Temporary Emotional Growth

For the longest time I could not listen to A&E by Goldfrapp, it was just so representative of that whole miserable period that I took it off my iPod. Anyway I reloaded my iPod the other day making myself a summer list and throwing old songs on there and just for kicks I put it back on there. It's just a song, it doesn't mean anything.. right? right.

Anyway for those of you who haven't heard it - I'm not trying to put you off it, it's a great song but in the words of Holden Caulfield.. it's as depressing as all hell. Basically the narrator is in hospital because she tried to kill herself on pills because he [the invisible hero of the story] wouldn't call her back or wouldn't take her out or both. It's not a wedding song- I don't think I can stress that enough.

It came back on my stereo as I was driving and you know time has passed a little bit and everything has changed.. and I can listen to the song again. Hear it in full without wanting to peg myself out of the window with said narrator. That being said though, I'm not still ready to dance the robot to it or anything and possibly once is enough. Life is too short, and I just don't want to think about hospital gowns and dancing on the floor [so to speak] at this moment of my existence so it's coming back off the pod. Temporary emotional growth.

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So when I was a bit younger, I was quite bratty [actually I am still quite bratty] and Alphabeta and I were friends with this couple called Jackie and Eva At the time of this ridiculously brief friendship- I would say that Alphabeta and I were about 20.. and Eva was give or take 26. When we were 20.. people who were 26 were in our brains closer to forty. In fact the classification was anybody who was over the age of 23 probably needed a wheelchair and a new set of dentures. It looked really really really far away.

Eva for some reason or another took a special liking to me I think probably because we spoke the same language or something and I was a bit in awe of her because she was just this perfectly made up glamorous glamazon. When I grew up.. I was going to be Eva.

Until you know a couple of months later, Alphabeta and I were walking through Grace Bros and we saw her and she looked terrible. A zombie back to life is probably the expression, and she was as kind to me as ever [she was trying to sell skin care. hmm.] but I don't know if she could tell that the two brats in front of her were judging the holy moly out of her for looking tired. We made our excuses and left and then we posited this theory outside where the railings were.

'Women hit the peak of their beauty at 25, and then from then on afterwards- it rolls downward and pretty much your face falls off at 26 - like Eva's.' Clearly, we thought had through this really throughly- this whole face-falling-off-process, whatever they put in those Midori Illusions must've warped our brains. For months afterwards, when we looked a bit tired or under the weather or whatever, we'd refer to ourselves as looking like Eva.

I guess we never thought we'd hit 26. Or what would happen when we surpassed it.

Well our faces haven't quite fallen off, but we were probably right in concluding that we weren't going to look as good as we once did. We didn't have to be so mean about it. I kinda grew into my nose though - which is nice.

This morning, I pulled down the mirror in my car and checked myself out, I kind of shocked myself at how haggard I looked, I think I visibly winced.
DS: Everything ok?
M: I'm just looking a bit...
DS: [Doing the obligatory good boyfriend thing] You look nice.
M: [not willing to go into a 20 minute lecture on obligation and bias and perspective, but appreciative of the effort] mmhmmmm........................................................................

So whatever, I guess this is karmic something something that my face is falling off, a little bit later than what I expected but still pretty much right on schedule. I wonder what Eva looks like now.

[I could've sworn that I blogged this however many years ago, but I can't find it. Maybe a good thing. My old blog entries are ridiculously ridiculous and re-reading even just a bit gives me kidney failure.]