Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard"
- For the First Time, The Script
--
At the cafe.
Him: So I went on another date..
Me: You went on another date? What do you mean by another date?
Him: Another date.
Me: Meaning there's more than one?? How many dates have you been on lately?
Him: Four.
Me: *squeaks* in two weeks? You've only been broken up for two weeks! That's.. two a week. You're doing well.
Him: I still associate her with everywhere I go
Me: .. sigh.. how're you feeling?
Him: Like shit.
Me: I figure.
Not that I know anything about break-ups [other than long and protracted ones] but I admire his gall and I see his point. You take other people and you slowly flush the old one out by creating new memories, it's a helluva lot more pro-active than staying at home and moping. The end result is still the same though. You're going to feel like shit for a very very long time.
--
On the phone
M: *Upset. My friend just broke up with his girlfriend of nine years. I thought I would call you about it. What do I say?
Me: Er? You're asking me?
M: You would know how to deal with it
Me: .. This is not ever a subject I ever want to be considered an expert on. But you can't really say anything. Nothing that you say can possibly make him feel better.
M: Nothing..?
Me: Nothing. Wait. You didn't tell him to get over it did you?
M: Yeah I did. But in a nice way.
Me: I don't think he wants to hear that.
M: Noted.
--
For some reason now I have a tendency to do my deepest thinking in the morning as I'm going to work. I can have an uninterrupted reverie for a good forty minutes. It's kind of nice.
Mexicana: What are you up to?
Me: Just thinking.
Mexicana: [It's 8:10!] What about?
Me: I'm thinking that what I want from a person is for them to grab me by the shoulders, look me in the eyes and say "a lifetime will never be enough to spend with you."
Mexicana: Wow.
Me: Too much? I think I might be asking for too much.
Mexicana: Are you expecting that exact same phrasing complete with pauses?
Me: No, of course not. Just the base sentiment.
Mexicana: Oh, then that's easy.
Me: It's easy?
---
What I want from you, oh hypothetical you: first and foremost unconstrained passion, an enthusiasm to be with me, sweeping kisses as a greeting, I want your heart to be bruised when I'm not around. I want you to want me. If you exist [and I hope you exist] I'll take my heart out of my pocket for you, I'll never hold it back.
--
Mum: I was talking to your brother and he asked about SB, he didn't realise you'd broken up.
Me: Uh.
Mum: And then he asked about Matty and Hanh. He didn't realise they'd broken up either. I think he's afraid to ask any more questions.
Me: .... Only out of the loop by about a year and a half
--
At the bar
Mxd: I'm a reformed commitmentphobe
Me: How's that?
Mxd: I used to be afraid of commitment, I was burned really bad by a girlfriend who cheated on me.
Me: If you don't mind me asking- you're a reformed commitmentphobe? How do you fix something like that?
Mxd: Actually my ex-girlfriend did it, she was just such a cool person and I trusted her. You just need that trust and now I'm ok.
Me: Well I'm glad you're all good now, but I guess it was something you had to work out by yourself.
Mxd:Are you trying to fix something?
Me: I can't fix a single thing. Myself included, least of all other people.
Mxd: Be as supportive and patient as you can be. But chances are I think you're wasting your time. Is he worth it?
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