The first time I snowboarded

[Look how happy I am. I'm obviously the idiot who never went boarding before]

Those of you who have actually seen me walk will know that I am the most ungraceful creature this side of the southern hemisphere. I don't know if I'm just careless but I have a habit of bumping/spilling/fallingover and just generally causing mayhem wherever I go. I knelt over on the street to do my shoelace once and someone tripped over me, like tumbled straight over in some fantastic aerial trick.

So try putting me on a snowboard and watch the apocalypse begin.

Well ok.. that was a bit dire. But it wasn't pretty for anyone involved.

So we were standing around having lessons in a line. And we had to slide down the [mini] hill one at a time. Everyone else was sliding down just fine and I was just constantly on my hands and knees [I don't need this degradation! I can provide my own degradation!] or I would slide and slide straight past the instructor. Whoops. I should've stopped seven metres back?

And then I would have to drag my butt back up the hill. Have you tried walking with a snowboard attached to your foot? Its heavy and I'm not particularly athletic so it took me about six minutes to get back up the hill and I kept getting in the way of the people in line! I was starting to feel sorry for myself but mostly I was starting to feel for the people [also beginners] who were trying to avoid me! Foot go this way, no? ok.

So after this rather embarrassing interlude, the instructor said "Everyone to the ski-lifts!" and everybody just boarded their way there while I slipped and slid and just generally went the wrong way. When I got there, everyone was waiting patiently [and nicely] for me. That made me miserable.

We get to the ski-lifts and I cannot board it. I'm holding onto the side and I'm trying to get on and I cannot. And the guy is like "let go! let go!" I'm about to pull a Stallone cliffhanger with the ski-chair. He pulls me off and we both heave big sighs of relief, him because he doesn't have to watch me hang on for dear life, and me, because I don't have to hang on for dear life. For the next forty metres.

You can see how enamoured I am with the boarding. I took my board off [sweet ankle freedom!] and stomped over to the cafe and vowed never to try anything that would likely kill me ever again.

Of course I tried again in the afternoon [I'm no quitter!] and well .. knees? meet ice. Sigh, I gave up and made snowmen instead. The moral of the story is? Don't invite me anywhere that involves balance, co-ordination or heights. Invite me somewhere that involves eating and sitting down. [If you choose to invite me somewhere to eat, please don't point and laugh at my jiggly thighs from lack of exercise. Thanks]



There are no photos still. Blame Dylmah for breaking my camera.