Yesterday my cousin and his wife had a baby boy. They are only going to speak to him in english, the kid is going to grow up having people swear at him in chinese and only being able to answer them back in hand signals.
I served a pair of sixty year old twins cups of coffee. They were wearing the same clothes and same make-up. However their make-up was identically horrendous. You should never wear blue and green [and purple] eyeshadow at sixty.
We thought my new phone was broken but really we had just plugged it in the wrong way, we are very smart.
I'm sitting here deciding whether I should take an extra bartending shift at a nightclub on Saturday. I'm really hitting the overnighters lately.
The checkout boy thought I was weird when I bought an orange and a jar of honey. I had to explain to him that I was sick not crazy. The orange was moldy anyway.
My Stepdad has offered to pay for my wedding, my Dad has not. SB thinks my Dad will be shitty if he found out.
Me: Do you really think my dad is going to pay for my wedding?? especially with Irene involved?? if I'm lucky I might get a cupcake in a park with a newspaper on my head as a veil. They might pay for the newspaper because they've read it already.
SB: Well he'll be pissed off that he [the Stepdad] paid for it. Hou mou mien (Lost face)
Me: Right... so he's not going to pay for it, and he doesn't want other people to pay for it.. whos going to pay for it?? The government??
SB: Free weddings for all!
Our bar ran out of napkins, so I spent a good two hours cutting up the remaining napkins in half to make them last. Not one customer noticed which makes me think that I'm a great napkin cutter, the best in the bartending business.
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