On the phone
Campbell: So I was with Smiley last night, he was tutoring me in long division.
Me: Smiley? ... How is the douchebag?
Campbell: Good. He sucked my leg last night. Is that weird?
Me: Excuse me. He sucked your what. The phone is cutting out. I don't think I heard you correctly.
Campbell: He sucked my leg.
Me: ............................ for what reason?
Campbell: I made a joke about being wack and he sucked my leg.
Me: .. Was this a big suck or a little suck? Wait. This is just wrong. There are so many things with this that my head just exploded.
Campbell: Don't freak out, it means nothing.
Me: Um no, tutors don't usually do those kinds of things to our legs! I used to tutor you what if I had decided to go for your legs everytime you misplaced a comma???
Campbell: ..
Me: He's in love with you. Or he has a thigh fetish.
Campbell: It was weird.
Me: Yes.
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