. The ideal love
"Waiting for the perfect love?"
"No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat Strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you're doing and you run out and buy it for me. And you comeback out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. Thats what I'm looking for."
.."And when I do it, I want the man to apologise to me. "Now see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donket shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?"
Midori, Norwegian Wood. Haruki Murakami.