Something he said

Campbell said to me yesterday "you remember too many things"

This is probably true. But it's never a happy medium. I only remember the most ridiculous trivial things [like PT Barnum once glued a monkey and a fish together to make a mermaid.. seriously I would never use that information. Ever.] or I can remember blocks and blocks of really serious conversation which always ends up making people uncomfortable when I recall it back later.

But to balance it out God has a laugh and has given me almost no short term memory at all [Who the heck is this coffee going to? Why am I holding a coffee?! Oh yeah, I'm a waitress. Oops]

So anyway I've been in an extremely philosophical mood today- I've relinquished control and everything just is. It is what it is what it is.

Today I am thinking about Lighto [where are you buddy?] and remembering something he said to me over a year ago. It went something like this.

M: Ahem. Hey, I have something to ask you and you know humour me because I'm an extremely insecure person and whatnot.

L: [Thinking I'm going to ask him for a kidney.. starts to get a look on his face] What?

M: Look, I know that we're good friends and I'm kind of in a time of need right now and I realise that I'm leaning on you quite heavily... Is that ok with you? I can understand if you're uncomfortable and don't want to say anything.

L: [Relieved] Oh. Is that it? .. It's fine. If I was really uncomfortable with it then I would tell you.

"We're good friends right? At the moment we are good friends, we may not be in the future. But it's ok. Because I'm happy to dedicate whatever time you need to you right now. This whole thing is like fate, you see? We're fated to be friends for a specified amount of time [it could be short or long] and then at the end of it, you move on or life moves you on but it doesn't take anything away from the here and now. So relax. Go ahead and lean on me- I really am ok with it. [He leans over and pats me on the head] by the way, you really are nuts*."

You can't really help but love someone a little more after a speech like that. Even afterwards when I saw him infrequently and he had been reduced to a catatonic zombie type from working two jobs to supply his girlfriend with Louis Vuitton bags, I never resented him because I always applied what he said to what we had. A friendship which had eventually run its natural course. Ships eventually pass each other in the night.

And so I am no longer as sad I was yesterday and a little less sadder than I was the day before and so forth so forth. I've let go. All things in their own ways come eventually to their ends. I had to learn this the hardest way.