Solitude/There's just no way

Solitude.

It's a Saturday night and I'm sitting here blogging. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm learning to enjoy my own company. I think this is a far leap from last year where I would've tripped over my own grandmother to go out dancing and get drunk. I just don't feel the need to get out there and do that anymore. Of course the difference is liability and choice. I now choose to stay home and this decision has nothing to do with anyone else. See? I'm getting my shit together. It's a nice feeling.

----------

There's just no way.

So I had coffee with a senior co-worker about a month back. He was clearly more impressed with me than I was with him. Don't get me wrong- he was a nice guy and we made small talk that didn't make me want to drive off a cliff [which I wager is not the most difficult thing to do]. But as I was talking to him I got some really odd vibes and a couple of paragraphs in- I put my finger on what was bothering me. He had the biggest case of yellow fever I had ever seen.

.	yellow fever
	1. A term usually applied to white males who have a clear sexual preference for women of asian descent, although it can also be used in reference to white females who prefer asian men.

All his friends were Asian. His best friend was Shanghainese. His favourite food was Japanese. He had just come back from Beijing and was about to head off back to Hong Kong or something.

So maybe I was being too judgmental, so I decided to talk to it with my friend who knew him a little better than I did- being his direct underling.
Me: "Hey dude, this guy.... is he a bit... fond of the geisha?"
Friend: "HAHAHA. Totally. He loves his Asian women. If he sees a pretty one- it's like a direct target."

Erk.

Well, if I wasn't turned off before, I was giving him a wide berth now. The smses kept coming and I kept putting them off for another day, hoping he'd eventually just get it and never ask me for anything ever again. I'm busy. I'm going to the dentist. I'm working. I have to get a new bumper [I really did actually- that wasn't a lie]

So anyway I was in the workroom cafeteria and my friend Coffeebrother was giving me massage [and he does good massage] when theguywiththefever walks past and gives me daggers. Well they looked like daggers! Whatever, I'm getting back to the massage.

About an hour later, I'm walking through the casino when he stops me and says "I was going to sit with you at lunch, but you 'looked busy' *finger quotes".
At this point my eyebrows just about lifted off my head. What.
He continues "New man huh? new boyfriend?"
I look at him like the weirdo that he is and say "He's my co-worker"
You can then see his whole body relax and he smiles "Thats good, I have some stories to tell you later"
Whoaaaaaa, buddy. I went for one coffee with you- possessive much?!

It irritated me but I didn't think about it too much. Until I bumped into him in the cafeteria again and he said [in this most condescending voice] "So do you want to sit with me or do you want to go and sit with your little buddies?"
At that point I should've dumped my tray over his head and no-one would have blamed me. Little buddies indeed. I walk off to get some food and he comes and says to me more meekly "Want to hang out?" [It still wasn't as fricking apologetic as I would have liked]

Whatever right? His break only goes for ten minutes- I will only have to talk to him for ten minutes. So he's talking and I'm still seething on the little buddies comment, looking desperately for these little buddies to come rescue me. Huh, they're turning around and snickering- I don't think they're going to come get me. So I'm pulling Bambi eyes at them and picking morosely at the food.
"You're not eating"
"Yeah this tastes terrible [and also you're putting me off my food]"
More small talk.
"You seem distracted today"
"Oh really? [it may be me trying to mentally teleport myself across the room]"
"Well I gotta go.."
"Really?... "
"By-..." He was cut off midway by me flinging myself bodily first across the cafeteria in a nice imitation of a suicidal possum

Blah. Hope he finally got the message. And also hope he finds someone he can talk condescendingly to who doesn't mind. I definitely mind.

--

I was whining about these episodes to my friend Campbell and she cut me off and said "yellow fever? what the heck is yellow fever?"
Me: Someone wanting to date me because I'm yellow
Campbell: You're not yellow!
Me: I am a little bit!
Campbell: Thats a terrible thing to say.. you're more olive.
Me:........................................... Can we get back to the original point please?

Somewhere to make us happy

So Minnie and I are looking for a new suburb to live in- and we thought we'd take a walk around Cremorne

and after walking around for a bit, I think we both thought.. how can anyone not want to live here??

That view is just never overrated. Sun went behind a cloud for a second as I was taking this.

I own the cutest dog in the world. I defy you to disagree with me.

Pretty right? Its all dappled and shadowy. The right amount of summery and spooky.

And when you walk just a bit further there are benches where you can sit down and read. . if I lived here, I'd be on that bench sixteen out of twenty four hours a day [the other eight would be for sleeping and showering]

Sigh, how can you be unhappy living somewhere like that? [Okok I understand that material possessions count for nothing and there are people right now living in those apartments who are being subject to the same nitpicks and worries that us ordinary podunks do and having a nice flat doesn't necessarily make them happier than the rest of us .... annnnd.. I don't care. I want to live in that apartment.]

Yes I do. There's a grandma in the background watching me mopey camwhore. She probably wants me to turn off the flash.

Lets discuss this like adults. Me to you. Human to dog

No, I really value your opinion!

Okay! Looks like we've decided where we're going! Cremorne here we come!

Cupcakes make me happy

I just got this today in the mail for my birthday. It makes me happy.

That book just blew my mind!

As my housemate Mystic Meg was leaving, she dropped me off "He's just not that into you" with the strict instructions to read it. Read it. Read it.

Meh, I looked at the cover and I thought what the hell right? I'll just skim through it and then go back to reading something more.. substantial.

That book took my brain and exploded it into tiny tiny pieces [in a good way]

Look, I'm no mensa genius but I'm hardly Forrest Gump either but it took concrete black and white text to drive the message right home.

If the guy doesn't call- he's just not that into you.

If the guy makes excuses about why he didn't call- he's just not that into you.

If the guy doesn't want to hang out with you- [etc etc]

If the guy makes excuses not to hang out with you [etc!]

Here is the bottom line: Guys are not that complicated- if they really want to call you/text you/hang out with you- they will make the time and the effort to do so. If they don't want to do any of those things, they won't- you're the fool for waiting around and excusing it and he's the asshole.

Yesterday I begged someone to stay with me [hooray for dignity!], I was barefoot and in tears and yet he still drove off. And as I dragged my bedraggled ass home, I wondered how I got myself into that situation. What happened to my feminist instincts and why was I in that situation?

Today, now that I've read the book- I realise that all the aborted phone calls, the refusal to stay, the unreplied smses all lead to one basic conclusion [deep breath]: Ta-dah! He's just not that into you!

Apparently I needed it to be spelt out to me like a first grader. At least, it was spelt out.

And I feel much much lighter- much much happier and much readier to get on with my life.

I never thought I'd say this but girls, please go run out and get this book

Standing up

Kowakunai keredo
[I am not afraid]

You don't have to accept everything that happens.

Emotionally Done

So for those of you who read this blog [or talk to me. ever] will know that I haven't had the best week for my entire life. Well ok some of it was good in bits [Thanks Banana!] and some of it was ultra sonically crappy [Thanks Sb. Bang up job there].

Well the negative this week overrode the positive, so here I am on a Saturday night feeling like I've been dragged backwards through a hedge. Absolutely. exhausted.

So here we are, the ultimate party girl has two choices. She can a) join her friends in the city for a 3d horror movie then afterwards go crazy on a dancefloor or b) join her other friend at SoCo cargo [www.Sococargo.com.au] and flail the night away in a giant shipping container.

Annnnnd... there is a third choice, take my tired aching brain under the duvet and stay there til morning.

Fortunately for my friends, I am going to take the third option. I can honestly think of nothing worse than to top it off with ruining their night. Hibernation seems like the best thing to do.

While I've been sitting here, I:

1) switched on my Xmas present dvd and realised the entire series was in a foreign language. Thus rendering me unable to lie there unmovable watching glamorous people backstab each other for forty eight hours. Fuck. Well I could but theres a good chance I'm not going to know what the holy frick is going on.

2) heard an ice cream truck drive by my house about ten times. Back and forward. Back and forward. At first.. it was cute and made me want ice cream. The other nine times... dude, it's raining. I'm on a suburban street covered in townhouses. Who's going to let their kids out to buy sweets?? Give it up, I'm begging you.


Ok. Going to bed. Hope next week is better.

The Resilience of Stars

So yesterday I mentioned how I [by reason of not very temporary insanity] threw my mementos into a fire. This included an entire jar of origami stars.

Now to me, origami stars are very sentimental and when I'm folding them I only think of good thoughts and best wishes towards the person I'm giving to. They are miniature dollops of love in a jar and to fill up a jar .. well it means I love you very much.

So when I threw these stars into the frying pan [pot], I had to sit down and stop for a bit because it was making me so overwhelmingly sad*. And logically my brain was saying that it was ridiculous to feel sad about folded paper when other people in the world are having their eyeballs scooped out, but it all just felt like a giant waste.

Anyway so I dumped the ashes and filled the pot with water and left it in the sink overnight.

When I came back this afternoon not looking forward to an hour of scrubbing [the drawbacks of home bonfires] I poured the water out and a few surviving stars swam into my sink. I ignored them thinking they were going to slide down the drain. Fifteen minutes later, they were still sitting in my sink despite the constant strain of tap water pushing them to wherever leftover food goes to die.

That was enough, I scooped them up.

I don't know if it's the paper or my kick ass origami skills [or even love! keeping them alive!] but these seven stars have survived a fire, an all night soaking and then my kitchen sick. And they are all intact, singed- slightly soggy but intact.

I know sometimes I often give excess meaning to inanimate objects.. admittedly I anthromorphisise everything.. but I am taking this as some sort of sign. To not give up. To take whatever life throws at you and come out the other end slightly burnt but ok.
I will give these stars to someone I love and explain to them why these particular stars mean so much to me and hope that they understand [everything not just the arson bit]. Right now, they're sitting in a bowl next to my monitor drying out.

*Ironically, if I had cried tears it would probably have put out the fire thus saving the stars much pain

All Gone

I stood there today and over a flame I burned photos, letters, mementos. Dizzy with rage, I watched all the empty promises and lies disintegrate into puffs of smoke. In the end, all I was left with was a pot full of ashes.

History wiped clean.

8:19

Ok, not so clean. Who the fuck knew there I had so many fricking photoes lying around?? Everytime I turn around theres another one on a wall or under a table. I can't very well start a fire everytime I see one right? And throwing it in the garbage doesn't really have the same effect. So at the moment my house is full of overturned and empty frames. Have you ever seen a charred origami star before? Its the saddest sight when you pick one up and it crumbles in your hands.

Sad summer days

I haven't seen DarkAngel for over a year since he broke up with Mexicana, but I had to go to his place to pick up his guitar for my party.

So I turned up and he still looked the same, I tentatively asked him how he had been and he said that he hadn't been having a very good year.

So we would stood on his porch and talked and I was surprised by this sudden sense of loss.

The four of us Mexicana, DarkAngel, SB and I would never go back to those days- bright summer days of so many possibilities. We no longer have the comfort of those dinners and that company. Each of us having gone our own separate ways. The loss of that kind of easiness.

I remember the petty fights and the irritations, angry partners stalking off and stony silences, the inability of any of us to pick some place to eat. But after all that, there was the laughter- the laughter was almost at a constant level and when it stopped we made our own, we told jokes, we danced in the street, we amused ourselves any way we could.


And so I felt a little more than a twinge as I left, it was an extremely pretty day and I couldn't think of anyone I really wanted to share it with. I called SB but he didn't pick up.
"You're crazy Mush" and I slapped myself upside the head.

"Crazy notions of past happinesses are interfering with your ability to drive! So you have to sack up and wipe your eyes because you're swerving! Crossing! the! line! Eeeeek!"

I was happy to get home and just be miserable on my couch without endangering any pedestrian lives. It really was a pretty day.

25 Random Things

1. I can't draw straight lines which is why I almost failed technical drawing in high school [almost!]

2. I like wearing really bright colours, so on a day when you catch me wearing black- it's a really good idea to steer clear.

3. I like driving people home.

4. I can't click my fingers and make a clicking noise. It makes a dull whoosh sound instead. I must have flat fingers because it makes people laugh when I try.

5. I want to drive across Russia. I haven't found anybody to support the idea yet because they're too busy worrying I'll be kidnapped by [Russian] bandits. Or eaten by wolves.

6. I think four years of catholic school actually did me some good ethically.

7. I have a really good head for useless trivia- I think I would be good on the show "The Rich List"

8. The first time I ever snuck into a pub was when I was seventeen. It was the Orient at the Rocks- I've never been back inside since.

9. If I had Paris Hilton's money, I would also probably buy close to the same amount of clothing. I would not however buy seven chiuhuahuas.

10. I had a nose piercing and have a tattoo because people told me not to. I would probably jump off a cliff if you told me not to.

11. My supervisor once said I act like a robot. It didn't make me serve customers any less robotically.

12. I breathe a sigh of relief when my friends tell me they read they read this blog .. which leads to..

13. I think my blog should be more famous than it is [ha!]

14. I can recite the dialogue between Jack and Rose of the Titanic right before he floats off and dies

15. I am scared of hairballs, cockroaches and the dark.

16. I think my dog is a feminist because I am a feminist.

17. I think that there is more to deja vu than just a brain spasm.

18. One of my goals was to sit on the Wheel of Fortune wheel and spin around. In my heart of hearts I don't ever think it will ever really happen.

19. On my break at work, I like to go to the harbour and stare at the fishes and jellyfish. You will often find me with my shoes off on the edge of the wharf.. which leads to..

20. I often worry about dropping my shoes in the water and having to explain to my supervisor why I have no shoes

21. If I correct your grammar it's only because I care!

22. I never ate pork buns again after watching that movie on the killer who turned people into buns and sold them in his restaurant. I was eleven. It was my fault for watching it when I knew I wasn't supposed to.

23. My new favourite song is Paper Planes by MIA. I turn it up really loudly in the car and it was always freaks out whoevers driving next to me [especially old people!]

24. Cucumber soju always makes me really drunk and always has disastrous consequences.

25. This list was already produced on facebook. I'm sorry if you're doing a re-read. I will post some pictures of my birthday tomorrow.

Tokyo Ninjas

On a discussion of lost Tokyo Disney Souvenirs

Mush: You have a hat like that already, its a mickey mouse hat

Mexicana: oh yea, I don't know where it went

Mush: I don't know where my gloves went either. I presume that Tokyo Disney has like ninjas that go into customers houses that take back the souvenirs to Tokyo Disney and resell them

Mexicana: Totally plausible

Mush: [to Sb] what do you think?

SB: I don't think so

Mush: It's Japan, they have ninjas. [pause] Yakuza ninjas.

SB: [Rolls his eyes. Hard]

Mush: You can't explain where the souvenirs went!

Sarsparilla Memories

I was with MD today [who by the way loves this blog, so I can rest on my laurels now] and we made our way to a Vietnamese restaurant which had... sarsparilla! on its menu. For my American readers, you guys have root beer everyday so it's not a big thing for you [so says my encyclopaedic Dennis the Menace knowledge] but I haven't had sarsparilla since I was a little kid and so it was a big thing for me and I was counting down the minutes til I popped open the can and could ruminate nostalgically on how good the beverages of my childhood were.
[I know I'm talking like I'm about to open my coffin and lay down. Shut up.]

Well firstly the can was warm which I guess is standard fare in an Asian restaurant [something about Asians having sensitive gums] and it was much flatter than I remembered. I don't know if it was the particular brand but it didn't have the tang of my childhood memories and it was distinctly more licorice-y.

I knew however that if I had ordered coke then I would have thought longingly about drinking sarsparilla all night and I would be writing now about my regret of not drinking that beverage. So in a way it was fate, the sarsparilla can and I were destined to meet in this way.

If you ask me .. how is that fate, you crazy nutso? Well what were the chances of that one can ending up in my paw and tainting my memories with licorice aftertaste I tell you??

So thanks Ace Sarsi for killing off one of my fond childhood memories! and putting me one step closer to just drinking sugarfree energy drinks 24/7 [No, diet coke doesn't count]

..

Of course I realise that if that is really what sarsparilla tastes like, then I'm pretty sure I figured why it died in popularity in Australia. Yerk.

How Rice Balls ruined my New Year

So yesterday was Chinese New Year and you're supposed to spend the entire day thinking good thoughts. I don't think I've ever had so many bad thoughts in my entire life.

Most of them directed towards family and glutinous objects.

We had had a big family dinner the night before so New Year was supposed to be a bit more low key. I guess we could be mean, and say that it was beyond low key and had entered the zone of no key. My Aunty cooked three dishes, it was a bowl of prawns [I think there was about fifteen in there], a plate of bok choy and a fish. We're talking about for six people here, so my cousins and I hadn't even started eating when they decided to throw a lasagne in the oven for good measure.

I'm staring at my bowl of rice [please sir, can I have some more? More?!] when my mum asks me why I'm not eating.. I look at her like she's crazy and say [a touch bitterly] "I'm allergic.. to prawns" which left just the vegetables and my rice as the fish hadn't come out.

Please tell me how I reached twenty five and my mum hasn't realised I'm allergic to prawns?? How am I not dead yet??

So I'm hanging out on the couch, waiting to go home because I'm due to meet Sb to watch 'Slumdog Millionaire' and also I'm hungry. Hungry! I want to go and get some sushi or something. [which oddly also consists of rice, fish and vegetables... ]

And my mum comes out with "We're not going home yet because she's making rice balls [tong yuen]"

"Oh." So I very politely wait another hour [and by this time my phone has run out of battery and I think it would be better for Sb to pick me up there instead so we don't miss the session] when those tong yuen are finally finished. And I'm flicking through an old Sweet Valley [!] book, when my mum asks me if I want any.

... deep breath.. I hate glutinous food. Anybody who even remotely knows me knows that anything sticky- mochi- rice cakes- rice balls- red bean paste- floury squishy stuff makes me want to gag. That stuff just closes around my throat and won't go down. I LOATHE it and everyone in a fifty mile radius knows it. Except for some reason my mum.

So with as much patience as I can muster, I say "I hate tong yuen" [Sorry, I still think it's nicer than "I fucking hate tong yuen, and if you pass it to me I will take one bite and then puke it on the couch and how come you don't know this?!"]

She looks at me concernedly, and then I get this sharp epiphany that my mum and I are only connected by blood and nothing else. We don't know each other at all. The moment passes and she says mildly "oh, that was the only reason we were staying, I don't like tong yuen that much either"

And then my stepdad goes "errr.. why are we still here then?"

My mum makes her excuses to leave by saying she has to go feed Minnie. "Ai.. that poor dog hasn't had any dinner yet"

And then my aunty says something along the lines of "Don't ever get another dog, why are you the one stuck taking care of it?"

And there are my hackles- they are up and they are not going down.

She then turns to me and says something admonishing, in all honesty I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, something about being irresponsible. and dogs. Or Sb. Something.

so I look at her and say "gum dim leh?" [translation: "ok... and?" or "ok... point?"]

I say goodbye to my mum and I'm putting my shoes on out on the porch [and by the way it's pissing down rain] when my mum comes back and says to me "did your aunty give you your red packet?" and I say "No, its ok.. save it for next time"

And my mum goes in to ask her for it and I hear "I don't want to give it to her!" and my mum comes out and I'm still struggling to get my shoes on, my cousin J is standing in the doorway while I wait and then I hear "Close the door!" and my cousin J is "Mish is standing in the rain waiting for Sb"
"Don't push your luck!" and then the door slams.

Oh, I've finally managed to jam my feet into my converses at this point. And then my mum starts in on me. "Why did you have to ask her what her point is?? She's older than you! Aren't you coming home with me?? Why do you have to get Sb to pick you up??" and she begins to nag until I can feel an internal haemorrage coming on.

"Alright! alright! fuck! I will get in your car and I will tell him to pick me up at home!"

"Why do you have to get him to pick you up in the first place??"

My eyes then begin to slowly do spirals.

Just at that moment, Sb pulls up and I throw myself out of the car- rocket launcher style [ever seen a rocket-launcher come out of a car?]

And I know that I'm in no mood for a movie- uplifting or otherwise and I ask him to take me home. I'm quiet in the car but I can feel those hackles are not going to go down anytime soon.

When we get to my place, I ask him if he wants to come in- Mush vs Mum- first fight of the New Year. He politely declines [that's right, you no longer have an obligation to watch my dysfunctional family do dysfunctional things. Run, you stupid boy, run!]

And then we get down to it inside.

Mum: you were rude to her! She's elder than you!

Mush: They were three words! and not even rude words -She's lucky I didn't tell her to fuck off!

Mum: She's your aunty!

Mush: It's none of her business!

Stepdad: Stop fighting.. [realises it's not going to happen, then exits taking the dog with him]

Mum: And anyway, how can you be so cruel to Sb by getting him to drive you home like that?!

Mush: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO SOMEWHERE

Mum: Oh. Well, how would I know that?

Mush: Do you really think that I'm that cruel? That I would get him to come all the way from the fricking countryside to drive me home for five minutes?

Mum: Actually I think you would, you're very good at it.

And then the conversation halted and I just stared at her and there was that feeling again. That she doesn't know me at all, that we're two people who happen to be connected by blood but nothing else.

Mush: Get out

And then she left.

----

Sorry, this is kind of a long post isn't it? It was a night bore out of misunderstandings and more misunderstandings and incredibly pointless fighting. But it really helped me to gain some insight into the relationships with my family which I don't think I previously had. Look, I've always said that I put my friends before my family- this is because I have never felt able to count on my family in my times of need. They are not there, and they are not who I talk to. And I don't know if it's a generational thing or a cultural thing but out of their well intentioned advice always comes a metaphorical storm.

I was discussing politics with my uncle one time and when I moved away she asked me what we were talking about. I replied politics and she laughed "as if you would talk about things like that" and that stung. It was like a slap. I'm constantly surprised by not even how little she knows me but how little she thinks of me.

And as for my aunty, family always lets family stand out in the rain you know?

On the verge of something wonderful

So 2008 wasn't the best year ever in terms of career and relationships. Ok, fine. It fricking stalled and lay down and died in the middle of the road.

But this year, I'm feeling quietly more hopeful. I have a feeling that this year will be a better year and I'll figure myself out and everything will be fine.

And even if it doesn't .. I know that I'll be ok- I'm scrappy and I'll make it through.

[Ha, I bet you missed those ridiculously melancholy posts.. it's been a few months]

Sunny Days

It was a picture perfect day for a picnic. [Alliteration!]



Good friends, sunshine and bubbles.

Happy Birthday Coconat! I hope you had a great day.

My short lived career as a book-seller

The holidays are over and I am broke. b-r-o-k-e. or for the educationally challenged b-r-o-c-k.

Ever since I started living with my mum when I was thirteen, I've had a thing for collecting books. Of course, now that I'm [ahem] twenty three, my tastes are a little different and I have a huge pile of books which I wish to disassociate myself with. And what better way to do this by selling them to a second-hand dealer?!

I had ka-ching signs in my eyes thinking that the dealer would give me [a minimum!] of five dollars a book and I would go home and throw the money on my bed ala Scrooge McDuck and roll around in it.

Huh, I dream too much I think.

So I went with Meowmeow to the dealer and she shuffled through my pile of books- She looked at the Davinci Code and said "I have too many copies of this already" [Ok that is kind of funny] and she sniffed at the Grisham and said "also too many"

She looked at The Devil's Advocate and said "We don't take motion picture books" [Why is that? I asked Meowmeow. 'Cos people can watch the movie instead'. Oh.]

A Grown Up Girls Guide to Life? "While Kathy Lette might recommend it- I'm not taking it" The dealer is getting a bit spicy by this time.

In the end, she took the Diary of Anne Frank [which how come she doesn't have too many of?! Is it a guilt thing?!], Citizen Girl [[a really really crap book which was thirty dollars four years ago],
Some Anne Rice novel [How embarrassing] and something cheap by Robert Hough.

The dealer reached into the drawer and gave me two dollars. Two dollars.

Wow. Thats less than a can of soft drink. I think I must've had goldfish face for ten minutes after that.

Bah. At least I got rid of that crappy Citizen Girl book- Good luck her offloading that.

Pancakes

From postsecret.blogspot.com

Rejection Monday

Good things about being single:

-The ability to eat copious amounts of two minute noodles without feeling guilty

-Not having to share the computer

Bad things about being single:

- Killing my own fricking insects

- Not coming home to anything cooked

- Rejecting people, and having them be bitter to you. I fucking hate that.

Tale of woe 1# 11-19:30

I work with this bartender called Louis Cypher and he has been literally chasing me for months. I've told him no a hundred billion times. Sometimes I will turn to him and say " I don't like you!" and he will say "I know".

As of recently, he has been bombarding my mobile inbox with countless squishy smses and I have been ignoring them ... look squishy smses are nice when you like the guy but when you don't like the guy, it's pukey.

So I decided to put an end to this once and for all, by just avoiding him completely at work. This resulted in "areyouok?whatswrong?talktometalktometalktome!areyouok?!".. thus making my head explode into thousands of pieces.

Finally he got the hint and he says "Look I'm not going to ask you anymore.. why are you not talking to me?" I didn't say anything, just pretended my sandwich was really interesting.

So he got the hint right?! The next day [henceforth referred to as Rejection Monday] I thought it would be all better, we would be civil and he would stop bombarding me so that I could re-piece my head. No such luck. He came into work and he was in the foulest moods I've ever seen, he was banging things and throwing things and barking at people. One of the servers whispered to me "What the heck is with him? Why so angry? I'm a bit afraid .." I just shrugged but I knew I had pissed him off something bad.

...

Tale of woe 2# 21:00

So I have a customer who wants [wanted] to date me and I had been out with him one time and it was fine. And when I say it was fine, it was really sort of boring and awkward. But anyway afterwards he apologised and said he was drunk. This was news to me.. he was drunk???
Aren't drunk people supposed to be entertaining and boisterous? I said it was ok and continued on as per usual with my life.

On Rejection Monday night, he started to chat with me online and he asked me to go out again
and I was and I'm being completely honest when I said "I'm really sorry.. but I'm not ready"

His reply was "Haha which I guess really means that you don't like me"

He then made an awkward comment on Ashley Judd and then promptly logged off.

I hope he logged off to grow a new pair of nuts.

...

Tale of woe 3# 21:35

SB: I miss you

Mush: You miss me because I'm fun! [which is true right?? I'm a fun person with fun qualities]

He then proceeded to rip my head off for not taking him seriously.

Oh for Fucks sake. by 9:35 I had had enough of men, with their pettiness and their unwillingness to just fricking get over themselves.

So Rejection Monday turned into Sapphic Tuesday and I have not spoken to a single man for over twenty four hours [with the exception of the make up artist at the Shu Uemura counter, he was strangely effeminate] I feel calmer and less likely for my head to detonate at any second. I should give up talking to men full-time, I don't need another repeat of Rejection Monday.

I am not a Hello Kitty nut

Most of my friends think I am a Hello Kitty nutcase, and when I exasperatedly protest- they point to my tattoo as the pinnacle of my [apparent] obssession.

"It's not about Hello Kitty! It's about irony! and conformity! and a delayed adolescence which makes me more appreciative of all things cute!"

They just eyeball me and say "Meh, say what you want. It's about that cat."

[Seriously, just because people get roses on their ankles or chinese symbols doesn't necessarily mean that they love roses or chinese calligraphy. I never see someone with a dolphin tatt and assume that they want to fondle a dolphin or something.]

So anyway this liking [and I stress LIKING] of Hello Kitty has made it easy for people to buy me gifts, they just buy me more Hello Kitty products and the more that people buy me, the more obsessed that they think I am with her! It's a fricking vicious cycle.

So as a top of my head list of Hello Kitty products I have:

a quilt [from Mum]
sheets [from Mum]
a blanket [from Sb]
a tv [from Sb]
a lipgloss [from Sumo]
a camera case [from Sumo]
a head cushion [from Sumo]
a computer mouse [from Mexicana]
a keyring torch [myself]
a keyboard [myself]
a "shoulder massager" [myself.. but more on that later.]

Can you see a pattern here?? I didn't buy most of the stuff! I'm still a person with feelings!

..
So anyway I just bought the keyboard from Melbourne and here it is in all its pink toned glory

It really was a bastard to lug back in a satchel. I think I'm most in love with the flowered keys. Oh, and her head on my shift key. Thats very cool. As you can see Mexicana's mouse is missing half a head- it was unavoidable. The keys as you can see are dark pink and half the time I can't see what I'm typing and so I typo everywhere, especially late at night. All future posts will be coming to you live from the Hello Kitty Keyboard! [with typos]

...

I had heard many a legend about the Hello Kitty shoulder massager. The good people of Sanrio released a "shoulder massager" and it quickly began to be used for things other than shoulder massaging. These other uses were not very wholesome or family oriented [unless your family likes to play together. I don't judge.] and Sanrio quickly pulled the plug on these "massagers", but not before they had been completely sold out by crazy, randy Japanese school girls.

Ten years later a recession is coming and why not capitalise on a good thing? so Sanrio last year re-released these "shoulder massagers" in different colours! Feeling lucky? Try orange! Bit dangerous? Try red. There's a different colour for every mood. And how could I of all people resist buying a "shoulder massager"? My shoulders hurt. Ow.

There it is!


It even has a chain so you can put it with your car keys. So you don't lose it. Inside you.


Check out those studs!

I cannot even detail to you how fast the thing runs! it whirs like a blender. Don't worry people I'm not going to use it, just in case you are horribly icked out and want to never read this blog again. When you visit my [hello-kitty filled] room you will see that the "massager" is pristine and unused. I only bought it for entertainment value [not that kind of entertainment value, you sick puppies].

If you want one- visit Jlist.com- batteries are included!

....

...

Four hours later, I saw this on a website. Its a Hello Kitty MAC collection.
Oh my Fucking God. Was I complaining about people buying me this stuff? I changed my mind. I shut up. Please people continue to buy for me, start with the lip glosses. [Hey, my birthday's coming up! people..? people..? Where are you going?!]

Back from Melbourne.