Monday mayhem

Its too big/
Its too wide/
Its too strong/
It won’t fit...


Ego- Beyonce

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK Beyonce. I guess it would be kinda crude to call the song "Penis."

_ _ _




I was a bit of a sucker for advertising and I went bought myself a tube of Garnier Nutritionist. From what I could tell from the advertisement was that it was a bit of a miracle eye cream that contains caffeine so it is supposed to immediately perk your eyes up and I'm a bit exhausted [and looking it!] lately so I thought it would be the perfect product.

I put it on before work yesterday and I didn't really notice it. I thought I would feel a tightening but there was nothing. Until I looked in the mirror in the afternoon and to my horror, the line under my eye [which is usually only small and tiny] was stretched right across.


[Sorry no photos]

I shrieked and ran back up the stairs, burst into the kitchen and yelled "CHRISSY! CHRISSY! OHMYGOD! MY EYE!"
Chrissy looks at me and says "Whats wrong with it?" She steps back and says "Why the heck are your eyes so puffy?"
"I used this cream! The caffeine cream! And now I have crows feet and I'm twenty six!"
"That caffeine cream!? I was going to get some.. errrr.. maybe not."

The next morning I was hanging out with Campbell and there was no line [well it had gone back to being tiny] and I picked up the tube and I thought about it.

What if it was a fluke?
Maybe the cream had nothing to do with my miraculous wrinkles at all?
Then wouldn't it be a waste of a tube?

Second times the charm right?

So I applied it very slightly under my eyes and Campbell turned to talk to me and mouthed "Holy. Fuck." and I said "What?"

"Chicks.... you look like you've been punched in the eyes"

"Whaaaaaaaaat?"

And it was true, The underlid of my eyes has swollen up and it looked like I had stuffed little cushions under there.

Campbell stared at me and started to laugh "wahahahaha... pandaface!"

"It's not funny! I'm not touching that tube anymore! its cursed! You can have it!"

She grinned at me "I don't have any lines."

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They fired Lucifer today. Wherever he is, I hope he gets help.