Oh my poor neglected blog [Photo update..hurrah!]

*point fingers.

Not my fault. eek.

Anyway I thought I would just post some random photos from my time in Melbourne [including my beloved cow in a tree] .. not much has happened Dennis Rodman almost whonked me in the head [he was flailing], I'm still looking for a job.. but other than that life is quiet.
I don't know if that's a good thing. Oh, also I saw my cousin's girlfriend on tv- that sort of made my day [well I haven't won lotto yet! things like that make my day. Shut up]

I mean the bulk of my thoughts are .. should I buy this bag online? should I eat this chip? where should I go for my next holiday? Truly, I'm getting shallower as I get older.

Anyway photoes.





See? one of the many reasons I looooove Melbourne is that everywhere you go [especially in the CBD] there'll be just be random sculptures, you're always surrounded by art. You can't see it properly but he has two similar man friends behind him and also I love his expression.. its sort "Ooh... Prada bag!"



I know I look pregnant, but I'm not. Blame the dress.



I'm sorry, I just need to camwhore my extensions. I love my extensions. My hair now looks so blah, healthy but blah.




Its as happy as you can get with a giant fan





Even the toilets are multi coloured. Hows that for dedication?



I don't know who owes who what. But this is quite cool, and there were two art students trying to get their reflections on film. Actually you can see him in the I.



Being attacked by a giant rabbit, it can only happen to me [and also to the knights in the holy grail.. yes, spamalot was playing while I was there.. why do you ask?]




Aww.. so cute.



I think working in this building would make me happy.Its rainbow coloured!



And in case the postie misses it, the building number is 60. Actually all the numbers on this street are like that. Its pretty cool for the near sighted postmen/women and for me. I want one except there's no way it'd fit in my yard.


EEE! Cow in tree!



And there's his butt. Coolest butt ever.
I actually had to wait a bit before taking these because there was a conglomerate of teenagers camped around the tree, with backpacks and everything. I don't know why. Maybe the cow calls people to join it or something. Cow cults? I think they have those in India. Anyway



It really just boggles my mind how effort goes into designing buildings in Melbourne. I don't really like this building but I can appreciate what they're trying to do. I can't remember what the effect was called but it has something to do with straightlines and colour windows creating an optical illusion. Its not my favourite but its still awesome.



Hee. Apparently I'm five and a half. I think it's supposed to be a woman. Well, I think. Her face is kind of masculine, but she has the appropriate womanly bits.. so maybe the sculptor was trying to make a point about androgny? The owner of the cafe came out to look at me the tee-heeing tourist. Whoops.



I didn't take a photo of the shop, but there's a shop in Melbourne called Lord of the fries and they do fries in every sauce you can think of- this is mayonnaise, tomato sauce and garlic onion and I am drooling just thinking of it. The twisties I'm eating now are not really any comparison. Well they are zig zag twisties and they're pretty nice but still no comparison



Another random mural on the street.



And inside the crown casino .. and why can't Star City put a little effort in? huh? HUH?



I don't this random fool but she kept wandering into my shot so I guess I just have to post her. Whoever and wherever you are I hate you! If the dragon was alive it'd eat you for being annoying.



Her arm is still in the goddamn shot. Even her arm annoys me. [Yes, I'm a leet graphic designer and no I didn't crop her. Shut up.]


Hey, the fish were cute.


So pretty, I think it's an upside down rabbit.

And then we went to Nobu. Nobu of the reputation Nobu. And as you can see fron Sb's face, he's like thats it? well .. he kinda deserved it for ordering stir fry from Nobu.



Its heaps dark in there. Mood lighting. Even the bathroom is dark, you can't even see where you're washing your hands.



That's his stirfry [It does look pretty]. I ordered wagyu beef but I ate some before I could take a photo [whoops] and the scallops with wasabi mayonnaise was divine, my mouth died and went to heaven and hasn't come back yet to normal food.



Errmm. Half eaten.



The tempura was standard though. But then I grew up on tempura I kind of think all tempura is standard. Eh. Well it was nothing special anyway.

And that was our nobu experience, there are no pictures of me cos it was too dark and I wasn't sitting under any lighting but trust me I looked great [ha]



And then we went to St Kilda and I really have nothing to say about it, except thats it? I was expecting a Manly/Glebe type atmosphere but there was nothing there. I was expecting bookstores and markets [it was the weekend] but it was just houses. All I can say is durn.
And also Luna Park was closed for renovations. Yeah, nothing.

So then we went back to the CBD, where for my birthday .. I decided to go to jail [what? what? it sounded interesting!]. What I was expecting from Old Melbourne Gaol was well .. not much, maybe a five minute walk. However, we got lined up with a policeman acting as a tour guide and fifteen other tourists. This policeman was exceptionally grouchy [or maybe he was playing grouchy] and he lined us all in row and started yelling at us! I was about to burst into giggles but I didn't think it was a good idea in case he pulled me out and started spanking me or something. Or something.

He particularly had it in for this old man and kept berating him, admittedly the old man was kind of stupid but by the end of it, the old man was REALLY REALLY pissed off, he was glowering at the policeman- lucky, he wasn't stupid enough to actually punch him out. Yes, he paid and we paid to get yelled at. [Well, he didn't yell at me mostly because I wasn't game enough to look him in the eye]



And then he locked us all in this cell. In the dark. For about ten minutes. It really wasn't the best idea for a birthday I had ever had. It really is as dingy as it looks. And don't worry those marks on the walls are not blood stains- they're water marks. [Because that makes me feel so much better]



And in the padded cell. There are "water marks" in there as well. Apparently some tourists
managed to lock themselves in there for four hours. Those were some smart tourists.



And the door to the padded cell, from the scuff marks I presume they didn't want to go IN.



Haha.. I should send it to his mum to freak her out.



Criminal! The lighting is just shoddy in this room. Yerk.






I guess if the physio thing doesn't work out, he can always be a blacksmith.



These are so cute. I was going to buy one, but I couldn't figure out which of my friends would want a Ned Kelly doll.



This was on wall in Chinatown, I don't know how many of us troublesome chinese actually listen to it! Of course it was situated right next to a restaurant called "Mao Please!" which was hysterical and ironic and tragic all at the same time.





It has things on the menu like Mao's spicy beef and Mao spicy chicken and uhh... Mao spicy lamb. You get the idea that Mao liked spicy things. However this proprietor must have greatly underestimated the cult of Mao in Australia because I headed straight for an Italian restaurant with white sauce and fish. Mm.. white sauce.





I'm thinking it tasted a thousand times better than Mao beef jerky.



Hee. In the middle of federation square there's a couple of flashing signs where you can sms your message of love/hate/indifference/wanting for a hamburger. And so we smsed it and the stupid thing never came up! But then there's an even larger tv on the other side and so we smsed that and whee!! fifteen seconds to say whatever the hell I wanted. To everyone! In federation square!
And by the fourth day I missed Minnie. So well there's an eternal declaration immortalised to my stupid barky sausage dog. Yes, I missed her.





Awwww.. I'm going to miss it. Bummer.

Mindless rambles for a Monday afternoon

I don't know why but I can hear someone yawning in the yard next door. They would have to be the world's loudest yawners. Who yawns that loud?

I finally have a day off and I'm bored, it's kind of ridiculous. Maybe I should trim my brows, they're starting to look like Ugly Betty brows. Crap.

I need a holiday. I just had a holiday. I'm hoping to hop it to America at the end of the year, maybe I'll turn up on my Grandma's doorstep. Hi! You used to send me toys but now I'm twenty five you have to buy me handbags. .. That could work [She lives in New York, I'm sure she's a bit of a handbag nut herself]. I could go to my aunty's place but she's one of those pro-right wing republican christian nutbags, she lives in Texas which could explain something. I wonder if she would have turned out so.... bonkers .. if she had of run away to Australia instead. Actually now that I think about it, she probably would have turned out more laidback if she had. Probably be less fervical. Well doesn't matter, theres a 0% chance I'm going to pop by Texas anyway.

Not that there's anything wrong with Texas.. I'm just not overly fond of steak.. or rednecks.. or having my aunty preach me. Nothing against the actual land.

Its 3:43 and my eyebrows are still in bad shape.

I'm thinking ..hungry. I accidentally ordered ducks feet for dinner last night. Sb looked at me and said 'You knew you were getting this right?'
Me: Of course, ducks feet... ducks feet... and mushrooms
We took it home, I'm not really game enough to try and re-eat it this afternoon. I'm hungry but not that hungry.

It was Mardi Gras on Friday, I remember last year with Mexicana trying to find her friends through a swamp of people. She was not pleased. Now that I think of it, I've never actually properly seen the parade its mostly trying to wade our way through Oxford street. So officially I can say I've been to Mardi Gras but I've never actually seen anything [other than drunk people] well I've seen the tops of some parades.

Lighto apparently tried to run down a guy on Oxford street because he was so sick of being stuck in traffic on Mardi Gras night. The guy was unharmed, I can't really say that Lighto was in a good mood about it though, ever since he's started dating that new girl his mood has been somewhat below curmudgeonly and bordering on ridiculously cranky. I'm supposed to be happy for him, new relationships and all that, but really I'm sort of starting to dislike her.. what is she doing to him? Its like a personality transplant. As far as I know he's never tried to run anybody over before.

Me and Sb went off to buy a garden gnome to take with me on my travels. However, [and this might have been somewhat obvious] there are no good-looking garden gnomes, and I'm not looking for a Calvin Klein model just one that doesn't look malnourished and slightly paedophillic. Where the hell am I supposed to find a happy healthy garden gnome? Don't say ebay , I've already looked and they look even worse than the ones in the stores [In my desperation I tried the two dollar store and they had gnomes, with the detachable rubber legs so that you can put them on shelves and dangles the legs over. Needless to say, I was horrified. Although what was I expecting from a two dollar store? Well not an amputee gnome]

Well I think that was enough mindless rambling for one day. How many people have I denigrated in one post? It looks to be two, a business and a state. Whoops. Look where the mind wanders. Hee. Running now.

There she goes

I hate writing emotionally, because I know that later on when I look back on it I'll see it as cliche and sentimental, but I guess I'm a mush[y] person ..

Lydia Shum aka Feifei died over the weekend and it makes me so sad because I grew up watching her and I feel awful for her daughter who is I bet feeling wretched. Why am I talking about this? You know my theory on circular parallels.

I was recovering on Saturday night [Friday was fantastic, I was happily smushed] and just laying on the couch when my stepdad called and said "something is wrong with your mum, she's dizzy and not remembering and not making sense" [haha, not alcohol induced. Thanks very much]

so I tried talking to her and she said "Why is my phone on this side of my ear? Who are you?" and then hung up on me. Naturally, I panicked, called back and started yelling for my stepdad to take her to the doctor. No dice, she wasn't willing [still stubborn for an amnesiac, I grant] and he wasn't able to leave the restaurant.

After awhile he reported back that she was better, but had blacked out for that three hours.

So when they turned up to my place last night and started discussing buying matching funeral plots [in the shade, lots of grass area] I was speechless. She then produced me a pamphlet on aneurysms.

She said to me "Look, you're old enough for me to let go. I'm very happy to have seen you grow up this far, so if anything happens.. well it happens, death happens". My stepdad didn't say anything, we were both concentrating on random spots in the carpet.

And there was the first possibility that ever occurred to me that my mum is not going to be around forever.

Long overdue photos and future plans

I know I complain that life is hard but I've had two holidays in the space of three months so far be it for me to complain I need another holiday [oh shuttup. You know I will. In about a week. At work.]

I was going to post up some Melbourne photoes so you could finally see the cow in the tree I've been gushing about for that many years, but I guess not since SB has run off with my camera. So I guess I'll post some photoes from Japan and talk about Melbourne later?

Yes I'm aware. Long overdue. Natch. Also am posting this from my new rental in the suburbs [which is nice but far, freaking far].
Also I've been on a month long oscar movie binge [please go see No Country for Old Men.. I beg you. And Juno. Sweeney Todd and There will be Blood are optional (however Daniel Day Lewis is amazing, but consider only seeing it for him) skip Atonement for Gods sake. Skip it].

also I'm seriously considering moving down to Melbourne and starting life anew, so who knows maybe I'll be gone in what? a month? two? I'm hoping people will see me as exceptionally talented and hire me. Fingers crossed. I uhhh.. haven't told my mum I'm thinking about this though, the reaction is somewhere between shrugging and locking me in my room til I'm eighty five.

Also I just turned twenty five so can I get a yee-hah? yee-hah

anyway I'll get down to business and post some photoes.


What Mexicana is trying to say is: Don't eat Wasabi cookies.


Biru! Seriously these two boys ordered biru with every meal except breakfast. Thats because alcohol there is crazy cheap and no RSA laws. So you can just wander around drunk most of the time [strangely there are not many drunks there though, not even me. Wahaha]


Look Mount Fuji! Yeah there was no chance I was climbing that. Not an iota. Short of dragging me up there and rolling me back down. Did you know there's a forest down the bottom where people go to top themselves? Must be so fun for the climbers to trip over dead bodies when they finish.





Isn't Shibuya so pretty? Its where they put all the Love Hotels. Unfortunately all the love hotels look like they were furnished by Ikea. So no hello kitty handcuffs for me. Boo.


Its a big bowl not a small hand.


Eeeeee! The prettiest building ever. Hello Ginza!


I love the random Hello Kitty in front of the convenience stores.


And Mexicana got sick of it apparently because she decided to eat Hello Kitty. Little did she know it was a pillow! MUAHAHA.

Hoo..righty and now my internet connection is not a happy camper so I think I might leave the rest of this til tomorrow [or the next day. or next week. or whenever I have time. Sheesh]

Psychic Drunk

I’m walking down the street with Sb when we pass a homeless man sitting in an alcove. He looks like Santa Claus on crack.

He’s very quiet as we pass twhen suddenly he waves his finger at me and bellows:

“You will be pregnant!”

I guess he knows something that I don't.

Prefering a rut

I think last year I felt that I was in a bit of a rut. And now that everythings been swept out from under me, I think I prefer the rut.

Firstly, SB and I are sortof/notreally/confusingtheholycrapoutofeverybody back together. But we're not but we're acting like we are, but there's no intimacy involved. Wait, are you perplexed yet? Because my mum is still trying to figure out whether she should give him dinner invites [and then she orders too much food thinking he'll be there]

Secondly, Mexicana is moving to Canberra to pursue her medical degree, which is fine. I mean I'm happy for her [free check ups, free bandaids, plenty of access to morphine.. whats not to be happy about?] but I'm a bit miserable about not one but two of my best friends are parked halfway across the world and not even within local calling range either. Blah.

Lastly, I've been evicted by a monstrous dickhead of a landlord and am going to a new place asap [well ok, Saturday.]

Can you tell I'm not feeling particularly stable??! Right now I feel like I'm floundering for a lifeline and people are throwing me skittles [tasty but not helpful]

I came back from Japan with anime disgust

Man I'm so mopey lately, well not really mopey.. I'm just sort of spaced out lately. I think I'm on book withdrawal, all I've been doing is playing my DS. Yeah, I don't think that sounds particularly healthy either, I'm making up for all the years that my stepbrothers wouldn't let me play on the gameboy [sigh, tetris]

Anyway, onto other things .. there are many things I'm scared of, roaches, heights, germs.. I'm a veritable -phobe. [If you'd like to destroy me put me on a cliff with some insects and a leper that likes to play tag, I'll guarantee that I'm a screaming mess by the time you retrieve me] anyway I seem to have brought back another fear from Japan, I'm slightly icked about by anime [ok, completely ooged]

Well when I was eleven? I thought that the big eyed small nose look was cool, I spent countless hours trying to recreate the look on paper. Of course when I was sixteen I watched Ghost in the Shell and I almost threw up when I saw the robot get ripped apart and veins and arteries start to spurt everywhere. I didn't really finish the movie. There starts my disenchantment with anime.

When I was twenty [and successfully fended off years of anime watching by sheer refusal] SB decided to watch this anime where the girls get raped by giant trees. Oog. Branches in vaginas. Who wants to be caressed by a penis which looks like a tree?! [Tree fairies? squirrels? botanists?]

And then Saffron decided on a night where we were both bored to show me a hentai where a woman was being tortured, they attached electric clamps to her ma-jiggy which simultaneously burned and climaxed her at the same time. Afterwards, in which she peed [I guess electrocuting yourself there will cause bladder loss, yes.]

I one day plan to sit Saffron down and explain to her why shows like that are unhealthy.

so back to Japan, the land of anime. I mean how bad can it be if I just stick to ordinary things like DragonBall and Hello Kitty? I'm sure I can avoid the really bizaare stuff if I just concentrate on.. shoes.. no such luck. The weird stuff is everywhere! In the toy stores, there'll be naked figurines with double J cups [create your own naked person!], or in the bookstores there'll be entire floors of gay comic porn. Which is fine, but apparently its aimed towards women. Apparently Japanese women like slash. I can't explain it. [This is the part where I write some pseudo theory about Japanese women being oppressed and manifesting it into slash comics where the 'feminine' have power. Shut up. Its a theory in progress]

So I'd be studiously avoiding and then something oogy would pop out at me [like posters of naked children in seductive poses]. Its FINE. I'll just walk into another aisle where Sgt Frogs head is exploding or something, I mean I'm not going to close my eyes, just because I find anime depressing and sexist.

And then we walked into the anime expo [thanks lonely planet.. for your crap advice], and I stood next to the life size version of these characters.. and I was just completely icked out by them [this never happens with Mickey Mouse!] they're just so out of proportion and plasticky and wrong looking that I was just gaping at them. Sb was impatient and said can you just pose next to them?! and I'm gingerly placing myself next to them and thinking this is someones fantasy? Uhh.. big eyes are pretty. Eyes the size of saucers are likely to have me gropiing for the door handle and fleeing into the night. Also if your breasts are bigger than your head [Wah! sexist! bugging. me.] theres not much chance you're going to do much than just sit on the floor with your head on the ground, because your neck has snapped off and you're paralysed.

So there we go, I officially have barred anime. I hate anime. Its creepy and sexist.



[Ok there are plenty of you who think this chick is hot. There are also plenty of you who have horse fetishes, so no judgment here]

Back and blue.. [or is that back in blue?]

Well I'm back from Japan and I've neglected this blog for an entire month. Writing skills have depleted to minus levels [and how am I going to write my novel on minus writing skills? I can't. Blah]

I'm feeling a bit blue and I think my ankle is infected which is making me worse. I don't know why I feel so lethargic lately, in trying to recreate that sense of 'happiness' I think it somehow buggered off. I should be happy, I've finally graduated, I'm working less.. my house is relatively clean and I'm not really under any pressure [I should start looking for a job soon though]

so WHATS WRONG?

I don't think I could be a hermit, it'd make me too depressed and also I'd probably start talking to random inanimate objects and spending far too much time on this blog [which ironically i haven't been doing].

Bleah. Did I mention I gave up alcohol for my new years resolution? That lasted all of FIVE days. Shut Up, I'm going to be good this year and not touch any more... it was a temporary lapse I'm sure. [ I didn't even get goodly smushed, it was a waste of a resolution breaking]

It might be the fabled quarter century crisis, I'm almost twenty five and I haven't achieved anything. Well achieve as in sold twenty five million copies of a book, started an internet company, or even find my goddamnned lip gloss from my purse [I can't find it- I have officially been without gloss for twelve days, I'm starting to look like a piece of parchment paper]

Hokai, I should get up and stop whining. Or I guess I could just go back to sleep [Hooray for 2008 pro-activeness! whee!]

In Japan!

Sorry I only have four minutes left on this f*&*ing machine so as quickly as I can [sigh.more lists]

-There are no hello kitty themed love hotels. Its a lie.

-The women are extremely hot. The men... not so much.

-Am once again ridiculously sick of temples. I never again want to see another one.

-Everybody here and their mums have a dachshund. All their dachshunds wear clothes. Mine doesn't.

-I haven't had sushi once since I got here. I'm starting to think sushi is another myth. Much like love hotels.

52 seconds left! I hope Australia hasn't sunk into a pit hole since I've been gone!

MUch love

I'll be more kawaii in two weeks!

So Mexicana, Kejiim, Sb and I are heading off to Japan this morning. Hello Kitty here I come!

Of course I'm already having Saffron and Minnie withdrawals, I"m sort of wandering around my house looking for them and... nothing. Huh. You kind of expect one or the other to reply you.
Minnie: Woof.
Saffron: Mush, I just want to sleep. Let me sleep.

Anyway, enough moping.. I'm sure they are both in reasonably safe hands.

I'm going! Whee! I'm going to bring back enough knee socks to fill an entire suitcase and when I come back wonder what I'm going to do with twenty four pairs of socks and a Doraemon rice cooker and I promise promise promise that I will come back with heaps of pictures and document every single bizarre thing that happens to me [you know I will]

Until then, keep out of trouble! [all of you!]
Muahs.

Early morning phone calls from my parents make me cranky

11:42

Ring ring.

Me: Hullo? :struggling with sleep

Mum: Hullo! Hi! Its 11:42.. why are you not up yet?

Me: Because I'm sleeping.

Mum: Why are you over sleeping? Is it because your heart is broken?

Me: BECAUSE I'M TIRED.

I am not inebriated!

Falling on your face on the dance floor, salsa-ing badly to a rap song, sobbing hysterically on your friend's shoulder, and asking your very drunk friend [Thanks Dylmah!] to drive you home at 100kms an hour does not equal inebriated.

AM I? AM I? No I'm not. But I get to do it all again on Saturday!

Can I get an eyeroll and a hurrah? Hurrah!

Confusion sprinkled with paranoia

For Christmas I'd like a relationship bar [you know like out of the Sims] which tell you what standing you are with people and how many points out of a hundred the two of you happen to be.

For example, If I was 68 with someone then I would ask them out for a beer but I wouldn't tell them my secrets.

And then if I was 89 with another I would call them and if I saw the stupid bar start to droop when I started talking then I would hang up and go find another 80-something friend to talk to. Or I guess if I ran out of eighty something friends who wanted to listen to me.. I guess I could just call my mum?

And if I saw a person with a very very low score with me I'd probably just avoid them.

See? Handy.

Anyway, I suppose this is just a roundabout way of saying I have no idea where I stand with a single fricking person at this moment in time. When I asked Lighto about this, he just laughed and said I think too much.. he was possibly going to pat me on the head or something. When I asked Sb this, he looked at me and said "Friends. Friends with attraction" [To this, I rolled my eyes and went off to find a book to read] and then there are others who are giving me mixed messages and I think I'm just going to turn off my phone for a while and just concentrate on my two minute noodles. Two minute noodles is never confusing, chicken is always chicken and beef is always beef.

[Unless of course the stupid factory workers mixed them up and never mind.. when does that ever hap[en?]

Things that cheer me up.

Mayonnaise sandwiches.
New episodes of 'The Office' [I heart you Jim Halpert!]
My brand new lip gloss [courtesy of Harpers Bazaar] which ta-dah! lights up when I twist the lid.
And Savage Chicken. I think I've mentioned before previously how much I love Savage Chicken.



Never ever fails to make me laugh. [Also helps that that stupid song has been stuck in my head for two months]

Living alone

Well now that SB has moved out, I have this gigantic [well gigantic to me] house and I don't know what to do with it or with myself.

However for some reason, my mum has taken it upon herself to fill my now [empty-ish] house with her stuff. They include:
Two wine racks
Two baskets
An esky
Random pieces of cloth
A Japanese scroll

While I'm sure my mum has the best intentions.. what am I going to do with a Japanese scroll?? I'm going to give it to Minnie to chew if I can't figure it out soon.

It's lonely when you don't have someone to bounce your opinions off of. At most I'm just talking to Minnie and only Minnie, you can imagine that she doesn't really care about my opinions about whats on tv. She's taken to wandering off as soon as I say something.

The only really good thing I can think of about living alone is drinking the juice straight out of the bottle. But then the juice bottle is a 4L one and chances are if I tried that.. the only thing that would happen is that I'm going to give myself an orange mango shower.

Dating? Not me

This is what I have to look forward to for the next year or so:

"So, Michelle.. what do you think is the most romantic movie of all time?"
"Umm... "[starts to toss up between Casablanca and Sleepless in Seattle, then finally gives up] "Well what do you think is the most romantic movie of all time?"
"Dirty dancing. I think it's a lovely movie"
[starts to horrendously squall in laughter then pulls a straight face] "Yes, nobody puts baby in the corner"

Siiiigh.

My arm is buggered

So in the space of four days my poor [left] arm has been through a lot. Firstly, the elbow went through a window and secondly, Mexicana's dog mistook my hand for a burrito and decided to chomp through it. Consequently, my arm looks like its been through a really angry blender.

Well anyway, since I'm here, I thought I might list some things which I can and can't do one handed.

Can't

- Eat pigeon. I love you mum! and I know you worry about my nutrition but thats a lot of pigeon to try and eat one handed. And now that I have no-one to feed me [or even cut the damn thing up] its damn near impossible to eat. Not even caveman style works, I can't even get to the underside. That was was like four or five pointlessly dead birds.

-Use chopsticks. I can't bend my elbow so I can't bring the chopsticks up to my face. So when I go out to restaurants I have to ask for a fork. When I ask the waitresses for a frigging fork, they look at me ever so mournfully and then shake their heads. Look lady, I'm not betraying your culture, my arm is borked.. and Jesus, can't I ask for a fork without invoking cultural/generational commentary?! I guess not. Huh.

- Go to work. Whee! I'm sure supervisors love this. But the chances of me carrying a tray and then not splitting my elbow to spurt blood all over the nearest patron's face is minimal. Actually, come to think of it, if I spurted blood over their faces- I could see which ones were vampires and then I could stake them thus reducing the amount of coffee I have to make and carry. Good plan huh? Too late now, anyway I didn't go to work this weekend.

-Mop the floor. Well you try mopping it one handed!

Can

- Save the dog from down the street from meeting certain death on Archer Street. I didn't even have to touch her, I just trilled with my extremely melodic voice 'Elllllllllllllieeeeeeeee' and brought her home. Sort of like the pied piper meets Lucy Liu. Of course that gate was a bastard to open but at least I got her home. I know. I'm such a heroine.

- Roll the rubbish bin out. I've never done this before [well I have at work but never at home], it's kind of a thing you can do one handed, so I know if they ever decide to amputate I can spend my life rolling garbage bins up and down a garden path.

-Put my contacts in. It takes twenty minutes and my eyes are red by the end of it, but hey! I can do it. Aren't you proud of me? If next you see me and I don't have them in, it probably means I dropped them down the sink.

-Type. Well you did want to know where I disappeared to, right?

[Where is SB in all of this? Well we've broken up [again? again.] and I'm not really adjusting particularly well so at the moment my emotions are all over the place, but I promise when I feel up to it, I'll write a big long post]

Cheer youself up

"army out of the raw is like building a factory to be manned by expertambulance with them to England, where they wish nothing so much. A fight between planes in the air very rarely happens, except in the a family practitioner at home, the doctor, when the war began, hada dum-dum and worse; for the jacket splits into slivers, which spread announce his objection? But, my dear sir, you are giving your case as a cat watches a mouse. "

I'm feeling very down lately, but reading through this spam cheered me up. Especially hada dum-dum. I'm thinking to use it more in my conversations.
"What? hada dum-dum?"

Or if someone argues with me [as they often do] I will just look at them knowledgably and say "My dear sir, you are giving your case as a cat watches a mouse" or course, they'll probably dial for the local institution afterwards, but at least I managed to get it into the conversation.

An awful retching mess

Deleted for melodramatic awfulness. Sorry, but if I ever get famous, I don't want people to quote me as Mush that nutbag. Though I'm sure they have plenty to quote from including alcoholic binges and bitter rants

Thankful for friends.

Rough patches, rough patches, thesis.

Sooo I needed [yes, needed. Shut up] to go out and flush out three months worth of Britney Spears trivia from my brain. So I do what I do best, I go out and drink really heavily, fling myself around really wildly and then go home and try to sleep it off.

Anyway somewhere during that weekend, I realised [and here's where we get soppy] that I have some really really good friends. I know I've mentioned it before, but it never hurts to mention it again.

Here are the kind of friends I have:

- So I'm out in the club and I'm pretty heavily wasted and I call Lighto and I say.. "Come out!" and he's like "neh.. I'm pretty tired... when are you going home?" and I say "dunno! whee! bye!" [this was around two-ish] and anyway I leave at three thirty and I call him and I'm pretty sure I'm slurring all over the place [I'm a drunk-caller. Eeek] and he said "I'll take you home" and I'm like "you are?" and he said "yeah, I've kind of been waiting up". He was waiting up for me to make sure he could drive me home safely. And it didn't look like it but I almost burst into tears but then I was pretty gone so I think I burst into hysterical pitched giggles instead. [What? my memory is somewhat blurry]

- Mexicana who knew I was feeling somewhat forlorn and alone and took me out to dinner not once but twice and also ran over a roll of bubble wrap with her car with me because I asked her to [she wanted to preserve it for private popping I think] .. You know it's not always the big gestures that make up a friendship, sometimes its the little ones and I can't think of anyone else who would dance with me on a piece of bubble wrap in the middle of a night. You have to go out and find yourself one of those, they're sort of rare.

- And then lastly, there's Lampy whos kind of a new friend of mine. You know lately my self-esteem is bordering near my ankles [those worthless, hopeless feelings] and we arrange to meet and she'll say to me something like "I'm so excited to hang around you" .. or "Lets do this! and this!" or thats she just looking forward to spending time with me, [and really we're not doing anything major like gambling in Vegas, we're just shopping] but she makes me feel 'holy crap, there's someone who's actually excited to see me?!' and I'm sort of thunderstruck by the idea.

So there you are, I have friends that wait for me, friends who are there for me and friends who actually want to see me, and now I'm crying again. The stress has finally broken my brain. Anyway let's just end here with I'm very very grateful.

Dogs are not performance art. People are fuckers.

See this? I'm glad I didn't see this in my local museum because then I would've cried all the way home.

Some numbfucker from Central America saw a stray dog on the street and hired some kids to catch it, he then placed the already sick dog in a museum as an 'art piece' and then placed signs around it telling the viewers not to feed it,.. well of course, if you don't feed something it starves. And so the dog died. In the museum. With people walking around it.

And it makes me so angry I could spit, what the hell is wrong with people sometimes??? What happened to basic human compassion??? and who the hell uses a sick dog as a performance piece?? anyone?!

I really wish that she had enough energy to have bitten his nuts off before she died, maybe karma will get him and he'll be attacked by a pack of wolves on his way to the local park and then while he lays there dying, I hope people walk past him.

Anyway, I'm going to go give Minnie a hug, if you have a pet I hope you do the same.

Gone for the week [Blame lifestyle and media]

This is pretty much my position for the next week. Its the last week of my thesis, so Ms Spears and I will be joined at the hip for the next five or so days, unless something reallllllly interesting happens I'm probably not going to post til then. [I really do think that pic is fricking adorable, I hope its not photoshopped..]

Until then, adios amigos! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

People are feeling ultra violent

So here's a picture of me looking mournful. My entire weekend was dominated by fights- not by me of course but I got to watch some of them [as far as I know, it was not a full moon, mercury was not in retrograde]. I'm only going to detail some of them because well some of them are very long and I heard that most people will only read the top five percent of webpages? So I'm thinking you people will not even finish to the freaking bottom [Am I bitter? Just a little]

So the first fight [none of this is embellished by the way- God's honest truth]

So me and Mexicana were walking down the street in Chinatown when we passed some stacks of free newspapers, and then Mexicana thought it might be good to take some home for Yuki to pee on. As M grabbed a stack, this old lady sitting next to the newspapers said "What are you doing??!"
M: Grabbing newspapers?
Old bag: Put them back!

So anyway she puts them back, and I am outraged. 'Those are free newspapers! Those are not her newspapers! Its your democratic right to take them! *launches into a lecture about free markets" and she goes "You're right!" [Y'know when I'm right, I'm right] so she goes back and takes a stack and we walk away. As we start to walk away this eighty year old launches herself at us and attaches herself to Mexicana's wrist.

I'm struggling to get her hands off her wrist and so I think [ping!] that I'll just grab Mexicana's other wrist and I'll just pull her away- no such luck. Me and this old lady ended up tug of warring Mexicana down the street, well sort of.. it was a bit of an uneven tug of war because obviously I'm stronger than an eighty year old woman half my weight. So anyway I'm yelling "let go! let go!" and she's yelling
"NEWSPAPERS! THEY'RE STEALING NEWSPAPERS"

Finally Mexicana says to me "Ow. My arms hurt. Let go, take the newspapers to my car and I'll peel her off" so off I trot to her car.. doop.. doop.. doop..

When I come back five minutes later, that bag is still connected to her arm! But by now they are surrounded by people gawking at the spectacle, some of them are actually yelling at the old bag and I wonder how long this is going to go on for. Finally, a very nice man steps forward and says "Grandma, grandma please let go" and she does, but not before continuing to screech like a banshee after we leave... something about disrespect and youngsters and stealing..
Poor Mexicana's wrist.

The second fight happened later that night while we were out, I wasn't there exactly when it happened so I'll just recreate it talk-talk style
Chris: [takes Toms hat] Lookie here! I have your hat
Tom: Give that back
Chris: [waves it over his head] Suuuuuure. I'll give it back for twenty dollars
Tom: Give it back.
Chris: [starts flicking it in his face] Woo! Woo! Woo!
Tom: ....... [Wa-dunk- which is the sound of his fist in Chris' face]

And thus ruined the night for everyone, especially Chris and his nose.

Then! On another day...

A customer decides to order a double wild turkey and coke off me. So I hand him the drink at the poker table and walk back to the counter where the bartender asks me "was that a double?".. rolling my eyes profusely.. I decide to take out another nip in a shot glass just in case he noticed his double was a little ... weak...
Turns out I didn't have to do much, he was already distracted by his girlfriend tugging out at his arm. 'Cooooome hoooooome' she whined and he said 'later' and this is when she skitzed out and backhanded his entire set of chips across the table. Ker-freaking-ploosh. And I'm still standing there behind him with a shot glass not knowing what to do with it. She then sits down on his chair and starts to cry while everyone stares dumbfoundedly. Ummmm... ahhhhhh... what should I do? Finally I tap him on the shoulder and say as politely as I possibly can
M: Excuse me? I know this is a realllllly bad time.. and you're quite distracted but the drink I brought you only has one shot in it.. here is the other one. Enjoy!" And then hustled off. It's freaking exemplary customer service.

See? That's only three- there was about another three or four I haven't mentioned yet. And I will not mention, for fear of you people going 'Is that all you do all day?? watch fights?!'' [but yes, that's all I did all weekend]

I finally meet my nemesis

Previously, I don't know if I've mentioned that was there this girl in Sb's nursing home [she's an actual girl, not an 85 year old drooler] who Sb and his friends thought looked exactly like me. Anyway she and Sb developed some sort of complicated relationship which featured the words 'unrequited love' and 'star-crossed lovers' and 'girlfriend that gets hits by a bus because Cupid has ordained her to bugger off and stop getting in the way'. At any point, if you've seen me sometime in the last few weeks I've probably mentioned her in some form or another.

"Sb is in love with my twin"

"My twin is in love with Sb"

"My life is a freaking soap opera! *breaks down into sobs"

Hahaha.. no it wasn't really that, it was kind of a cool bemusement and a topic I could play with at the dinner table [what? there's only so many times I can tell the joke .. what did Sushi A say to Sushi B? WassssssupBi! [Wasabi... geddit? geddit? Blame Mexicana for that joke] ]

Anyway I mentioned to Lighto last week and he said "Why don't the four of us have dinner?" and I burst out laughing "We'll be the table of death stares, She'll be glaring at me, Sb will be glaring at you, and birds will stay away for a 5km radius because our death aura is too overpowering.. also everyone will throw drinks at each other"

So after a few months of horrible mind-bending curiosity, Sb finally brought some photos for me to see.

Here we are, I don't know what is wrong with my paint program but she came out in black and white, and I'm sorry but this photo of her is limited cos this world is small and I think if Sb finds out I'm posting her pic on my blogs he will make me sleep on the couch for the next sixteen months]



What is that???! How is that alike??! We're not even mildly similar! [Unless you count the all asians-look-the-same theory] I'm sorry but in the privacy of my own home I'm going to go into a severe rage dance complete with flailing arms. Yes, her cheeks are much more prominent than mine and my face is flat- thanks for pointing that out.

Whatever- Tomorrow I'm going to take Sb for an eye checkup. Twins? bah, not even in the same genetic code.

Off to Japan we go!

So we've extended our trip to Japan, I'm actually a bit worried about the extending of the hotel.. I mean what if we have to end up sleeping in a capsule or something?? [Getting in at nine thirty at night, being locked up in this thing til nine in the morning. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic??]

So things I want to do in Japan:

Do some jellyfish watching in Enoshima.

Buy a freaking hello kitty toaster

Go to Disneyland

Buy [clean] underwear from a vending machine

And obviously I haven't planned this out particularly well because I can't think of anything else I want to do!

Things I don't want to do:

Go to a 'rape' club [um.. gross?]

Eat whale

And do you notice I'm struggling for topics here?? I think the amount of writing I'm doing for my thesis and my new blog [which I'm just doing for fun] are completely draining me for writing about my life. But don't worry my life isn't too interesting at the moment [I swear!]

Jacky and the Thursday night alco run,

This post is dedicated to my friend Saffron who is still waiting for a packet of F-cup tea. I walked past the same shop and realised they are now selling F-cup cookies. Life is good when they have cookies which make your breasts bigger.


I was also thinking of Saffron when the legendary Jacky Cheung came to town. Because her favourite song is 'Kiss Goodbye' and did I mention how much to God I love Jacky Cheung, I seriously want to take him home and chain him to my couch and everytime I want to him sing, I'll.. just pat him on the head. [I seriously think with Damien Rice, Chris Martin and Jacky tied to my living room, it's going to get quiiite full- but I'll manage]



The most hilarious thing was at the beginning of the concert [whoops I typed couch there. ha] when I was holding tickets, people kept tapping me on the shoulder thinking I was a fricking scalper. Do I LOOK like a scalper? Look at this face! *blinks

Anyway Jacky is the most talented singer and I was overwhelmed with emotion everytime he held a note on his a beautiful song. I was especially touched by the dedication songs to his wife and his daughter [Ok, fine forget Chris- I want to marry Jacky so he can dedicate songs to me and I can cry all the time]

By the end of it, I was horrifyingly sad because I knew I would never see anything like this ever again. But then, it was one of the things I wanted to cross off my 'lifetime' list and I'm grateful that I got to see and appreciate someone so talented [he wasn't such a talented dancer, but I'm thinking you can't have a voice like that and dance perfectly too, it wouldn't be fair]
***

Here are photoes of our Thursday night alcohol run





















Look at my hair! It's great! How often do I have great hair?? Anyway these photoes are from Md, I totally stole them from her facebook.

***

I was at work yesterday and they threw me into Star Lounge, the free food section. I was about to vomit from all the plates that were piled up with regurgitated food, who does that?? Either eat it or don't! Don't gleuuuuuuh all over the fricking plates. Towards the end of my shift, they started to run out of dishes, so one lady decided to put her chow mein on a plastic bag. After that, she put her chow mein in the plastic bag and took it away, and I never never never never want to work there ever again, I cannot think of a more depressing place.

So that was my week, for the moment. I think I will post more later.

My mother and her grandchild.

My mum has a ginormous heart and old fashioned sensibilities, it is because of this to my eternal amusement and occasional irritation, she will sometimes misplace me in her affections. To put it simply, I will get lost in the shuffle every once in a while.

When my mum first saw minnie, she was appalled.. she looked at me, looked at Minnie and said "what is that? Is it a rat? If it is, why didn't you get a white one?". I have to tell you that my mum was terrified of dogs and would get up every morning with a piece of cardboard to fend minnie off. It was kind of the action I would do if I saw a dead roach. But anyway, love bloomed and now she actively pats Minnie and gives her treats- effectively Minnie has become her substitute grandchild.

Ring ring-
Mum: I'm coming over, I'll be there in an hour.
Me: Oh you are huh? Umm.. uhhhh....
Mum: What's wrong?
Me: Well, the trainer said that you can't touch Minnie for a while
Mum: .............
Me: just two weeks. We're just trying the less attention technique
Mum: Then I won't come over.
Me: You're not coming over?
Mum: If I come over, I have to pat her, I don't want to confuse her so I'm not coming over.
Me: I thought you were visiting me?
Mum: I'll call you later.

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Last weekend in photoes

It has been the most gorgeous week ever, its just.. summer and I'm gearing up to spend my entire summer bumming at the beach [It will not involve anything else but laying on a towel and doing nothing]

Anyway here are the photoes from last weekend, my phone is finally working but now my computer has a virus .. its technological fun for the whole family!

It was a dinner in a korean restaurant in a back alley. True story.






Those glasses are damn geeky. It's the last time I wear them for a photo.


This is like my favourite shot ever. I love the expression on Sb's face. It says "I'm amused, I have no idea what any of you are doing"




At some point during the dinner, Mexicana morphed into Sadako.




And thats what happens when you don't have to clean up the bbq at the end, you throw things on there to see how well they burn.

I'm not giving free drinks to footballers.

I didn't think it was possible but I think my mobile has a virus. Everytime I plug the usb in, my computer just dies. So apologies again for the lack of pictures, I know you really miss me mugging for the camera. I guess I'll just try again tomorrow. Or alternately I'll just use my camera to take a picture of my phone then post it through [its convoluted and the pictures will look terrible... and do you really want to see the photoes that badly?!]

So about the weekend [other than I just worked through the entire thing and I am exhausted]
..let's see..

Work this weekend has been extremely seedy and eye-opening. I sat down with a gaming supervisor and we were just chewing the fat [so to speak] and we got to speaking about his career, he said that basically he wasn't going to get a further promotion because he had a go at the poker players at the things that they did.

Like what?

Well passing each other money under the table.

And? [and this is unsubstantiated but it grossed me out all the same]

He looks at me and says: You know the omaha table [omaha table is table with the players who bet the highest] well whoever wins the most money takes all the rest of the players up to the hotel rooms for sexual favours.

I think I was looking a little bit green because he started laughing at me. Although you would look a little bit green too, because I touch these people's hands when I pass them money, who knows what kinds of germs you pick up from sharing the same woman???! Sloppy thirds? fourths? fifths? Bleugh. And now whenever I walk past that table I think 'ew'.. and then five of them disappeared at once last night and ' double ew'. Of course, they could've just gone for dinner.. but the suspicious seed has been planted already [wrong choice of words. shut up]

And then we have little cases of corruption which don't bother anybody else but bothers me [mostly because it involves me having to look like a simpering fan]. One of the bartenders came up to me and said "Mush, can you ask that guy if he wants a drink? The pit boss wants him to have a free drink."

Me: Mmm, why is he getting free drink?
Bartender: Because he's a footballer.
Me [irritated]: He's getting a free drink because he's a footballer. Is he dehydrated?
Bartender: *gives me death stare

Good grief, I don't want to pump up this guys massive [but strangely cute] head more than it already is. So I go up and glare at him, politely of course. "Excuse me, the supervisor wants you to have a drink? Would you like a drink?" And him, wondering how come the waitress is so hostile [she is not a giggly fan. she doesn't want to give you a free drink based on the fact you can hold a ball and run through a scrum] ever so politely declines.

Siiiiigh. Other things happened that weekend too but I guess I'll just post it tomorrow- hopefully my phone is working then.

In which Mush talks about nothing much

I alternately have the songs' Jack and Diane' and 'Diamonds on the inside' by Ben Harper running through my head, its a good thing they sound somewhat similar, otherwise you'd be facing one unhappy blogger [on a related note, 'If I just lay here' by Snow patrol and 'Every breath you take' makes for an interesting mash up as well. I don't like Snow patrol however, I think they're beyond repetitive. which is odd because I think that ordinarily they'd be a band I like. Y'know mournful. wail-ey. Coldplay type lyrics but bah. Bah for Snow patrol.]

So I think I have fulfilled my talk-y music quota for the month.

Anyway updates from my life.

- Our bathroom lightbulb has finally been fixed. Hurrah! it only took about fourteen calls, two angry emails and a threat to take our horrible-ass landlord to court. That last threat finally got his motor running. We had been showering in the dark for a month. There's a special spot in hell reserved for assholes like him.

- Malawi replied to my note on facebook. She said thanks for the note and it was ok. We're never going to be the best of friends but at least I got that off my chest. [Sb looked at me and said "I think you watch too much Earl", of course this is coming from someone who remembers the faces of people who wronged him so he can pee on their door handles]

- The thesis. Halfway through my first rough draft. My tutor asked me to speak to a prominent feminist to get her opinion. It was like trying to catch a frog with a piece of popcorn. First her emails bounced and then when I called her she said to email and I said the emails bounce! she said try again. So I emailed AGAIN and then she emailed back with why don't you call me? I had to pop my eyes back in from rolling them so much. She emailed ever so sweetly that she would love to help me if I was doing my masters. I am not doing my masters.

Hokai. Finally she said "Call me on wednesday" and so I called her this morning. I have done quite a bit of interviewing in my short undergraduate career, but this was seriously the worst interview I've ever done. She shot down all my questions with "I don't think.." you know if other journalists can answer my questions .. the very same questions.. why can't you?? I didn't know if she was expecting more pseudo-intellectual questions [such as Lacanian theory suggests that we are all lacking, what exactly about Britney are we lacking and what does this say about Derridean theory?. Please shoot me if I ever start asking questions like that in the middle of an interview] Finally I cut it short because her answers pretty much killed any remaining questions I had left. She is the director of communications at UNSW, if you're the director of communications. Communicate?!. For Gods sake, answer the goddamn question, don't say you don't think anything of Britney because even freaking president Bush has an opinion on Britney.

Siiigh. In hindsight, I wouldn't have spent so much time chasing after her. Dems the breaks I guess.

F-cup tea

I walked past this yesterday and as I skimmed past it I thought vaguely, why do only people with f-cups get tea? and then I realised that it was tea for people who want f-cups.

So I thought I would take a picture of it so you can have a giggle. [Or I can have a giggle, since my thesis on Britney is depressing me. So she bombed at the VMA's.. Can she now please move to Montana so I don't have to read articles where people are nasty to her? I'm looking at you Perez Hilton]

Here it is! My tattoo! Three years in the making!

Shes looking a little demonic here. I hope she lightens up.

So Lighto and I made it to the front of the tattoo parlour and he had a hard enough keeping me from running off and chugging down four shots of absinthe. We went in and there was already a couple of girls and a gaggle of mainland teenagers. The drilling was making me antsy and the poor chinese girl getting a rose and a butterfly [gag] on her ankle was making me feel worse. Her face was red and she looked like at any second she was going to burst into tears. She was gripping the table like the table was about to save her life.

Breathe. breathe. Its her ankle. Its the bone. Yours will not hurt as much.

By the way, all you people who say it doesn't hurt are liars! liars!

The tattooist who was very nice to me tried to make me feel better by making some really really terrible jokes. If I could remember what they were, I would tell you.

So I turned up the ipod up to eleven and the drilling began. I could still hear the drilling through my ipod [frick] and the pain was ridiculous. It was as if someone was taking a cigarette to my skin. And I was making the most awful faces from the pain, squinching and biting.. I think I heard some other customers having a giggle at my faux-orgasm face [the fact that I can hear giggles and drilling through my ipod means that either a] my ipod sucks or b] they must have supersonic giggles. Its an either or]

I was gripping Lighto's arm so hard I was putting dents in it. So I kept switching spots on his arm. the end result being he didn't have one big bruise, but several smaller bruises. He looked like someone dotted him with purple texta.

The wait took about an hour. But the tattooing only take ten minutes. Ten minutes! It was two and a half songs!

Anyway it was three year process to get my courage up. Its my first and last tattoo.

In bed with Mush

Why are you in bed?

I'm doing my thesis in bed. The internet distracts me.

What are you wearing?

I'm wearing pink pyjamas with love hearts on them. My mum bought them. They are not sexy.

Do you really look like that when you get up?

Yes, but generally I'm in colour.

Why are you so lazy?

Genetics?

You haven't posted real pictures for months! and now you give us these cheap photos with your hair unbrushed and in your pyjamas?!

I can't really explain that. I'm hoping you think its cute. It probably isn't.

What is that stuff behind you?

QV cream, my reading glasses and this ugly ass flamingo cup that my aunty bought me for christmas.

What turns you on?

Get away, you perverted fucker.

Are you going to post something real soon? Or are you going to just continue to put up photoes of you in bed?

I will post up something real soon, right after I finish my nap.

How nine year olds can ruin lives

You know with the amount of time that I spend bugging around on facebook [instead of doing my thesis!] I was bound to hit upon people from my past from high schools and former workmates. And there were heaps.

Anyway, to cut to the chase for some reason or another I typed in the name of one of my former primary school classmates, for privacy's sake we'll call her Malawi.

Around the age of nine, I was a bit of a little shit.. I was a nine year old on a power trip [well if nine years olds can have power trips then I was on one], there was only three other girls in my grade. One I designated my best friend and the other two I regularly tormented, well I wasn't a tween Goering or anything but you know I would leave them out of things and be mean to them behind their backs.

At one point, it all went terribly wrong, we were out walking towards some sort of sporting event and I asked my best friend "So tell me stuff about Malawi. " I was fishing for gossip [even at that age], and the other girl said "yeah, what does she do?".

She looked at me and said "She has sex with her dog. They walk around naked so the dog can lick them" And being nine.. we were thunder struck. It never occurred to us that she could be lying.

At any point, all of this stuff somehow came out [I still don't know how to this day] and she was taken to the principals office and parents were called in. When Malawi's mum came out she went straight up to me, looked me in the eye and said "You didn't believe any of the things she said did you? She's a very naughty girl". I shook my head mutely. I can still remember the look in her eyes, analysing me. Why would we and how could we be so hurtful?

Afterwards we cornered her, and we were outraged. How could you lie to us?! Why would you lie to us?? And weeping she said "You kept asking and asking, and I didn't have anything to tell you, so I made it up".

At the end of the year, the other girl and I moved away, leaving my best friend and Malawi the only two girls in that playground. I heard that occasionally they still played with each other after I left.

Anyway, I saw Malawi on facebook. From her photo and everything, she turned out alright. She's quite pretty. I thought it would probably do to get it off my chest to apologise for being such a shit. So I've sent her a letter, here's hoping she reads it.

Whenever I was bullied in high school I would think of it and think of her and I tried to not mind so much because I knew a lot of it was karmic. Watch your kids people, kids are cruel.

Its a tattoo sign!

As you all know I've been seriously thinking about getting a tattoo for what? two years now? And the other day I saw this girl with this awesome tattoo on her hand right in the spot nestled between her thumb and her index finger. And it gave me pangs.. as in where the hell is my tattoo?? How come I still don't have a little waving Hello Kitty on my back??

Anyway I was seriously considering this as I walked off the train when right past me a girl walks with a Hello Kitty bag. And you know what? I will take that as a sign. I am going to do it!

More listing stuff instead of actual blogging

More random stuff, because my posting has been so sporadic. [Does anyone else remember that quote from Clueless? "I'll see you later!" "I hope not sporadically.." hahaha sorry thats probably funnier in context. Watch the movie]

* I love my parents. My parents drive me crazy. They're the only people I know who will whisper "bomb" in a restaurant because they think we're being bugged by the government. A Chinese restaurant. In North Sydney.

*Last week I saw the first moon eclipse of my life. [I also missed Halleys Comet, but I was three..?]
And it was...well not even mildly romantic. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was blood red and why does my first eclipse have to be blood red?? Why couldn't it have been like a light blue or something instead of looking like an incoming apocalypse?

* My friend Saffron and her husband-to-be are coming with us to Japan! Hooray! We're going to drink sake and watch hentai [ha. Just kidding about the hentai. She once showed me a cartoon where the woman was being tortured by being electrocuted by her genitals, after which she lost control of her bladder. And that? turned me off sex forever and ever. It also made me fearful of people that hold clamps]

* I am putting off doing my thesis.

* I am also putting off work experience.

* Apparently I'm going to be a bum and work at the casino for the rest of my life

* I'm put off by men with big heads. Theres a guy I'm going to school with, who has a massive head literally and metaphorically. Well I guess a big head would be good for... head butting? I don't know.

And back to avoiding doing my thesis. Sigh.