--
"Parlez-vous Francais?
Oui!
Parlez-vous Francais?
Oui!
Si tu peux le parler allez tombez la chemise
Do it now because you can and I think you should
Do it now because you can and I told you to
Do it now because you can, I'll take mine off too
Do it now because you can, cause you can"
-Parlez vous Francais, Art vs Science
Well I did say I could speak basic French and thanks to Art vs Science I can now totally wander down the Champ Elysees (which is a busy street!) next year and tell girls to take their tops off. I don't know how well it'll serve me however since I'm going in February and it'll be cold and they're going to think I'm crazy. Digressing: If you do look for this song- don't go the original- look for the Hey Now Remix. It flows much better.
--
Since I had a bit of time this morning since Hexagirl was running late- I thought I would sort through my mail.
I don't think this photo can possibly convey how much junk was in my mailbox, but needless to say we can tell where most of the Amazonian rainforest ended up. Right here.
Anyway I was flipping through when I saw this .. What the hell- I don't think I ordered anything I wasn't supposed to order. I ripped open the classy black envelope. [I'm not riffing- I genuinely think/thought that the envelope was kind of classy.. and does my thumb look a bit odd??! I swear that's actually my thumb and I'm not flashing my bits on camera.]and then...
..
Well seriously, I take off my hat to the marketers of this campaign. Nice hook. And good going with that envelope.
---
So I thought it would be a bright idea to go to the dentist. Who does that? Who voluntarily goes off for a bout of self-inflicted torture? Masochists like me apparently. After he was done, he prescribed me a bout of antibiotics for a mouth infection I didn't know I had. Awesome. Before I left, I asked him..
"You didn't say.. what am I supposed to not take with these? " [bonus points for superb grammar construction]
He smiles at me: "Cigarettes and alcohol."
"Oh. I don't smoke so okay."
So I drag my ass to the pharmacy where I am promptly served by a pharmacist who just graduated high school.
"So Mush, take these.. "
"Sure, just to clarify.. what am I supposed to stay away from?"
"Alcohol."
"Oh. Uhm. That's cool, I can do that. Er, how long am I supposed to take these for?"
"Seven days."
"Seven days??" I forgot that I'm supposed to be going on a trip next weekend and this is going to be a pothole on the highway to Port Stephens. I wonder if he prescribes valium. I stare at the packet. "Can this be shortened- do I have to take the entire packet?"
I had visions of wine tasting and drunken golf and beers in the sun.. and they start to waver in front of me like mirages. Frick.
He looks at me in consternation. "No. Finish the entire thing."
Those mirages flicker and disappear. Goodbye images! "Er. And what happens if I mix?"
He peers at me like I just asked him for a specimen cup to pee in in the middle of the store. "You will get really really really sick."
I think the expression on my face says it all. Crap.
He gives me the most exasperated look of all time, bar my mother. This 18 year old who just graduated from high school.
"Mush. Can you not go without alcohol for seven days?"
I just got told by a high schooler and my mouth hurts. The indignity of it all.
"Yes. yes. I can. It just puts a dent in my holiday. Excuse me." And I swish away.. likely to never come back to this pharmacy in case they tie me down to cart me off to AA.
--
So we're all sitting around eating dinner [and I guess it's not appropriate dinner conversation, but when is it ever?] but you put a bunch of twenty somethings around a table and the conversation is 75% of the time likely to turn to sex.
It just is. I don't know why.
And so Genki was talking about his proclivity for slapping people during sex. I almost choked on my boat noodles.
Mush: Wait. Are we talking about slapping on the ass or over the face?
Genki: Over the face.
Mush: You have got to be kidding me. Doesn't that hurt? Are they okay with that? So many questions!
Genki: I just kind of ease them into it.
And then everyone looks at me like I just arrived on a boat from China. I'm an illegal immigrant on the shores of a sexual continent or something. Apparently it's a big continent and I know nothing.
St Mary: Haven't you ever been slapped during sex? I have. It turns me off a bit
Donnie: I've done it. But not with St Mary.
Genki: It's my thing to do with my girls.
Mush: I think my brain exploded and is leaking out of my ears.. what is everyone talking about? Why would you do that? it would hurt! Who does that??
Genki: Have you never had make-up sex? Make-up sex is the best thing to have when you're both angry and fired up.
Mush: Geez, you would think slapping somebody would get them angry.
Donnie: Well the best thing for you to do would be to try it. In the heat of the moment say hit me! hit me! and then see how it feels afterwards, I guarantee you it'll make a huge difference. In fact, google it. They have studies on it... Best to try it with someone you trust though.
Mush: You kids are all just psyching me out right?
St Mary: Slapping is fine. I get really turned off by choking.
Mush: Choking?? What.
Genki: It's the closest thing to living and dying at the same time.
St Mary: You know what? Go ask Mexicana, I'll bet she's done it- she's pretty wild and adventurous with things like that.
Mush: You know if Mexicana was down with the whole slapping thing, I'm sure she would have told me. Wtf.
[Five hours later]
Mexicana: What? No! Your friends are weird! If someone slapped me I'd slap them right back. I would be majorly pissed off. I would not be turned on by it.
Mush: That's what I thought.
I guess when you think about it [and I really don't want to think about it too hard] I can see why people do it but I like my face most of the time, you'd be kind of hard pressed to explain the next day to all your workmates and friends why you have a goddamn handprint on your cheekbone. I walked into a door. My new blusher doesn't sit right. My boyfriend slapped me around sexually-but that's okay! I'm okay with it!
The bulk of it is that on some level it bothers me that anyone you trust would be willing to hit you even if you were a-ok with it. I suppose that if one day I brought it up with whomsoever I date, I would be reallyreallyreally relieved if they said "No, I would never raise a hand to you in any way even if it was in a permissive and sexual environment. And I would never want to hurt your face" As opposed to "Hey yeah! let's go! I have my high five ready!". Am I hopelessly naive to think like that? Big sexual continent.
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