My subconscious is [slightly] out of whack lately, so I sleep badly and I dream constantly.
He was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat and I turned to him and asked
"Are you over me yet?"
"Yes."
[Pause]
"Are you happy?"
"Yes."
And then I woke up. If I didn't know better I'd think my brain was trying to tell me something.
...
"It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name.. steel and granite reminders"
...
Today I received a smile. There was never a smile like that before. It was literally the most dazzling smile I've ever seen. [Chrissy interrupts and says "Was it directed at you?" "Yes."]. I've seen nice smiles and I've seen good smiles but it was never ever like that- it was dazzling, infectious and warm all at the same time- I just had to smile back and I think I must've stood there for a full minute grinning like a doofus. A christmas present of a smile. I had to wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end of one of those everyday.
...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Things not to do in the car
I was driving down Epping Road, Epping Road is a giant four lane freeway which for reasons unexplained merges into one lane. So I got stuck behind a pretty old school convertible driving at speeds of 30km/h. An open top convertible driving at 30km/h. Seriously, I presume that if I ever bought a convertible you would never see me again- just the blur where the car and I used to be.
Anyway I wasn't in too big of a hurry but I was wondering why the guy was driving like a zombie on valium. I was daydreaming [you would daydream too- driving so slowly] when I saw this blonde head rise from the passenger seat and ping. The penny, it dropped.
In an open air convertible? are you people crazy? Lucky it's a one lane road and no-one else can drive by with a complete view of your wang wang. At least put the top up!
--
I mentioned this story to Campbell [the outrage! Won't someone think of the children?!] and she just laughed and said she did it all the time.
I gave her a look and said what. What for?
"Oh John and I did it in America, when we were driving. I was bored and running out of things to do in the car. It just came up."
"Omg. Talk. Play games. Something."
" I Spy was boring and John didn't want to play it"
"I'll bet if that was the other option!"
At this point another workmate who had been listening pipes up "maybe he could do it for you in return!.. I don't know how that would work though... might be a bit awkward.."
"He would sit his head on the steering wheel when you brake! And omg. Can we stop talking about this? I need to go wash my brain from all these images. I was just trying to express my outrage! "
Anyway I wasn't in too big of a hurry but I was wondering why the guy was driving like a zombie on valium. I was daydreaming [you would daydream too- driving so slowly] when I saw this blonde head rise from the passenger seat and ping. The penny, it dropped.
In an open air convertible? are you people crazy? Lucky it's a one lane road and no-one else can drive by with a complete view of your wang wang. At least put the top up!
--
I mentioned this story to Campbell [the outrage! Won't someone think of the children?!] and she just laughed and said she did it all the time.
I gave her a look and said what. What for?
"Oh John and I did it in America, when we were driving. I was bored and running out of things to do in the car. It just came up."
"Omg. Talk. Play games. Something."
" I Spy was boring and John didn't want to play it"
"I'll bet if that was the other option!"
At this point another workmate who had been listening pipes up "maybe he could do it for you in return!.. I don't know how that would work though... might be a bit awkward.."
"He would sit his head on the steering wheel when you brake! And omg. Can we stop talking about this? I need to go wash my brain from all these images. I was just trying to express my outrage! "
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Men- future, past, present.
[Post deleted]
Lately I have been feeling much better- I don't know if it's the hair or the repression or the cake or whatever it is- it's slowly but surely pulling me out of this quagmire. It's a quagmire.
I suddenly have this invincible unshakable belief that someone is going to come along and lift me out. This person is going to say "It's okay, Mush. Go ahead. Lean." and then I will gladly follow that person to the ends of the earth. I don't know when or where or whatever but I believe it. Betty thinks I'm crazy waiting around for a no-show prince and that I should 'date' to find him, but I think I should be able to spot the gold coin among the douchebags. I had a friend who once said to me "Why do you have to act so strong all the time? The ones who act the strongest are actually the weakest". When that person finally comes, I will have somewhere to lay my exhausted head. I will finally feel safe.
One of my indulgences and I don't have many indulgences [other than the constant gnashing of teeth on this blog] is to take ten minutes out of my day and sit on my front step, smoke a cigarette and talk to Sb in my head. I tell him about my day and I have a lopsided telepathic conversation with him. When the cigarette finishes, I pack it up and go back inside. I figure that I have to stop this before it becomes a full blown addiction.
I saw Coffee today. It gratified me to see he looked terrible. He was sporting a lank beatles bowl cut. I don't wish him any ill [seriously, none] but you know I'm no saint- I'm not complaining when people who've treated me badly have bad haircuts. It's karma! Wahaha
Lately I have been feeling much better- I don't know if it's the hair or the repression or the cake or whatever it is- it's slowly but surely pulling me out of this quagmire. It's a quagmire.
I suddenly have this invincible unshakable belief that someone is going to come along and lift me out. This person is going to say "It's okay, Mush. Go ahead. Lean." and then I will gladly follow that person to the ends of the earth. I don't know when or where or whatever but I believe it. Betty thinks I'm crazy waiting around for a no-show prince and that I should 'date' to find him, but I think I should be able to spot the gold coin among the douchebags. I had a friend who once said to me "Why do you have to act so strong all the time? The ones who act the strongest are actually the weakest". When that person finally comes, I will have somewhere to lay my exhausted head. I will finally feel safe.
One of my indulgences and I don't have many indulgences [other than the constant gnashing of teeth on this blog] is to take ten minutes out of my day and sit on my front step, smoke a cigarette and talk to Sb in my head. I tell him about my day and I have a lopsided telepathic conversation with him. When the cigarette finishes, I pack it up and go back inside. I figure that I have to stop this before it becomes a full blown addiction.
I saw Coffee today. It gratified me to see he looked terrible. He was sporting a lank beatles bowl cut. I don't wish him any ill [seriously, none] but you know I'm no saint- I'm not complaining when people who've treated me badly have bad haircuts. It's karma! Wahaha
Friday, March 27, 2009
Gremlins and how I may be losing my mind
Something weird is going on with my house. People keep trying to enter it. Or to be more specific people are entering it and removing things. Or replacing things.
Well there are three probabilities a) there are gremlins/elves- that type of thing b) someone is actually entering my house and playing with my stuff or c) I'm losing my mind to a giant spiral vortex which manipulates my reality by making everything circular. [Thanks Junji Ito!]
Let's take a punt on A.
About a week ago, I was hungry and looking around for my can-opener to open a can of weiners but no matter how hard I hunted for it- I couldn't find it. It's a big white can opener.. it's not a particularly easy thing to lose. At some point during my search I considered that Mystic Meg might have taken it during her move home and I was about to call her up and abuse her for running off with it [what? I was hungry!]. I gave up and made myself a sandwich instead.
Yesterday I opened the drawer and there was the can opener sitting there as big as day. What. The. Fuck. It was incredibly strange but at least now I could open the weiner can.
About a month ago on my birthday, Mystic and I were discussing the weeds in my yard.
Mystic: You know it'd be a whole lot easier to weed if you had a shovel.
Me: Yes. [Gets down on my hands and knees and starts pulling out weeds]
Well today I thought I would stop being lazy and go out and weed again because Minnie kept coming back with burrs and the yard was starting to look somewhat embarrassing.
Oh, and by the way which dickhead told the world that gardening is a relaxing pursuit?? [Stupid Frances Hodgson Burnett. Probably never planted a thing in her life. *grumble]
So I went out there and I was surveying the damage when I noticed a shovel in a pot. There was a shovel. In a pot. Where the heck did this shovel come from? Um.. thanksbe Fairy Godelf? for the shovel? [Ask and ye shall receive.. gardening implements.]
I pondered it for a bit, well clearly it wasn't Mystic's- because then we wouldn't have had a discussion on how hard it was to weed with your hands. And it wasn't Sb's because he hasn't been back for donkeys years much less in my yard and anyway it wasn't there last time I was in the yard.
Erm. So gnomes? gremlins? helpful burglars? Am I going cuckoo?
*speaking of weirdness, I was on the pavement when something whizzed past my ear and started to hover around my arm. It was a bee. Odd not only because my yard has no flowers to speak of but it was about to rain as well. I looked at it and I said to it very calmly "You may like to sting me, but if you sting me- then you will die. However I know someone who hates bees who doesn't work very far away from here, and if you sting him on the nose [or if you can reach- in the crotch], you'll get infinitely more satisfaction dying like that than from me on the arm."
It hesitated and I pointed drily "That way". I blinked and it disappeared over the wall and from my yard. I didn't even know I was a bee whisperer extraordinaire. [By the way talking to bumblebees is not definite proof that I've lost it. We will discuss when we have definite proof]
Well there are three probabilities a) there are gremlins/elves- that type of thing b) someone is actually entering my house and playing with my stuff or c) I'm losing my mind to a giant spiral vortex which manipulates my reality by making everything circular. [Thanks Junji Ito!]
Let's take a punt on A.
About a week ago, I was hungry and looking around for my can-opener to open a can of weiners but no matter how hard I hunted for it- I couldn't find it. It's a big white can opener.. it's not a particularly easy thing to lose. At some point during my search I considered that Mystic Meg might have taken it during her move home and I was about to call her up and abuse her for running off with it [what? I was hungry!]. I gave up and made myself a sandwich instead.
Yesterday I opened the drawer and there was the can opener sitting there as big as day. What. The. Fuck. It was incredibly strange but at least now I could open the weiner can.
About a month ago on my birthday, Mystic and I were discussing the weeds in my yard.
Mystic: You know it'd be a whole lot easier to weed if you had a shovel.
Me: Yes. [Gets down on my hands and knees and starts pulling out weeds]
Well today I thought I would stop being lazy and go out and weed again because Minnie kept coming back with burrs and the yard was starting to look somewhat embarrassing.
Oh, and by the way which dickhead told the world that gardening is a relaxing pursuit?? [Stupid Frances Hodgson Burnett. Probably never planted a thing in her life. *grumble]
So I went out there and I was surveying the damage when I noticed a shovel in a pot. There was a shovel. In a pot. Where the heck did this shovel come from? Um.. thanksbe Fairy Godelf? for the shovel? [Ask and ye shall receive.. gardening implements.]
I pondered it for a bit, well clearly it wasn't Mystic's- because then we wouldn't have had a discussion on how hard it was to weed with your hands. And it wasn't Sb's because he hasn't been back for donkeys years much less in my yard and anyway it wasn't there last time I was in the yard.
Erm. So gnomes? gremlins? helpful burglars? Am I going cuckoo?
*speaking of weirdness, I was on the pavement when something whizzed past my ear and started to hover around my arm. It was a bee. Odd not only because my yard has no flowers to speak of but it was about to rain as well. I looked at it and I said to it very calmly "You may like to sting me, but if you sting me- then you will die. However I know someone who hates bees who doesn't work very far away from here, and if you sting him on the nose [or if you can reach- in the crotch], you'll get infinitely more satisfaction dying like that than from me on the arm."
It hesitated and I pointed drily "That way". I blinked and it disappeared over the wall and from my yard. I didn't even know I was a bee whisperer extraordinaire. [By the way talking to bumblebees is not definite proof that I've lost it. We will discuss when we have definite proof]
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Put a sign on me
I was reading this advice column from Salon [edited]:
Anyway, I am not writing to you about any of the particular issues that have arisen for me as a result of my collision with the karmic dump truck. After several months of convulsive grief I, I am starting to pick my way through the rubble. But I am really, really raw. Having always thought of myself as an emotionally intelligent person, I am shocked and disoriented by my sudden inability to predict my own reactions to daily stimuli. The other day I started crying when someone casually wished me good luck getting home in the snow. And while half of me was crying, the other half was all calm and perplexed, like, "Why are you crying?" It's not just crying at little things, it's also not crying at big things, and realizing I am walking along in a bitter fury and not being able to think of a single thing that happened to instigate it.
Anyway, I am not writing to you about any of the particular issues that have arisen for me as a result of my collision with the karmic dump truck. After several months of convulsive grief I, I am starting to pick my way through the rubble. But I am really, really raw. Having always thought of myself as an emotionally intelligent person, I am shocked and disoriented by my sudden inability to predict my own reactions to daily stimuli. The other day I started crying when someone casually wished me good luck getting home in the snow. And while half of me was crying, the other half was all calm and perplexed, like, "Why are you crying?" It's not just crying at little things, it's also not crying at big things, and realizing I am walking along in a bitter fury and not being able to think of a single thing that happened to instigate it.
You are not going to die from this. But you are on the fritz.
When a machine goes on the fritz, someone puts a sign on it.
Someone should put a sign on you.
It would say, "I am on the fritz. Please do not bang on me or unplug me or tip me back and forth."
You will be OK. But you are not OK right now. You have never encountered such a powerful mess before. Everything has not gone haywire like this before.
After a certain age we have it mostly wired. We have a basic understanding; we know mostly what people's motives are and how they can be expected to act. We have a repertoire of getting-over-it behaviors and thinking-it-through behaviors and self-care behaviors and refresh-the-soul-and-body behaviors.
But then comes the tsunami. You don't expect it or know how to deal with it.
I get the feeling that you are not used to being on the fritz. I get the feeling you are very good at maintaining. So I suggest you first let go of the expectation that one particular solution is going to work right away. Try instead accepting the possibility that nothing is going to work right away.
Nothing is going to fix it. You're going to be on the fritz for a while.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sinking sand
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
See you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest
I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention
Was never my intention
To harm you or your kin
Are you so scared to look within
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
We'll not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when it's gone
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
The trick ain't worth the time it buys
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest
I still don't know what love is
-The Other Side- David Gray.
***
And with that, I'm taking a hiatus from blogging for a few weeks. See you on the other side.
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
See you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest
I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention
Was never my intention
To harm you or your kin
Are you so scared to look within
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
We'll not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when it's gone
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
The trick ain't worth the time it buys
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies
Meet me on the other side
Meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest
I still don't know what love is
-The Other Side- David Gray.
***
And with that, I'm taking a hiatus from blogging for a few weeks. See you on the other side.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tired
"I know something is broken and I'm trying to fix it, trying to repair it any way I can."- X&Y
I'm exhausted. Endless tears.
I'm exhausted. Endless tears.
Following her where she went
About five years ago, my Dad had an affair on my stepmum and I was sitting with her in the dark waiting for him to come home.
I was really worried but I just kept quiet- she zonked out and stared into space- we sat like this for a good ten minutes when she suddenly came out of her coma, stood up and said very clearly "I'm going to kill her"
And I panicked and grabbed for her arm [because I was pretty sure that that wasn't some idle threat].. in the midst of my panicky fog I distinctly recall wondering where she had been for those ten minutes to lead her to that conclusion.
Bear in mind that my stepmother and I have nothing in common.
I came home tonight, got into a hot shower and proceeded to space out. Then the thoughts came, angry violent thoughts which reduced me to a shivering crouch. I think if I ever see that girl there's no way I won't cause her any grievious bodily harm- God help her if I'm holding a glass bottle.
I didn't even realise the shower got cold. And I knew where my stepmum had been in those ten minutes. Dark dark spaces.
I was really worried but I just kept quiet- she zonked out and stared into space- we sat like this for a good ten minutes when she suddenly came out of her coma, stood up and said very clearly "I'm going to kill her"
And I panicked and grabbed for her arm [because I was pretty sure that that wasn't some idle threat].. in the midst of my panicky fog I distinctly recall wondering where she had been for those ten minutes to lead her to that conclusion.
Bear in mind that my stepmother and I have nothing in common.
I came home tonight, got into a hot shower and proceeded to space out. Then the thoughts came, angry violent thoughts which reduced me to a shivering crouch. I think if I ever see that girl there's no way I won't cause her any grievious bodily harm- God help her if I'm holding a glass bottle.
I didn't even realise the shower got cold. And I knew where my stepmum had been in those ten minutes. Dark dark spaces.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Material Girl
I feel like shit - so I thought I'd drown my sorrows in material possessions . The Swarovski is from Campbell for my birthday.. and the Hello Kitty MAC is from myself. I always thought that orange lip gloss would make me happier.
---
Oh, and not to forget other things that make me happy. I may as well mention that John Farnham/Coldplay collaboration of "You're the Voice" made me weak at the knees with giddiness. It is cheering me right up. Sing it people!
---
Oh, and not to forget other things that make me happy. I may as well mention that John Farnham/Coldplay collaboration of "You're the Voice" made me weak at the knees with giddiness. It is cheering me right up. Sing it people!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
So cool
So I bought a can of soft drink as I was leaving work- and I opened it not thinking about my drive home with my dodgy cup holder.
The thing with my cup holder is that it doesn't hold.. Things including my mascot Yoshi frequently fall out of it so I'm pretty careful to never buy lidless soft drinks.
Damn.
Well too late now.
A couple of years ago, I watched the beginning of this movie called Initial D. It's full of pretty boys and fast cars- and the first scene involved this guy driving his van around mountain bends while balancing an open tofu soup container thing. If he didn't end up spilling a drop- then therefore he was an excellent driver.
Well why couldn't I approach this in the same mentality? The worst that could happen would that I would be covered in orange soda .. and there are I suppose worse things in life right?
And I wasn't going to chuck the can out after a sip so..
I started off slowly, checking on the can worriedly every few minutes or so. And then I went faster. And faster... change lanes, over-take, change lanes.
And then I was hitting speeds of 130 km/h!
The can hadn't even moved.
I zoomed my way home with superb speed and dexterity [If I may say so myself!]
and I hadn't spilled a single drop.
I am the Initial D of Sydney! Waha!
You have no idea how cool I feel. If I was any cooler, they'd have to give me some sort of award for it.
The thing with my cup holder is that it doesn't hold.. Things including my mascot Yoshi frequently fall out of it so I'm pretty careful to never buy lidless soft drinks.
Damn.
Well too late now.
A couple of years ago, I watched the beginning of this movie called Initial D. It's full of pretty boys and fast cars- and the first scene involved this guy driving his van around mountain bends while balancing an open tofu soup container thing. If he didn't end up spilling a drop- then therefore he was an excellent driver.
Well why couldn't I approach this in the same mentality? The worst that could happen would that I would be covered in orange soda .. and there are I suppose worse things in life right?
And I wasn't going to chuck the can out after a sip so..
I started off slowly, checking on the can worriedly every few minutes or so. And then I went faster. And faster... change lanes, over-take, change lanes.
And then I was hitting speeds of 130 km/h!
The can hadn't even moved.
I zoomed my way home with superb speed and dexterity [If I may say so myself!]
and I hadn't spilled a single drop.
I am the Initial D of Sydney! Waha!
You have no idea how cool I feel. If I was any cooler, they'd have to give me some sort of award for it.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Something he said
Campbell said to me yesterday "you remember too many things"
This is probably true. But it's never a happy medium. I only remember the most ridiculous trivial things [like PT Barnum once glued a monkey and a fish together to make a mermaid.. seriously I would never use that information. Ever.] or I can remember blocks and blocks of really serious conversation which always ends up making people uncomfortable when I recall it back later.
But to balance it out God has a laugh and has given me almost no short term memory at all [Who the heck is this coffee going to? Why am I holding a coffee?! Oh yeah, I'm a waitress. Oops]
So anyway I've been in an extremely philosophical mood today- I've relinquished control and everything just is. It is what it is what it is.
Today I am thinking about Lighto [where are you buddy?] and remembering something he said to me over a year ago. It went something like this.
M: Ahem. Hey, I have something to ask you and you know humour me because I'm an extremely insecure person and whatnot.
L: [Thinking I'm going to ask him for a kidney.. starts to get a look on his face] What?
M: Look, I know that we're good friends and I'm kind of in a time of need right now and I realise that I'm leaning on you quite heavily... Is that ok with you? I can understand if you're uncomfortable and don't want to say anything.
L: [Relieved] Oh. Is that it? .. It's fine. If I was really uncomfortable with it then I would tell you.
"We're good friends right? At the moment we are good friends, we may not be in the future. But it's ok. Because I'm happy to dedicate whatever time you need to you right now. This whole thing is like fate, you see? We're fated to be friends for a specified amount of time [it could be short or long] and then at the end of it, you move on or life moves you on but it doesn't take anything away from the here and now. So relax. Go ahead and lean on me- I really am ok with it. [He leans over and pats me on the head] by the way, you really are nuts*."
You can't really help but love someone a little more after a speech like that. Even afterwards when I saw him infrequently and he had been reduced to a catatonic zombie type from working two jobs to supply his girlfriend with Louis Vuitton bags, I never resented him because I always applied what he said to what we had. A friendship which had eventually run its natural course. Ships eventually pass each other in the night.
And so I am no longer as sad I was yesterday and a little less sadder than I was the day before and so forth so forth. I've let go. All things in their own ways come eventually to their ends. I had to learn this the hardest way.
This is probably true. But it's never a happy medium. I only remember the most ridiculous trivial things [like PT Barnum once glued a monkey and a fish together to make a mermaid.. seriously I would never use that information. Ever.] or I can remember blocks and blocks of really serious conversation which always ends up making people uncomfortable when I recall it back later.
But to balance it out God has a laugh and has given me almost no short term memory at all [Who the heck is this coffee going to? Why am I holding a coffee?! Oh yeah, I'm a waitress. Oops]
So anyway I've been in an extremely philosophical mood today- I've relinquished control and everything just is. It is what it is what it is.
Today I am thinking about Lighto [where are you buddy?] and remembering something he said to me over a year ago. It went something like this.
M: Ahem. Hey, I have something to ask you and you know humour me because I'm an extremely insecure person and whatnot.
L: [Thinking I'm going to ask him for a kidney.. starts to get a look on his face] What?
M: Look, I know that we're good friends and I'm kind of in a time of need right now and I realise that I'm leaning on you quite heavily... Is that ok with you? I can understand if you're uncomfortable and don't want to say anything.
L: [Relieved] Oh. Is that it? .. It's fine. If I was really uncomfortable with it then I would tell you.
"We're good friends right? At the moment we are good friends, we may not be in the future. But it's ok. Because I'm happy to dedicate whatever time you need to you right now. This whole thing is like fate, you see? We're fated to be friends for a specified amount of time [it could be short or long] and then at the end of it, you move on or life moves you on but it doesn't take anything away from the here and now. So relax. Go ahead and lean on me- I really am ok with it. [He leans over and pats me on the head] by the way, you really are nuts*."
You can't really help but love someone a little more after a speech like that. Even afterwards when I saw him infrequently and he had been reduced to a catatonic zombie type from working two jobs to supply his girlfriend with Louis Vuitton bags, I never resented him because I always applied what he said to what we had. A friendship which had eventually run its natural course. Ships eventually pass each other in the night.
And so I am no longer as sad I was yesterday and a little less sadder than I was the day before and so forth so forth. I've let go. All things in their own ways come eventually to their ends. I had to learn this the hardest way.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Coldplay Ban
Dear Chris,
You know that I still want to have your babies and live with you on a tropical island with a soundstage so you can sing to me everyday.
Mush
--
So Coldplay is in Australia- and I gave away my tickets. Thats right! I gaaaaave away my tickets so right now I am in some sort of pain. I am foetal- it's amazing that I can unfold myself to type this at all. And I thought to reduce the constant angst of hearing Nova [please shut up Nova for the love of God] broadcasting that they are sponsoring their tour 24/7- I would just have a Coldplay ban for this week.
Y'know- it sounds easy. Don't play the radio this week. Don't turn on the tv to anything even slightly commercial [Thanks Tv Gods for having fifteen thousand interviews with them this weeek which I had to avoid- much appreciated] , Don't put your ipod on shuffle [just listen to playlists] and bam! the week should be over and I can crawl out of my closet and not think about their PLANE DEPARTING FOR THE NEXT COUNTRY.
Well it sounded easy enough.
It's much harder than it looks. They play the radio in my bar at work and I had to 'run away' everytime a Coldplay song came on [ie. stand outside and whistle at the ceiling like an idiot] so I would just wait for my drinks and then the first chords of Life in Technicolor would play and I would wail/gnash my teeth outside, count to two hundred then sidle back in. Of course, always just in time for the Dj to gush "aren't they awesome?! They are playing TONIGHT! TONIGHT! Did I not mention they are playing TONIGHT?!" Huh.
And then at some point they played "Vida la vida" and my bartender apparently loves that song so he decided to play it full blast so I had to walk even further away to get away from it and I counted to two hundred and I walked back in and it was still going.
One, two.. two hundred..
Still going.
One, two.. two hundred.
Still going- How the heck long is this song??? Winamp says 4 minutes and 4 seconds but I don't believe them.
I was in serious pain. That was a long shift. I went home and tried to soothe my nerves with some Josh Pyke. Yeah, no. That didn't work
(Digression: The problem with Josh Pyke is sometimes he's an awesome lyricist and sometimes to put it nicely.. he really really sucks and also he sounds the same on the badly written songs and maybe he should try some new chords? See.. I think Josh is a bit twee so he should make good sleeping music and I'll be listening when all of sudden a bad lyric will come on and jolt me out of midway slumber so I have to wake up and yell "What the hell are you saying?!" at my speakers.
For example "I don't want to let you down, so I'm going to buy you a house and a dog and I'll try to stick around". Thanks Josh- you know, for trying to stick around and lumping me with a dog and a mortgage. I will try not to brain you with a frying pan when I see you.
The unexpected anger doesn't make for such good sleeping music.)
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh Coldplay ban, right. Difficult. Much much more difficult than I thought it would be. So right now until.. I think Saturday- I'm on a media blackout- no tv- no radio- just RnB playlists [I'm rocking the hell out of 'Thats the way love goes' by Janet] and definitely no facebook photos. Dear God, please have mercy on my soul and have none of my 139 friends post any pictures since they are all collectively apparently going, or at least make me strong enough so that I can ignore facebook for... two months or something.
And you know, I only have one more day of work where I have to stand outside like an idiot- so hopefully the bartender will feel like some operatic arias instead? fingers crossed.
Then on Sunday I can uncurl myself from this position, look up to the sky and yell "I missed it! so what? So what?! I made it!"
[It's 6:19 now- they will mount the stage at 8. Sigh. They will probably start with Life in Technicolor actually. Crapcrapcrapcrap. I will turn off the computer clock so I don't torture myself all night. Sunday night seems like a long way to go]
You know that I still want to have your babies and live with you on a tropical island with a soundstage so you can sing to me everyday.
Mush
--
So Coldplay is in Australia- and I gave away my tickets. Thats right! I gaaaaave away my tickets so right now I am in some sort of pain. I am foetal- it's amazing that I can unfold myself to type this at all. And I thought to reduce the constant angst of hearing Nova [please shut up Nova for the love of God] broadcasting that they are sponsoring their tour 24/7- I would just have a Coldplay ban for this week.
Y'know- it sounds easy. Don't play the radio this week. Don't turn on the tv to anything even slightly commercial [Thanks Tv Gods for having fifteen thousand interviews with them this weeek which I had to avoid- much appreciated] , Don't put your ipod on shuffle [just listen to playlists] and bam! the week should be over and I can crawl out of my closet and not think about their PLANE DEPARTING FOR THE NEXT COUNTRY.
Well it sounded easy enough.
It's much harder than it looks. They play the radio in my bar at work and I had to 'run away' everytime a Coldplay song came on [ie. stand outside and whistle at the ceiling like an idiot] so I would just wait for my drinks and then the first chords of Life in Technicolor would play and I would wail/gnash my teeth outside, count to two hundred then sidle back in. Of course, always just in time for the Dj to gush "aren't they awesome?! They are playing TONIGHT! TONIGHT! Did I not mention they are playing TONIGHT?!" Huh.
And then at some point they played "Vida la vida" and my bartender apparently loves that song so he decided to play it full blast so I had to walk even further away to get away from it and I counted to two hundred and I walked back in and it was still going.
One, two.. two hundred..
Still going.
One, two.. two hundred.
Still going- How the heck long is this song??? Winamp says 4 minutes and 4 seconds but I don't believe them.
I was in serious pain. That was a long shift. I went home and tried to soothe my nerves with some Josh Pyke. Yeah, no. That didn't work
(Digression: The problem with Josh Pyke is sometimes he's an awesome lyricist and sometimes to put it nicely.. he really really sucks and also he sounds the same on the badly written songs and maybe he should try some new chords? See.. I think Josh is a bit twee so he should make good sleeping music and I'll be listening when all of sudden a bad lyric will come on and jolt me out of midway slumber so I have to wake up and yell "What the hell are you saying?!" at my speakers.
For example "I don't want to let you down, so I'm going to buy you a house and a dog and I'll try to stick around". Thanks Josh- you know, for trying to stick around and lumping me with a dog and a mortgage. I will try not to brain you with a frying pan when I see you.
The unexpected anger doesn't make for such good sleeping music.)
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh Coldplay ban, right. Difficult. Much much more difficult than I thought it would be. So right now until.. I think Saturday- I'm on a media blackout- no tv- no radio- just RnB playlists [I'm rocking the hell out of 'Thats the way love goes' by Janet] and definitely no facebook photos. Dear God, please have mercy on my soul and have none of my 139 friends post any pictures since they are all collectively apparently going, or at least make me strong enough so that I can ignore facebook for... two months or something.
And you know, I only have one more day of work where I have to stand outside like an idiot- so hopefully the bartender will feel like some operatic arias instead? fingers crossed.
Then on Sunday I can uncurl myself from this position, look up to the sky and yell "I missed it! so what? So what?! I made it!"
[It's 6:19 now- they will mount the stage at 8. Sigh. They will probably start with Life in Technicolor actually. Crapcrapcrapcrap. I will turn off the computer clock so I don't torture myself all night. Sunday night seems like a long way to go]
Monday, March 09, 2009
I'm clean! I'm clean!
A little while ago [not sure of the date] Mystic Meg came into my room and said "You know I thought you would be different"
And I said "?different? different in what way?"
"Well... I thought you would be more princessy than you are"
".... I'm not princessy at all [but now I think I will be a princess and tell you to bite me!]"
"No, no, no not princessy as in up yourself, but princessy as in take care of yourself better."
"Oh. I think I look after myself fine"
"Yeah you eat alright.. but you need to look after yourself better"
"Um..? are we talking face creams? because I really don't think I should spend more money on that I have like boxes and boxes of whiteners."
"No, I mean like.. look at your room! It could be better"
"I'm renting- I can't paint my walls purple. "
"Nonono, how can you bring a guy over for this?"
".... I'm not bringing anybody into my room.. wait. ARE YOU CALLING ME MESSY?!"
"NO. I'm not making myself very clear am I? You're not messy- you're just not organised"
"... I know where everything is. What are you talking about?"
"I'm just saying you have to look after yourself better- you have great taste- you just have to go that extra mile!"
"I still have a feeling you're calling me messy"
"I'm not. Just throw out everything and start anew. You can have any guy that you want if you tried you know"
"Ok, forget it- I have no idea what you're talking about"
---------
And with this ridiculous conversation even though I have a 37 degree fever and am delirious and talking to walls- I am sitting here on a Monday night cleaning my room. Seriously. My room doesn't even need fricking cleaning.
And I said "?different? different in what way?"
"Well... I thought you would be more princessy than you are"
".... I'm not princessy at all [but now I think I will be a princess and tell you to bite me!]"
"No, no, no not princessy as in up yourself, but princessy as in take care of yourself better."
"Oh. I think I look after myself fine"
"Yeah you eat alright.. but you need to look after yourself better"
"Um..? are we talking face creams? because I really don't think I should spend more money on that I have like boxes and boxes of whiteners."
"No, I mean like.. look at your room! It could be better"
"I'm renting- I can't paint my walls purple. "
"Nonono, how can you bring a guy over for this?"
".... I'm not bringing anybody into my room.. wait. ARE YOU CALLING ME MESSY?!"
"NO. I'm not making myself very clear am I? You're not messy- you're just not organised"
"... I know where everything is. What are you talking about?"
"I'm just saying you have to look after yourself better- you have great taste- you just have to go that extra mile!"
"I still have a feeling you're calling me messy"
"I'm not. Just throw out everything and start anew. You can have any guy that you want if you tried you know"
"Ok, forget it- I have no idea what you're talking about"
---------
And with this ridiculous conversation even though I have a 37 degree fever and am delirious and talking to walls- I am sitting here on a Monday night cleaning my room. Seriously. My room doesn't even need fricking cleaning.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Delirious with the flu
Lately I've just been incredibly sick with the flu and just unable to function so it was a miracle that I dragged my ass to work this morning.
So I was walking through across the floor when all of a sudden my vision dimmed and I thought "Holy Shit! I'm dying! I'm going to have to try and move towards the light!"
Of course then I realised it was the room and not me, and I felt very foolish. I was relieved to not be dead but I still felt pretty darn sick and not at all that happy to be at work.
So I was walking through across the floor when all of a sudden my vision dimmed and I thought "Holy Shit! I'm dying! I'm going to have to try and move towards the light!"
Of course then I realised it was the room and not me, and I felt very foolish. I was relieved to not be dead but I still felt pretty darn sick and not at all that happy to be at work.
Big stupid rock and big stupid weddings
The other day my housemate Mystic Meg came home with a suspicious looking little box for me. She said "Here."
I looked at it and said "Um... should I be worried?"
She laughed and when I opened it, there was a big ol' fake wedding ring in there with an overly large cubic zirconia in the middle [I may be optimistic- it could be plastic]
I looked at it "So I'm finally being proposed to huh?.. What am I supposed to do with this thing??"
She started to laugh and walked out the door "Just make sure the next guy who proposes to you- gives you something bigger than that!
"No seriously, what am I supposed to do with this??"
***
A few months ago, someone I knew was getting married and said to me "Huh, I always thought you were going to get married before me. Shouldn't you have been married like four years ago?"
Me: ..[pissed off silence]..
***
So all of a sudden all these people [about three or four] that I know have suddenly gotten married to their boyfriends of six months. And I'm thinking 'What the hell just happened? Did I suddenly miss a rush on weddings? Is there a two for one on wedding gowns that I don't know about?!Is the apocalypse coming?!!" Not bitter at all. I know.
Ok the noble part of me says "These are my friends/acquaintances! They have found happiness, everlasting devotion and true love!" and the less noble, more petty side of me thinks "There's no way. A year of knowing somebody .. man, I've known people for years and found out that I didn't really know them at all. I doubt, I doubt, I doubt." And then the noble side says "Shut up and stop voicing things out loud."
I mentioned this to Betty the other day about this recent explosion of marriages and she immediately understood by saying what I was thinking- "I don't understand what happened- we were supposed to be first." And then we both looked sad and had to change the topic to hot firemen.
***
Campbell asked me to go to Tiffany's with her today.
"What for?"
"Oh John wanted to know the size of my ring finger"
"Sure chicks, whenever you want"
"I'm going to get married in the botanical gardens.. ! and I can't decide where to hold the reception..."
Sigh. I guess I'm not getting away from the wedding talk.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Blank messages
So my friend and I have this very complicated relationship. He's one of those friends that turn up in and out of your life at the most inopportune times.
So you know you'll have dinner and hang out
and then you'll argue about nothing
and then not see each other for a month
then you'll see each other at work
then hang out.
then argue.
Repeat ad nauseum until finally one of us is bound to go "What the Fuck? This is not healthy! Get out!"
Yeah, ok. So I haven't seen him for four months and now all of a sudden out of nowhere comes two blank messages. That's right, two blank messages. You'd think it'd at least have a dot or something. I'd be happy with a misplaced exclamation mark. A smiley???
So while I'm breaking so many cycles lately- I'm going to break this one too. I am not going to respond and I am going to get my ass out of that casino as soon as I possibly can [barring recession, of course].
I probably would've responded if there had been a smiley. Too bad for him.
So you know you'll have dinner and hang out
and then you'll argue about nothing
and then not see each other for a month
then you'll see each other at work
then hang out.
then argue.
Repeat ad nauseum until finally one of us is bound to go "What the Fuck? This is not healthy! Get out!"
Yeah, ok. So I haven't seen him for four months and now all of a sudden out of nowhere comes two blank messages. That's right, two blank messages. You'd think it'd at least have a dot or something. I'd be happy with a misplaced exclamation mark. A smiley???
So while I'm breaking so many cycles lately- I'm going to break this one too. I am not going to respond and I am going to get my ass out of that casino as soon as I possibly can [barring recession, of course].
I probably would've responded if there had been a smiley. Too bad for him.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Chocolate noodles
Campbell: Have you tasted something called a Spider? So.. yum
Me: A spider? you mean the coke and ice cream thing?
C: No, its chocolate and peanut butter mixed on top of noodles.
M: *Gags.. Noodles? What kind of noodles?
C: Dried noodles, like two minute noodles.
M: Erk. What. Is this another one of those things that western people think that Chinese people actually eat but don't. Like spring rolls.
C: No, silly- it's a party treat!
M: I never want to go to one of your parties!
C: Its not wet noodles like you're thinking, it's dried noodles. Should I make you some?
M: NO! Are you crazy? Chocolate on noodles... *gag
C: But its yum! You melt the chocolate on top in the microwave
M: ....
C: Try it!
M: I never make you eat chickens feet, don't try to make me eat chocolate noodles.
C: That's totally different.
M: No it's not. Ken! Campbell is trying to make me eat chocolate on noodles.
K: Wth? You crazy westerners. You don't put sweets on noodles!
Me: A spider? you mean the coke and ice cream thing?
C: No, its chocolate and peanut butter mixed on top of noodles.
M: *Gags.. Noodles? What kind of noodles?
C: Dried noodles, like two minute noodles.
M: Erk. What. Is this another one of those things that western people think that Chinese people actually eat but don't. Like spring rolls.
C: No, silly- it's a party treat!
M: I never want to go to one of your parties!
C: Its not wet noodles like you're thinking, it's dried noodles. Should I make you some?
M: NO! Are you crazy? Chocolate on noodles... *gag
C: But its yum! You melt the chocolate on top in the microwave
M: ....
C: Try it!
M: I never make you eat chickens feet, don't try to make me eat chocolate noodles.
C: That's totally different.
M: No it's not. Ken! Campbell is trying to make me eat chocolate on noodles.
K: Wth? You crazy westerners. You don't put sweets on noodles!
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