Instructions on how not to drunk dial.

Instructions on how not to drunk dial.

This is actually quite a basic feat which seems easy but is actually much more difficult than it seems.

1. Take the phone out of your bag.

2. Resist urge to dial. This can mostly be achieved by turning the phone upside down. Or by holding it at arms length

3. Tell yourself that waking up ex-boyfriends/current crushes/irritated friends with "iloveyouiloveyouhowcomeyoudontlovemeiamsonotdrunkiamnot" is not productive and will only be conducive to tears and lots of headdesking later.

4. Take the phone which is hopefully at arms length and hurl it across the room, if you're picky about scratches, try hurling it at your bed or at the nearest couch.

5. Collapse into a puddle on the floor from sheer effort, if you can reach around then pat yourself on the back.

Rinse, lather repeat.

The final outcome is that when you wake up, you will most likely have dry mouth and a headache but not heartache from saying the wrong thing to the wrong people.