Mush's Animal Rescue

I was walking home yesterday after dinner with my parents when I saw a kitten sitting in the middle of the road crying.

Seriously, what kind of heartless mofo would I be if I left it in the street to get killed? So I coaxed it into the nearest apartment garden and I was stumped. Now what?

[It was now blissfully ignoring me and stalking an insect. It was very cute]

I looked up and I saw a guy on his balcony watching us. He was also kinda cute. But now was not the time.

"HEY DUDE, IS THIS YOUR CAT?"

"No, Is it lost?"

We backed and forwarded a little bit but he was clearly as stumped as I was. And it looked like it was about to start pouring rain.

The cat lost interest in the insect and started crying again. At the guy on the balcony.

"..Do you want a cat?"

There was only one thing to do, and that was take miserable kitty here to the shelter except my car was parked ten blocks down and I am not adept at cat holding. Dog holding, I'm a master. Cat holding, no. So I called Egg to pick me up. Except that today he didn't have the car. Fuck. I would have to pick it up and hope to God it wouldn't want to maul me. For ten blocks. I didn't like my chances.

For the 45,000th time this year I wished that Mexicana or Sb were still around to tell me what to do. The two of them were much more cat-oriented than I am. But of course life moves on and we [cat and I] were about to get soaked, so I hauled up my courage and I picked it up.

I don't think I picked it up right.

I know that technically I'm supposed to pick it up by the scruff but that looks like it would really freaking hurt. So I put two hands under the body and held it away from me so it wouldn't scratch me. It cried the entire way and when I mean the entire way, I mean the two blocks that we managed to walk. With me panicked, and the cat entering mewing hysteria.

So two blocks in and cat had finally had enough of being carried like a leprous football and it squirmed out and hid under the four wheel drive.

Eight blocks to go.

And then another round of coaxing. Once again, dogs are easier nad come when you call them. I called Egg again.
"She's under the four wheel drive! Now what?!"
"Crawl under there and get her."
"What."

I was not going to crawl under there so I waited and waited. And this is absurd. Stupid cat.

Finally she [I don't know why it's suddenly a she] came out and I picked her up, she did another "I don't like this!" squirm and disappeared down the path and up a tree.

Ok, chances of me climbing a tree on my wedge busted ankle: none

Sometimes you just can't save something that doesn't want to be saved.