Question and Answer Time

So where have you been FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?

Nowhere. Right here. Acting like a ginormous slug.

How was your christmas?

Most excellent. I make great turkey [or rather SB makes great turkey and I take great credit]. This year my family decided that they that would be even more dysfunctional than usual, but I find I miss then a lot when I'm away from them. STOP FIGHTING PEOPLE!

How was work?

Crap, but I think I'm getting used to it.. its a rather odd feeling, although a year and a half at that hellhole I should be used to it, though come to think of it its not really a hellhole as more of a limbohole.

How was the U2 concert?

Awesome. Although not as awesome as the the Coldplay concert. Chris Martin still rules my heart.

How was the Gold Coast holiday?

It was .... interesting.. The big banana is smaller than I remembered. Byron Bay is beautiful, much better looking than the Gold Coast. [Huh, I however might be slightly biased]


Geez.. how many holidays did you take this year???? Did you actually do any work??

I took two to the Gold Coast, one to Melbourne and one to the Blue Mountains. But they were all quite short trips. Shut Up. No I didn't do any work this year.

Hows your house? hows your dog?

My house is still falling apart, my dog still needs some emotional therapy, we cut her hair, she now actually looks like a sausage dog.

So some comments about this year?

Its been one helluva ride this year, I feel like I lost a lot of friends, but at the same time I'm starting to work out who my real friends are. I'm a lot closer to my mum and my stepdad, though at the beginning of the year I was pretty sure that moving away from my family sounded like a heckuva good idea. I've moved back to Chatswood and I feel much calmer and less stressed out [though I still have a tendency to get cranky when things don't go my way.]

I took a lot of time off this year [even though it doesn't feel like it] time away from school, I worked less. I discovered where I wanted my career to actually go [after years of dabbling] and I'm going to throw mucho money in that direction.. whether it works out.... ehhh...we'll see.


I've cried and laughed all this year. It seems that this year has been the year of extremes. I think I drank less this year than I did last year however [how do you gage? I have no idea] I broke all of last years resolutions except the one where I promised to not watch more than six movies at the cinemas [I watched four] oh, and I think Rihanna is hot. Does anyone else think shes hot? Apparently not -_-

SB and I almost gave up on each other fifty thousand times this year, but we've settled on a groove. I really think I say that at the beginning of every year.

And Chris Martin takes my heart and stomps on it, pretty much every day.

Lessons I've learned this year.

1. Family is important. Life is more important. Never get in a car with an angry,
drunk relative on a mountain highway.

2. Dee Why is dangerous, stay away from that damn beach.

3. Marijuana makes people sleepy.

4. When you think you need a holiday, you need a holiday.

5. Fighting with random ladies in parks is pointless [especially if said lady is
an idiot]

6. If you disagree with a friends boyfriend. SHUT UP and bite your tongue.

7. Don't watch Thai movies that involve orphans and dying dogs. Its just asking for
trouble.

8. Timtams don't melt into drinking chocolate in the microwave.

9. When googling old friends and finding they've moved on. Don't be sad but rather
be happy that they've found their way in the big bad world.

10. In the case of high school friends, if you've found that you no longer have any
thing in common. Don't sweat it, sometimes life is like that.

11. Don't go into bars that you think are dodgy. Chances are they're dodgy.

12. Time passes so quickly, cherish those around you. Give your dog a hug and your
boyfriend a kiss. Talk to your mum and dad on the phone more often. I bet they
miss you.

It strikes me funny..

Of course theres nothing funny about war or crying babies.. but dead smurfs? comic genius. Whats wrong with the Unicef marketing department??

Back but Only Slightly

Mood: Joker and the Thief [They say the Joker is a wanted man!]

This headline caught my attention at work yesterday.

Thick Sheik

I had to smother my delirious giggles. Ahh, Thank God for tabloid journalism, never afraid of punny puns and blatant subjectivism!


I swear swear swear I will do an update tomorrow. yeep.

It's time to go....

Mish!

Off to the Gold Coast for a much needed vacation. So far this year I've been to the Gold Coast twice and Melbourne once making my holiday time a total of... ten days...
[See? I can't even have my damn holidays normally! They have to be split like pizza slices]

Surfers paradise- palm trees, the beach, awkward family reunions, and sunburn. It'll be good. Kisses til' I come back.

Things that depress me [the new expanded and definitive version!]

Crying babies, Men, Men that don't call when they say they will, SB, Dead puppies, Dead aunties, Work, Customers that put napkins over their faces to play poker, Work, Men, Friends that are not here to listen to me whining [especially those IN TAIWAN], Chicken schnitzel sandwiches that taste like rubber, Single mothers on welfare and the fact that Mark Ruffalo is not riding in to take me away on a white horse/cadillac....

That is all.

[I bet you're all itchy for the companion piece: Things that irritate the holy fugka out of me. Stay Tuned! (Gawd, I need a break)]

The Human Kite

My Goldfish SB died the other day. They were a pair SB and Mish. Geez, I hope God/s isn't trying to tell me something.

I bought a giant canvas today. It was on special. The bastard was almost bigger than I was. And it was a mother:meep: trying to get it home. If you were driving past Chatswood this afternoon, you wouldn't have seen me, you would've seen a humungo white board maneuveuring between people. [And your first thought would be: what are they trying to sell??] If it was a mother:meep: walking along the mall, it was even more unwieldly along the housing strip because then a breeze started up, and this was not even a gust, it was a freaking breeze. I could feel myself and the board being swept to the left towards the road. Mish: the human kite. And so every few moments I stopped to avoid being blown away, Mary Poppins style. Eventually I just hefted the damn thing on my shoulders, if I was going to fly away at least I would fly away in style.

The plans of an ex-housewife.

I may not be a housewife much longer! I'm considering going backpacking in Europe with Dakota*, see I don't know Dakota very well but she seems like a nice enough girl [terrible taste in men however, since she dated Jackass for a while] but I'm sure she won't cut out my kidneys and leave me in a bathtub, well she's smaller than me so I don't think she could.

If I go backpacking, I'd be gone for a month.. wheeeee! No Casino for a month, heaven.

Also I'm possibly going to Thailand with SB in January, relaxing on a beach sipping a maitai, [ok fine not a maitai, maitais are gross].

Gosh I need a holiday.

Whiiiiiiny.

I'm siiiiiick... :sniff, sniffle, moan, whine*

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll...............

[Still coherent as ever!]

It's gonna be a long post/Bet you thought I died!

Okay so I haven't posted in two months, but I have an excuse really! [well excuses..]

Shall we start?

Saffron* [hem], Mexicana and I went out for last hurrahs, and guess who we bumped into? Moneybags. Seriously. I haven't seen him for about three years and then he pops up virus style. I gave him a huuuuuge hug [I was tipsy, I'd probably hug George Bush too] and then I left him to his devices. The thing that got me was the strangeness of his timing, I'm a firm believer in things such as fate and circularity. Moneybags was right there when I met Wheatie and then he disappeared [into a vagina most probably] and then he's right there when it's time for her to leave. I don't know how lucid that sounds, but its.. like the beginning and the end.. all wrapped up...
[huh. Don't ask me for clarification, I'm not suggesting he's somehow the centre of the universe]

I said that Saffron and I had been having problems, but in the last hour we were just talking about nothing and it was.. back to normal. And then it was time for me to go. I'm thinking it was so sudden that I still dream about it, and then I wake up all sad.

So she's left.

Cut to:
Melbourne!
I love Melbourne! For all my Sydney love [Go the mighty swans] I don't think I'm a tried and true sydneysider, unless I'm stuck in Wollongong or the Gold Coast or some other dodgy burg, I don't find that I really miss it. Whereas when I leave Melbourne I always feel immensely sad. It also helps that Melbourne just seems to be more me, slightly quirky and a little bit cosmopolitan in a very small space. Yep, that sounds like me. Anyway sidetracked once again, back to my holiday.
We arrived fairly broke, our taxi fare cost ninety dollars.. say that with me again, ninety dollars. I could buy a new pair of shoes with ninety dollars.
But at least we had arrived! Now thats it been so long ago, bits and pieces are a bit jumbled in my head, we ate chips and wandered around, and I fell just that much more in love with the city, with the trams and the shops [Gawd, they have so many vintage clothing shops I almost fell over, however SB was like "What is with all this hippie stuff?!"], we strolled around Flinders Street and had a go at the Crown [yeah ok I should stay away from Casinos on my holidays. I know.] but we won forty dollars so it was really all good. Also the Crown is fifty times bigger than Star City, the gaming floor had us positively lost. Its all marble and cream, where as Star City is lights and.. flashing lights, and shiny lights, you get the idea. Out of the casino and back to Melbourne..
Things that enchanted me: besides the sheer amount of pretty girls. yikes. the eccentric shops. [its not as if we don't have eccentric shops here in Sydney, its just that we seem to have fewer, either that or we've been overrrun by Sportsgirl]. Art! Art! everywhere! Just everywhere there are street sculptures, giant purses, and disembodied people, and my favouritest of all square cows in trees.
Me:[ me in tram] Ohmigod what are those??
SB: [squinting] they look like cows in trees.
Me: Squee! [fumbles for camera, but its passed] damn.
And last but not least, the architecture or at least the layout of the city, it so rocks. I can't even put in words my enthusiasm for how the city looks. Firstly with cities like Sydney [and possibly the Gold Coast], it expands way way way too quickly, first its a hovel, then two hovels, then its a street. then its a village and then a village stuck onto another village, and parts of it are pretty but its not really together, its a big smush of different types of architecture. And it's not Sydney's fault, it just had too many people at any one time and no-one to sit down and go "well, this goes here... and this should go here...", but Melbourne actually looks like its been put together nicely, the trams go around the rectangle and the shops are within. simple! easy! and the buildings have that beautiful European gothic thing going for them. sigh.

Which brings me to: things that get my ire [number #244654645646] what kind of fickle mushheads are constructing all this modern crap around the city?? As we were about to drive into the city, I noticed that in the last two years that I hadn't been they'd constructed about fifty [maybe more] pieces of tin crap around the border. It was revolting! It was atrocious! And these FMH's want to start building within the city as well, soon the entire skyline will be covered with shiny silver things [it will look suspiciously Sydney-like]
Oh and the weather, it's a major flaw, they have maybe the crappiest weather ever.

Diagram!

And then the real reason we went to Melbourne.. dun dun dun!! [besides the fact that we needed a holiday...] Coldplay!! Oh COLDPLAY, WE LOVE YOU!! They were phenomenal, they were fantastic, they were fucking awesome. Oh man, I sang along with every single song and yes, we had crappy seats [high on a hill was a lonely goat...]but oh man, so awesome, if I'm starting to sound a bit gushy its because they were AWESOME. Did I not say that enough times? Aiee! I'm putting on my squealing fangirl hat. The best bit? You have never known chills until an entire auditorium sings "Fix you" with you.
' Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones/ And I will try to fix you'
I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Tears stream down your face....

Hokai.. now onto the other big news, man I've been typing so much I don't even know if I have enough stamina to write down the rest of this what-feels-like-an-essay. [Isn't writing supposed to be therapeutic?? This is taking a little bit more than an effort] Dun..dun..dun! We've moved house! We've moved back to Chatswood, Me, SB and Tatergirl. Its sort of a nice little cottage/duplex setup type thing, we've been here for close to a month now and I think I'm sorta getting used to this housewife getup, [my feminist sisters are mourning my loss. ha.] Its cook/sweep/mop/wash and at first I used to resent Tatergirl to some degree for not doing anything. But then I thought back to the time of Yim and Wollongong, and I rolled my eyes.. I am not going through that again, forget it I'd rather just sweep the G*ddamn floor and let this house be harmonious. Well its harmonious but not particularly quiet, which is good I like lots of people coming through [ok now that I've said that, I'm sure that no-one will come around again for the next two months. jinxed.]

SB and I had some problems when we first moved in too, but we seem to have figured them all out, boy that was some rough patch. There was a real stretch when I didn't think we were going to make it. [hahaha, I typed makeout]


However, however! We may not stay here too long because the landlord is really fricking unstable with what he wants to do with the place.

Have I missed anything?
That was a good thousand words. I think they can wait til next time!

And every breath we drew was hallelujah.

Thanks Jeff Buckley. Sometimes you're happy to be alive and sometimes you're not. But when you are, thats what it feels like.

Maybe its because I'm finally getting some time off, but I feel like my grip is lossening slowly. I'll just be talking to someone [at work, at home, anywhere] and I'll look down and realise that my fist is clenched into a little ball, boy I hope this isn't indicative of anger management issues. [I! DON'T! HAVE! ANY!.. hrrrr]

Meanwhile..things, things, things.

did I mention Saffron* is leaving? I thought it would be a long and drawn out process, with big withdrawals but it hasn't turned out to be. It's been weird and awkward and I don't want to foist myself onto someone who doesn't want to see me [who do you think I am?! I'm my Dad's daughter of course] I may regret this later that I didn't take my time to spend more of her last week with her, but all signs point to no, give her her space. [Ha! look at me. how mature]

Meanwhile at the casino, Alana turned up to work drunk. She wasn't fired. And thats my cue to turn up with half a pint of vodka in my system. See? She's good for something, she sets precedents. Everyone slosh!


I love when Minnie sleeps on my foot. There's a trust thing going on [she probably trusts that I won't get up from the computer.. but beside the point..]

Things I'm looking forward to: The Coldplay concert, the Coldplay concert, The. Coldplay. Concert. If you see me wiggling my hips in Central station its probably because I'm going off to 'Clocks', I loove looove loooove the instrumentals in Clocks. [Man, I feel so cool when I strut to it. I also swing to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, I'll play it really loud when I'm walking in a crowd. Y'know to up the ironic alienation factor. Shurrup, yeah I know I'm a dork. I'm geekly proud]


How do angry cows talk?
Moodily.

I know this girl named Sapphire, truly I've only ever met her twice [three times?], she seems like a really nice girl. But I keep getting told that her boyfriend is cheating on her. He calls her ugly and disparages her behind her back. Should I tell her? would I want an almost complete stranger to tell me? [yeah, probably. but thats me] :thunks head on wall: I watched my mum try to tell her in this loopy round about way "There are books, there are old books and new books, old books should always make way for new books, never focus completely on an old book" you should've seen my face and then her face, my eyebrow almost dislocated itself from my head, and she being the nice girl that she was, agreed that people should read all books. Sigh.

I promise to not be so intrusive. No guarantees of course.

V for Vendetta [or Victory]

So work upsets me [Gawd what a lousy day I had yesterday].

I think I might've mentioned it for the quadrillionth billionth time.

However today was a strike back for me. Mish: 2. Casino: 0

I don't feel so upset [sleepy, hungry, not so upset]

Alanah was being a biatch so I told her off..[what came over me? I don't know] and she.. she.. this is the stunning bit... she apologised! power to the people! Mish rules! yeah! [I'm a little bit giddy, but I didn't lord it over her.. cos I'm nice like that]

The customer was being a fricking pain. And he knew it. Yelling across the casino "Hey waitress!! I'm thirsty?! Waitress!" People could hear him in Nebraska. It was neither cute, nor funny especially since he did it repeatedly even after I gave him a drink. Three drinks in fifteen minutes,I don't even know where he was putting them, everybody was fed up. And then the last straw came. "HEY WAITRESS! MISS! DRINK!" I was cleaning the trolley, gloves and everything [well of course, its dirty, hes been piling it with glasses]. I pushed the trolley towards him
"yes?"
"a drink!"
"sure, please hold on a minute"
I rolled the trolley away for a minute.
"MISS! DRINK! MISS! DRINK!"
rolling back, through gritted teeth: what do you want?
" A DRINK!!"
teeth grinding: what kind of drink?
"ANY DRINK!"

Fine. fine! I'll make you the worst drink you ever tasted. Tomato juice and worceteshire sauce? too obvious. Lemon lime bitters with too much bitters. Neh. He might like it. Ping!

I made him a coffee. I put it in a used glass. And then I watched him drink it. The next time I came round he wasn't there. Don't cross the angry cocktail server,I'm on the warpath.

Pebbles

A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet and you can see it in it's true setting, then walk away from it, after all its only a pebble.

This blog is sometimes a rock in my shoe.

Not meant to be

I just spent over an hour detailing how I felt about Saffron, Sesame, Godless, my Aunty, Jabbers, Tatergirl and its all gone.

Thanks a lot internet explorer.

It was probably never meant to be.

It's a tattoo day

So I've decided to get a tattoo, I'm thinking Hello Kitty. Just her head on my shoulder, however the range of responses have been from "I knew it" to "Are you kidding?" to falling over on her butt to laughter.

Nyeah.

In the meantime, I've been trying to convince SB to get a matching one. No Dice. We just don't agree on what to get.

This changed this afternoon [I mean that he decided what to get, not that he decided on a matching one]
SB: [for some odd reason surfing through the Church of Satan site]
Me: Ok, thats freaking me out
SB: But its really interesting!
Me: Getting the heebie jeebies Are you done with the cult thing?
SB: Hey take a look at this pic!
Me: peers at a pentagram with a goats head inside it OOkay.. what about it?
SB: Don't you think it'd make a really cool tattoo??
Me: NO
SB: But look at it!
Me: Starts to rant What if you go swimming with my aunty?? My religious aunty??! Or someone at work saw it, you'd never be promoted. Or what about when you reach the gates of heaven and they're about to let you in??, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT TATTOO?!
SB: blinks* I'm sure God has a sense of humour.

Oh Gawd, I'm sticking with Hello KItty.

Self pity tastes like cookie

So I'm at work today and I feel this sensation in my chest. It's a slow ache.

I recognise it straight away. The recognition sends shock waves through my system and I stand there with tears in my eyes. I'm silently crying because its so familiar and it's a wave I thought I had passed and now have no choice but to bear again.

This time, I have too many responsibilities to hide away in bed, so Imma have to grit my teeth, grin and bear it. If you see me smiling, understand that it's fake, and its not anything I have against you, some of us carry burdens.

It's back.
Welcome Back.
I don't want to go through this again, and I'm so tired of going it alone.

Square between the eyes

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and if you use your head to deflect it, you can't really complain when it hurts.

I decided that the new job at the Hotel wasn't right for me. And so instead of doing the right thing and calling up to say I wasn't coming in [I am really irresponsible lately] I just didn't turn up.
[Why not? It works for Tatergirl and ShanghaiArchitect, they waltz in, waltz out. Guilt score? Nada them. Mish: One]
But the morning after I am burdened by guilt, its as if I had left a baby in the garbage or something. It was awful. But it wasn't just the guilt that woke me, they woke me. The stalking began.

They started calling at seven in the fricking morning. And gave eight continuous calls all the way to ten o'clock. I am not picking that up, I don't care.

The phone calls continued until five in the afternoon. Lalalala I can't hear it!

The next day more of the same, thats a phone? It's not my phone. Ten or so missed calls. It had started to ease, thank God.

Its Monday and I'm at work, still steadfastly ignoring it, by this time I've turned my phone to silent and letting it vibrate under some clothes. When I get home, my mum says "Did Mercure call you? They called [home]. I told them to call you on your mobile" Oohkay. They've started calling my house. Not just by the standard 9218 but from their OWN mobiles.

This is getting excessive.

The home phone started to ring this morning, it can't possibly be them, it'd be those lifesaver telemarketers and I'll just tell them I'm busy.. lalala...
"Hello?"
"Hello, is Michelle there?" [Oh FUCKING CRAP]
"Michelle speaking""
"Hi, this is Joe from Mercure, you missed your shift on Saturday"
[OH REALLY?!]
"Did I? I'm sorry"
"Can you work tomorrow?"
"Uhhh.. no." [Can you just fire me and this would be less painful for both of us?]
"It's only for a couple of hours"
[Crapcrapcrapcrap...] "Sigh..What time?"
"Seven til Eleven"

And this is how I was roped [hounded] back into working for Mercure. This never happened to Tatergirl. Why do I always end up with the crazy ones??

Yelling, crying, yelling.

Yesterday I saw a rainbow.

Then I went to work.

And ever since all I've been doing is crying and yelling, crying and yelling.
[Minnie is officially afraid of me]

I need to pull it together.

It might have been that damn rainbow.

Things to say, Things to do

I've been so busy lately running around like a chicken without a head.
So in news...

I got the job at the Mercure Hotel as a waitress [No, I'm not quitting Star City yet so you can stop your pre-empted whooping], he said he was over the moon with me. Gosh.

I lied to get out of working on a Friday night. I'm terrible, I know. The guilt [and the fear that I would be caught!] was astonishing, but welcome to the dark side.
Of course then I went and had sushi, drank cointreau, sang karaoke and watched porn movies. It was a Friday night. [and thats how I'm justifying it, thank you very much have a nice day.]

Struggling to get my assignments finished. The skin of my teeth.

Am still looking for a place to move out with. If the ad says neat: it means old. Cosy: means small. Original bathroom: means the bathroom was built in the 1800's and still smells like it.
Oh and watch for streets covered in For Sale signs, it means that at the end of your street there's a big electrical tower giving you good tv signals and terminal cancer.

SB told me that Puripuri just dumped her model banker billionaire boyfriend for that lousy sleazy scumbag who makes her sleep on the floor. I don't get it. [Don't give me that 'It's love' shit]

I've gotten told that I look like a lot of things in my time, Joey Wong, a porn actress, a koala, Bec Cartwright [uh huh], Canadian.. the beat goes on but now its time to add something completely new and insulting to this list.



Olive Fricking Oyl!

[Should I have a sense of humour about this or not?]

Public Servants..

I'm the first one to defend police in an argument.

The arguments are:

-Without them, there would be anarchy.

-They do their best

-On very low pay

-And if there is corruption, I'm sure its a very small minority..

"Bah" says my friends, Pigs are pigs [Though whats wrong with pigs?? They're cute and they taste good, and are convenient for human disposal, also George Clooney owns one. Case closed]

However, however in the future I may not be so quick to support them, I mean people they're public servants! Shouldn't they be more helpful?? No, apparently not.
First, reception. Me "HimynameisMichelleandimhereforanassignmentforuniicalledlastnightbutigottoldtojustrockup"
The receptionist sniffed at the phrase "rock up", why are you so hoity toity?! you're a public servant! a receptionist, and not a very good one from what I can see.
But que sera sera. He husband probably left her this morning.
Next the mountain of rock, a stone face of a police man. He refused to be taped, wasn't happy about answering any questions [yeah, he was busy. Busy shuffling papers from one side of his desk to another] and he said five minutes. Fine. I managed to get in "Socanyoutellmewhatex---" And he said "Can't do it" Excuse me??
Rightio, optimistic til the end, "Well can you give me a number to call who WOULD give me the information?" [The stone shifted]
"This is state crime"

Its a good thing I went outside to call and not waited til I got home because that.. that.. poor bloody excuse.. of an object.. had given me a fax number! [Hallelujah and thank God for the NSW police force, competent til the end!]
I barged right back in there.
"Did you still want something?"

"YOU'VE GIVEN ME A FAX NUMBER"

"Oh."

Oh okay, you know I've probably made a mountain out of a molehill, he was busy [huh] but it was the callous way I was treated, I had only come in there to ask questions for an assignment, I mean thats nothing, what if I had really come in there with something actually distressing like robbery or assault. I imagine that if I had been treated the same the damage would've been compounded. And thats what disturbs me so much.

[I also had an incident with a real estate agent later today but that was probably to be expected]

Happy birthday/Mother's day!

This year we combined Mothers day and SB's birthday to create one big Happmothbirmer day, the soulsucker has me this weekend so the only celebrating is to be done now!

The presents:
An iPod nano
An Oroton Bag [worth a good four hundred big ones]

The reaction? Uhh.. not so good. Neither of them really liked their presents! So either my present-dar is off [or its off]

The setting: a warm and inviting italian restaurant, cosy and amibient. Where parents get drunk and try to hide lamb bones in that four hundred dollar bag. Where parents sing happy birthday to SB in loud off-key tones, to a cake without candles, and try to think up ways to defraud the lottery office [adding extra zeroes to a cheque should do it].

Did I mention I love my parents? They're crazy.