Rain rain go away

So now that my exams are over..I'm completely bored [relieved yet bored], and outside its pissing down rain, which is annoying me because it means that Minnie is not peeing outside but peeing on my kitchen floor [the mop handle actually has my palm imprinted onto it] not once but six times a day. I'm not even giving her much water so I don't know where its coming from.

The rain is also hampering my ability to do laundry [as you can see lack of socks] and my motivation to go out and do my driving test*.

I blame the weather for my life not being as glamorous as it should be!

Oh oh lastly but not leastly has anyone had a dirty mother cocktail? Its made of tequila, kahlua and milk. Someone ordered it the other day and it tasted strangely of old shoes, but I think I must have a hankering for old shoes [or shoes in general] because I didn't hate it the way I'd normally throw up long island iced teas. Of course under the circumstances I had to pretend I hated it, but I could see myself ordering one and annoying the bartender to bits.
"A dirty mother? ....Yeah I said your mother!"**

* motivation? what motivation? whats motivation?
**I will show you my black eye that comes up from a punch up involving dirty mothers

Weekend restaurant madness

Its restaurant madness! Everything was great [except for the sardines.. why would you order sardines at a restaurant??]



Men and Kandy- that light at the back of their heads? is someone else across the street taking photos. Synchronicity!


Chicken impressing all the women at the table


She was duly impressed




The natural shot up the top didn't really work, so they turned to me instead [albeit reluctantly with maximum wheedling on my part].


Its like an art gallery! of poses! [I like how Teric's head is in the hole]


And lastly, the two of us.. remember me mentioning that bandaid? you can't see it cos I turned my photo quality down to low.. Muahahahahahah.

If you haven't tried tapas, try tapas.. its like yum cha for Spanish people.

Its a pimple story

I've had this massive pimple on my face for the last five days. Its not a normal pimple, its an angry ping pong ball pimple and I've been hiding it behind my hair during my weekdays at uni.
The weekend was coming up and it still wasn't gone so I thought I would pull out the big guns and use the ultimate pimple zapper.

Toothpaste. [Toothpaste carries some drying substance that shrinks it .. I've tried it before]

However.. however, we've recently switched toothpastes to some Colgate triple action mohokey and I placed it on my pimple. Did I mention this Colgate triple action mohokey is blue? neon blue?

So the time came for me to peel the paste off my face and it wouldn't peel off. The paste was not dry but sticky and clinging to my cheekbone. It also made my pimple neon blue. And it wouldn't wash off.

The weekend came and I didn't want to explain to every Tom, Dick and Harry at work why my acne was not um... acne coloured, so I slapped a bandaid over it and proceeded to wait on people.

My customers thought I had been beaten up! They were horrified and stricken, "what happened?" and I would sigh " Oh.. long story....." rinse, lather, repeat. One patron offered to beat up SB for me. Another tsked and looked at me sadly "Why would anyone fight you? You're so small, what kind of world are we coming to?"

Anyway the weekend is over and my face is still not back to normal. Its still blue. The lesson here is don't use Colgate triple action for any blemishes, well not unless you want colourful bits on your face.

Hey.... Macarena.

I was an incredibly dorky child. I listened to Hanson, I loved Nick Carter [back before he was a Paris Hilton-beating trainwreck] and I had a bowlcut which never seem to reach past my ears. I wore midriff tops with paint splattered denim cutoffs and if I wanted to 'dress up' I wore a black vest over a turquoise coloured turtleneck. I was the human epitome of uncool.

Anyway fast forward to today, where I'm slightly better but still have this horrifying tendency to lean towards poodle perms. [In fact, I'm currently sporting one thanks very much]

I was at work the other day and they started playing "The Macarena" on the tv [The Los Del Rio version] and I started chanting under my breath to the lyrics, this didn't perturb me much.

I glanced up at the screen, and thought "hmm.. hey if I concentrate sorta hard- I could probably remember the dance moves". I went back to wiping the tables.

And then I took one last look at the screen [wiping tables is boring] and then the *asian dancer came up. Theres this one screen shot where she grins at you all cutesy like and I almost fell over from mortification.

I used to wear that lipstick! I hunted around for that same lipstick because I thought it would make me look good! And now I realise that both you and I looked like jaundice victims chewing hubba bubba. Oh to be young and stupid.

Here you are I'm posting a picture of said asian girl. The colour for some reason is much better in the picture than the actual clip.




And thats what I wanted to emulate when I was twelve. I need to go lay down now.

The Height of Self Obsession

So yesterday SB came up to me and said in his most gravest of voices

"Mush, I have something to tell you, but Paul-Robinson doesn't think I should tell you because you'll get upset"

A this point I was thinking he was going to tell me George Clooney had died in the throes of passion with Bai Ling and I was fully prepared to sprawl on the floor and shriek 'Why her?!!! Why not ME??!!"

"I met a girl today, and she looked exactly like you.. I actually thought it was you"

"Oh," I said getting up off the floor "Is that all?.. Geez I thought you were going to tell me that George Clooney was dead"

Later when I had more time to ponder it, I decided that having a person that looked just like me could possibly be an excellent thing.

Me: So..? tell me all about her..
SB: her name is K, and she looks exactly like you except that shes slightly shorter. If shes your long lost twin sister and she wasn't brought up here, she probably has a calcium deficiency to explain it. Maybe you should ask your Dad if he did anything he shouldn't have.
Me: Ooh.. so the figure and everything huh?
SB: yeah the figure is the same
Me: so maybe you should bring her home! and we could have a threesome
SB: *goggles.
Me: I always wanted to know how I look during sex, and this could potentially be the way!
SB: *squeaks.. they have cameras for that sort of the thing
Me: Well its not really the same, I mean what if she arches and it looks funny then next time I could say to her "don't arch like that" and she could say "Yeah, I think we should lift our legs higher"
SB: .................. I think one of you is enough...
Me: Well even if its not about the sex, I'd still be okay if you dated her, because it'd be like you dating me! we could walk down the street together and freak everyone out

At this point, SB fell into a coma from the idea of handling two Mushes.

---------------------------------------

And now.. can I unveil the rock?




Its my Aunties Ring, I'm just borrowing it. Its handy for knuckle sandwiches and waving my hands flagrantly in peoples faces. Seriously that thing is the size of a golf ball, I'm a little bit in love with it.

The Rambles of a Weekend

I don't really have the words to describe this weekend. It was eventful yet not, if you asked me if I was busy- I would've said no, but I wasn't really at home every night either! so... [I should dispense with the wiffle waffle I 'm thinking]

Friday Night: Dilmahs Birthday
Saturday Night: SB's parents place.. and a wild detour for a puppy
Sunday Night: A double date at the Tomato Cafe

and of course I was working through the entire weekend. Which was strangely uneventful- I hope thats not a calm before the storm kind of thing, in which I come back next weekend and I'm fired or something.


I'm still waffling. Damn.

Weird Conversation 1#
[On the phone]
Me: Hey Mum, we're at the shops. what should we get for UP's [my stepdads] birthday? I was
thinking a bottle of wine.
Mm: Don't get wine! we have too much wine already!
Me: That really should've occurred to you like a hundred bottles ago.
Mm: ..
Me: So then what does he need?
Mm: Why are you buying a gift so late?? You're supposed to put more thought into it
Me: I did. I thought he would like a bottle of wine.
Mm: I know what you can get him
Me: yes...
Mm: Underwear, go and buy him some underwear from K-mart
Me: uh?wha? sorry? can you repeat that so my therapist can bill me some more????
Mm: He needs underwear, get a six pack from K-Mart
Me: Ma. I'm not buying him underwear and presenting it to him at the dinner table. I also don't want him thinking of me when he wears it *dry retches everywhere
Mm: Well its what he needs

SB in the background starts flailing in laughter.
Me: I have to go, SB is having a seizure.

Weird Conversation 2#
At work I spot a guy with one jean leg tucked into his boot, and one jean leg out. I'm staring at it because it looks something that I would do.
Cute guy: 1950's vintage boot.
Me: Oh, right

Where can I find a boyfriend who knows the origin of his shoes? we can discuss whether he thinks my heels are Audrey Hepburn-esque and whether this weekend we should go shoe shopping, because y'know we need new shoes.....

Onto other things.

Dilmah's Birthday.



The boy is a drunk hugger. Which is of course better than a drunk puncher. I happen to be a drunk arm waver.


The eminent Md


Md and Dilmah's girl




The Great Tomato Cafe Double Date

The thing about the Tomato Cafe is that I'm sort of in love with it. I mean its called the Tomato Cafe and it has these great furniture ideas , like couches instead of chairs, it could be gorgeous and yet its sort of derelict. See?




And the other thing about it is, that the waiter there is a fourteen year old boy. A very nice very cute fourteen year old boy, but hes only a freaking baby. And to top it off he doesn't speak much english. So every time we called him over, he looked stressed. He was sweating and there was only two tables. I felt really sorry for him, I wanted to pat him on the head and send him home. Of course, the others just made fun of him [the bastards]. At any rate, I don't really want to go back because I'm afraid the next time we go, he'll have heart failure and I don't want to really be responsible for his poor mothers grief. Ahem. [Again with the digression]



Theres not that many choices on the menu, I dunno why he's so deep in thought.



I guess that smile means that I'm paying


Its Dakota and her new bf... we'll call him Comic Book Guy... he seems nice enough


I had to crop my chin, It was taking up too much room


Thats my "I'm missing Greys Anatomy" face. See the despair?


And that was my weekend. [And I have still yet to talk about the macarena, or the missing puppies or.. y'know I think I'll save those for a later post]

The Pros and cons of another puppy.

While other people around the world are attending parties and passing out on coke and magic mushrooms. I'm sitting here trying to decide if I'm fiscally and emotionally responsible enough to buy another puppy. [Seriously, I'm so boring- I want to be passed out on something or at least snockered on apple schnapps somewhere, but alas my cupboard only carries peach so no wholesale imbibing for me.]

In any case, I'm thinking of getting an new puppy. I've been thinking of it for a while. I went to DoggyRescue, and SB spent so much time dragging his feet that by the time he changed his mind, the doggie I wanted was gone [hopefully to a good home, he deserves it.]

So Mexicana dragged me to another pet store, where I met her..




She is without a doubt freaking adorable.

But of course me being me, cannot buy a puppy without completely overanalysing, reanalysing. second guessing and then coming back to overanalyse some more. [Don't worry, I'm completely neurotic- I can do the same with a pair of shoes. Hours upon hours of hemming and hawing]


Pros:

It'd be nice to have the company, our family could do with some expansion.

I think Minnie could do with a little sister, I'd like Minnie to be less lonely.

Cons:

She is really really really expensive. Shes not kind of expensive. Shes the I-only-have-two-pennies-left expensive.

I'm not happy about giving that much money to a pet store. I'm well aware of the crappy reputation that pet stores have and I'm not really sure I want to contribute to it.

I don't know if I'm emotionally ready for another puppy. I'm even less sure that SB is [feet-dragger].

Peanut Butter= Orgasm

When I was fifteen I started developing allergies. Not haha allergies, but allergies that blew my hands up to Mickey Mouse proportions. For weeks I was waving my man hands in peoples faces. When I went to the doctor he said I was allergic to [deep breath]

prawns.
lobsters.
yeast.
certain types of grass

and.. peanuts!

peanuts!

I had to give up my beloved peanut butter to save my hands.

At any point, during these last nine years my allergies have subsided enough so that I can eat most of these foods [you have no idea how cranky I've been at family dinners when lobster and crab were passed around and all I had was strawberry ice cream and fried rice]

but I haven't had peanut butter til today.

And Oh Lord, it was a reunion in my mouth, I sat there with a jar of it frantically shovelling it down my maw. I think at one point I let out an audible sob.



So peanut butter, my bestest buddy, my soulmate- we are once again reunited. Fate shall not divide us again! [Its crunchy all the way, none of that wussy smooth stuff]

My personal campaign of terror

A few months ago on a busy Saturday evening, a patron asked me for a hot chocolate. Being the wonderful and delightful server that I am, I agreed.

Anyway he drank a mouthful of chocolate and a mouthful of blood, because the glass had a chip in its side and he had split his lip. In any case, he wasn't too happy about redrinking his own fluids. [Well, you coulda sorta tell by his face- he obviously couldn't really talk.]

Cut to yesterday, I was picking up empty and sort of empty glasses, but this one glass was slathered in vaseline [ok, no it wasn't] and it slipped straight out of my fingers and bounced onto the floor and all the liquid cascaded up and splashed the same customer all over the face and all over his jacket.

The same fricking customer.

The same ?%$&#$@%$%^$ing customer.

To put it mildly, he was infuriated. And as compensation, he demanded twenty five lattes. I made twenty five frigging lattes. Although now that I look back, I'm glad he didn't demand my head on a pike and my firstborn child because thats what I think he was really aiming for.

Anyway third times the charm- I hope to go the next six months without somehow decapitating him. Although don't be surprised if you read in the paper- "Freak spray of cards kills poker player, waitress denies involvement."

[Don't worry, I didn't just get it from him, I'm now known around the casino and down its hallways as the girl that serves coffee on you, not to you. My reputation precedes me, I think I will go lie down now]

I'm not adulterous. Just violent.

If you listen to the gossip of the casino, well then you must be very bored. Anyway I was so insanely bored that I left early.

But not before one of my bartenders pulled me aside to tell me the gaming supe wanted to ask me out.

Huh.

Of course theres the niggling fact that I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend [thats not a freaking niggle by the way, thats the empire state building squashing you sideways]

oh and that I don't date people from work. I just don't. The Casino pays my bills but that may be the nicest thing I ever say about it. Some people are nice and some people have been working there so long that its addled their brains to the point where we need to herd them onto a type of farm.

Anyway if he asks [says the unsubstantiated gossip] I will catapult across the room and ninja kick him in the nuts. Or maybe I'll just politely refuse [which sounds a little more like me]

Things that:

Since nothing really interesting is happening in my life.. its time for some lists!

Ta-dah!

Things that gross me out: [ummm.. no pictures]

1. Peeling prawns. Especially twisting the head off because when you do black goo spills out followed by unidentifiable yellow mush. Also prawns are distant cousins to cockroaches. Therefore what I'm really peeling is a sea cockroach.

2. Anatomy for Beginners. Apparently you can peel a man's balls like an orange. You just slice and then take the outer layer right off, leaving you with um... balls...maggot coloured balls. Its as gross as it sounds. Oh and just for fun the professor [of Horror!] takes a pin and sticks it in the tip of the [non skin covered] penis. I almost ralphed.

3. Speaking of ralphing. Guess who threw up spaghetti-os in the bathroom? Its a lovely orange and red colour. And the aftertaste in your mouth tastes like lemons. Cheesy lemons.

And now .. who feels like dinner with me?!

SB's birthday

So it was SB's birthday, and I will dispense with the mushy stuff so you all don't gag all over your keyboards [but i wuv himmm, wuv himmm 4eva! SB4MushMush!]

Ha I lied, commence regurgitation.

Anyhoo I thought I would just post a billion pictures. And do some random commentary, you know you love random commentary.





So yes, as I mentioned before I gave SB a bubble machine for his birthday, he enjoyed it. But Minnie not so much enjoying being sprayed by bubbles.

So at night time we went for dinner in Thai Pathong. Seriously the restaurant is gorgeous, full of gay waiters, pretty cocktails and art for sale.


Frank and Sue


Um.. The birthday boy is giving me gangster fingers




I did mention the cocktails?


Joanne and Caroline






Alan and Christine


Cake!


Me: Thats not a knife......


SB: Are you seriously quoting Dundee to me? now?


It's a birthday surprise


Yes, that bag spent on a whole night on my lap. There was nowhere to put it. I am not showing off.

The guy in black is our waiter. remember the customer is always right and if they ask you to pose then pose!


And just for fun at a completely different restaurant, well this is kind of self explanatory. I think there is food on his tongue.

Shh..

Its Sb's birthday present.

Not yet wrapped for tomorrow. I hope its a sunny day for us to take it outside.

Its one of those days

When you're 5c away from your train fare, when you drop your ipod twice, and the library takes an hour and a half to get you three books. The only thing to do is sleep. Look how happy SB looks. I'm pretty sure I don't look that happy when I sleep*

*See previous post. Anvils! Anvils! Anvils everywhere!

Meet me at the altar in your white dress

Last month I dreamt:

That Mexicana, Saffron and I were standing at the bottom of a very very tall staircase. It was like a giant fire escape with nothing else connected to it. Anyway Mexicana and Saffron had this great idea [sigh. not so great] to climb to the top of this staircase thing, and I was like "are you kidding me? I'm afraid of heights!" and they're all "Nooo! It'll be cool!" so anyway up we go, for some reason they are wearing spangly stilettos and I am wearing flats [although now that I think about it, yeah ok I'm the flats girl] and so we're racing all twenty nine levels of it. When we reach the top, we're so high up that we're kind of surrounded by clouds. Anyway Saffron happy to be there, leans backwards on the railing and shes on those stilettos so she topples right over it and plunges down.. down... down. Mexicana and I rush to the railing to look for her, but when I look down I know theres no hope, because theres no way anyone can survive a fall from twenty nine storeys.

Then I wake up.

Yesterday Saffron told me she was getting married. And this is the part where you tell me I should stop over analysing my dreams.

My robot..

My robot doesn't do anything a robot is supposed to do such as clean the house and cook me breakfast. Instead he walks around in circles all day pausing occasionally to glare at me menacingly, I need a new robot.

Random notes on my life

Yesterday my cousin and his wife had a baby boy. They are only going to speak to him in english, the kid is going to grow up having people swear at him in chinese and only being able to answer them back in hand signals.

I served a pair of sixty year old twins cups of coffee. They were wearing the same clothes and same make-up. However their make-up was identically horrendous. You should never wear blue and green [and purple] eyeshadow at sixty.

We thought my new phone was broken but really we had just plugged it in the wrong way, we are very smart.

I'm sitting here deciding whether I should take an extra bartending shift at a nightclub on Saturday. I'm really hitting the overnighters lately.

The checkout boy thought I was weird when I bought an orange and a jar of honey. I had to explain to him that I was sick not crazy. The orange was moldy anyway.

My Stepdad has offered to pay for my wedding, my Dad has not. SB thinks my Dad will be shitty if he found out.
Me: Do you really think my dad is going to pay for my wedding?? especially with Irene involved?? if I'm lucky I might get a cupcake in a park with a newspaper on my head as a veil. They might pay for the newspaper because they've read it already.
SB: Well he'll be pissed off that he [the Stepdad] paid for it. Hou mou mien (Lost face)
Me: Right... so he's not going to pay for it, and he doesn't want other people to pay for it.. whos going to pay for it?? The government??
SB: Free weddings for all!

Our bar ran out of napkins, so I spent a good two hours cutting up the remaining napkins in half to make them last. Not one customer noticed which makes me think that I'm a great napkin cutter, the best in the bartending business.

Its a weekend blowout

So the weekend it starts off with a bang and finishes on an almighty explosion that wipes out mankind and.. um.. everybody else.

Friday: Mexicana's Bday. Dinner at the Bellevue Hotel, I never want to see another beef chippolata again. Or smell one or have to shove one down my maw. Also when did security at karaoke get so tight? Its karaoke not an airport- I'm just saying. What am I going to hijack? a microphone??

Saturday: I'm too freaking croaky to go to work. I call in sick and my supervisor thinks I'm playing a joke on him. Sigh. So I lay back for the day recovering and then head off to Bamboo.
The best thing about Bamboo is undoubtedly Squishy the mascot panda, he does body rolls and makes coy movements with his paws. He also takes people tackling him quite nicely [far nicer than I'd be if random kept grabbing me for bear (panda?) hugs]. They play "Sweet Home Alabama" over the sound system, which should really tell you something about the club and the likelihood that I'll go back.

Sunday: Holy Fuck. It's seven in the morning. What am I doing at work? I can't keep my eyes open and I'm ridiculously trying to hide the stamp on my arm in a short sleeved shirt. I tell everyone I have the flu. Although I have to say I look quite ok for someone who hasn't slept for thirty hours [of course that might just be my contacts distorting from being in my eyes for the same amount of time]

Monday: It's dinner time and my parents fight over dinner. Everyone cries. The weekend is officially over.

Happy Birthday!

To my best friend who:

-dances with me on the street [while we recite lines from Titanic]

-remembers that I like to take the express elevator

-treats my puppy as her own

-always lends me shoes because my high heels are always two sizes too small

-sits for hours with me while we drink moscato and flip through trashy magazines

-never fails to give me jazz hands

Its totally your day. Muah muah.

So fluey

And so cranky. Its a good day to stay in bed and just feel miserable. I used to think that rain was romantic. I was young and stupid. And obviously read too much Bronte [Even I could tell at fifteen that Heathcliff and Cathy were selfish, manipulative gits, those poor Lintons should've just packed up and moved house]



Yeah I'm special, I don't even use normal tissues. I use specially bought japanese ones, although really theres not much difference.
[Btw I've taken this with my new phone camera not my new chipmunk borked one, I'm hoping my photoes will get better with time, it does look a bit fuzzy though.]

So two months ago..

I asked [I can't think of an appropriate name so we'll call her Squishy- I'm in the middle of a creative drought you know] Squishy to empty the bins at work before she left. She looked at me and said "Only if the supervisors pay me overtime"

Today Squishy asked me to empty the tub of plates before I left, I looked at her and said innocently "Am I getting overtime?"

Tatergirls dictionary defines karma as: the justice by which deeds done during one lifetime affect a persons status in a later incarnation.

In other words empty the damn bin otherwise later no one is going to empty your tubs for you. The End.

[well maybe not the end we'll see what happens tomorrow, maybe we'll just both leave everything everywhere and the casino will be overrun by giant rats.]

Excuse not to study #46832

When she left our house, Tatergirl left a few things- most of them sort of junky, a fifty cent ironing board, packets of salt, a freaking grapefruit, an outstanding loan of ten dollars which I will never see again in my lifetime [and if paid back in thirty years will be worth peanuts] and a Heinemann Australian Dictionary.

It's a dictionary and its supposed to be useful, I mean who ever heard of a useless dictionary? And it was complied by the good and hard working people at La Trobe University [Well, I think they're good and hard working- they could just be manic wife beaters or something. All of them.]

So anyway, I sat down to study yesterday morning [go me!] and there were a few words that I didn't really understand so I pulled it out and started thumbing for meanings.

First word: Kleptocrats .. kleptocrats.. kleptocrats.. nope, nothing, not even kleptomania to tide me over.

Second word: Circumscription.. circumscription... its a noun?? and??

how can I work under these circumstances????! Its an outrage!

I cannot, I'm not studying til' someone buys me a proper fricking dictionary*. Or leaves me one**.

*The stupid thing was published in 1992, it doesn't even feature the word internet, but then what did I expect when she left it behind? a moldy piece of fruit and an outdated book.. gahhhhhhh...

** a new one, not one published in 1665, thanks very much.

Explain yourself phantom!

Today I found a guitar pick while cleaning between the floorboards, so I'm supposing the ghost of a dead guitar player haunts our house*. Or else our useless landlord was serenading our dog while we were away**.

*The previous owner was an old lady, there are just not that many ninety old guitar players around.

**That might help to explain her precocious temperament

My liver just conked out

If you looked at me carefully [not there, you pervert] you would probably come to the conclusion that I am a very sedate, crossword-doing, stay at home on a Friday night, only drinks a glass a year type of person [its true, look at my eyes- so innocently blinking at you]

but if you took an MRI and took a look at my liver [just saying, shuttup] you would then conclude that the liver belonged to a fifty year old woman that wears nothing but stilettos and a boob tube while drunkenly offering herself for another vodka. I will.. I will... not have sex with you if you buy me another drink?

So anyway last week I had:.

Ready?

5 kettles of soju [ thats kettles not shots]
1 shot of chartreuse [gah]
4 Cowboys
6 Quickfucks
a smirnoff black


My liver is making tsk tsk noises and looking to inhabit another body, vampire style.
although really its not as bad as my co-worker who hasn't stopped drinking since he was a wee tot and has recently started vomiting blood. When I start vomiting blood I think I will stop, nah just kidding my liver is making noises again at the thought.

20 Random Facts since I was gone since February

These are not in order by the way.

1. Breast surgery which is not breast surgery is still very expensive. Use health care

2. Men bitch as much as women do, don't believe them when they say they don't.

3. Graphic design class is fun, but ignore the first few lessons when they teach you how to scroll

4. Roaches bounce

5. Sometimes SB's friends don't wash their hands after they pee [dun wipe on your jeans!]

6. "Are you at uni?" is the worst pickup line of all time

7. Don't follow it up with "So you work?", because I will make you cry.

8. No-one [and I have asked about forty people] wants to go to the Easter Show except me, I'm thinking that if I went, it'd just be me alone and a whole bunch of tumbleweeds

9. The 300 is a good film for post analysis shit-kicking, guaranteed to have you and your friends discussing lesbians, hunchbacks and east vs west metaphors [see? now aren't you intrigued?!]

10. Buying a bottle of aloe vera juice on your birthday will result in tears and acrimony.

11. I am the worlds best pictionary player [undisputed!]

12. Two years later, the "violence and civilization" course has the same teacher who is still so boring that he still makes the baby Jesus cry [or at least sleep very soundly]

13. I control the weather by simply saying "Lets go to the beach", it will either result in rain or tsunamis, sometimes both.

14. Verandah bar is too yuppie, even for me. Its Mardi Gras people! Let go!

15. Your fingers in anatomy terms are called the phalanges

16. My hair is black after the first time in eight or so years- back to my asian roots!

17. You can only watch Charlie the unicorn on youtube once, the fourth and fifth time makes your head want to explode

18. When your bf's grandma tells you to stop taking the pill to entrap her darling grandson into marriage, its time for everyone involved to stop watching too much tv.

19. Andy Lau is still hot, but even he can't make me sit through the snooze which is "Battle of the Wits"

20. I don't say this enough but I have the best friends in the world who put up with my neuroses, year in and year out [and they're still here!]