Saturday night
6:00- Sb is flailing wildly "We're going to be LATE. Hurry Up! Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish!" [repeat that sentence about sixteen times during the course of five minutes]
6:05- I'm frantically trying to ignore him, end up jamming my legs into two pairs of hose which incidentally have about nine runs in it. Three which look like wolverine has taken a swipe at my knee. And a massive hole on the thigh which is about the size of a burger.
6:07- "Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish!"
6:08- Oh fuck it, I'll just go with these tights. They're going to be under boots anyway and no-one will see them so who cares right?
6:09- SB: "Errrr, what happened to your knee? It looks like you got into a fight with Wolverine"
Me: "Shut up. Or I'm heading back to get changed!"
SB does the sensible thing and doesn't remark on it anymore although he'll occasionally furrow his brow and look at my legs and sigh. Not longingly.
7:10- After racing to get there, and liberally swearing at every [Asian] driver that we see. We arrive!
7:11- Hmmm.. its awkward already. Why are the tables divided like that?! They've joined two round tables together like a figure eight and the first table is full while the second table is like the leftover table. We've been consigned to the kids table! Man, I'm glad that I wasn't in charge of the booking because I would've ripped that hosts ears off his head and made him eat them.
7:20- Mrs Moo gets up and tries to make conversation with me, it starts off with "You still have a cold! Last time I saw you, you had a cold!"
Me: "Its cold?"
Ok neither of us are going to win awards for beautiful conversation flow.
7:22- I'm on the other side on the big table talking to Mrs Gold about my eyelashes. I would really rather talk about anything else other than my lashes. Chinese politics, serial killers, whether the smurfs are overrated, something anything.
7:24- There's only really so much you can talk about lashes. I've covered two minutes worth.. I'm starting to get really awkward. I mean its boring for her [who wants to hear it?!] and its boring for me.
7:25: Mrs Moo releases me "You look quite embarrassed, maybe you want to go back?"
7:25- Back in my seat, I never realised how much I love my seat. I bet this seat never felt so much love.
7:35- Wheeee! Dakota is here! Wait, thats not Dakota. It's a pink, puffy version of her
She's completely sunburnt. It's sort of hilarious, she's like a beacon.
7:45- 8:30: While I eat, Dakota and Sb mock squabble. I'm enjoying the mock squabbling, except when they get really excited and lean and do it over my food.
9:00- We were going to tip the waiter out two dollars but we were nice and upped it to six.
9:10- Standing on the street deciding what to do.
9:15- Still deciding.
9:16- 9:30 We're going to Eric's place and subsequently I have an in-car meltdown.
Sb: Whats wrong
Me: we're going to Eric's place? Does that mean we have to take off our shoes?
Sb: Yes, we're asian
Me: I CAN'T TAKE OFF MY SHOES. * Yoinks a boot off and lobs it.
It is revealed that my tights have now accumulated more runs and more holes and now look like something even Oliver Twist would be ashamed of ["Tsk. tsk. Madam, your appearance is detestable!"]. There are even runs on the toes. How you get runs on the toes, I don't know. I was sitting the entire time
Sb: Whoa. Do you want to go home?
Me: *snippy, No we will go and I will sit awkwardly.
9:26- We arrive at Eric's place, where I speedily jump on the couch arrange my skirt over my legs and sit uber awkwardly.
9:30: Oh, the legs they are killing me.
9:45- Ahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooga! The legs, they are beyond pissed off.
9:45- Oh forget it. I commandeer Sb's jumper and wrap it around my legs. Oh sweet relief. What a waste of yoga class.
9:46- Sb complains he's cold. Ha
10:05- It's cake time! Oh, crap I have to walk over. I shuffle reluctantly to the dining table and perch awkwardly on the edge of a chair. I'm walking so slowly that I'm thinking that they're thinking I'm being anti-social.
10:06- Return to my spot on the couch with strawberry cheesecake. I'm starting to feel bad about not mingling.
10:30- Mrs Furter falls asleep on the couch
10:45- Mrs Moo falls asleep on the couch [it's a big couch]
00:00- I'm starting to fall asleep .. zzz.. The only person still awake on the lounge is Mrs Ken. The boys are playing poker and taking shots. Darn, I want to drink shots and play poker. Stupid tights. I wake up to the tv playing a trance song which involves women having milkshakes being poured on them in a sexual way, except it doesn't look sexual -it looks gross. I feel sorry for those girls I hope they get good commission.
2:00- Time to go home! Oh God, I'm so bleary. On the way home, SB accuses me of being anti-social. I wearily pull another hole in my tights for his benefit and he doesn't say anything, we are both wishing that I wore jeans tonight. [Well, actually he was quite smooshed so maybe I'm projecting. I definitely wish I wore jeans]
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