Midori Illusions are not interfering with my ability to detox

So anyway I was talking to Md on the phone and I mentioned my intention to detox. [Because really I am looking fifteen types of haggard lately- if I don't it's because I'm using about twenty different types of foundation, a diffuser and wearing a hat. Why would I be exaggerating? I don't exaggerate. I digress] and she was all interested and said

"well how long have you been detoxing for?"[ie. how long have you been off the drink for? phew. Mush is not actually turning into Amy Winehouse]

"Uh.. since Friday?" [Crap, why didn't I say for two years? it sounds longer]

Md bursts into laughter "Three days is a long time!"

Nuts.

Anyway to get to my point over a long digressive introduction. I was having dinner with Betty last night and I was poring through the menu when Betty says "Ooh! Midori Illusions!"

and I'm Midori Illusions? Didn't they go out with the [old] Spice Girls and troll dolls??



I seriously haven't had one in about eight years. I remember the days of sitting with Tatergirl and a group of friends in front of Oneworld Sport and ordering them in the big jugs for sixteen dollars. We really thought we were so cool and of course, I've moved onto other drinks, Tatergirl is MIA and Oneworld Sport turned into a restaurant/bowling alley/night club before shutting down completely and nobody even thinks to serve alcohol in jugs anymore. Damn. Except maybe in Thailand.

I haven't seen them in eight years, so I'd presumed that they'd been pushed out of the market by infinitely more yummy drinks such as Smirnoff blacks.

So when I ordered one [most hesitantly] I was thinking there was a good chance that they're going to pull it out of the cellar where it rolled under the fridge and they're going to have to wipe the dust off it.

When it approached, I was thinking that bright lime-y green colour is also indicative of its radioactivity.

But surprise! It tasted exactly the same! and it had a valid use by date [ not one added by the waiter in texta marker]. How odd. And the taste memories which apparently never really die came flooding back and all of a sudden I was eighteen again and in the sunshine drinking Illusions because I thought they were cool.

Of course when I came out from my reverie I was across from Betty in the cafe at night time who is probably by now used to my descents into la-la land. Whoops, I was supposed to be detoxing. So duly I checked the label to see how much alcohol it had in it and whether I should start eating lemons by the box.

4.8%!

4.8%!!

There's more alcohol in a tiramisu! Or a baby wipe!

a Jim beam black holds 9% and a smirnoff black holds 7. The difference is simply gobsmacking. Betty saw me looking at the label and pronounced it lollywater. Thats right, you keep right on drinking that because in fifteen minutes it will be like it never existed. No wonder I spent so many of my younger years being good and sober, it's because I was drinking the alcoholic equivalent of a kfc cleansing tissue.

Anyway, I am not counting that Illusion as a dent in my detox [that was a dent? that was like a soft brushing. Of a cat] and my detox continues unabated. Well until I try smirnoff Ice Wild grape? What the heck is that? and where can I get me some?*

[*I'm kidding. Although oohhhh. Grape. Yeesh, don't bombard me with emails on how I'm turning to Amy Winehouse or I'll pour passionpop onto your shirt and elbow you in the ribs]