Or maybe I'm a tool.
It's been six months and I'm doing that thing again, where I'm sitting by the goddamn phone waiting for that call.
And I don't mean to be.
But my eyes keep sliding towards it.
AND IT'S NOT RINGING.
Coconat and I were discussing it yesterday- how much smarter and emotionally acute I am than six months ago.
Apparently I know better- but she very coolly appraised me and said "You're going there again. You are running towards your impending doom. You're fighting it- but I can see it."
She was right- "and also you look like you want to run towards it."
Crap. I am so obviously transparent.
And so for the umpteenth time tonight, my eyes slide to the left. And I don't know why I can't just pick up the phone and call him. Oh God, what is it about him that reduces me to a rules-playing doormat?
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