Some self-preservative left

I reckon that when God was handing out self preservative in people. He gave me a quart less than everyone else. I bump into things, knock things over, talk to boys that will break my heart and generally leave a small trail of self created destruction everywhere I go. You wouldn't know it to look at me though, because I am so quiet- but follow the trail of ouches to the kitchen and you'll see me standing in a puddle of soy sauce and perplexity. How the heck did I do that??

Well if I am a little human tornado. then Coffee is a level five tsunami. And he knows it. He once said to me, by way of ordinary conversation "I just leave mess everywhere I go. " and by this he means not sauce and pots but by the rolling wave of human female carcasses that he leaves behind.

And being a firsthand witness to the devastating effects of what he does and how he does it. It's staggering.

So anyway I removed myself from the situation and I thought that it was all good and I was all over it and I haven't spoken to him for months. Well rather he hasn't spoken to me for months. But I digress.

And then he calls last night. And apparently I'm not so much over it as I thought.

I'm about to go to bed when the phone starts to vibrate and I pick it up and I almost fall over because I recognise the number even though I went out of my way to delete it [drat!]

And then I do the Mush panic run around which involves.. yelling "What do I do? What do I do?!", tossing the phone hand to hand and just general shouts of "AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH!"- which I'm sure my neighbours appreciated at eleven at night.

However while I'm running around like a fool- a little voice in the back of my head says "if you pick it up stupid, you're going to be standing right back in that mess again. And clearly your running around like a chicken shows that you are in no right head space to pick up"

Thanks self preservative!

And then the phone stopped ringing. And I thought I was going to have a stroke. I sat down by the side of my bed and shook a little. I smsed all my friends with" You better be proud of me." And they all came through with little hoorays. Which was nice.

Before you congratulate me on my evolution on being a smidgen stronger- I honestly didn't get a wink of sleep last night. None. I wonder if he knew he was making girls around the state throw their phones around like hot potatoes, would he still call them?