Work in the News

"Ivy, Star City on violent venue list

ALEXANDRA SMITH

September 9, 2009

JUSTIN HEMMES'S mega-club, the Ivy, and Star City will have to enforce 2am lockouts and will need to serve alcohol in plastic glasses from midnight after being identified as two of the most violent clubs in the state.

Under the new liquor laws, clubs or pubs with more than 19 assaults will also be forced to stop serving alcohol for 10 minutes once an hour after midnight or provide free water and food for 10 minutes every hour after midnight. They will also be required to have extra security measures, will be banned from serving shots, doubles, mixed drinks that have more than 5 per cent alcohol and will have to customers to four alcoholic drinks per order."

I fully expect to go in and see boxes and boxes of plastic cups. You can still do a lot of damage with plastic cups. Plastic cuts are not much fun and you can still doink someone in the head with a well-timed lob if you so choose. Plastic cups... classy.

Mixed drinks that have more than five per cent alcohol. So that disincludes any type of expensive vodka then? Or indeed any type of vodka? So we're reduced to serving... Passion pop with lemonade? Midori? This will get interesting. We should probably invest in those little straw umbrellas, that will help soften the blow for people when they see how pretty their drinks are.

Free water and food for 10 minutes every hour after midnight. AHAHAAHAHAHAHA.. I'm glad I don't work at midnight when I figure they'll have us passing plates of donuts and tap water to every greasy ass patron that walks by.