People are feeling ultra violent

So here's a picture of me looking mournful. My entire weekend was dominated by fights- not by me of course but I got to watch some of them [as far as I know, it was not a full moon, mercury was not in retrograde]. I'm only going to detail some of them because well some of them are very long and I heard that most people will only read the top five percent of webpages? So I'm thinking you people will not even finish to the freaking bottom [Am I bitter? Just a little]

So the first fight [none of this is embellished by the way- God's honest truth]

So me and Mexicana were walking down the street in Chinatown when we passed some stacks of free newspapers, and then Mexicana thought it might be good to take some home for Yuki to pee on. As M grabbed a stack, this old lady sitting next to the newspapers said "What are you doing??!"
M: Grabbing newspapers?
Old bag: Put them back!

So anyway she puts them back, and I am outraged. 'Those are free newspapers! Those are not her newspapers! Its your democratic right to take them! *launches into a lecture about free markets" and she goes "You're right!" [Y'know when I'm right, I'm right] so she goes back and takes a stack and we walk away. As we start to walk away this eighty year old launches herself at us and attaches herself to Mexicana's wrist.

I'm struggling to get her hands off her wrist and so I think [ping!] that I'll just grab Mexicana's other wrist and I'll just pull her away- no such luck. Me and this old lady ended up tug of warring Mexicana down the street, well sort of.. it was a bit of an uneven tug of war because obviously I'm stronger than an eighty year old woman half my weight. So anyway I'm yelling "let go! let go!" and she's yelling
"NEWSPAPERS! THEY'RE STEALING NEWSPAPERS"

Finally Mexicana says to me "Ow. My arms hurt. Let go, take the newspapers to my car and I'll peel her off" so off I trot to her car.. doop.. doop.. doop..

When I come back five minutes later, that bag is still connected to her arm! But by now they are surrounded by people gawking at the spectacle, some of them are actually yelling at the old bag and I wonder how long this is going to go on for. Finally, a very nice man steps forward and says "Grandma, grandma please let go" and she does, but not before continuing to screech like a banshee after we leave... something about disrespect and youngsters and stealing..
Poor Mexicana's wrist.

The second fight happened later that night while we were out, I wasn't there exactly when it happened so I'll just recreate it talk-talk style
Chris: [takes Toms hat] Lookie here! I have your hat
Tom: Give that back
Chris: [waves it over his head] Suuuuuure. I'll give it back for twenty dollars
Tom: Give it back.
Chris: [starts flicking it in his face] Woo! Woo! Woo!
Tom: ....... [Wa-dunk- which is the sound of his fist in Chris' face]

And thus ruined the night for everyone, especially Chris and his nose.

Then! On another day...

A customer decides to order a double wild turkey and coke off me. So I hand him the drink at the poker table and walk back to the counter where the bartender asks me "was that a double?".. rolling my eyes profusely.. I decide to take out another nip in a shot glass just in case he noticed his double was a little ... weak...
Turns out I didn't have to do much, he was already distracted by his girlfriend tugging out at his arm. 'Cooooome hoooooome' she whined and he said 'later' and this is when she skitzed out and backhanded his entire set of chips across the table. Ker-freaking-ploosh. And I'm still standing there behind him with a shot glass not knowing what to do with it. She then sits down on his chair and starts to cry while everyone stares dumbfoundedly. Ummmm... ahhhhhh... what should I do? Finally I tap him on the shoulder and say as politely as I possibly can
M: Excuse me? I know this is a realllllly bad time.. and you're quite distracted but the drink I brought you only has one shot in it.. here is the other one. Enjoy!" And then hustled off. It's freaking exemplary customer service.

See? That's only three- there was about another three or four I haven't mentioned yet. And I will not mention, for fear of you people going 'Is that all you do all day?? watch fights?!'' [but yes, that's all I did all weekend]