Here we go again!- Or Mush, you are a fool.

Or maybe I'm a tool.

It's been six months and I'm doing that thing again, where I'm sitting by the goddamn phone waiting for that call.

And I don't mean to be.

But my eyes keep sliding towards it.

AND IT'S NOT RINGING.

Coconat and I were discussing it yesterday- how much smarter and emotionally acute I am than six months ago.

Apparently I know better- but she very coolly appraised me and said "You're going there again. You are running towards your impending doom. You're fighting it- but I can see it."

She was right- "and also you look like you want to run towards it."

Crap. I am so obviously transparent.

And so for the umpteenth time tonight, my eyes slide to the left. And I don't know why I can't just pick up the phone and call him. Oh God, what is it about him that reduces me to a rules-playing doormat?