Life goes on

So a couple of months ago, Sb and I caught a bus [yes, he caught a bus. Its amazing, I know], we boarded and I was just daydreaming random thoughts out the window. [Peanut butter/coloured pencils/world peace/the taste of blu tack] when the bus stopped and on boarded four girls about my age.

Well no big deal right? I watched them for a little while- and they were just four ordinary girls laughing, talking about boys and work, maybe going somewhere to eat.

There was all this closeness and camaraderie being taken for granted. And I swear I have never been struck by this sensation before [I'll try and describe it properly for you] but I felt envy. I was choked and blocked off by this envy- in fact I could feel myself physically getting nauseous, I was trying to swallow this bile and I knew I was going green [see? I thought that was a myth, but you actually go green]
Sb shook me a bit and asked me if I was ok because I was looking a little pale.

They got off at the next stop, and when they left, the envy dispersed and all I felt was incredibly sad. The fact that the three of us would never ever do something so simple and ordinary again, we would see each other again for sure but something so everyday was not going to happen and if it did, it would not be for a really long time. When we got off the bus, I had to stop and have a little cry for that loss.

Every now and then, I think of those four girls and I have a little twinge. Last night I thought about how much more self sufficient I've gotten since they've left, I stood up and brushed myself off and headed home. Life goes on, but it doesn't stop you from having a twinge once in a while.