That time when I didn't palm a random stranger in the face

So I'm sitting there quietly eating lunch at the counter of this Chinese takeaway, when this very loud lady and her companion plop herself next to me. The empty counter is about 4 metres long. She's at my elbow. Not such a good start.

So while she's eating, she opens the Daily Telegraph and starts exclaiming about the state of the world. This is one of my biggest pet hates of all time, taking a tabloid newspaper as fact and then using it to proclaim the world a mess. It really really annoys me. I get that there are plenty of discerning readers who question what they read, but my guess is that there are plenty who don't. And this lady was one of them.

"Oh isn't it just shocking how much we spend on our prisoners. Two hundred dollars a day!"

I'm staring into my noodles and trying to ignore her but the lack of space between us was a major issue.

Every progressive page, its gets more shocking and more terrible! And I wonder how my plate of noodles turned into that ever refilling pitcher from Greek mythology. It's the plate of noodles that never ends. I feel like I've been sitting there for seventeen hours.

As I'm finally rounding out homebase, someone calls her on the mobile and she answers with

"Hello! I'm sitting in the best Chinese restaurant ever. I have a brochure with me, I have no words to explain how good it is. [pause] it's just wonderful. And you're speaking to someone who is a Chinese food connoisseur. It is simply the best Chinese food in Australia!"

I look at her plate of fried rice, sweet and sour pork and spring rolls.

That's it. I have to leave before I flick her in the forehead with my fork, noodle or no noodle.