Why I am not going to have kids

So a couple of years ago [when I was still in a relationship in a galaxy far far away] I went to a psychic and he said that I would have two children.

Bring it forward to 2010 and I have to say .. he was really wrong. Like beyond wrong. Because over the past few months I have decided that I am not going to have kids.

It was 50/50.. then it was 75/25.. and then it went to a full blown 99.99999%. I'm about two minutes away from getting my tubes completely tied.


This was not a decision that I made particularly lightly. I discussed it with some girlfriends [some single, some not] and I was wholly surprised that all of them were like me and they were all undecided about having children. When did this mass indecision happen?

Anyway I have been thinking about it, and here are my reasons.

1. The world is completely overpopulated as it is.
Well really how much more is there to be said about this? The earth is straining at the seams already without me bringing in more. The way we're going, my hypothetical great grand children will most likely be living on a giant melting iceberg. I don't want my hypothetical great grand children to live on an iceberg. Or in 50 degree heat. Or under a totalitarian government [but that's another thing altogether I guess.] I digress for a little calculation. A person in one lifetime in a western country eats approximately 16,000 eggs. Let's say I have one kid and she has two kids and they have two kids each. Not even counting spouses - that's 112,000 eggs. And I don't even want to think about water, paper, wastage, carbon emissions. Did I mention the world is straining at the seams?

2. The reality is: I don't know if I have it in me to be a good parent.
In my head, I'm a great parent. I tell bedtime stories, I take my hypothetical children to museums to be cultured. I'm wise. I'm patient. I'm understanding without being overprotective. I'm able to coax them into eating green vegetables with my infallible logic. But let's come back to reality shall we? These things are all well and good in my head, but uhhh.. can I be wise and patient for eighteen years straight- through illness, sleep deprivation, shopping centre tantrums and the like? I don't think I can. I have enough trouble paying attention to what I'm cooking on the stove without being distracted by something shiny on the tv and wandering off. A kid is not a toy, it's so easy to cause irreparable damage with bad parenting. So I'd rather just not.

3. I worry. I can't wrap my head around worrying about another human being 247 for the next 40 years [or however long I live for].
Here are the things I worry about for my neverborn hypothetical child: being born deformed, being born diseased, turning out autistic, having developmental problems, not getting into childcare, not having the right education, ending up with my health problems, being bullied, not eating right, getting run over by a car, drowning in a pool, falling off of balconies, being kidnapped, being sexually abused, turning out to be a cutter, turning out to be a sociopath, cancer, and general turfing out of children into the world. And the kid doesn't even exist. I don't think I can do 40 years of worrying, I don't even think I can do five years of worrying because my head will haemorrage and then this theoretical non-kid will be an orphan and that's another set of concerns altogether.

4. This also goes for 20 years worth of dishwashing/cleaning/picking up toys

5. I don't think I need a child to be fulfilled.
Some people need children to complete their lives. And who denies that kids can be bundles and or sources of complete joy? But I think I'm just as happy with a book and a pork roll. Different strokes for different folks.

6. I'm very lucky my mum respects my decisions.
Otherwise I figure this would be a lot harder than it is. Also I think she's taken Minnie as her makeshift grandchild anyway.

Never say never. Life never goes the way you expect it to. But I'm decided. Who knew it would have come to this? Obviously that psychic didn't.