Its a travel blog!

So we're baaaack! All loved up and orange like an oompa loompa. Welcome to Mish's adventures in two of the fastest cities in the world [bring a pillow, its gonna be a long ride, yes I do realise its March and I've missed posting about birthdays, valentines day, surgeries, neh neh neh]

DAY 1: BANGKOK. OMG.

First impressions of Bangkok [and this is coming from the views of a firmly middle class citizen from a firmly middle class country] this place is a mess. Well ok not to the state obvious or anything, lets just quote from the hallowed halls of U2 and be done with it

"The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere"

The traffic here is sensationally insane, crossing a road has a Wile. E. Coyote feel to it, oh sure it misses you now, but sooner or later you're going to end up under the wheels of an anvil/rock/tuk-tuk/motorcycle/hot pink taxi. Dying in Bangkok is not really the way I wanted to go [mid orgasm with Harrison is really my preferred option] so the only real way of avoiding this is convincing yourself that your side of the road is the better side, never mind that it looks like air conditioning on the other side. Your side is better.

And I don't know what they're saying about Bangkok being a prostitute mecca, but I haven't seen a single one let alone been propositioned by one. It's quite disappointing.

Also that King is bugging me. Get out of my face.

DAY 2: BANGKOK. WE'RE STARTING TO ADJUST!

So today was started off at the legendary Khao San! It really wasn't that legendary. Or maybe we were there too early and everyone was asleep [we were still on Sydney time. Bangkok Time? 6 in the morning] except a few drunk backpackers and go-go girls playing pool. Who plays snooker at six in the morning?
Anyway we decided to do something slightly more spiritual, we would visit the temple.

See? Pretty temple and me committing all sorts of sacriliege inside [ and outside] the temple.

Questions that occurred to me inside the temple.
1. OMG. I have a wedgie, should I pull it or wait til I get outside?
2. Why does Buddha have nipples but no genitalia?
3. Will SB kill me if I ask him now?
[Answers. 1. Just pull it, be zapped later.]

Also I got the thrill of seeing a smoking monk, here you can see the picture. I just love it. So after we left the temple, I took my first and last tuk tuk ride. Sorry guys, but never again. ever. If you've ever sat in the back of a tuk tuk without a seatbelt with the driver mowing you into incoming traffic and you think that it would be fun to do it again, you are not doing it with me. Happy tuk tukking to you.

To get out of the heat, we headed to MBK centre! Air con! Woo! Its seven levels of shopping madness, the only thing to avoid in MBK centre is the cult of primary school cheerleaders, really, I don't know what else to call them but they march around in big groups, with their faces painted afterwards they'll stop abruptly and start stomping and singing. It's really bizarre. I don't know if I can really convey to you how bizarre it was, but my ovaries died just a little just watching. [actually I can think of an analogy, its kinda of like the haka in a shopping centre, but miniaturised]

Too much shopping can be hazardous

Day 3: BANGKOK: MIDDLE CLASS MISH

So we got up early because our bodies still hadn't adjusted Bangkokially, its nine in Sydney and five in Bangkok, think about it, it's still dark outside. So we thought we would head up to the world famous Chatuchak market. Kilometres and kilometres of markets, kind of like Paddys' on acid. It was seven o'clock in the morning and it was *hot. It was starting to get very very steamy, not much was open but already it was starting to smell rank. The outsides were ok but the insides were 'hold your breath people, your eyes will start to water' rank. We were there for maybe forty five minutes before we couldn't do it anymore.

So guess where we went? This is how I know I'm so firmly firmly firmly middle class, we headed to a designer shopping centre. Tiffanys! Cartier! Gourmet supermarkets! [I'm sorry I can't help it, air conditioning excites me]

Look at the chips! Have you ever seen so many of the chips in one spot other than in a warehouse? The entire supermarket was like this. Sigh. I could've slept in that supermarket.

That behind me people is a fishtank. A fishtank in a food court. I'm so happy [and decadent].

DAY 4: SORTOF BANGKOK: THE TOUR

I've never been so dusty in my life. I have to tell you by the end of the day I didn't really want to see anymore temples. Temples are pretty, but you can overdose on them. Like drugs.
Me and Sb didn't want to see temples after that for a longlonglonglong time.

See that horrendous yellow shirt? I was made to wear it so I wouldn't show off my scandalous western shoulders. [Don't worry you can see my shoulders in other photoes]

Day 5: PHUKET: WELCOME WELCOME


So we left Bangkok, I couldn't tell you if I missed Bangkok or not, but I was really looking forward to lying on beaches and doing nothing. I don't know what I was expecting of Phuket really. I was expecting it not to smell so much actually and I expected the traffic to be better. You can still get run over in Phuket. I think I was expecting Port Macquarie [and that is what happens when you read too many travel brochures!] We went to the beach, Patong beach to look around and it was positively stuffed with people, it wasn't exactly the quiet retreat I was expecting. I think I may have walked around the rest of the day with my face pinched into an expression of lemony sourness. [you know that look!]


DAY 6: PHUKET: OH YOU CRAZY KIDS

Sooo today we decided we would get away from the mass migration of fanta coloured europeans and take a motorcycle around Phuket, maybe find our own secluded beach and just sleep. Ok, we were silly and foolhardy and did I mention theres traffic in Phuket? And that SB has never driven a motorbike before? oh, and that Phuket is full of HIGHWAYS? Ahh that, you'd think I would think about that before I got on a motorbike with an amateur. Hrrr, obviously the heat was melting my brain. Well the first part of the trip was fine, we biked it to Karon beach which I have to say was perfectly beautiful and there was a real lack of people [hooray!] but when the time came to leave.. lets explore? why not? driving a motorbike on a Phuket highway is nightmare inducing, things are [including babies on harleys] constantly whizzing by you, trucks are honking you, buses are trying to overtake you. I have to tell you I am so proud I never let out a single "eeeeeeeee" possibly I think because my face was frozen in terror and couldn't move any muscles, but still that is besides the point.

We did end up in a mountainous rainforest up the top of Phuket that was really nice, however it said "Do not feed the monkeys, they will bite" There were no monkeys, there were dogs but no monkeys. Oh and some kindly guy stopped us and told us to take off the motorbike brake while we were driving. [yeah, we're amateurs. got it.]

DAY 7: PHUKET: BREASTS! BOYS! SEX!

Admittedly, I do not have really large breasts, they're never going to be the size of my head but you know I have a little bit to work with, but not so much that I'm ever going to put anyone to shame [geez, that was a convoluted way of saying not very big, not very small] but in Phuket apparently my knockers were blocking out the sun. That or Thai girls have no breasts.
I was walking down the street [in a button down shirt, mind you, not a bikini or a singlet] and some guy looked down my shirt and he said "wow". Wow? What wow? Excuse me creepy guy, buy a magazine. Or a dvd. There's lot of them in Thailand. Later on that night I stopped into a lingerie shop, y'know just for looking and I asked the saleswoman [or it might've been a man] "excuse me?" as I pointed to a bra that was probably a minus minus A "do you have anything bigger?".
She/he then hooked her finger around my top looked down my shirt [There's a lot of peeping going on in my shirt!] and said "we don't have anything that big"
I have to say I goggled at her "nothing?"
She pointed at a lone black bra swinging in the breeze at the top of the store.
"Only that one".
That was one lonely b-cup. Needless to say I goggled my way out of there, but not before having a conversation with my chest about how long we could stay in a place that didn't sell bras for anything larger than an a-cup, we couldn't.

DAY 8: PHUKET: AUSTRALIA DAY

So its Australia Day, and SB and I being the patriots that we are thought [after a long day sleeping at the beach] that we would stop by at 'Two Black Sheep' and have a free shooter on the Australians, after all it is our duty!
Hmm.. We got there and harassed the barlady for cocktails we turned around and surveyed the floor. It was some really sad shit. Aussies getting drunk everywhere [which is of course, our international mission] done to a supremely dodgy dance floor with some really supremely dodgy music. Okie doke, I love my country and I would die for it, but you will nevernevernever get me drunk enough to dance to "I am, you are, we are Australian" complete with hand movements, or ummm.. "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" complete with wobbling effects or.. "Pub with no name" [how do you dance to that? huh?!], there are limits to what I will do for my country! So SB and I sculled our drinks and left to watch a Thai drama on tv about witches and zombies, it was infinitely more entertaining than watching everyone falling about to "I still call Australia home".

DAY 9: PHI PHI ISLAND: IT'S PRETTY

What can I say? I think I'll just post some pictures. Very pretty.



DAY 10: PHUKET/BANGKOK/HONG KONG

We spent most of the day taking planes. Goodbye Phuket! Goodbye! SB said he would miss Phuket, but I don't really think I will, I'll miss the holiday aspect of it.. but I dunno, theres not one point of it that I would say "That is what I would miss" and actually genuinely regret leaving it. I'm just glad I'm going where the shit isn't going to hit my feet!
What can I say? When we arrived at Hong Kong I felt like I was coming home, not SB however, his expression was similar to mine when we reached Phuket. Its called "Whatthefuckhave Igottenmyselfinto" face.

DAY 11: HONG KONG: I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

Really I don't have much to say, other than I love it. Even though the people are ruder than .. well there's not much they are ruder than [nazis? fast food restaurants workers? angry lions?]
I feel mostly that if you leave them alone then they will leave you to do your thing as well. However, SB is miseeeerable in Hk, after the habitual Thai politeness, he is going through some extreme culture shock punctured by bouts of "I hate this place!". Me, I can only shrug then turn around to stare at some more shoes.

Well he doesn't look too unhappy, maybe I should've made him stay longer.

All I can say is wowwwwwwwwwww.. its like New Years Eve everyday.

DAY 12: HONG KONG: DISNEYLAND. HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD!

Well ok, It was and it wasn't. But I guess it makes a funny anecdote now.
Anyway I wanted to take a photo with Chip n'Dale. [Everyone here knows Chip nDale right? Of course. Whats wrong with you, if you don't??] and so I handed the camera over to the photographer, however the camera didn't quite reach his hand and it went dunk-thunk-ba-dunk all over the floor. So SB and I and the two chipmunks stood over the camera and examined it [in a deft piece of irony I wish someone had taken a picture of us four studying it] of course there was a queue forming for Chip n'Dale so they had to stop trying to fix the camera [with their paws] and so I started to leave in my distress because nothing could be done to save my brand! new! camera!. But before I left, Dale took my hand and gave me a reassuring hand/paw hold and a sad sad nod. I have to say that was the nicest Chipmunk I ever met.

Stitch was very nice too, I'm thinking that the characters practice their handshakes in their sparetime [after conjuring up magic rats and running from bad guys or something]



DAY 13: HONG KONG: GOODBYE! GOODBYE!

So its with a heavy heart, that our holiday finally ended, with our skin four shades oranger than it used to be, two suitcases full of clothes that we still haven't worn and a completely ruined camera. I need another holiday! Doesn't it look like I need another holiday?

So I'm going again..

I will be gone another two weeks! Goodbye casino! Goodbye house! Goodbye Minnie *sniff.

Hello sunshine, prostitutes and cocktails [wait! I can get that stuff in the cross!]
I swear I will come back with a complete and detailed portrait of Thai sociology.

Until then, try not to get into too much trouble.. I know I will....

Just needed to say!

Thats pretty much sums up my mood today

[Btw. its from www.savagechickens.com. eat a chicken! soon!]

Two movie reviews for your viewing pleasure

Mood: Jeff Buckley- Everybody here wants you [and now you know I'm in the mood for the arthouse]

So because last year I watched like four movies at the cinema, this year I'm overcompensating. I'm in luck too because its that time of the year when arthouse flicks rule the world [Its almost oscar season time you know].

So I parked my lazy ass down to see Marie Antoinette and Babel.

Marie Antoinette

I watched Marie Antoinette by myself, partially because I had a feeling dragging my friends [or even SB] to see it would be a mucho bad idea. I was right. However I'm getting ahead of myself. When I got there, I was completely surprised, the cinema was packed for a tuesday afternoon, it was bizarre I was expecting myself and perhaps a fashion design major to be there. Wrong. The cinema was filled with japanese girls, couples, and ummm.. families [don't worry the lady took her kids out when she realised it was the wrong movie]. So I hunched over my seat and started to watch.
Firstly, I have to mention the first thing that everybody and their handbags notice are the costumes. They are fucking fantastic. You are going to come out of the cinema wanting a corset and some shoes. The detail in it alone is staggering, there are just so many accessories I covet that if I actually wore them everyone would laugh at me [would I like a garland in my hair? yes please, and add some ribbons] oh and the shoes.. *closes eyes and silently cries.. the shoes, Iwantiwantiwant. I came out of there thinking I need my hair to be white blonde and in curls. So bravo to Sofia Coppola, you hit the shallow point in our souls [I almost typed soles -_-].
Oh, and cake, you're going to come out and stuff your face with cupcakes.

Now. now. I loved the Virgin Suicides, it really is one of my favourite movies of all time. Its so ethereal and yet grounded, it just hit the right note so it wasn't completely airy fairy [they were just girls! not images] but the movie is based on an equally awesome book. So y'know Sofia Coppola had a good base to work on.
However I realise Marie Antionette is based on the biography by Antonia Fraser, because I read it a month before the movie. But its not a book to base on a movie on. Its a great book but you know how most books focus on one event in a life and its like BUMP, this book is like all the events and so its not BUMP as opposed to bumpbumpbumpbumpbump, small circumstances do not a movie make. And thats whats wrong with this movie, nothings happening! You get to watch her have dinner, throw dinner parties, attend parties and try to have sex with ol' Louis but thats it! .. That would work if were watching reality tv, but it doesn't really cut it here.
And then you have the patented Sofia Coppola touch with the ethereal aura, but are you trying to establish her as some sort angelic image of a teenager [yeah if so, go the aura], or are you trying to turn her into the Paris Hilton of her time?? [if you're trying to turn her into a shallow party queen- NIX THE AURA]

So nothing much happens in the movie [they didn't show the revolution, well they did about two minutes of it] and I was bored, and I have a high tolerance for long movies. About forty minutes into the movie I started fidgeting and this was even with the parade of dresses. It was much worse for the guy [part of a couple] sitting in front of me, I think he was about to sleep- he kept nodding off.

It doesn't really say much for a movie, if you go in and then come out wanting your hair done. I was highly disappointed, I was really rooting for it to become my new favourite movie. [On my final note, imagine if I had dragged SB to see it?!Ha. I don't think I'd be alive to type this blog out. and I'll leave you with that]

and onto Babel!

Babel

How the heck am I supposed to describe Babel? Now that I've had a day to think about it, I still don't know whether I really liked it or hated it. I think I might have to watch it one more time to tell you. Impressions, impressions. The acting was fan-freaking-tastic, there was not a weak note among the entire cast, they hit all the right notes and I'm pretty sure I cried during the sequence with the surrendering brother [not cried cried, mind you, but I was slightly leaky.] If I think about it, it was about two and a half hours and it was slighhhhhhtly too long, there was a lot of extraenous sequences that could have been cut, but maybe they had some symbolic metaphor that I missed. See? I'm giving it a pass because everyone was fantastic, but if I loved it, I'm pretty sure I would know if I loved it. Mmm, anything else? Oh the nightclub scene! hahahahaha.. I must be completely debauched [or the director is] because I knew exactly how it felt, from the music to the laser lighting. Wooee.. I started squeezing SB's hand at that point and I'm sure at that point he made a point to lock me up and never let me out ever again[ when I asked him about it later he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, but HE KNEW!]

Things that were annoying: The lady in front of me crying so hard that when her mobile rang, she didn't even bother to switch it off. Of course the damn thing rang again, and she was still heaving. WIPE YOUR TEARS AND SWITCH IT OFF.

and as a bonus!

Million Little Pieces by James Frey

I picked this up because of the Oprah debacle, and what an overhyped piece of crap this book was. Best writer of our generation, my ass. In fact, my ass is a better writer [It is!]. I got thirty something pages in and I got utterly sick of the repetition, on two pages alone it mentions that his girlfriend is a smart cheerleader three times and she got hit by a train six times, oh and along the way he chants "I'm an addict, a criminal, a loser" OVER AND OVER AGAIN in the exact same phrasing! I wondered if I was losing my head and reading the same page... wait? I recall turning the pages! Finally I gave up and threw the book against the wall where it currently sits on my bedroom floor gathering dust. [Much to SB's relief and my own] don't read it, actually read it, pick a page in the middle and don't worry you've lost anything, because if you picked any other page it'd be EXACTLY THE SAME [ack! I've picked up his repetitive diseased!!]

Sigh, I'm done. Until next time.

Falling down around my ears

And so domestic life continues..


SB: HOLY CRAP!
Me: What??
[SB points to the fan which has fallen down and is hanging down by a wire in the bedroom]
Me: Frick.
[Runs to the phone, dials angrily and swears angrily to the real estate agent]
[Walks back into the bedroom to see SB exercising under it]
Me: What are you doing?!!*harpie style
SB: Exercising. It seems to be alright
Me: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TURN IT ON??
SB: No, but I think its quite safe
Me: ...... [thats steam coming out of my ears]
[Walks out to drink orange juice from the bottle..]
"BANG"
[Strolls back to the bedroom, looks warily at boyfriend dearest]
Me: What are you doing now?
SB: *innocently nothing
Me: That wasn't a real bang. That was you smacking the floor to make me think the fan fell down
SB: you didn't even run in to see if I was hurt!!
Me: Thats because I knew it wasn't the fan... also if it had been the fan, you would be screaming like a girl
SB: I don't scream like a girl
Me: If the fan had hit you, you would be screaming like a girl.

Happy New Year!

I'm hungover and sleepy.
I promise that this year I will cut down on the rock n roll lifestyle.
However it might make for a very boring year...

Question and Answer Time

So where have you been FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?

Nowhere. Right here. Acting like a ginormous slug.

How was your christmas?

Most excellent. I make great turkey [or rather SB makes great turkey and I take great credit]. This year my family decided that they that would be even more dysfunctional than usual, but I find I miss then a lot when I'm away from them. STOP FIGHTING PEOPLE!

How was work?

Crap, but I think I'm getting used to it.. its a rather odd feeling, although a year and a half at that hellhole I should be used to it, though come to think of it its not really a hellhole as more of a limbohole.

How was the U2 concert?

Awesome. Although not as awesome as the the Coldplay concert. Chris Martin still rules my heart.

How was the Gold Coast holiday?

It was .... interesting.. The big banana is smaller than I remembered. Byron Bay is beautiful, much better looking than the Gold Coast. [Huh, I however might be slightly biased]


Geez.. how many holidays did you take this year???? Did you actually do any work??

I took two to the Gold Coast, one to Melbourne and one to the Blue Mountains. But they were all quite short trips. Shut Up. No I didn't do any work this year.

Hows your house? hows your dog?

My house is still falling apart, my dog still needs some emotional therapy, we cut her hair, she now actually looks like a sausage dog.

So some comments about this year?

Its been one helluva ride this year, I feel like I lost a lot of friends, but at the same time I'm starting to work out who my real friends are. I'm a lot closer to my mum and my stepdad, though at the beginning of the year I was pretty sure that moving away from my family sounded like a heckuva good idea. I've moved back to Chatswood and I feel much calmer and less stressed out [though I still have a tendency to get cranky when things don't go my way.]

I took a lot of time off this year [even though it doesn't feel like it] time away from school, I worked less. I discovered where I wanted my career to actually go [after years of dabbling] and I'm going to throw mucho money in that direction.. whether it works out.... ehhh...we'll see.


I've cried and laughed all this year. It seems that this year has been the year of extremes. I think I drank less this year than I did last year however [how do you gage? I have no idea] I broke all of last years resolutions except the one where I promised to not watch more than six movies at the cinemas [I watched four] oh, and I think Rihanna is hot. Does anyone else think shes hot? Apparently not -_-

SB and I almost gave up on each other fifty thousand times this year, but we've settled on a groove. I really think I say that at the beginning of every year.

And Chris Martin takes my heart and stomps on it, pretty much every day.

Lessons I've learned this year.

1. Family is important. Life is more important. Never get in a car with an angry,
drunk relative on a mountain highway.

2. Dee Why is dangerous, stay away from that damn beach.

3. Marijuana makes people sleepy.

4. When you think you need a holiday, you need a holiday.

5. Fighting with random ladies in parks is pointless [especially if said lady is
an idiot]

6. If you disagree with a friends boyfriend. SHUT UP and bite your tongue.

7. Don't watch Thai movies that involve orphans and dying dogs. Its just asking for
trouble.

8. Timtams don't melt into drinking chocolate in the microwave.

9. When googling old friends and finding they've moved on. Don't be sad but rather
be happy that they've found their way in the big bad world.

10. In the case of high school friends, if you've found that you no longer have any
thing in common. Don't sweat it, sometimes life is like that.

11. Don't go into bars that you think are dodgy. Chances are they're dodgy.

12. Time passes so quickly, cherish those around you. Give your dog a hug and your
boyfriend a kiss. Talk to your mum and dad on the phone more often. I bet they
miss you.

It strikes me funny..

Of course theres nothing funny about war or crying babies.. but dead smurfs? comic genius. Whats wrong with the Unicef marketing department??

Back but Only Slightly

Mood: Joker and the Thief [They say the Joker is a wanted man!]

This headline caught my attention at work yesterday.

Thick Sheik

I had to smother my delirious giggles. Ahh, Thank God for tabloid journalism, never afraid of punny puns and blatant subjectivism!


I swear swear swear I will do an update tomorrow. yeep.

It's time to go....

Mish!

Off to the Gold Coast for a much needed vacation. So far this year I've been to the Gold Coast twice and Melbourne once making my holiday time a total of... ten days...
[See? I can't even have my damn holidays normally! They have to be split like pizza slices]

Surfers paradise- palm trees, the beach, awkward family reunions, and sunburn. It'll be good. Kisses til' I come back.

Things that depress me [the new expanded and definitive version!]

Crying babies, Men, Men that don't call when they say they will, SB, Dead puppies, Dead aunties, Work, Customers that put napkins over their faces to play poker, Work, Men, Friends that are not here to listen to me whining [especially those IN TAIWAN], Chicken schnitzel sandwiches that taste like rubber, Single mothers on welfare and the fact that Mark Ruffalo is not riding in to take me away on a white horse/cadillac....

That is all.

[I bet you're all itchy for the companion piece: Things that irritate the holy fugka out of me. Stay Tuned! (Gawd, I need a break)]

The Human Kite

My Goldfish SB died the other day. They were a pair SB and Mish. Geez, I hope God/s isn't trying to tell me something.

I bought a giant canvas today. It was on special. The bastard was almost bigger than I was. And it was a mother:meep: trying to get it home. If you were driving past Chatswood this afternoon, you wouldn't have seen me, you would've seen a humungo white board maneuveuring between people. [And your first thought would be: what are they trying to sell??] If it was a mother:meep: walking along the mall, it was even more unwieldly along the housing strip because then a breeze started up, and this was not even a gust, it was a freaking breeze. I could feel myself and the board being swept to the left towards the road. Mish: the human kite. And so every few moments I stopped to avoid being blown away, Mary Poppins style. Eventually I just hefted the damn thing on my shoulders, if I was going to fly away at least I would fly away in style.

The plans of an ex-housewife.

I may not be a housewife much longer! I'm considering going backpacking in Europe with Dakota*, see I don't know Dakota very well but she seems like a nice enough girl [terrible taste in men however, since she dated Jackass for a while] but I'm sure she won't cut out my kidneys and leave me in a bathtub, well she's smaller than me so I don't think she could.

If I go backpacking, I'd be gone for a month.. wheeeee! No Casino for a month, heaven.

Also I'm possibly going to Thailand with SB in January, relaxing on a beach sipping a maitai, [ok fine not a maitai, maitais are gross].

Gosh I need a holiday.

Whiiiiiiny.

I'm siiiiiick... :sniff, sniffle, moan, whine*

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll...............

[Still coherent as ever!]

It's gonna be a long post/Bet you thought I died!

Okay so I haven't posted in two months, but I have an excuse really! [well excuses..]

Shall we start?

Saffron* [hem], Mexicana and I went out for last hurrahs, and guess who we bumped into? Moneybags. Seriously. I haven't seen him for about three years and then he pops up virus style. I gave him a huuuuuge hug [I was tipsy, I'd probably hug George Bush too] and then I left him to his devices. The thing that got me was the strangeness of his timing, I'm a firm believer in things such as fate and circularity. Moneybags was right there when I met Wheatie and then he disappeared [into a vagina most probably] and then he's right there when it's time for her to leave. I don't know how lucid that sounds, but its.. like the beginning and the end.. all wrapped up...
[huh. Don't ask me for clarification, I'm not suggesting he's somehow the centre of the universe]

I said that Saffron and I had been having problems, but in the last hour we were just talking about nothing and it was.. back to normal. And then it was time for me to go. I'm thinking it was so sudden that I still dream about it, and then I wake up all sad.

So she's left.

Cut to:
Melbourne!
I love Melbourne! For all my Sydney love [Go the mighty swans] I don't think I'm a tried and true sydneysider, unless I'm stuck in Wollongong or the Gold Coast or some other dodgy burg, I don't find that I really miss it. Whereas when I leave Melbourne I always feel immensely sad. It also helps that Melbourne just seems to be more me, slightly quirky and a little bit cosmopolitan in a very small space. Yep, that sounds like me. Anyway sidetracked once again, back to my holiday.
We arrived fairly broke, our taxi fare cost ninety dollars.. say that with me again, ninety dollars. I could buy a new pair of shoes with ninety dollars.
But at least we had arrived! Now thats it been so long ago, bits and pieces are a bit jumbled in my head, we ate chips and wandered around, and I fell just that much more in love with the city, with the trams and the shops [Gawd, they have so many vintage clothing shops I almost fell over, however SB was like "What is with all this hippie stuff?!"], we strolled around Flinders Street and had a go at the Crown [yeah ok I should stay away from Casinos on my holidays. I know.] but we won forty dollars so it was really all good. Also the Crown is fifty times bigger than Star City, the gaming floor had us positively lost. Its all marble and cream, where as Star City is lights and.. flashing lights, and shiny lights, you get the idea. Out of the casino and back to Melbourne..
Things that enchanted me: besides the sheer amount of pretty girls. yikes. the eccentric shops. [its not as if we don't have eccentric shops here in Sydney, its just that we seem to have fewer, either that or we've been overrrun by Sportsgirl]. Art! Art! everywhere! Just everywhere there are street sculptures, giant purses, and disembodied people, and my favouritest of all square cows in trees.
Me:[ me in tram] Ohmigod what are those??
SB: [squinting] they look like cows in trees.
Me: Squee! [fumbles for camera, but its passed] damn.
And last but not least, the architecture or at least the layout of the city, it so rocks. I can't even put in words my enthusiasm for how the city looks. Firstly with cities like Sydney [and possibly the Gold Coast], it expands way way way too quickly, first its a hovel, then two hovels, then its a street. then its a village and then a village stuck onto another village, and parts of it are pretty but its not really together, its a big smush of different types of architecture. And it's not Sydney's fault, it just had too many people at any one time and no-one to sit down and go "well, this goes here... and this should go here...", but Melbourne actually looks like its been put together nicely, the trams go around the rectangle and the shops are within. simple! easy! and the buildings have that beautiful European gothic thing going for them. sigh.

Which brings me to: things that get my ire [number #244654645646] what kind of fickle mushheads are constructing all this modern crap around the city?? As we were about to drive into the city, I noticed that in the last two years that I hadn't been they'd constructed about fifty [maybe more] pieces of tin crap around the border. It was revolting! It was atrocious! And these FMH's want to start building within the city as well, soon the entire skyline will be covered with shiny silver things [it will look suspiciously Sydney-like]
Oh and the weather, it's a major flaw, they have maybe the crappiest weather ever.

Diagram!

And then the real reason we went to Melbourne.. dun dun dun!! [besides the fact that we needed a holiday...] Coldplay!! Oh COLDPLAY, WE LOVE YOU!! They were phenomenal, they were fantastic, they were fucking awesome. Oh man, I sang along with every single song and yes, we had crappy seats [high on a hill was a lonely goat...]but oh man, so awesome, if I'm starting to sound a bit gushy its because they were AWESOME. Did I not say that enough times? Aiee! I'm putting on my squealing fangirl hat. The best bit? You have never known chills until an entire auditorium sings "Fix you" with you.
' Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones/ And I will try to fix you'
I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Tears stream down your face....

Hokai.. now onto the other big news, man I've been typing so much I don't even know if I have enough stamina to write down the rest of this what-feels-like-an-essay. [Isn't writing supposed to be therapeutic?? This is taking a little bit more than an effort] Dun..dun..dun! We've moved house! We've moved back to Chatswood, Me, SB and Tatergirl. Its sort of a nice little cottage/duplex setup type thing, we've been here for close to a month now and I think I'm sorta getting used to this housewife getup, [my feminist sisters are mourning my loss. ha.] Its cook/sweep/mop/wash and at first I used to resent Tatergirl to some degree for not doing anything. But then I thought back to the time of Yim and Wollongong, and I rolled my eyes.. I am not going through that again, forget it I'd rather just sweep the G*ddamn floor and let this house be harmonious. Well its harmonious but not particularly quiet, which is good I like lots of people coming through [ok now that I've said that, I'm sure that no-one will come around again for the next two months. jinxed.]

SB and I had some problems when we first moved in too, but we seem to have figured them all out, boy that was some rough patch. There was a real stretch when I didn't think we were going to make it. [hahaha, I typed makeout]


However, however! We may not stay here too long because the landlord is really fricking unstable with what he wants to do with the place.

Have I missed anything?
That was a good thousand words. I think they can wait til next time!

And every breath we drew was hallelujah.

Thanks Jeff Buckley. Sometimes you're happy to be alive and sometimes you're not. But when you are, thats what it feels like.

Maybe its because I'm finally getting some time off, but I feel like my grip is lossening slowly. I'll just be talking to someone [at work, at home, anywhere] and I'll look down and realise that my fist is clenched into a little ball, boy I hope this isn't indicative of anger management issues. [I! DON'T! HAVE! ANY!.. hrrrr]

Meanwhile..things, things, things.

did I mention Saffron* is leaving? I thought it would be a long and drawn out process, with big withdrawals but it hasn't turned out to be. It's been weird and awkward and I don't want to foist myself onto someone who doesn't want to see me [who do you think I am?! I'm my Dad's daughter of course] I may regret this later that I didn't take my time to spend more of her last week with her, but all signs point to no, give her her space. [Ha! look at me. how mature]

Meanwhile at the casino, Alana turned up to work drunk. She wasn't fired. And thats my cue to turn up with half a pint of vodka in my system. See? She's good for something, she sets precedents. Everyone slosh!


I love when Minnie sleeps on my foot. There's a trust thing going on [she probably trusts that I won't get up from the computer.. but beside the point..]

Things I'm looking forward to: The Coldplay concert, the Coldplay concert, The. Coldplay. Concert. If you see me wiggling my hips in Central station its probably because I'm going off to 'Clocks', I loove looove loooove the instrumentals in Clocks. [Man, I feel so cool when I strut to it. I also swing to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, I'll play it really loud when I'm walking in a crowd. Y'know to up the ironic alienation factor. Shurrup, yeah I know I'm a dork. I'm geekly proud]


How do angry cows talk?
Moodily.

I know this girl named Sapphire, truly I've only ever met her twice [three times?], she seems like a really nice girl. But I keep getting told that her boyfriend is cheating on her. He calls her ugly and disparages her behind her back. Should I tell her? would I want an almost complete stranger to tell me? [yeah, probably. but thats me] :thunks head on wall: I watched my mum try to tell her in this loopy round about way "There are books, there are old books and new books, old books should always make way for new books, never focus completely on an old book" you should've seen my face and then her face, my eyebrow almost dislocated itself from my head, and she being the nice girl that she was, agreed that people should read all books. Sigh.

I promise to not be so intrusive. No guarantees of course.

V for Vendetta [or Victory]

So work upsets me [Gawd what a lousy day I had yesterday].

I think I might've mentioned it for the quadrillionth billionth time.

However today was a strike back for me. Mish: 2. Casino: 0

I don't feel so upset [sleepy, hungry, not so upset]

Alanah was being a biatch so I told her off..[what came over me? I don't know] and she.. she.. this is the stunning bit... she apologised! power to the people! Mish rules! yeah! [I'm a little bit giddy, but I didn't lord it over her.. cos I'm nice like that]

The customer was being a fricking pain. And he knew it. Yelling across the casino "Hey waitress!! I'm thirsty?! Waitress!" People could hear him in Nebraska. It was neither cute, nor funny especially since he did it repeatedly even after I gave him a drink. Three drinks in fifteen minutes,I don't even know where he was putting them, everybody was fed up. And then the last straw came. "HEY WAITRESS! MISS! DRINK!" I was cleaning the trolley, gloves and everything [well of course, its dirty, hes been piling it with glasses]. I pushed the trolley towards him
"yes?"
"a drink!"
"sure, please hold on a minute"
I rolled the trolley away for a minute.
"MISS! DRINK! MISS! DRINK!"
rolling back, through gritted teeth: what do you want?
" A DRINK!!"
teeth grinding: what kind of drink?
"ANY DRINK!"

Fine. fine! I'll make you the worst drink you ever tasted. Tomato juice and worceteshire sauce? too obvious. Lemon lime bitters with too much bitters. Neh. He might like it. Ping!

I made him a coffee. I put it in a used glass. And then I watched him drink it. The next time I came round he wasn't there. Don't cross the angry cocktail server,I'm on the warpath.

Pebbles

A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet and you can see it in it's true setting, then walk away from it, after all its only a pebble.

This blog is sometimes a rock in my shoe.

Not meant to be

I just spent over an hour detailing how I felt about Saffron, Sesame, Godless, my Aunty, Jabbers, Tatergirl and its all gone.

Thanks a lot internet explorer.

It was probably never meant to be.

It's a tattoo day

So I've decided to get a tattoo, I'm thinking Hello Kitty. Just her head on my shoulder, however the range of responses have been from "I knew it" to "Are you kidding?" to falling over on her butt to laughter.

Nyeah.

In the meantime, I've been trying to convince SB to get a matching one. No Dice. We just don't agree on what to get.

This changed this afternoon [I mean that he decided what to get, not that he decided on a matching one]
SB: [for some odd reason surfing through the Church of Satan site]
Me: Ok, thats freaking me out
SB: But its really interesting!
Me: Getting the heebie jeebies Are you done with the cult thing?
SB: Hey take a look at this pic!
Me: peers at a pentagram with a goats head inside it OOkay.. what about it?
SB: Don't you think it'd make a really cool tattoo??
Me: NO
SB: But look at it!
Me: Starts to rant What if you go swimming with my aunty?? My religious aunty??! Or someone at work saw it, you'd never be promoted. Or what about when you reach the gates of heaven and they're about to let you in??, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT TATTOO?!
SB: blinks* I'm sure God has a sense of humour.

Oh Gawd, I'm sticking with Hello KItty.

Self pity tastes like cookie

So I'm at work today and I feel this sensation in my chest. It's a slow ache.

I recognise it straight away. The recognition sends shock waves through my system and I stand there with tears in my eyes. I'm silently crying because its so familiar and it's a wave I thought I had passed and now have no choice but to bear again.

This time, I have too many responsibilities to hide away in bed, so Imma have to grit my teeth, grin and bear it. If you see me smiling, understand that it's fake, and its not anything I have against you, some of us carry burdens.

It's back.
Welcome Back.
I don't want to go through this again, and I'm so tired of going it alone.

Square between the eyes

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and if you use your head to deflect it, you can't really complain when it hurts.

I decided that the new job at the Hotel wasn't right for me. And so instead of doing the right thing and calling up to say I wasn't coming in [I am really irresponsible lately] I just didn't turn up.
[Why not? It works for Tatergirl and ShanghaiArchitect, they waltz in, waltz out. Guilt score? Nada them. Mish: One]
But the morning after I am burdened by guilt, its as if I had left a baby in the garbage or something. It was awful. But it wasn't just the guilt that woke me, they woke me. The stalking began.

They started calling at seven in the fricking morning. And gave eight continuous calls all the way to ten o'clock. I am not picking that up, I don't care.

The phone calls continued until five in the afternoon. Lalalala I can't hear it!

The next day more of the same, thats a phone? It's not my phone. Ten or so missed calls. It had started to ease, thank God.

Its Monday and I'm at work, still steadfastly ignoring it, by this time I've turned my phone to silent and letting it vibrate under some clothes. When I get home, my mum says "Did Mercure call you? They called [home]. I told them to call you on your mobile" Oohkay. They've started calling my house. Not just by the standard 9218 but from their OWN mobiles.

This is getting excessive.

The home phone started to ring this morning, it can't possibly be them, it'd be those lifesaver telemarketers and I'll just tell them I'm busy.. lalala...
"Hello?"
"Hello, is Michelle there?" [Oh FUCKING CRAP]
"Michelle speaking""
"Hi, this is Joe from Mercure, you missed your shift on Saturday"
[OH REALLY?!]
"Did I? I'm sorry"
"Can you work tomorrow?"
"Uhhh.. no." [Can you just fire me and this would be less painful for both of us?]
"It's only for a couple of hours"
[Crapcrapcrapcrap...] "Sigh..What time?"
"Seven til Eleven"

And this is how I was roped [hounded] back into working for Mercure. This never happened to Tatergirl. Why do I always end up with the crazy ones??

Yelling, crying, yelling.

Yesterday I saw a rainbow.

Then I went to work.

And ever since all I've been doing is crying and yelling, crying and yelling.
[Minnie is officially afraid of me]

I need to pull it together.

It might have been that damn rainbow.

Things to say, Things to do

I've been so busy lately running around like a chicken without a head.
So in news...

I got the job at the Mercure Hotel as a waitress [No, I'm not quitting Star City yet so you can stop your pre-empted whooping], he said he was over the moon with me. Gosh.

I lied to get out of working on a Friday night. I'm terrible, I know. The guilt [and the fear that I would be caught!] was astonishing, but welcome to the dark side.
Of course then I went and had sushi, drank cointreau, sang karaoke and watched porn movies. It was a Friday night. [and thats how I'm justifying it, thank you very much have a nice day.]

Struggling to get my assignments finished. The skin of my teeth.

Am still looking for a place to move out with. If the ad says neat: it means old. Cosy: means small. Original bathroom: means the bathroom was built in the 1800's and still smells like it.
Oh and watch for streets covered in For Sale signs, it means that at the end of your street there's a big electrical tower giving you good tv signals and terminal cancer.

SB told me that Puripuri just dumped her model banker billionaire boyfriend for that lousy sleazy scumbag who makes her sleep on the floor. I don't get it. [Don't give me that 'It's love' shit]

I've gotten told that I look like a lot of things in my time, Joey Wong, a porn actress, a koala, Bec Cartwright [uh huh], Canadian.. the beat goes on but now its time to add something completely new and insulting to this list.



Olive Fricking Oyl!

[Should I have a sense of humour about this or not?]

Public Servants..

I'm the first one to defend police in an argument.

The arguments are:

-Without them, there would be anarchy.

-They do their best

-On very low pay

-And if there is corruption, I'm sure its a very small minority..

"Bah" says my friends, Pigs are pigs [Though whats wrong with pigs?? They're cute and they taste good, and are convenient for human disposal, also George Clooney owns one. Case closed]

However, however in the future I may not be so quick to support them, I mean people they're public servants! Shouldn't they be more helpful?? No, apparently not.
First, reception. Me "HimynameisMichelleandimhereforanassignmentforuniicalledlastnightbutigottoldtojustrockup"
The receptionist sniffed at the phrase "rock up", why are you so hoity toity?! you're a public servant! a receptionist, and not a very good one from what I can see.
But que sera sera. He husband probably left her this morning.
Next the mountain of rock, a stone face of a police man. He refused to be taped, wasn't happy about answering any questions [yeah, he was busy. Busy shuffling papers from one side of his desk to another] and he said five minutes. Fine. I managed to get in "Socanyoutellmewhatex---" And he said "Can't do it" Excuse me??
Rightio, optimistic til the end, "Well can you give me a number to call who WOULD give me the information?" [The stone shifted]
"This is state crime"

Its a good thing I went outside to call and not waited til I got home because that.. that.. poor bloody excuse.. of an object.. had given me a fax number! [Hallelujah and thank God for the NSW police force, competent til the end!]
I barged right back in there.
"Did you still want something?"

"YOU'VE GIVEN ME A FAX NUMBER"

"Oh."

Oh okay, you know I've probably made a mountain out of a molehill, he was busy [huh] but it was the callous way I was treated, I had only come in there to ask questions for an assignment, I mean thats nothing, what if I had really come in there with something actually distressing like robbery or assault. I imagine that if I had been treated the same the damage would've been compounded. And thats what disturbs me so much.

[I also had an incident with a real estate agent later today but that was probably to be expected]

Happy birthday/Mother's day!

This year we combined Mothers day and SB's birthday to create one big Happmothbirmer day, the soulsucker has me this weekend so the only celebrating is to be done now!

The presents:
An iPod nano
An Oroton Bag [worth a good four hundred big ones]

The reaction? Uhh.. not so good. Neither of them really liked their presents! So either my present-dar is off [or its off]

The setting: a warm and inviting italian restaurant, cosy and amibient. Where parents get drunk and try to hide lamb bones in that four hundred dollar bag. Where parents sing happy birthday to SB in loud off-key tones, to a cake without candles, and try to think up ways to defraud the lottery office [adding extra zeroes to a cheque should do it].

Did I mention I love my parents? They're crazy.

Job interview

Sometimes its better the devil you know.

Today I went to a job interview in a bid to escape the clutches of that evil soul sucking sucker.
It's a good job, Its a small restaurant/bar type set up, there's only forty people in the entire hotel, so I don't have to be worried that Nutbag from Laundry is bitching me out to Peeweehead in kitchen, who tells Numbnuts something mean about my face [or to my face, alternately]. I am not going to take it. [Look! look! I'm insane!] I don't think I could survive on the kind of pay cut they're offering. Eighteen dollars an hour before tax on a five hour shift. Duuuuude. Thats seventy dollars after tax.

So here we are, ever so pragmatic, going to turn it down. If I took it there's no way in heck, I could afford my course, there's no way I could move out, hell I'd probably struggle to put Minnie through daycare. I'm justifying this to myself because I feel terrible, I know on Thursday I have to go back to working with dipshits [dirty,gamble-aholic dipshits I might add!] and feckers who would stab me with a spare chopstick because they would rather do that than actually work. Money, money, money.

On an interesting note: The intervieweer asked me where I'm from, whats up with my accent? I don't have an accent! I think I might be watching too much American tv.

Hoo boy.

So here I am, five hours til its time for me to get up for school, and I'm still here. Not sleeping. Not doing the draft of my assignment. Thats right! Not doing it!
Ha.. that'll teach me.. to... to...

[You think I should do it really? really? no.]

In other news, SB and I are looking for an apartment [to move out into, no funny stuff going on here!], we need to find a place to accomodate our wooden floor fetish, a train trip to wollongong and an autistic dog.. all under 300.. where are we going to find that?? :wails: [oh when I leave here I plan to steal that bottle of Chivas and the jungle painting. Hurrah!]

Oh me in my self absorbed little world, welcome Matthew! [53cm] and already a looker [and according to his mum, a sleeper].

Bad waitress

Sometimes when customers bug me, I pretend to not know what they're talking about.

Customer: Wah? wah?
Me: Sorry? I don't understand
Customer: Wuh! Wuh!
Me: Scuse?
[FIve minutes of this]
Dealer: I think she means water.
Me: Really? Oh. Hmm.

Sigh

Don't listen to U2 when you feel miserable, it will only make you feel worse.

With friends like these..

There are several things I give up on that I should that are bad for my health.

1] working at the casino [this is pure stubbornness on my part]
2] vietnamese ham roll [full of preservatives and covered in crunchy bits.. yum]
3] anything chemically induced [but its soooo fun!]
4] my sims [they're not real!!]
5] bad friends..

What would Jesus do?

Not date me apparently.

http://www.datejesus.com/quiz/


You scored in the lowest thirtieth percentile. You must be misunderstanding what kind of woman Jesus is looking for.

Damnnnnn.

Out of the mouths of babes

[On the train]
Little girl: Do you believe in Jesus?
Old lady: I most certainly do
[Pause]
Little girl: Was Jesus a good juggler??
Old lady: Errr.. He was really good at some other things.

Those wacky Indonesians..

Forgive the lack of patriotic pride, but I really love seeing John Howard portrayed as a fornicating dingo! If only he were portrayed in the media like that all the time, then I'd probably look more forward to seeing him as opposed to always wanting to kick his kneecaps in.

And so she said..

[On the phone to Squee*]

Me: Hmm.. well I'm gonnna go before you rip my head off and feed it to Jabbers [the cat]
Squee: I don't think Jabbers wants head.

[Tremendous pause]

Me: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. well not from me.

*Identity undisclosed due to possible life endangerment

Funny bits

I'm a bit down tonight so maybe I thought I'd keep it light.

1. My dog is at the dogsitters for the weekend, when she was here the place smelt fine however now that shes gone, the entire place is rank of pee. It's like shes astrally projecting herself back to go to the bathroom.

2. Music video question [and a double, ok fine its a triple]. Its the first time I've seen the band yellowcard- Why is the violin player asian?? and why do you have a violin player in a rock band in the first place?? The other members of the band actually seem to be much better looking than the lead, errr.. why don't you focus more on the umm.. good looking players? [so I'm a leedle bit shallow]

3. Meimei gave me a confused look "Her name is Whore?"
Me: Meimei, did you just call her a whore?!
Meimei: No,no.. its spelt H-U-A!
Me: "Haahaha.. Meimei just called her a whore!
Tina: What?
Me: "Her name is Hua, but Meimei called her a whore!
[Cue Meimei slapping me to death]
Tina: [Falling into laughter] Well I'll call her that. I'll do it, no really!.

[Waiting for poor Hua's entrance, the audience is captivated]
Tina: [Without missing a damn beat] Is your name Whore?
Hua: [Completely missing it, as you do] No my name is Hua
[Straight faces, then helpless giggling.]

4. The ideal love
"Waiting for the perfect love?"
"No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat Strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you're doing and you run out and buy it for me. And you comeback out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. Thats what I'm looking for."
.."And when I do it, I want the man to apologise to me. "Now see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donket shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?"
Midori, Norwegian Wood. Haruki Murakami.

Encounters of the strange kind

Mood: Recountable

I met Marian Keyes last night, famed writer of chick-lit. I couldn't say anything but squeak out "It's nice to meet you", she smiled graciously and then said "Blurghblurghblurgh [thick Irish accent]"
"Sorry?"
"It was very nice meeting you too, and I love your necklace, its so cute is it Mickey Mouse?"
"Um.. yes" [Marian Keyes loves my necklace! squee!]
....silence...
"Well it was nice meeting you" [Didn't I already say that??! Oh Gawd]
"Thanks for coming"
[Freak.freak.freak.freak.]

I always thought that I'd be as cool as ice in front of a celebrity. I was wrong. If I ever got to meet him, I think I might vomit on Harrison Fords shoes.

****
At a Lincraft store
Storelady: And he was so rude, I said its six ninety five and he says six!
Friend: So he was trying to bargain you down? How rude.
Storelady: Yes, but in Penrith, its all white australian. In Castle Towers, a lot of them are asian. The first generations are all a bit quiet, but the second generations are all so polite and so nice!
Friend: They're so lovely.
Storelady: And they speak english better than you and me!

Me: [standing there like a beacon, holding the reputation of all second generation asians on my shoulders. enuciating clearly] Hi.
Storelady: Hullo, what can I do for you?
Me: Oh, this please [Starting to sound like a stepford wife, didn't realise I had an New Englander accent]
Storelady: [swipes my card, charges me the wrong amount]Sorry, wrong amount.
Me : [Not glaring as per usual, but nodding politely]okay
Storelady: Here you go.
Me: Thank you ma'am. [Curtseys]

Outside breathing a huge sigh of relief, oh gawd look here you second gneration asian australians! look at the type of stress I go through to uphold our collective reputations! Argh!

Everybody needs a holiday

Mood: Positive

It was a weekend headed for absolute disaster, a "spontaneous" visit to the Gold Coast.. hooray! I had booked the tickets and the accomodation [spare no expense!] and had just finished an eight hour shift at workplace of the damned when I got the dreaded phone call.
SB: Mish, we have a problem. The tickets are booked for seven at night. Not seven in the morning.
Mish: WHaaaaa? :curses the agent, curses him to Hades:

So after a furious fight with the emergency flight agent, we catch the plane at seven at night. When we arrived, it was pouring rain.. the locals called it cyclone season, that was sort of putting it nicely. We were doing a lot of swimming and not the kind of swimming we thought we would we doing.

Along the way we met up with family [family!], of which I learned a few choice insults to be thrown around courtesy of brothers dearest.

1: You're so fat, that when you pee you create a new ocean.

2: You're so fat, that you take up most of the universe and we're all sitting in your ear.

Well okay it was much funnier when they said it.

SB and I headed to the casino [through the rain!] and proceeded to lose 120 on blackjack.. the queer thing was I thought I would be much better at it [hmm], the other thing was that after a while it became really really boring.. who knew? I thought I'd be at the edge of my seat screaming "picture!" but instead my butt started to hurt and the cards started to blur into one big pile so I was just randomly waving and tapping at the dealer.
Well it was only one hundred and twenty, I've seen much worse.[The money is gone, spilled milk and all that]

So it was raining and we had to deal with my [other] crazy parents and the trip was a whole lot shorter than I expected [Thanks lousy travel agent!] but I had fun..so maybe next weekend???

Pic me! Pic me!

Mood: Mushroomy

Just so you know when I have nothing interesting to say, I'll overcompensate with pictures of houses that look like toadstools

A little bit soggy

Mood: Weepy

Confession: Everytime I watch Cold Case I get a little weepy, its to the point where almost every episode I have a box of tissues on hand. Therefore I don't really watch too much Cold Case cos its really really bad for the environment [Think of the trees people!]

I was however entirely gratified to see my stepdad getting a little weepy to the program, when it finished I saw his eyes were a bit red so I flicked the remote at him and he hurriedly threw an action movie in [I don't think he's ever been so glad to see an action movie!]. When he thought I wasn't looking he surreptiously wiped his eyes. Am entirely glad to know that I'm not the only one completely suckered in by abused orphans and vicious nuns [and kids that end up dead in cardboard boxes. That too.]

Beach bum..

Mood: Waah waah state

Its enough to make you not want to go to the beach anymore.
I was duly informed by my mum that this year was not going to be a good year, so please she beseeched look on both sides of the road, don't walk too fast and never go to Dee Why ever ever again [so noted].

Well, what person could be ever so unlucky to be caught in a rip twice? So very carefully I stayed between the flags [turning around every two minutes to check that I was still within them] and waded only to waist deep water. Good girl, check? check.

I didn't end up caught in any wave, instead I was stung by a fricking jellyfish.
Yes a fricking jellyfish. It swam [floated?] by my hand and gave me a nasty welt, of which proceeded to swell and ache for the next two hours. What are the chances at a beach of four hundred odd people, a jellyfish would sting me?? Apparently those are some good odds.

After I have the word unlucky tattooed on my forehead, I'm going to crawl into bed and not come out for half a year.

Boo!

Mood: Silly buggers.

Its 9.30 at night and Mish is sitting at her computer surfing the internet. All of a sudden she hears grinding sounds. Axe grinding sounds. Coming from the direction of the balcony. Her intrepid dog Minnie wakes up to the noise and sniffs in that direction. Oh Crap, she thinks, should I run? Is this the part of the movie where the heroine gets chopped up? Said heroine continues to sit there and wonder "well if he's coming for me...", absentmindedly flipping through webpages, until she sees the axe grinding noise is coming through her speakers. She had opened up the Silent Hill film trailer and forgotten about it.

I feel really very silly.

What you missed.

Mood: Sleepy.

You missed my birthday! Random singing, tequila shots, and Paul Frank shorts. Strangely there wasn't any real gossip or bitching going on [darn, why do I have such nice friends?] Boy, did I get trashed. And I mean trashed. See my hair? It doesn't usually look like that. No really![Gawd, and I have a double chin. What am I doing publishing these photoes???]









Oh and Valentines day, happy Valentines day. A red rose for him and yellow roses for me. A fair exchange I think :P

December 2005-January 2006

Blub blub
Monday, January the 29th 2006 00:49 Mood: Better not great.

Happy Chinese New Year Folks.
Before we embark on a brand new year we must first erase all the bad luck from the previous one.
As my mum says if something bad happens and you survive it, then then amount of bad luck that you will have later is lessened. Essentially fortune is a cookie jar..

I almost died yesterday. I was taken out by a rip and my feet couldn't find the ground. Needless to say, I was terrified. People say that in the event of a dangerous current, don't struggle- just keep calm and it will push you back to shore. Those people are wrong. With every shove of the wave I was getting further and further away from the shore. Time to panic. Books and movies will tell you that when you're about to die, you think about life and loved ones, all I could think was pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. So yeah they lied too.
Rightie dragged me out, [not easy mind you] and for the experience I have a cut on my nose and twenty fours of aftershocks. So there you have it, you almost lost me and I can't figure out how to deal with it.

Fools not so much in love
Thursday, January the 26th 2006 23:53 Mood: Wrought

Happy Australia Day People.
Celebrate the birth of your country by gambling away your livelihood at the casino. Yeah.

Fighting with SB [again]
SB: I'm beginning to think we're two different people Mish.
Me: [angrily] you're only just figuring that out now?!

Because you're on the other side of the world to me.

We're in the money!
Wednesday, January the 18th 2006 22:41 Mood: Odd

Four years of scratchie buying, and it finally paid off! Well ok five hundred dollars isn't going to buy me a ferrari. But its a nice little shopping spree [amazing how much life picks up when you're not working!]


Okay, not so much.. drivers seat
Tuesday, January the 17th 2006 01:41 Mood: Freaking miserable

""And you are such a fool
to worry like you do"
-U2, Stuck in a moment

Most of my problems would be solved if I would just grow a backbone and tell people to fuck the hell off. What do I do in the absence of one?

In the drivers seat!
Thursday, January the 12th 2006 21:46 Mood: Awake

So guess who got her P's! You're right!
[My knees somewhat buckled and I was hyperventilating during the exam but I passed!]

So what do you think I should do for my birthday?


Who cares?
Tuesday, January the 10th 2006, 22:34 Mood: EBTG- Sexy

It's just a driving test. Its nothing. Hell, you may even pass. Ick.

You've come a long way baby
Friday, January the 6th 2006, 23:32 Mood: Ticklish

I used to be a much nicer person.

Customer: Can I get a coffee?
[This involves me walking the fifty metres to the bar, pushing a trolley full of soft drinks there and back]
Me: [unenthusiastically] sure
[rolls back with the coffee and the trolley]
Customer: Thank you! You're such a wonderful person! God bless you!
Me: :thought bubble: I don't care! Where's my tip???!

Its a New Year
Wednesday, January the 4th 16:16 Mood: Achey.

Alright I updated about ten minutes ago, but geocities was being a bastard. An unloved bastard.
And I'm reallllly siiiiick :whine: so bear with me.

Christmas: Christmas was spent at my Aunty Helene's house. Oysters, salmon, long games of monopoly and one vicious little puppy [Hi Minnie].But above all that, this was the year where I finally figured out who and where I want to spend my christmases with. My family. There. It took me give or take eight years to figure that out. I'm a little slow. Don't mind me while I dissolve into sentimental mush [or phleghm. Hackkk]
I was considering an overseas migration, I might've changed my mind. And the booty?? Less than last year! :waves fists angrily in the air: As Pho said to me wouldn't you like one big gift as opposed to twenty small gifts?? I couldn't even dignify that with a response. [Well okay, I did I gave her an emphatic "NO"]

New years: New years? New years was well.. the less said about that the better I think. Firstly I was working..[fine that was unavoidable] and I was sick [also somewhat unavoidable] and then I spent it at Baphomet's place. The things I do for SB, a lack of midnight kiss, alcohol and big ass roaches roaming the place like they owned it [insert Baphomet rental joke here] Rowwr, rowwr, next year I will get my kiss!

Recap of 2005: [Sigh.. here goes]
Anybody whos been reading this blog knows that I had a really hard time with 2005, that there were many times that I just didn't want to get out of bed, couldn't see my way out of the haze [tm Steven Tyler] but I'm still amazingly alive and well not exactly sitting pretty, but at least I'm sitting.
Some of this is due to SB, but a lot of it is due to Minnie who made me get out of bed on days that were endless tears and recriminations.

Strangely, the beginning of 2005 started off beautifully.

And the other thing of the year? Star City. Oi. Rude customers, bitchy staff and hygiene standards that.. that.. lets just say I will never eat garnishes from any other F&B outlet ever [especially lemons]

Um, positive things about 2005: Belgian food, Getting trashed with good friends [numerous times], getting over my body issues and finally baring my arms, Minnie [of course], the money that comes from my sucky job[a real positive!, concert tickets!], a nice little trip tp the Blue Mountains, going to the beach for the first time in years and finally coming to terms with my family. But thank God its over, I thought that it would never end.


Its a little tickle in the back of the throat
Saturday, Decmber 24th 01:29 Mood:Perplexed

So Its Christmas Eve, and guess what that means? All night shopping! Except not. Worn down by eight hours of serving [me] and eight hours of nursing [him], we got in and in give or take an hour and a half, we were done. No more. We're getting really really old, it wasn't even midnight! Bleah.
On the plus side however I got new shoes [well ok, replacements for the pair Minnie chewed up but still, new shoes]

So I got home and started flicking through my mum's trashbag magazines and came to an article "I love my husband more than my children", The writer is a woman named Ayelet something something [married to that f*cking sucky writer Michael Chabon of Kavalier and Klay fame] and in it she details how much she loves her husband more than her kids, he is her "sun" and "her obsession". She professes only her unending devotion to him.
I think you get the point. Husband: 1 Children: 0
After reading it, I was sitting on perplexed [and freaking irritated] maybe I was tired, but I couldn't figure out what bothered me so much about it.

Answer: I'll tell you tomorrow.. [Deep breath people]

Guess who got tickets?!!
Wednesday, December 14th 12:29 Mood: Ruff

Seven hours of waiting, collectively online, on the phone and in line. I have tickets to the 2006 U2 concert!! Scream for me baby!!







Relaxation for beginners
Thursday, December 8th 11:56 Mood: Toired

[Or how SB and Mish went up to the mountains and failed to stress less]
HoHoHo.. So we went up to the Blue Mountains to a "couple's retreat" [God, how old are we??] to get away from work, families and a little dog named Minnie for a few days, we thought that once we got up there, we'd automatically lose all our insane Sydneysider habits and just relax. We didn't. Well, not really. I think SB was dying to beep the farmer drivers.
SB: Why can't they drive faster?! Rowrr!

In some ways I was worse, because people you can somewhat control, nature you cannot. Me? I had the brilliant idea that we should get up and watch the sunrise [after reading the guestbook of which Silly guest #256 wrote: We would like in-house porn and more pillows.. you should give the maid a raise for ignoring our toys] I digress, so we got up early to watch the sunrise.. but little did we know we were watching it from the wrong direction, so we waited and waited..
M: Whats wrong with the sun? Why can't it come up faster?!! Faster damnit!
SB: [pause] its the Sun, Mish.

And of course, our city slicker ways got in the way of imaginary childhood fantasies. Like animals. They should look like the animals in cartoons [or at least vaguely resemble them]. They don't.
M: Omg! Its a cow! Pull over and let me pat it!
[SB pulls over, Mish gets out, Cow is terrified turns tail and runs. Mish tries again with a braver cow and armed with a camera goes to the cow. Mish stands horrified for a few minutes]
SB: So did you take the picture?
M: No! It was gross! it had flies all over its face and goop everywhere!
SB: Err.. you were expecting it...
M: To be clean!
SB: The farmer isn't going to wash its face.
M: If I was a farmer, I would!

And more animal fantasies ruined.
[SB driving down a country road]
M: What was that?? Was that a turtle??
SB: I think so
M: Stop! We have to save it [it was in the middle of the road or crossing it]
[Mish gets out and gingerly looks at the turtle, which is a revolting crushed vomit colour and no visible anything- except sharp black claws]
M: Err.. babe, you do it.
SB: You want me to do it?
[SB then proceeds to [gingerly] pick up the turtle . When the turtle starts squirting water everywhere.]
SB: Ack! Ack! The turtle tried to poison me!
SB then drops/hurls the turtle with a big clunk.
Turtle: Clunk. [mumbles] City fuckers.

SB: It tried to poison me!
M: Turtle don't haaave poison.
SB: Well then it tried to pee on me!
[With some more coaxing from Mish, SB picks up the turtle and transports it to the grass, whereby it squirts even more water]

And then sometime in the midafternoon SB and I sat on the dock drinking beer, absorbng sun and listening to nohing but nothing, and it was nice, it was really quite nice.



Waaaaaaah.
Monday December 5th 00:53 Mood; Nervous

Greedy greedy., I already have Coldplay tickets [in Melbourne for Gods sack] and now I'm itchy to covet the U2 concert as well. Tomorrow. 9am. People are lining up already. Waaaah, please let me get those tickets~ [I'm sure if I'm on here in jubilation in the morning, you'll know I got them....]

So you think you can tell heaven from hell?
Sunday December 4th, 01:45 Mood: Subdued

So when I'm slack, I'm slack. I'm feeling slack. Nyeah

October-November 2005

Dance like you never danced before
Thursday, November 24th 00:25 Mood:
Another first. My first dance lesson [well okay, no not really, I had ballet lessons when I was three]. Revelation time: I cannot dance, unless randomly flinging your hands and feet everywhere is considered dancing. I was mighty glad to be standing at the back! I was really hoping to be the next [clean] Britney Spears.

The luckiest
Thursday, November 17th 21:25 Mood: A crime-fighting-vampire-dog

M: Are you thirsty? Let's go out and buy juice!
SB: I'm not thirsty
M: I'm sure you are. Let's go.
SB: You go. How long will you take?
M: Half an hour
SB: Half an hour?! Are you just buying juice?!
M: Yes. Are you coming?
SB: Huh..
[SB and M shuffle off to the mall]
SB: They don't sell juice in Myer.
M: They don't? Oh this is just.. a ... quick detour...
SB: Admit it, you just wanted to go shopping
M: I'm sure they sell juice in this shoe store.. let me just check okay?

The first time..
Wednesday, November 9th 21:34 Mood: Strangely elated

Theres always a first time for everything, today was the first time that I fainted and not to be a melodramatic drama queen.. but it was kind of fun.

Amsterdam
Monday, November 7th 19:35 Mood: Allergic

"Come on, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
I swear I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole

But time is on your side
It's on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It's no cause for concern."
-Coldplay, Amsterdam.

A wise man once told me...
Monday, November 7th, 00:02 Mood: Hammy

A wise man/boy once told me "If you look at Star City from an aerial view, you'll see that it resembles a cage. Its a feng shui thing, The idea is to lock the customers in symbolically so they don't come out"
I wonder if that extends to cocktailservers/waitresses. I can feel the casino sucking out a piece of my soul bit by bit, vampire style.

It's a bra day.
Thursday, November 3rd, 21:23 Mood: Mirthful

I walked into Grace Brothers today to purchase some new bra sets
[ I think someone is making off with them, buy your own underwear people!] and as I finished my purchase and was heading out to do some more good old fashioned shopping, when the buzzer sounded.
Mrmph!Mrmph!
Of course, I hadn't been shoplifting [look at my face! so open and innocent!] so I went back in and waited for a security guard to check me out, a nice saleslady trying to be helpful said "it's probably just the tags". Wait! I'm getting to the hilariously embarrassing bit! She then proceeded to take out each bra out of the bag and fling it past the scanners to see which one was tagged. Yes, the lady was waving my bras in the public entrance of Grace Brothers, to the befuddlement of shoppers walking by and to the increasing hilarity of myself. Finally she found the untagged item and turned to me sheepishly "Sorry about that". Nooooo problem.

These boots were made for walking
Thursday, October 27th, 21:48 Mood: Thats just what they'll do

I should be doing a happy dance to celebrate Coldplay in Melbourne, but instead I'm thinking about using my feet [no new shoes!] to kick SB's butt

...
Sunday, October 18th, 00:12 Mood:..
Wahahaha! Ok never mind, there was supposed to be a pic of a guinea pig with a leaf covering its nether regions. But for some reason it won't load.. so you'll just have to imagine the interesting image. [it has its legs spread]

Also me, a bit drunk. Bleh,.


Wanker 1 vs Wanker 2. Fight!
Thursday, October 13th, 15:13 Mood: So yesterday

Wanker 1:
Wanker 1[inebriated and slurry]
Me: umm... sir, I think you've had a little too much so I'm going to have to slow you down, I'm not going to bring you another one for a while.
Wanker 1: what?
Me: I have to slow you down. Its policy.
Wanker 1[getting a grasp on it]; Do you know what its like to be living your life under other peoples insecurities?
Me: errrrr.. I guess so.... :lightbulb flash: wait. what are you accusing me of??! are you saying I'm powertripping??
Wanker 1: I'm not saying you're power tripping I know you're powertripping.
Me: [mumbles] motherfuckerihopeyouchokeonyourtongueandwhileyou're
chokingihopeacarrunsyouoversothatthetongueispermamnently
embeddedinyoureardum.

Wanker 2:
Wanker 2:.A baileys on the rocks and a vodka and lime
Me: Here you go.
Wanker 2: This here is a baileys?
Me: Yes.
Wanker 2: This is thirty mls?
Me: Yes
Wanker 2: Are you sure?
Me: Yes I poured it, from a shot glass
Wanker 2: It doesn't look like it
Me: [starting to grind holes in my molars]
Wanker 2: Give me a shot glass.
Me: [disbelievingly gives him a shot glass]
Wanker 2 then proceeds to pour the entire cup into ths shotglass, spilling Baileys and ice all over the counter.
Wanker 2: Its right. [then pours it back into the glass and makes a bigger mess, halfheartedly dabbing with a tissue
...walks off]
Me: [going into trandescental meditation period, because otherwise I'll leap over the counter and use his face to wipe the floor, also am in dire need of a dentist appointment from grinding my teeth into dust]

Winner: Wanker 2, but geez it was almost too close to call.

Past, present and future.
Tuesday, 2nd Oct, 6:23 Mood: Contemplative

Lately Silly Boy and I have been fighting all the time. Its getting to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. I get enough shite from work.. do I really need it at home? It feels like four and a half years being poured down a drain, so for a while we're taking a break. I can see it as being something more permanent. Its too exhausting trying to keep the peace all the time. I love him but I need a rest. Maybe we're just not good for each other?

In other news, a supervisor from work, we'll call him Chilli guy is somewhat wooing me, well woo in the sense that he bought me a packet of Starburst [in return for a couple of minties] and asked for my number. He just seems ... so.. simple, he doesn't seem to be crushed under the burden of any problems, he's all sunniness and light [and devastatingly flirtatious. Warning. Mish].To be honest all I really do want is a happy face and reciprocal lollies. I dunno maybe I'll take him up on his offer one day. On the other hand, its a packet of lollies.. can I be bought anymore cheaply?? [answer:no]

And onto Sesame, who is yet to disappear from my life and completing this very interesting circle of past,present and [possibly] future men.What a karmic world we live in.

August-September 2005

Pointless Gossip
Thursday, September 29th 1:00 Mood: Blind

I heard from a workmate that freak faced monster overdosed on X last week and had to be taken to hospital. However she turned up to work just fine.

That'll teach me to listen to everybody that sends a tidbit my way.

The future of Mish.
Saturday, September 24th, 1:17 Mood: Thoughtful
Yes, I've been gone for a while, trying to juggle school, work and my ever increasingly zombie-like dog. Sometimes I think I'm so tired that I want to just sleep and sleep and never get up, but of course that won't happen because I'm so easily bored!
Life is turning into a series of momentous decisions.
Mortgage or holiday?
Quit or stay? [I do need the money, but wheres my dignity??]
Train Minnie or don't train Minnie?
Rent or live with my P's?
Study childcare or continue with journalism?

At least Sesame has disappeared from my life again. Phew. I just need to sleep and watch dodgy videos for the next two days and I should be right.


It's unhealthy
Friday, September 14th 23:46 Mood: House doesn't make a home

I haven't rumified on fate a lot lately. This year I've tried not to question on the order of things, from my experience if you analyse things too much and you still don't get an answer, its likely to drive you a bit mental. Breathe Mish, let go. Two nights ago, Sesame walked back into my life, I was sitting on the lightrail and looked up and there he was. Thus commencing the most awkward five seconds in the history of man. I flicked my ID at him and pretended to be engrossed in my sudoku puzzle [Was I cool and collected? I like to think so, however the crossouts and mistakes beg to differ] His ID checking was lacking due to his backing off in the other direction at roadrunner speed. And again with the same thing last night. Only he didn't check anything at all, haha, the way to get free transport? Get exromantically involved with a ticket collector. My sudoku booklet is suffering the weight of my distraction.

Lets be frank, I've been thinking incessantly about him for the last few days, I'm having imaginary conversations with him in my head, I have planned responses to every possible thing that could be said. I'm obsessed and I don't know why. It's unhealthy. And the thing is I don't even want to date him! I don't know what the heck I want. Rowwr. Why did he have to walk back in my life now and give me a headache? Admittedly we have some "yuen fun", but ..but... but...

Don't get me wrong, I love Sillyboy to death and he's not going anywhere, this is just some bizaare infatuation/cosmic joke which I have to shake off. Shake it off. Shake it off.

Rmmph
Thursday, September 8th1:14 Mood: See yesterday

"They're underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them" -Barbara Bush [about Hurricane Katrina, in case you've been living under a rock.].

WAHAHahahahHa.. forgive me for being callous, but this just about made me fall off my chair. This sentence is so absurd and silly and just so unexpected that it tickled me. Of course, I do assume that no-one in New Orleans [or close by] finds this even remotely funny. But thats okay. If you don't laugh, you cry.

So Thanks a lot
Wednesday, September 7th, 9:27 Mood: Frail


So here are the words that I thought I'd never hear, because truly I don't get embroiled in personal battles or domestic violence. But this is straight out of a midday movie with Tori Spelling. Or my life.

"You don't get to leave! You only leave when I tell you to leave!"

So thanks Sarah, you're currently sitting in the coveted position of worst supervisor of the year. It was stiff competition for a bit but you did it in the space of 2 minutes. Congratulations.

Lets talk politics
Wednesday, August 31st Mood: My arm hurts. Waah.

I think this whole John Brgoden affair has been blown way out of proportion. Yes I don't condone bum pinching [of journalists, no less] and I' m not keen on the remark "mail-order bride", but haven't there much worse things to come out of modern politics lately?? outright lying [Howard], corruption [Tripoli/Yang], negligence, [Vanstone.. petrol baths anyone? Cornelia Rau? Why is this woman still around?!] covert racism [Bishop/Rudd]. Modern politics is a hypocritical mess,, I agree with one reporter who said that he didn't have enough chutzpah to pull it off. He didn't, he should have just ridden it through and people would have forgotten in two weeks, people always do. But for some reason, he didn't let it blow over and he resigned. The media went insane. Dishonorable. Racist. Sleazy. Boozy. They went for his head and they got it. Last night John Brogden tried to take his own life. Was he really ready to leave his wife and children? Maybe in a moment of darkness he couldn't see clearly and it seemed to be his best option, who knows what kind of pressure hes under? Only himself. The Daily Telegraph is doing its best to milk the whole story, as if they haven't sold enough papers from it.. Leave the man alone. You've done enough.

Embarrasssssing.Wednesday, August 31st, 00:24 Mood: Bloody

I have a confession to make. I read V.C.Andrews novels for fun. Its not something I'm proud of. Now let us never speak of this again.

Speaking of drunken debauchery...
Monday, August 29th, 17:48 Mood: Mirthy

John Brogden, why are you running around pinching bums?

Its like that
Sunday, August 28th, 23:11 Mood: Wide eyed and awake

Life is funny, for six months the mobile gathers dust and you cry in your sleep. And then all of a sudden its a momentous pour, you're all of a sudden in demand, you can't stop going out. You don't even have enough time to stuff all the people into your day, Your boy starts complaining you don't have enough time for him. And you want to shout at people "Where the fuck were you when I needed you?!"

So I've been going out and throwing myself head first into drunken debauchery. It still beats the hell out of crying into my pillow.

Feeling bad? Get drunk.
Monday, August 22nd, 14:18 Mood: Pressed for time

I bet you thought I had an aneurysym there for a moment. My head exploded and then it was the end. RIP Mish.
Nope, I went out and did the smart thing, the smart thing which was to go out and get completely wasted. Yay for alcohol and good friends!
So it started with lemon soju and korean food. Let me tell you something about lemon soju, lemon soju is like an extremely charming guy, you will be sucker punched. After two pots [and these were tiny kettle pots not actual jugs, mind you] we were red faced and giggling, and I say this as girl who can drink people under the table. That stuff was strong, and we spent a good hour and a half gossiping about absolutely nothing. Thats right! The girl at the table behind us had horrific hair so we spent a good five or so minutes paying her out but other than that, its the life I tell you [alright fine, I hardly remember any of the conversation other than CSgirl saying "Re-hea-hea-ea-ea-ea-lly??" It looks funnier in person. Anyway.]

Afterwards, after waking up Saffrons entire building with our hysterics, it was off to dancing! Except as dancing goes, there really wasn't much, probably because the DJ wasn't playing any music, oh okay, fine he was playing music, it just wasn't music you could dance to, the entire set was rap! How you dance to people talking I'll never know, but I didn't.. sooo..however the DJ was good for one thing and that was he set up this particularly classic quote which I'll use for the rest of my life. [or for the rest of the month] halfway through the "song", he stopped the music.

DJ: I have a particular request tonight. That is to tell all of you.
Peter loves Mei-Lin! [pause] Fuck you!

And then he started playing the music. I had to sit down because my stomach hurt so much.
The rest of the night was a guy-oriented one, we were reeling them in. Too bad they weren't particularly George Clooney-ish [I'm supposing that all the George Clooney lookalikes had headed home and were bedding people left right and centre, instead of hanging out at Sharks at four in the morning. Hmm]

On my way to the train station [walk of shame!] I bumped into my baby cousin who was going home from a pub crawl. You don't feel old until you realise your baby cousin is going home from a pub crawl. Gahh.

This year is heading into minus numbers
Friday, August 17th, 00:26 Mood: Wouldn't it be nice?

Geez, you decide not to post for a bit and two weeks walks away. Its no secret that I've disliked this year. I've loathed it, despised it and if it was tangible I would probably spit on it.
I thought this year would get better after I got a job. Less time spent dwelling, and more time doing other things[ like not dwelling]. Silly me. Once again, SILLY ME.. I have spent the last month being abused, being lied to, being backstabbed [ya wanna stab? stab from the front] being criticised and just all round being a fricking hand maid all in the name of customer service. Its just not mentally healthy to want to thump everyone with your shoe, its equally not healthy to start developing murderous glints in your eyes and my teeth cannot take anymore grinding, they are being ground into husks.

Stir your own fricking drink.
When I say soft drink. I mean soft drink, not milk, not tea, not water, not bourbon.
Put your own damn sugar in your own damn coffee, I'm sure you have hands. I'm holding a tray with nine other drinks on it, you inconsiderate piece of crap.
Stop asking me for water, you godforsaken morons, if you're too cheap to order anything else, you shouldn't be in a casino.
There is no such thing as Tooheys black. I told you.
Don't ask for hot chocolate if you want to lose weight
When you run into someone. Apologise.. Manners? What the hell have your parents been teaching you in the course of your miserable life???!
I'm not a fucking deer tracker, I don't know where you are once you've moved tables.
And thats just the customers, I haven't even started bitching about the @#$@$$* staff yet. [backstabbing sonnuva....]

I'm putting up with this for money and its not even good money. Sigh. The things we do. On the plus side I know how to make a good coffee now.

I have a friend Ology, who's really sick at the moment and I worry about her a lot, but then I worry about everybody a lot lately because I simply don't have enough time to catch up with them. I haven't even seen Alpha Beta since her wedding. When something like this happens it reminds you how faraway people are, I think that if I hadn't made that space to call her I never would have known and what kind of friend would I be?
[Well actually I'm feeling like a real dodgy friend at the moment] anyway all that can be done is to hope and pray that Ology gets better and the condition doesn't become too serious. This year is heading into minus numbers for everybody.

Classic.
Tuesday, August 9th, 21:25 Mood: Bugger

I bag out daytime tv, but sometimes its just comedy gold.

[Our heroes Billie and Bo have just escaped from a European castle, when Bo winces and Billie cries out rather hysterically....]
Billie: Bo! Are you in pain??
Bo: No I'm okay.
Billie: How can you be okay? You were impaled on a spike!

Some days are darker.
Saturday, August 5th, 00:17 Mood: Hurt

"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the dark that fills my mind
I somehow find that you and I collide

I finally find you and I collide"
-Howie Day, Collide


Mish. Housewife Extraordinaire.
Thursday, August 4th Mood: Simple things where have you gone?

I have a feeling I spelt extraordinaire wrong. Anyway, to all things domestic, Exit Mould! All hail Exit Mould! Spray it once and five minutes later its gone. Its gone. No getting on my hands and knees into the grime and scrubbing. I'm a very happy domestic goddess. If only they'd invent the same thing for dust and oven tops and I'd be in housewifely heaven, nothing to do except vacuuming, oh and laundry [and possibly cooking] well, never mind it leaves me more time to slump in front of the teevee and eat chocolate biscuits, something with which I'm not allocating enough time lately.

In other news, time for shoes! I've been in a shoe drought. A shoe desert. So I'm over compensating by buying two pairs tomorrow, both pink. Yes, both pink [shurrup, I'm turning into a massive drag queen, fake eyelashes, pink shoes, I think I might add a wig to complete the effect.] The first is a pair of Lonsdale pink and grey sneakers [Brand slut!] and the other is heeled sandals covered in ...diamantes. I really am a massive drag queen!

What SB said.
Wednesday, August 3rd 21:25 Mood: A doggy donut on my lap

SB is role playing as a homosexual woman hating nurse stuck on an island
Girl 1: Why should we keep you on the island?
SB: Well I'll still treat you professionally, but inwardly I'd still hate you.
Girl 1: Errr.. and why should we keep you on the island?
SB: I'll revert to being straight so we can repopulate the world.

SB is strangely voted off the island.

SB: Do you think I should work on my public speaking skills?
Me: No, not at all.

Things I've learned working at the casino.
Wednesday, August 3rd 1:11 Mood: Over it

1. Rich people are not necessarily good tippers, in fact I find that mostly? They suck. Here's your ten cents back, you cheap bastard.

2. Your feet will hurt after an eight hour shift. No derr.

3. To make yourself feel better after a customer treats you like an automated teller,, try mumbling "mayallyourchristmasesbebleakandgreyyoulousyfecker" when you've finished, its an instant cheer up.

4. Also for an instant pick up, flirt with the cuuuute italian security guard [provided he is around, of course]

5. It helps to use :gasp: a tray when handing out drinks.
[Really?! a tray?! What did you think I was going to use Alana, you freak faced monster, a pencil holder? my head? a cereal box? Shut up, From now on I will only address you as freak faced monster. Grr]

6. The glint in the eye on the face on the pokie machine is not my imagination. It actually is a glint that comes around every five minutes or so. People beware, you may actually drive yourself crazy thinking that face is coming to life.

7. Males tip better than females. Why I don't know.

8. People who have begged for free drinks will ignore you once they've gotten what they wanted.

9. I am not handing out free drinks to those people anymore

10. All kitchens are grubby everywhere. Casinos, bars, restuarants. Gahh.

June-July 2005

Geocities has taken two months off my life
Growwwrrrrrrr... Fecking Geocities.
So here is a quick recap of what I can remember of June and July.

Oi vey.

I got a job in Star City the Casino, where they've been working me to death. Which really puts a damper on my social life.
I found out that my friend Saffron doesn't want to stay in Australia which made me really really sad.
My best friend Alphabeta got married. At twenty two. And that made me me sad then nostalgic and then I was all drained out. Also I was really rude to the groom accidentally. Whoops.
Me and SB are sponsoring a child named Thapi in Africa, except that SB calls her Taipei, because he's um.... asian.
Mmm.. Feifei the adulterous chiuhuahua was stolen. Pregnant and kidnapped. You could not be in a more melodramatic situation.
I reaffirmed my love for all things Chris Martin, I watched live aid and signed on, though it doesn't seem to have had any [or much effect]
There was some discussion on my un-feminist stance, because my classmates boobs were poking my eyes out.
My dad told me [some five months later] that my step-grandmother had died, and I'm shitty at him for being so henpecked as to not be even able to pick up the phone to tell me. However my mum [Godloveher] was all "She's old! She was going to die anyway!" Sigh.

Shoooot. What else? What else? I worked in Forresters Hotel for a bit, that was fun. I was told that my designs weren't good enough to sell, so I was all bummed out about that for a while.

Ooh and I completely fell in lust with Shaun of the dead and Harold and Kumar [well maybe Kumar more than Harold. I mean his name is Harold], anyway everyone gets my love.

And as always, I got drunk and went dancing.

Thus concluding the months of June and July. [Once again, a big feck you to Geocities!]

Oh.. and the bomb.. but everyone was thinking about that.