American Apparel [I go on a rant. Another one]

Some images are not safe for work ok? ok.

So here I am on a Wednesday afternoon surfing through the internet when I stumbled across this ad [I'm not American, so I'm late to the party]



Can I just say? wow. That does not make me want to buy socks! And I cannot believe those advertisers think the consumer is so stupid that we'd buy those socks. Orgasm socks. Hold on let me try and put my finger on what else is bothering me so much about this ad [other than the orgasm socks thing] This is a girl, her name is Lauren Phoenix- she's pretty in a wholesome looking way, she's accomplished [as far as I can tell some sort of actor and director. Hopefully not in porn.] and they've stripped her naked to try and sell socks! IHFHVJKDHVSHVNKJSV

That was the sound of my head exploding. Onto the keyboard.

Right, let's simplify what the marketers were thinking [Occams razor a go]

a) we need to sell socks.

b) people don't want models! they want real people!

c) get me a real person!

d) what else sells? sex sells!

e) so get me a real person and we'll pile on the sex! Those socks will go flying out the window! We'll have to triple order on the socks!

GDFGDHBFDBJBNG. My head is not doing very well in this equation.

I don't know which is worse that advertisers think we'll somehow identify with the 'real' girl who is orgasming in socks. Or that in this modernfandangled world, even a tube sock can be sexualised. Look out soon for that erect penis to advertise a jar of peanut butter.

Oh, she is a pornstar. What.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauren_Phoenix

Moving on, shall we? [That wiki photo needs a bra. Sigh. I guess American Apparel didn't give her one]

So I thought I would google some images, you know maybe I'm too harsh on old AA? Maybe I'm getting old and turning into a prude. I mean the human body is a beautiful thing, why shouldn't it be used in sexually explicit ways to sell us clothes? or batteries? or jam jelly donuts?? Won't somebody think of the children?!

And...... good thing I don't have children, because they would be wearing blindfolds. In a room with blank walls with only E.B. White stories on cassette.
But seriously, she's mooning the reader. How adorable. I would probably like those pants if they were on her and I could see them.

Lastly but not leastly, my favourite topic ever! The fetishisation of young Asian girls to sell bathing suits which don't fit properly! I don't know this girl and I can tell you that there's one thing that we have in common at this very moment in time, we're both carrying identical expressions of boredom and disdain.

So what is she thinking? It's rather cramped inside her head, it's filled with dimsims, men and diet coke bottles. It runs a little across the lines of... "Look photographer boy, this is really cold and uncomfortable and its sitting on my nipple rather awkwardly, can you start clicking already? Oh shit, I think my period just started. In a silver leotard. I hate my life. How come seventeen is not considered underage anymore?"

And here is what I would say to her if she was standing in front of me. "What the hell are you doing? Are you aware that only one of your nipples is for show on a national campaign. You look bored and cold. If you're going to render all of your fellow yellow sisters fifty five thousand steps backwards with that submissive crap, do you think you could do it with some enthusiasm?"

See identical expressions of disdain and boredom. Thanks American Apparel! I do have something in common with one of your models! I might go off and buy one of your tube socks online!