Weekend in Pictures

Clearer became my mind than I could say
Baby baby you’re the world to me

- You're the World to Me- David Gray

Two signs of the upcoming apocalypse

The phone rings at night

Mush: hello?

Coffee: Hello!

Mush: what the?

Coffee: Sorry to wake you!

Mush: What time is it?

Coffee:Ten to two. I have so many things to say sorry for, but you should go back to sleep now otherwise you can't sleep. Sorry, sorry.. sorry for other things.

Mush: You called me to tell me to go back to sleep??? And what. Now I am awake.
What are those other things which you are meant to say sorry for?

Coffee: you know.. sorry.. for not calling you back and stuff. Really sorry. My friend came over .. [very very long story which I could not be bothered to type out] and you know now everyone thinks that I'm dead. So sorry.

Mush: Or that your thumbs are broken. You've said sorry about sixteen times in the last two minutes.

Anyway it was not a very long conversation but I was not expecting that. I expected him to call back around the time the horsemen were flying across the sky.

Sign of the apocalypse: 1- that was one weird ass random phone call

Sign of the apocalyse: 2- Waking up to this.

Yeah, I slept somewhat terribly and I woke up to sirens and the room was tinged in an orange tint. I rubbed my eyes .. Is this some sort of mutated sunrise? And the sirens didn't stop. They were just constant. [And they are still going on as I type.]

For the record my water view is no longer a water view but an orange fog view

And who is the first person I call when I think that the world is ending? SB.

Mush: Tell me is the world ending or what? Why the heck is the world this colour?

SB: No, it's just dust.

Mush: Oh thank God.

Mush, her cousin and that arthouse film.

The problems with my friends and not that I don't love them to itty bitty pieces is that I often have trouble finding one to watch an arthouse movie with. It really is difficult when you want to go watch Synedoche and then you get dragged to say... Marley and Me or Wanted. And then if you manage to convince them to watch an out-of-the-way film- you spend a helluva lot of time glancing sideways making sure they're enjoying it and not bored out of their skulls.

I guess that's a plus to having a boyfriend- they have to sit through all of the bizarre films that you make them watch without [very much] complaint. I guess now is the time to say I actually find all of Wong Kar Wai's movies really boring. *Ducks* And SB, if you're reading this- I'm sorry that I made you sit through all of them, including and especially2046.

Anyway I totally digress.

So I had my eye out on the new Lars Von Trier movie The Antichrist and just judging by the trailer I figured the chances of me seeing it with anyone I knew were less than three percent.




Right? Right.

However my cousin Matty just flew home from London and I knew I had my victim.

Mush: I really wanna see The Antichrist! Lars Von Trier! Genital mutilation! Willem Dafoe and ass!

Matty: Oh, I heard about that. Er, no.

Mush: Please? please?

Matty: Oh ok. What the heck- I'm desensitised to that kind of thing.

Mush:Yay! On second thoughts, are you sure you want to see it with me? Is it the type of movie that you see with your cousin?

Matty: [starts to laugh] it probably is not the type of movie that you see with your cousin!

Anyway hooray! I found someone who wants to see it with me! That's like gold dust! I should buy a lotto ticket. I think I'm going to do a little dance- the first dance in the history of the world for a Von Trier movie.

[** Its not at the cinemas yet. Boo. But I'll keep you posted]

How and how not to start a conversation: a comparison analysis

Here is how to start a conversation:

Stranger Man waves to me

SM1: Hello!

Mush: Hello.

SM1: Do you remember me? I'm the guy who tipped you five thousand dollars the other night.

Mush: I don't work nights and I don't have five thousand dollars!

SM1: oh maybe it was some other girl.. haha I'm just kidding. I just wanted to have a conversation with you and get this type of effect.

Mush: and what effect is that?

SM1: To have you stand here and talk to me. Otherwise I don't think you would. You're very beautiful.

And so the conversation continued..

Let's clarify for a bit- firstly SM1 was not a good looking guy but wow. his confidence was beyond phenomenal, geez, look what you can do with a little self esteem. And secondly, I knew I was being conned- come on guys I've read that book too-however, however am I still being conned if I know and I enjoy it?

---

Here is how not to start a conversation [four hours later]

Mush gets into a lift with three other men, SM2, a janitor and a dealer. [Haha, that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke.] No-one is talking.

Stranger Man 2 [smiles at me]: Hey Elizabeth, hows it going?

Mush: Sorry?

SM2: [mimics my intonation] sorry? [rolls his eyes to the janitor] God, why are people so boring today?

The janitor is looking at him quizzically. I'm trying not to punch him in the head. The entire lift is .. angry silence...

I get out of the lift and mumble.. "Douchebag" which is not really the most eloquent thing I can say-but is probably the most appropriate.

Morning Song- Errant Dog

And you know what kind of day it's going to be when I wake up with this song in my head

Have you seen that dog?
I've got to get him back
I had him tied to a tree
but he keeps getting out

He's probably running loose with the bitches
And when I catch him I'll give him some stiches
Oh I love him so much, aw, that stupid bitch is mine.

Errant Dog (Woo-oooh!)
Errant Dog

(Uh!)

They're talking down at the spa,
Now the word is out.
God damn I look like a tool,
when he goes running around.
I'm gonna take him on court TV;
Show the world what he's done to me
Oh I'll drag his ass back home, yeah, where that ass belongs

Errant Dog (Woo-oooh!)
Errant Dog

(Uh!)

He's my everything; he means the world to me
He's my hopes, my dreams, my general property

Sometimes I wonder why I put up with this shit
If I could I would become a lesbian
I know I said dead or alive but really,
Dead is fine.

Just bring him back, yeah.

Errant Dog (Woo-oooh)
Errant Dog

Thanks Ben Folds. Your pissiness is contagious

The kindness of strangers

I am almost close to the worst parker in the world. I for some reason have no perspective and cannot measure distance and so parallel parking always breaks me into a cold sweat.

Parallel parking on a hill gives me nightmares.

I live in a neighbourhood filled to the brim with Douches. Rich Douches. And everyone here owns two cars so parking is an apocalyptic shitfight.

A couple of months ago I was trying to park on the hill and I was close to tears because I had moved my car in and out about twenty times, a woman jogging past came up stood on the sidewalk and started guiding me and when she had finished she jogged away.

I to this day want to send her flowers.

Last Monday I was on another hill and I was trying to reverse when two men carrying rollerblades walked past. One man put his rollerblades down turned around walked behind my car and started guiding me as well. At one point my car started rolling backwards and he said "You don't have anymore room- you have to stop going backwards" and I said "I'm not. My car is rolling."
So he went and got a rock, put it behind my wheel and said "Ok. Now go."
When we were finished, he picked up his rollerblades and left.

Today I went to my doctor and told him I was stressed and overworked [I was telling this to a doctor. Um. He should've told me to shut it] and I needed help in getting that Hellpit to give me dayshifts. He looked at me sympatheticaly [and not telling me to shut it] asked me if I really needed to work myself into the ground.
I weakly replied "rent?"
And he nodded and said if I ever needed any help with the hellpit, he wouldn't hesistate to help me- don't worry about making an appointment just come and knock on my door. Here's my card- call and make sure I'm here.

I was gobsmacked. He sees seventeen billion people a day, most with cases umpteen times more serious than me and instead of shoving me out the door with his foot [which I guess I wouldn't have blamed him for if he did] he went above and beyond his hippocratic oath.

Sometimes life is terrible and people are mean and sometimes people are diamonds.

Thoughts for the morning

- I finally know the difference between Eau De Toilette and Eau De Parfum

- I didn't know that Uzbekistan was a muslim country

- I would like a pink tie to go with my pink work shirt. Preferably a hot pink one. I would look awesome

- How come I never have any freaking time in the morning??

-If my mum is worried about my love life- she should stop buying me granny panties

-I love finding out people I know have blogs.

-Do you think crystal earrings are too ostentatious for the office?

Work in the News

"Ivy, Star City on violent venue list

ALEXANDRA SMITH

September 9, 2009

JUSTIN HEMMES'S mega-club, the Ivy, and Star City will have to enforce 2am lockouts and will need to serve alcohol in plastic glasses from midnight after being identified as two of the most violent clubs in the state.

Under the new liquor laws, clubs or pubs with more than 19 assaults will also be forced to stop serving alcohol for 10 minutes once an hour after midnight or provide free water and food for 10 minutes every hour after midnight. They will also be required to have extra security measures, will be banned from serving shots, doubles, mixed drinks that have more than 5 per cent alcohol and will have to customers to four alcoholic drinks per order."

I fully expect to go in and see boxes and boxes of plastic cups. You can still do a lot of damage with plastic cups. Plastic cuts are not much fun and you can still doink someone in the head with a well-timed lob if you so choose. Plastic cups... classy.

Mixed drinks that have more than five per cent alcohol. So that disincludes any type of expensive vodka then? Or indeed any type of vodka? So we're reduced to serving... Passion pop with lemonade? Midori? This will get interesting. We should probably invest in those little straw umbrellas, that will help soften the blow for people when they see how pretty their drinks are.

Free water and food for 10 minutes every hour after midnight. AHAHAAHAHAHAHA.. I'm glad I don't work at midnight when I figure they'll have us passing plates of donuts and tap water to every greasy ass patron that walks by.

Great Thanks!

When people ask 'how are you?' I feel obligated to say 'Great Thanks!'.

But I guess, we're on my blog, my little stomping territory so I can say whatever the heck I like.

Random reader: So, how are you today?

Mush: I feel awful. I can't understand why chicken takes so long to cook. I have a semi permanent lump in my throat at night time just trying to repress everything. I haven't done laundry- I'm running out of work shirts to wear. It was hailing last night-I'm pretty sure no-one was worried for my safety as I dodged giant golf balls. I think that if I died, I would not leave that much of a Mush shaped hole in the universe- in fact, I think the people most put out by it would actually be the casino. And that's just because they would have to scramble to replace me. It makes my eyes roll into the back of my head just thinking that the people who would miss me the most would be my mum and.. my crappy supervisors..

So Great! Thanks!

That's as funny as I'm going to get tonight, so you may want to stop reading. Right. about. now.

For twenty six years I've been a people person, but this year I've been hurt and rejected so many times, especially by those who profess to love me- that I'm feeling a little bit numb. If I was more lucid and less tired, I would probably develop some sort of complex.

I'm no longer a people person.

I don't know if that's a good thing- all I know is that I'm getting to be more and more like my Dad. I would rather stare at the ceiling than engage in conversation. I would rather go for a drive than go to a party. I still go out when my favourites make me- but more and more I just pike.

I'm much more quiet and seventeen times more cautious. If I was ever watchful before about people hurting me, I'm more on my guard than ever before. And it's not that good a feeling. It's very tiring.

I feel exhausted

There are some really nice people in my life who reach out to be friends with me and I know that they would be awesome friends, but I don't want to do it. I don't have simply have anything left in me to be burned. So I ignore their invites and their overtures, and I feel guilty.

Here's what I want out of life at this very moment:

What I really want to do is just lay on the grass with Mexicana and talk about nothing.

I really really want to talk to Sb, but right now I'm so mad at him that I feel nauseous just thinking about it. So I push it down to my lungs and I exhale. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out.

I must be spoilt because I get a lump in my throat just thinking about how I can't do these things. And I realise I should suck it up because truly there are worse things and worse problems in the world. But for a long while, the two of them were my world. So.

I'm still looking for something to replace those poles and the only thing that seems to be helping is this whole staring at the ceiling business.

Happy Fathers Day!

Today I'm feeling a bit miserable but I'll only be miserable for one day! Tomorrow I will suck it up.

Mush: So Flick, it's Fathers day! How are you going to spend it?

Flick: My fathers gone.

Mush: Oh, where'd he go?

Flick: He's dead.

.... Cue awkward silence....

Mush: Hey Mel, isn't your fathers overseas? Don't forget to call him today!

Mel: I hate my father, I'm not going to call him. If I was ever going to send him something I'd send him a bullet. That's pretty metaphorical isn't it?

Mush: ................... it.. sure... is....

After this I refused to ask anybody anything. Bah.

What I mean and what I say

"Look down the ground below is crumbling
Look up the stars are all exploding

In my head I replay our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me? I love to lose my mind
And every time anybody speaks your name I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside."
- Last Day on Earth, Kate Miller Heidke


It's a pitch perfect day, the sun is out and there are no clouds. We're sitting together on the wharf and I'm picking at a bun I've bought. The water below is a clear green and I can see right into the waving seaweed.

We're sitting an appropriate distance away from each other.

I turn to him and say: Let's run away together. Let's get up now and catch a plane and we'll never have to exit this bubble that we've created. A bubble that only contains me and you. And for the rest of our lives, we can sit here exactly like this.

--

But I don't say this. I offer him my bun and I mention that I'm late for work. I stare into the water and I wonder if I would be able to swim if I jumped in. My hightops would probably drown me.

--

There has to be a limit of tears that you can cry for someone. For some reason, I'm not even close to my limit.

--

People ask me lately all the time if I regret. I always say no. But hindsight is always twenty twenty. What would I have done better?

--

He turns to me and says simply "ok, let's go". When I open my eyes all I see is water and grass.

Figuring out what I am via facebook

Well I was clearly bored and I thought I would take a facebook to quiz to amuse myself. The quiz was called: Are you Korean, Japanese, Chinese or None? You know, in case I couldn't figure it out myself.




The end result is that I'm Chinese! Go me. I think my parents have some explaining to do.

Some of my favourite people in the worlds smallest studio apartment

Where did he go?

Since I left you,
I found the world so new everyday

-Since I left you, The Avalanches

Hail Mary, Full of weekends

I find that I only truly want to blog when I'm upset. I am not upset, therefore no blog posts. Much.

Also we can attribute my lack of posts to my taking of Executive B Stress vitamins. Seriously. Vitamins. Not Prozac.


I've been fairly mellow the entire weekend, when I should probably have been more upset.

Anyway. I don't want to talk about the stupid casino. Repress. Repress. Breathe. Better.

Friday Night.






Eastern European vodka. Only for sadomasochists.

See the shirt? This is what I wear to my new job and i went straight from work to the restaurant. Saint Mary asked where I'd been

And I looked at her like she was nuts: work. I was at work.

She took one look at said shirt and said: You wore that shirt and tie to work, don't you think that it's overly sexualised?!

I think if I didn't find it funny, I would be well on my way to being offended.

so I turned to her and said "of course not, I am a stripper"

By the way I don't think it's too tight. So Nyeah.

There was a girl at that party we'll call her Pachinko who was dressed like a harajuku girl. I was quite impressed by her gumption [and I don't mean that sarcastically] because down to the last detail, she had thought about how to look Japanese. From her fascinator to her handwarmers to her dolls hanging off her belt to her hot pink Doc Martens, she could have stepped off the pages of Egg magazine.

Except for this one thing, she was very distinctly Chinese, she leeched Chinese from her pores. I don't know why. It was like undistilled essence or something. It was bizarre.

So we moved in different circles [and I honestly did admire her, she really did look unique in a way I couldn't have pulled off] and when I stepped outside to the smokers circles, she stuck her head outside the window.

She called out to me [and we'd never spoken before]: You look Japanese! You look so Japanese!

I smiled at her, being polite: Yeah, people tell me that a lot.

And she sighed: You look so Japanese. And then she dipped her head.. in resignation?!

Can i just ask what is the correct thing to say in that situation??

Here is the correct thing to say in that situation: I may look Japanese, but you're dressed Japanese, and if you put my head on top of your clothing, I would look like a fuckwit and a half, so really you should appreciate having your head and your body, and not try to be something that you're not.

Of course, I didn't say that- but you can be damn sure I was thinking it.

--

Saturday Night: Same Restaurant: Yes I went twice in two days. I am obviously insane.








--

I was coming out of the locker room today when I saw Coffee, I walked straight past him and kept on walking, I knew that if I stopped and talked to him, I would just immolate myself later, I would wait for the phone call that would never come. I would beat myself up for using the wrong tone of voice. For not saying the right thing. For scolding him too much. For letting it go too easy. Do you see where this is going?
So I did the right thing. Sometimes the self preservation kicks in. It just takes a while.

This feeling

When everything is done, I still feel like coming home to you.

I want to close my eyes,lay down on the couch and tell you about my day.

It's a little ache.

A little bit about work

So it's my third day at my new job and you know what? I think I like it

I am off my nuts exhausted, but maybe being exhausted is a good thing. Being exhausted means you don't think as much.

Seriously, in the morning my brain wandered off to Coffee guy because I was typing something about audio visual inputs [the irony, it hurts] and then I realised I hadn't thought about him in a while and I was going to give that some thought but then my brain kept saying something to me about beaches. And I lost my train of thought and started thinking about the Isle of Capri. Apparently being tired means I now have the attention span of a seagull.

Try looking for the positive inside of everything!

Most people in the office are pretty nice, well they're not sooper dooper nice but they're nice. Right now, I'd settle for co worker who doesn't want to make me cry. I don't really ask for much.

When I talk about my last job at HiTV communications [I'm going to type that out in full so when people google them, my blog will come up and they'll know that they are bad employers. BAD. Don't buy their products.] I was not entrusted with a single thing- that is everything I did was scrutinised and monitored to a fault. I had to be micromanaged in absolutely everything. I couldn't be trusted to write a f*&^*&^*^ing press release. And I can write press releases in my sleep.

They couldn't trust me to do my job. And I think you shouldn't hire anyone that you don't trust but my hackles were already up from the beginning when I found out that they went through designers like I eat ham sandwiches. So it really was a relationship that was doomed to fail.

One more time for posterity. HiTV communications. Bad employers. Terrible.

I can't stand being micromanaged.

Anyway.

The important part of this is that I'm pretty sure that this place trusts me! I don't need babysitting! I can be given tasks and not have them quadriple-y checked and changed! That in itself is the awesome.

Of course, I'm starting to feel it doesn't take that much to make me happy, but maybe thats a good thing too.

First day at work.

The truth is that lately I'm v v lazy to blog lately and I'm chalking it up to the fact that I am bone numbingly exhausted. I spent the whole weekend

a) fighting with co-workers

b) trying to sort things out with Sb

c)looking for parking spots

d)shaking drunk friends off toilets [which seriously is an entire story in itself]

I have sixteen billion things to say but no energy to type any of them

Needless to say< I was so buggered that I almost fell asleep at my computer at two in the afternoon. It was an auspicious start

Dance like you think no-one is watching.

The good thing about me [I have good things!] is that I bounce back quickly so firstly if you try to appease me, the likely thing is I'm going to go with it and secondly I'm partial to absurd situations so after I sulk about something, I'm usually done- I won't go on about it for three days, unless I'm using it as some sort of anecdote.

I had a horrible case of the moops this morning connected to last nights moops and I slept like.. someone who couldn't sleep.

So when I rolled into work this morning, I was a wet eyed bundle of joy.

I was trying to explain myself to Campbell and she wasn't getting it, and finally I exclaimed at her "Can you hear what I'm saying! Why don't you get it?!"

And she replied "I get it."

And this is how I know that Campbell knows how to handle me better than I know how to handle myself.

She said "I get it. Let's dance."

And then she proceeded to contemporary dance all over the bar. Complete with twists, little jumps and handflicks.

She extended her hand to me

"Dance."

and together we swivelled and pirouetted til we were tired.

Worst. Day. Ever.

Not one but two fights today.

A goodbye sms.

An inabliity to destress via usual self destructive methods.

Angry. Tired. Angry. Tired. Angry.

Mush. is. slow.

Mush says:
are you getting.. married..?

Betty says:
yeah next friday - are you free?? oh no you have work!! damnit

Mush says:
you're off next friday oO

Betty says:
Heheh no i'm off on monday though

Mush says:
Whats happening next friday?

Betty says: I was joking

Mush: Oh frick. Whoosh.

---
Alv also did that to me today and I had a long roundabout conversation on toyboys where I had no idea what was going on. And ended up with "I'm just joking" and me headslapping myself. I. am. so. slow. today. I think I'm going senile in my old age.

---

So I was carrying a tray of drinks and I felt the need to sneeze.

First sneeze. Ah-h-h-h... And the bottles starts to wobble.

Second sneeze. Choo. And the bottles tip from my tray and go all over the floor. Glass smashes everywhere.

Someone yells TAXI! and the big beverage managers come running up and asking me if I'm ok.

I wheeze amid the liquid debris "I'm.. fine... I just have allergies...".

They look at me like I'm crazy.

Easily happified

This is all it takes to make me happy:

A tv that works.

A close parking space

A packet of cheezels.

A haruki murakami novel.

Boys, boys, boys.

Boys are confusing. And stupid. They come into your life and try to complicate everything and then they fuck back off right out of your life.

It'd be somewhat of an understatement to say I'd appreciate some stability.

I'm not mad or anything about it.

---

Well this is how I got Coffee back into my life for a total of an hour and ten minutes. I called him at two in the morning and was as stated in the previous post. Completely goneskis.

Me: Hullo?! [I honestly didn't think he would pick up]
Him: Hey hey [And just him saying hey hey made me a little fuzzy in the brain. A little fuzzier than usual.]
Me: What are you doing??
Him: My friend just crashed his car and I have to pick him up from the police station.
Me: Oh. [Shitshitshit, why the heck is my brain not functioning properly?? function!] That's ... terrible.
Him: Yes. Are you drinking?
Me: No. [Shut up, I had stopped]
Him: Where are you?
Me: I'm at the Cross.
Him: ... Well.
Me: Rightio. Well you do your thing. And. Call me!

I then hang up and slink back to my friends. Ohmygod,ohmygod, what have I done? Who the heck tells someone to call them after they tell them they're going to the police station?? I give myself so many headslaps that I may be permanently concussed.

So I give him a message the very next morning, because there's no way that I can keep on injuring my head in this manner.

"No more champagne ever. I'm v v sorry. I hope your friend is ok."

And he calls me back! I almost fell off the bed because I seriously was expecting another two months of mind-exploding silence.

And ... he's drunk. It's officially a game of drunk dial ping pong.

He talks to me for a little over an hour before I tell him he had better sleep because he has work.. in seven hours. And can I just say I have no idea how to feel about that? Like I'm obviously no stranger to the drunk dial and who am I to be so judgey judgey when I called him first? But can I just say that I find he reciprocates and responds so much better when he's on something and should I be offended by that??? And this is what I mean by he turns me into a spazmoid. If it was any other person this would be so clear cut and I would instinctively do the right thing instead of flip flopping like a dying fish on a hotplate.

Anyway he asked me to play human alarm clock but I haven't heard anything since.

Sigh. Next.

--

There's this customer at work, he is just a very very nice guy and he's been crushing on me for a while, but I am just waving my hands in a frantic semaphore of "no.". I would never date a poker player. I cannot fathom the amount of time I've spent in the casino unwillingly and then try to wrap my head around the fact that someone would spend the same amount of time in there for fun. Nice guy but no chance.

So I'm attending to him yesterday and suddenly the hand gets big and he's paying attention to the cards.

and he says very quietly:

Mush, I love you.

In all honesty, what kind of reaction would you have if someone said that to you, so spur of the nothing?

And so I did something, and it was completely unintentional [seriously, he should pick someone more classy for a declaration like that]

I laughed.

M: AHAHAH.. sorry? what?

Him: ....... nothing.. I love your work.

M: Fantastic.

And I left him to it.


--

The return of Smiley guy.

http://lifeimitation.blogspot.com/2009/06/relationships-that-are-short-and-bitter.html

In all honesty if I never saw this guy again, I probably wouldn't blink too hard at the thought. In fact, I probably wouldn't blink.

Campbell thinks it cute, and he's cute and I'm probably misconstruing everything by my oversensitivity.

C: He probably thinks you're pretty and just doesn't know how to say it!

M: How about.. you're pretty?!

Anyway, I hadn't seen him around when all of a sudden before my shift he slides into the chair across from mine. Seriously, the presumption.

And this is how he starts the conversation [bearing in mind that I was in a good mood and I actually thought I was having a good hair/face morning.]

S: Your eyes are so red and watery. Are they ok?

Is he aware that ordinary people don't start with the insults until after the obligatory greeting of hello/hi/konnichiwa or hey hey?! No? Someone missed a class in social niceties growing up.

M: [Icy as can be] It's seven in the morning. They are. fine.

S: Oh well they look painful.

Someone is going to get a dose of pain in a minute, and it's not going to be me. He changes the subject before I can kick him in the weiner.

And then we go back down that road of incredibly random conversation and I'm weary of talking to people who I don't really want to talk to. I spend four days a week talking to people who I find mind numbingly repulsive. [The cause of my extortionate phone bill that I'm trying to overcompensate by talking to people that I love.] And he's making me exhausted before my shift. I don't think it shows on my face however because he probably would have commented on how wrinkly I'm becoming.

I mention it to Campbell when I get upstairs, and she coos "That's so sweet! It shows that he really cares! He probably thought you were crying!" And I've said it before sometimes I question how Campbell and I ended up in the same universe, in the same dimension much less the same bar.

The weekend to end all weekends

"I love you in the morning,
When you're still hung over
I love you in the morning"

-Sunday, Bloc Party.

So I am twenty six.

At twenty six, I should not:

throw up at clubs.

be ejected from clubs.

Drink til I'm semi unconscious.

Call people in my state of semi unconsciousness

Steal peoples burgers.

Instead I should act like a perfect little lady and sit with my legs crossed and my pinky up and tinkle politely instead of laugh.

Huh, as if any one believes thats going to happen.

Lets just try and start off acting sober first.











I wasn't going to post this picture but I love Dylmah's expression. I'm bored. Take the photo already!



That Eric is such a stud muffin, he just naturally attracts women. See what's going on there?!











I love this photo. It makes me happy. I can honestly tell you now that I have no idea what's in that drink. I remember vaguely asking for a vodka cranberry. That is definitely not a vodka cranberry.





Pulling a pose.

And who the heck is that girl???

When the armwarmers have come off, it means I am goneskis.



And I thought I would end the photoes on a happy note. That's in McDonalds as well! Score for good lighting.

Paper Heart

Can I just say sigh. Oh, Michael Cera. You get me everytime.

Confession

I'm glad that seven other people in this world feel the way that I do.

Instructions on how not to drunk dial.

Instructions on how not to drunk dial.

This is actually quite a basic feat which seems easy but is actually much more difficult than it seems.

1. Take the phone out of your bag.

2. Resist urge to dial. This can mostly be achieved by turning the phone upside down. Or by holding it at arms length

3. Tell yourself that waking up ex-boyfriends/current crushes/irritated friends with "iloveyouiloveyouhowcomeyoudontlovemeiamsonotdrunkiamnot" is not productive and will only be conducive to tears and lots of headdesking later.

4. Take the phone which is hopefully at arms length and hurl it across the room, if you're picky about scratches, try hurling it at your bed or at the nearest couch.

5. Collapse into a puddle on the floor from sheer effort, if you can reach around then pat yourself on the back.

Rinse, lather repeat.

The final outcome is that when you wake up, you will most likely have dry mouth and a headache but not heartache from saying the wrong thing to the wrong people.

What the hell/ employment opportunities.

Well I got my first bite of the interview line today.

And I was a little bit really...? already? well ok.

They sent me a pre-interview package and as I scrolled through it, I started to get a funny feeling. It was not a good funny feeling.

I saw spelling mistakes.

Now spelling mistakes can mean one of two things in an application form. It either one) means that the writer/admin person is ridiculously lazy. or two) that the person writing it is from a non english speaking background.

Question number seven- what do you think for working in a multicultural environment?

Ok non english speaking background, right I am for. what.

And then I got to the bottom of the page and my heart made a little sinking noise when the brain confirmed that the admin guy was chinese.

And the company is chinese. Oh Lord.

Here's the thing: I don't know if you would call me an inverse racist. I like chinese food, some chinese people, I like chinese pop songs [mostly], I however don't like working for chinese people. And I am not fond of being considered/hired based on the fact that my last name is chinese. It annoys me.

The last job I was hired for very pointedly considered me based on my last name. how pointed do you ask? Well they actually told me so during the interview. And should this have scared me? yes. And did I venture into a crappy job where I was eventually let go in a deceitful and shitty manner? yes. [One day, I'll talk about it but to this day it makes my head spin like a mad person]

To put my finger on why this annoys me so much- drum roll it up. I am talented! I am good at everything from admin and marketing to graphic design and writing. I can multi task like nobodys business. I have spent five years and tens of thousands of dollars to get a number of degrees to impress future employers... and all of this is moot when someone sees my ethnic name and thinks that that is the reason that I'm good enough?

That's just .... fucking irritating. Blah.

And so now I'm sitting here debating whether I should even bother to write out this pre-interview stuff and apply for it. It pays ok, total sigh. What am I doing?

Insights at the bar

Me: [in a state of semi outrage] I can't believe he is ignoring me again! How can I have walked into just being ignored again?!

Campbell: You're supposed to ignore him. That's the way of these kinds of relationships. You're not supposed to talk to each other anymore. There are just so many people that you shouldn't be talking to and you talk to them anyway.

Me: Come again?

Campbell: You form attachments to people way too easily.

Me: ...

Campbell: You do. And you expect too much. He's probably just busy.

Me: Sure. Busy.

Campbell: This is how it is with sex these days.

Me: !! We're not having sex! This is not about sex! This is about being ignored!

Campbell: Your problem is you're really really bad at being single.

Me: I haven't been single for eight years. I am not used to being ignored.

Campbell: If you're single, I'd advise you to get used to it.

Me: Great. Something to look forward to.

So Coffee is still ignoring me and six months ago,I would have wailed and paced around the room until there was no carpet left, called everyone I know and pretty much . But six months later, I'm too buggered [thanks casino, lack of parking, jogging routines and dickhead agents] to do anything but lay here and say mean things to him in my head.

Sometimes I think Campbell lives in her own airy fairy world and I get exasperated with her trying to send her back down to earth. And then sometimes shes so observant and emotionally in tune that I just have to sit down for a minute and really really absorb what she's saying.