My life is an anecdote

Me: Hello Sir, what would you like?

Customer: Do you have cwanbewwy?

Me: [Straightest face ever] Yes, we have cranberry

Customer: Well, I would like some cwanbewwy and wodka

He's having me on right? This guy was 5"9 and built like a tank and he talked like Elmer Fudd.

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So I crashed my car on Wednesday and I dragged my fender all the way home. I'm thinking when my cousin Matt sees it, he's going to wish he put it in storage. Anyway, I was upset but its nice that when the chips are down [or at least horribly dented] that there are friends who will go out of their way to help you, I had not one but three offers to help me to take it to a smash repairer. Aww, much love to you guys.

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This bartender [I'm thinking he was in jest] called me the angriest person he's ever met. Seriously? I'm probably in the running for most sarcastic and I'm coming in third for most self-conscious but the angriest? I have yet to kungfu kick anybody in the nuts or whomp someone on the head with a beer bottle. Sif angriest.

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So I went with Mystic Meg to see a psychic yesterday and its a store connected to a day spa connected to an organic hairdresser. Anyway, I was waiting for her when all of a sudden this Russian [?] man comes up to me and starts pumping my hand.
"HellomynameisMichelandImgoingtolookafteryoutodaythankyouforcomingwhatwouldyoulikedonetoday?"
And I'm trying to interrupt this little speech, but he's talking at full speed still holding my hand, when this lady coughs and says "Er, I think you're after me", he lets go of my hand at sonic speed, turns around and delivers the almost same speech to her! "HellomynameisMicheland...."
I guess that hairdresser is not absorbing any psychic vibes coming from the shop.

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I picked up a pendulum in the same shop and was playing around with it. Not to be skeptical, but surely the wind affects how it moves right? If it moves side to side then its a boy, and its moves round then its a girl. Not that I'm pregnant or anything. But I'm curious to have someone explain to me exactly *who they think is pushing the pendulum. [yes, the wind. Shutup]

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My stepdad bought my mum a ten dollar toaster and of course [of course!] it doesn't work properly so I offered her my one [Its a designer toaster!] and went to Myers to look for a pink toaster to match my pink spatula/saucepan/teapot [I'm aiming for a completely pink kitchen]. I remembered seeing one ages ago so I asked the saleslady about it. She told me that it had been discontinued and replaced with a fawn colour. A fawn colour. Erk, a fawn colour.. who uses brown toasters?! People who want to match the toast to the toaster.

List of people that probably would enjoy a fawn coloured toaster:
Hunters
People who decorate their kitchen in varying shades of brown.
Colour blind people.
Nutsos.

The saleslady was very nice and thought she remembered a toaster that may have had a pink border. No, that was also replaced by fawn. Look for my puke, it will also be fawn coloured.

I left completely bitter as not only did they not have my pink toaster but they also didn't sell Indiana Jones action figures. Stupid store.