The mating call

People keep asking me why I don't want to get back out there. Imagine someone placed a bucket of dark water in front of you and said that at the bottom there's a gold coin! But before you dump your hand in there, just as a warning - in the bucket there's also hundreds of rats and frogs in there swimming around. The rats are bitey and the frogs are slimy. Enjoy! Would you seriously still put your hand in there??!
No, of course not. Don't be silly.
--

So we're sitting at the table outside the club when we notice some random plunker eyeballing us. This would all be good if he didn't resemble a really really sleazy Kevin Smith [just for the record, I like my Kevin Smiths with wide friendly expressions and mute. Like Silent Bob. I digress.] He stood there and stared for a while as we gossiped and then he decided to pull a move.

I've never seen this move before. It was a brand new move. I give him a one handed clap for audacity.

He slid into the bench opposite us and gave us both a meaningful stare.
And then he proceeded to light the cigarette. Smoke it.
And then blew the smoke directly at us. Several times.

Now if this was a play or something it would go one of two ways -the first being that one of us would be polite and ask him to stop and he would then apologise and then you'd be friends in a meet-cute type situation. I think this was what he thought would happen. Uhm. Poor dude. He misunderestimated how pissed off we get when smoke overpowers our fragrance.

St Mary: What the fuck are you doing?
Not Kevin Smith: !!
St Mary: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T BLOW THAT SMOKE ON US!
Not Kevin Smith: what.. I..?
St Mary: Didn't you hear me?
[Not Kevin Smith tries to salvage the situation and he lumbers over and pretty much stands over St Mary who is giving him snake eyes. If her ears were on top of her head, they'd be flattened]
Not Kevin Smith: Sorry?
St Mary: DON'T SMOKE ON US. SMOKE OVER THERE. [points in a far off direction ] please.

Not Kevin Smith sulks off back to his friends in the far corner who all give him commiseration pats.

Mush: Ouch.
St Mary: I said please.

--

And then later on in the night, St Mary is approached by some random and he was so suave and memorable that I cannot for the life of me remember what he said. Whatever it was, she completely rebuffed him and he walked off. I looked down at my glass for two seconds and when I looked up, he turned around at the same time - caught my eye and gave me the international symbol for a serious-good-time.

[Sorry, I had to post this random photo so you could see what I mean- I couldn't search anymore, Google now thinks I'm totally perverty. Anyway]

It was so unexpected and funny [seriously who does that?! When did that become a substitute for a goodbye wave??] that I almost fell off my stool, I was laughing hysterically when Miss HK patted me on the hand.

Miss HK: Do you like him? He likes you. You should go and talk to him.
Mush: [trying to regain composure].. he.. what.. you can't be serious... you're totally serious!
Miss HK: Yes.
Mush: [studying her] Lady, that doesn't mean he likes me. He likes something. But it's not me.
Miss HK: ..what do you mean? what does that mean?
Mush: Oh my God, you're so young and cute. I don't want to corrupt your innocence.
Miss HK: St Mary, what does that mean?
St Mary: [laughing] I think you need to think about it!

--

I'm not putting my hand in that goddamn bucket.