Boys are dumb: volume no 12

Austin Powers [henceforth known as AP for short]and I have an interesting relationship. We are [almost] the only single people in our mutual group of friends. And we [were? are?] both batting very very long dry spells. We also have no attraction to each other, other than to end our mutual dry spells.

It's convenient, why not? [God, there has to be a better reason than that I'm sure]

Anyway a couple of disastrous sessions, we shook hands, laughed it off and promised each other we'd never even attempt such a thing ever again.

We handled it maturely like adults. Or at least I thought so.

Last week, I went to meet this group of friends and as I approached I saw some girl I'd never seen before making out with someone. [It's a bar. It's not unusual] I looked around for AP and I couldn't find him so I started talking to other people. When the girl finally shifted for air- there he was! And they went right back to it.

I didn't know quite how to catch his eye to say.. "???! .. wheres my heads up?!". Outwardly, I was happy and cheery and inwardly I was hoping that they would keep their clothes on and not sixty nine on the Goddamn table. I bet you he would have- the insensitive prick.

So she finally went to the bathroom and I caught his eye and smiled at him and he just looked blankly at me.
Oh for fucks sake, adults? is this how we're going to have to play this?

So he ignored me and I ignored him. He and her did all the girlfriendy boyfriendy things of chasing her around in the rain and I decided I had a headache.

I was mad mad mad the following morning [I deleted that post. Ha.] but then I realised that I actually didn't care that much and didn't think about it anymore.

Until this morning, he calls me and I didn't know what to think about this sudden lifting of the cone of silence.

Saint Mary calls me in the afternoon and asks me to hang out with her, and the make out girl.
Me: Isn't that AP's girlfriend? I don't know her from a bag of corn.
SM: Oh, they are not together. She broke it off with him. She wanted to be just friends. She might be easy.
Me: Snerk. Poor guy.

And then DING! FUCKING DING! Thus explains the lifting of the cone of silence. And boy, how unimpressed am I that I get a phone call once easy-make-out-girl slides out of the picture.

Yeah right. you must be stupid. You must think I'm stupid. Isn't it cute how convenient everything is. Erk. Whatever.

---

There's this dealer who we will call Smiley, that I've been faraway crushing on for a while. The last time we talked, he seemed so nice and .. smiley.. and I was going to talk to him longer until Campbell interrupted and asked me about my phone sex technique. He started to laugh and I slunk away, cursing Campbell [who for some reason kept talking to him about phone sex. Anyway.]So I've kept an eye out for him and I haven't seen him for a few months until today.

I should've picked a day to talk to him when he wasn't so exhausted. Also he wasn't that smiley.
When I went up to say hi- his eyes were not focusing.

Me: Sooooo.. you're exiled here?
S: Wha?
Me: exiled? you? here? alone?
S: oh.. yeah, sorry I'm really tired.

The boy has half a degree in medicine and a full degree in finance. So I figure I must've set him on some sort of smart geniuses pedestal. Well I don't know if it was because he was exhausted, we'll just blame it on the exhaustion.

[Talking about careers]
Me: I freelance design mostly.
S: Freelance? Is that where you do stuff for free?
Me: ............... no.

[Confirming his name]
Me: Sorry I didn't catch your name. Its....?
S: My name.[pauses and tries to remember it] Smiley.
Me: You... don't.. know ..your own name?!

And then I think the overtiredness was giving him the giggles, because towards the end he couldn't stop laughing.

The conversation went all distorted

S: I;m going to enter into a poker tournament on Sunday. Ever hear of drunken kung fu?
Me: Sure, Jackie Chan and all that. Um. Does that mean you're going to get drunk and play? or drunk and fight?
S: No, I can't fight! I'm the nicest guy here. I never fight, you could probably beat me
Me: Yah, I'd slap you over the head. So you never fight? Don't you have brothers and sisters?
S: Yes I have a brother.
Me: .. well don't you wrestle him?
S: [starts to laugh until he's crying]
Me: Oh boy.
S: My brother is five. I could wrestle him but I'd squash him! He'd most definitely lose. [Continues to laugh into his hands]
S: You're hilarious. Do you know you're hilarious?
Me: This conversation has lost the plot. I'm going back to work.


Well that didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I will try again tomorrow when he's less tired [apparently he was seeing double of everybody.]