I hate tours

So I was on the phone to my stepmum today finalising details of flights.. and she was excited "Oh, we're going to go to Disneyland and Vegas, and I think we're going to take a tour!"

I said politely, "Oh, A tour. How nice" and then I got off the phone and started doing a frantic dance of eurrrrgggggggghhhhhhh.

At the risk of coming off completely bratty [and what the hell I am bratty, but I don't dare you to say that to my face] in a world where there are people who can't afford holidays and are barely putting food on the table...

I hate tours. I hate them. I hate getting shepherded on and off buses like sheep. In fact, I hate buses. I hate tour guides telling lame jokes that they've told til they develop permanent monotone. I hate not properly being able to explore a place without being ushered back into the bus. I hate stragglers that make the bus wait. I hate looking at the back of people's heads for seven hours, I've already sat on a plane for seven hours. I hate when tour guides point out something that only one side of the bus can see. I hate being seen as a tourist [even if I am- I don't need you locals to excess judge me more than you already are!]. I hate being taken to places that are so obviously tourist-y, and cater exclusively to idiots on tours with overpriced elephant carvings and fridge magnets. I hate that everybody buys those fridge magnets.
I hate the line getting off the bus. I hate the people that come back early instead of exploring so they can snag a seat on the bus- those people are the biggest douchebags of all time.

Do you get that I hate tours and all that they represent? Argh. Give me a map and some sneakers any day of the week.