So I'm going again..

I will be gone another two weeks! Goodbye casino! Goodbye house! Goodbye Minnie *sniff.

Hello sunshine, prostitutes and cocktails [wait! I can get that stuff in the cross!]
I swear I will come back with a complete and detailed portrait of Thai sociology.

Until then, try not to get into too much trouble.. I know I will....

Just needed to say!

Thats pretty much sums up my mood today

[Btw. its from www.savagechickens.com. eat a chicken! soon!]

Two movie reviews for your viewing pleasure

Mood: Jeff Buckley- Everybody here wants you [and now you know I'm in the mood for the arthouse]

So because last year I watched like four movies at the cinema, this year I'm overcompensating. I'm in luck too because its that time of the year when arthouse flicks rule the world [Its almost oscar season time you know].

So I parked my lazy ass down to see Marie Antoinette and Babel.

Marie Antoinette

I watched Marie Antoinette by myself, partially because I had a feeling dragging my friends [or even SB] to see it would be a mucho bad idea. I was right. However I'm getting ahead of myself. When I got there, I was completely surprised, the cinema was packed for a tuesday afternoon, it was bizarre I was expecting myself and perhaps a fashion design major to be there. Wrong. The cinema was filled with japanese girls, couples, and ummm.. families [don't worry the lady took her kids out when she realised it was the wrong movie]. So I hunched over my seat and started to watch.
Firstly, I have to mention the first thing that everybody and their handbags notice are the costumes. They are fucking fantastic. You are going to come out of the cinema wanting a corset and some shoes. The detail in it alone is staggering, there are just so many accessories I covet that if I actually wore them everyone would laugh at me [would I like a garland in my hair? yes please, and add some ribbons] oh and the shoes.. *closes eyes and silently cries.. the shoes, Iwantiwantiwant. I came out of there thinking I need my hair to be white blonde and in curls. So bravo to Sofia Coppola, you hit the shallow point in our souls [I almost typed soles -_-].
Oh, and cake, you're going to come out and stuff your face with cupcakes.

Now. now. I loved the Virgin Suicides, it really is one of my favourite movies of all time. Its so ethereal and yet grounded, it just hit the right note so it wasn't completely airy fairy [they were just girls! not images] but the movie is based on an equally awesome book. So y'know Sofia Coppola had a good base to work on.
However I realise Marie Antionette is based on the biography by Antonia Fraser, because I read it a month before the movie. But its not a book to base on a movie on. Its a great book but you know how most books focus on one event in a life and its like BUMP, this book is like all the events and so its not BUMP as opposed to bumpbumpbumpbumpbump, small circumstances do not a movie make. And thats whats wrong with this movie, nothings happening! You get to watch her have dinner, throw dinner parties, attend parties and try to have sex with ol' Louis but thats it! .. That would work if were watching reality tv, but it doesn't really cut it here.
And then you have the patented Sofia Coppola touch with the ethereal aura, but are you trying to establish her as some sort angelic image of a teenager [yeah if so, go the aura], or are you trying to turn her into the Paris Hilton of her time?? [if you're trying to turn her into a shallow party queen- NIX THE AURA]

So nothing much happens in the movie [they didn't show the revolution, well they did about two minutes of it] and I was bored, and I have a high tolerance for long movies. About forty minutes into the movie I started fidgeting and this was even with the parade of dresses. It was much worse for the guy [part of a couple] sitting in front of me, I think he was about to sleep- he kept nodding off.

It doesn't really say much for a movie, if you go in and then come out wanting your hair done. I was highly disappointed, I was really rooting for it to become my new favourite movie. [On my final note, imagine if I had dragged SB to see it?!Ha. I don't think I'd be alive to type this blog out. and I'll leave you with that]

and onto Babel!

Babel

How the heck am I supposed to describe Babel? Now that I've had a day to think about it, I still don't know whether I really liked it or hated it. I think I might have to watch it one more time to tell you. Impressions, impressions. The acting was fan-freaking-tastic, there was not a weak note among the entire cast, they hit all the right notes and I'm pretty sure I cried during the sequence with the surrendering brother [not cried cried, mind you, but I was slightly leaky.] If I think about it, it was about two and a half hours and it was slighhhhhhtly too long, there was a lot of extraenous sequences that could have been cut, but maybe they had some symbolic metaphor that I missed. See? I'm giving it a pass because everyone was fantastic, but if I loved it, I'm pretty sure I would know if I loved it. Mmm, anything else? Oh the nightclub scene! hahahahaha.. I must be completely debauched [or the director is] because I knew exactly how it felt, from the music to the laser lighting. Wooee.. I started squeezing SB's hand at that point and I'm sure at that point he made a point to lock me up and never let me out ever again[ when I asked him about it later he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, but HE KNEW!]

Things that were annoying: The lady in front of me crying so hard that when her mobile rang, she didn't even bother to switch it off. Of course the damn thing rang again, and she was still heaving. WIPE YOUR TEARS AND SWITCH IT OFF.

and as a bonus!

Million Little Pieces by James Frey

I picked this up because of the Oprah debacle, and what an overhyped piece of crap this book was. Best writer of our generation, my ass. In fact, my ass is a better writer [It is!]. I got thirty something pages in and I got utterly sick of the repetition, on two pages alone it mentions that his girlfriend is a smart cheerleader three times and she got hit by a train six times, oh and along the way he chants "I'm an addict, a criminal, a loser" OVER AND OVER AGAIN in the exact same phrasing! I wondered if I was losing my head and reading the same page... wait? I recall turning the pages! Finally I gave up and threw the book against the wall where it currently sits on my bedroom floor gathering dust. [Much to SB's relief and my own] don't read it, actually read it, pick a page in the middle and don't worry you've lost anything, because if you picked any other page it'd be EXACTLY THE SAME [ack! I've picked up his repetitive diseased!!]

Sigh, I'm done. Until next time.

Falling down around my ears

And so domestic life continues..


SB: HOLY CRAP!
Me: What??
[SB points to the fan which has fallen down and is hanging down by a wire in the bedroom]
Me: Frick.
[Runs to the phone, dials angrily and swears angrily to the real estate agent]
[Walks back into the bedroom to see SB exercising under it]
Me: What are you doing?!!*harpie style
SB: Exercising. It seems to be alright
Me: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TURN IT ON??
SB: No, but I think its quite safe
Me: ...... [thats steam coming out of my ears]
[Walks out to drink orange juice from the bottle..]
"BANG"
[Strolls back to the bedroom, looks warily at boyfriend dearest]
Me: What are you doing now?
SB: *innocently nothing
Me: That wasn't a real bang. That was you smacking the floor to make me think the fan fell down
SB: you didn't even run in to see if I was hurt!!
Me: Thats because I knew it wasn't the fan... also if it had been the fan, you would be screaming like a girl
SB: I don't scream like a girl
Me: If the fan had hit you, you would be screaming like a girl.

Happy New Year!

I'm hungover and sleepy.
I promise that this year I will cut down on the rock n roll lifestyle.
However it might make for a very boring year...

Question and Answer Time

So where have you been FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?

Nowhere. Right here. Acting like a ginormous slug.

How was your christmas?

Most excellent. I make great turkey [or rather SB makes great turkey and I take great credit]. This year my family decided that they that would be even more dysfunctional than usual, but I find I miss then a lot when I'm away from them. STOP FIGHTING PEOPLE!

How was work?

Crap, but I think I'm getting used to it.. its a rather odd feeling, although a year and a half at that hellhole I should be used to it, though come to think of it its not really a hellhole as more of a limbohole.

How was the U2 concert?

Awesome. Although not as awesome as the the Coldplay concert. Chris Martin still rules my heart.

How was the Gold Coast holiday?

It was .... interesting.. The big banana is smaller than I remembered. Byron Bay is beautiful, much better looking than the Gold Coast. [Huh, I however might be slightly biased]


Geez.. how many holidays did you take this year???? Did you actually do any work??

I took two to the Gold Coast, one to Melbourne and one to the Blue Mountains. But they were all quite short trips. Shut Up. No I didn't do any work this year.

Hows your house? hows your dog?

My house is still falling apart, my dog still needs some emotional therapy, we cut her hair, she now actually looks like a sausage dog.

So some comments about this year?

Its been one helluva ride this year, I feel like I lost a lot of friends, but at the same time I'm starting to work out who my real friends are. I'm a lot closer to my mum and my stepdad, though at the beginning of the year I was pretty sure that moving away from my family sounded like a heckuva good idea. I've moved back to Chatswood and I feel much calmer and less stressed out [though I still have a tendency to get cranky when things don't go my way.]

I took a lot of time off this year [even though it doesn't feel like it] time away from school, I worked less. I discovered where I wanted my career to actually go [after years of dabbling] and I'm going to throw mucho money in that direction.. whether it works out.... ehhh...we'll see.


I've cried and laughed all this year. It seems that this year has been the year of extremes. I think I drank less this year than I did last year however [how do you gage? I have no idea] I broke all of last years resolutions except the one where I promised to not watch more than six movies at the cinemas [I watched four] oh, and I think Rihanna is hot. Does anyone else think shes hot? Apparently not -_-

SB and I almost gave up on each other fifty thousand times this year, but we've settled on a groove. I really think I say that at the beginning of every year.

And Chris Martin takes my heart and stomps on it, pretty much every day.

Lessons I've learned this year.

1. Family is important. Life is more important. Never get in a car with an angry,
drunk relative on a mountain highway.

2. Dee Why is dangerous, stay away from that damn beach.

3. Marijuana makes people sleepy.

4. When you think you need a holiday, you need a holiday.

5. Fighting with random ladies in parks is pointless [especially if said lady is
an idiot]

6. If you disagree with a friends boyfriend. SHUT UP and bite your tongue.

7. Don't watch Thai movies that involve orphans and dying dogs. Its just asking for
trouble.

8. Timtams don't melt into drinking chocolate in the microwave.

9. When googling old friends and finding they've moved on. Don't be sad but rather
be happy that they've found their way in the big bad world.

10. In the case of high school friends, if you've found that you no longer have any
thing in common. Don't sweat it, sometimes life is like that.

11. Don't go into bars that you think are dodgy. Chances are they're dodgy.

12. Time passes so quickly, cherish those around you. Give your dog a hug and your
boyfriend a kiss. Talk to your mum and dad on the phone more often. I bet they
miss you.

It strikes me funny..

Of course theres nothing funny about war or crying babies.. but dead smurfs? comic genius. Whats wrong with the Unicef marketing department??

Back but Only Slightly

Mood: Joker and the Thief [They say the Joker is a wanted man!]

This headline caught my attention at work yesterday.

Thick Sheik

I had to smother my delirious giggles. Ahh, Thank God for tabloid journalism, never afraid of punny puns and blatant subjectivism!


I swear swear swear I will do an update tomorrow. yeep.

It's time to go....

Mish!

Off to the Gold Coast for a much needed vacation. So far this year I've been to the Gold Coast twice and Melbourne once making my holiday time a total of... ten days...
[See? I can't even have my damn holidays normally! They have to be split like pizza slices]

Surfers paradise- palm trees, the beach, awkward family reunions, and sunburn. It'll be good. Kisses til' I come back.

Things that depress me [the new expanded and definitive version!]

Crying babies, Men, Men that don't call when they say they will, SB, Dead puppies, Dead aunties, Work, Customers that put napkins over their faces to play poker, Work, Men, Friends that are not here to listen to me whining [especially those IN TAIWAN], Chicken schnitzel sandwiches that taste like rubber, Single mothers on welfare and the fact that Mark Ruffalo is not riding in to take me away on a white horse/cadillac....

That is all.

[I bet you're all itchy for the companion piece: Things that irritate the holy fugka out of me. Stay Tuned! (Gawd, I need a break)]

The Human Kite

My Goldfish SB died the other day. They were a pair SB and Mish. Geez, I hope God/s isn't trying to tell me something.

I bought a giant canvas today. It was on special. The bastard was almost bigger than I was. And it was a mother:meep: trying to get it home. If you were driving past Chatswood this afternoon, you wouldn't have seen me, you would've seen a humungo white board maneuveuring between people. [And your first thought would be: what are they trying to sell??] If it was a mother:meep: walking along the mall, it was even more unwieldly along the housing strip because then a breeze started up, and this was not even a gust, it was a freaking breeze. I could feel myself and the board being swept to the left towards the road. Mish: the human kite. And so every few moments I stopped to avoid being blown away, Mary Poppins style. Eventually I just hefted the damn thing on my shoulders, if I was going to fly away at least I would fly away in style.

The plans of an ex-housewife.

I may not be a housewife much longer! I'm considering going backpacking in Europe with Dakota*, see I don't know Dakota very well but she seems like a nice enough girl [terrible taste in men however, since she dated Jackass for a while] but I'm sure she won't cut out my kidneys and leave me in a bathtub, well she's smaller than me so I don't think she could.

If I go backpacking, I'd be gone for a month.. wheeeee! No Casino for a month, heaven.

Also I'm possibly going to Thailand with SB in January, relaxing on a beach sipping a maitai, [ok fine not a maitai, maitais are gross].

Gosh I need a holiday.

Whiiiiiiny.

I'm siiiiiick... :sniff, sniffle, moan, whine*

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll...............

[Still coherent as ever!]

It's gonna be a long post/Bet you thought I died!

Okay so I haven't posted in two months, but I have an excuse really! [well excuses..]

Shall we start?

Saffron* [hem], Mexicana and I went out for last hurrahs, and guess who we bumped into? Moneybags. Seriously. I haven't seen him for about three years and then he pops up virus style. I gave him a huuuuuge hug [I was tipsy, I'd probably hug George Bush too] and then I left him to his devices. The thing that got me was the strangeness of his timing, I'm a firm believer in things such as fate and circularity. Moneybags was right there when I met Wheatie and then he disappeared [into a vagina most probably] and then he's right there when it's time for her to leave. I don't know how lucid that sounds, but its.. like the beginning and the end.. all wrapped up...
[huh. Don't ask me for clarification, I'm not suggesting he's somehow the centre of the universe]

I said that Saffron and I had been having problems, but in the last hour we were just talking about nothing and it was.. back to normal. And then it was time for me to go. I'm thinking it was so sudden that I still dream about it, and then I wake up all sad.

So she's left.

Cut to:
Melbourne!
I love Melbourne! For all my Sydney love [Go the mighty swans] I don't think I'm a tried and true sydneysider, unless I'm stuck in Wollongong or the Gold Coast or some other dodgy burg, I don't find that I really miss it. Whereas when I leave Melbourne I always feel immensely sad. It also helps that Melbourne just seems to be more me, slightly quirky and a little bit cosmopolitan in a very small space. Yep, that sounds like me. Anyway sidetracked once again, back to my holiday.
We arrived fairly broke, our taxi fare cost ninety dollars.. say that with me again, ninety dollars. I could buy a new pair of shoes with ninety dollars.
But at least we had arrived! Now thats it been so long ago, bits and pieces are a bit jumbled in my head, we ate chips and wandered around, and I fell just that much more in love with the city, with the trams and the shops [Gawd, they have so many vintage clothing shops I almost fell over, however SB was like "What is with all this hippie stuff?!"], we strolled around Flinders Street and had a go at the Crown [yeah ok I should stay away from Casinos on my holidays. I know.] but we won forty dollars so it was really all good. Also the Crown is fifty times bigger than Star City, the gaming floor had us positively lost. Its all marble and cream, where as Star City is lights and.. flashing lights, and shiny lights, you get the idea. Out of the casino and back to Melbourne..
Things that enchanted me: besides the sheer amount of pretty girls. yikes. the eccentric shops. [its not as if we don't have eccentric shops here in Sydney, its just that we seem to have fewer, either that or we've been overrrun by Sportsgirl]. Art! Art! everywhere! Just everywhere there are street sculptures, giant purses, and disembodied people, and my favouritest of all square cows in trees.
Me:[ me in tram] Ohmigod what are those??
SB: [squinting] they look like cows in trees.
Me: Squee! [fumbles for camera, but its passed] damn.
And last but not least, the architecture or at least the layout of the city, it so rocks. I can't even put in words my enthusiasm for how the city looks. Firstly with cities like Sydney [and possibly the Gold Coast], it expands way way way too quickly, first its a hovel, then two hovels, then its a street. then its a village and then a village stuck onto another village, and parts of it are pretty but its not really together, its a big smush of different types of architecture. And it's not Sydney's fault, it just had too many people at any one time and no-one to sit down and go "well, this goes here... and this should go here...", but Melbourne actually looks like its been put together nicely, the trams go around the rectangle and the shops are within. simple! easy! and the buildings have that beautiful European gothic thing going for them. sigh.

Which brings me to: things that get my ire [number #244654645646] what kind of fickle mushheads are constructing all this modern crap around the city?? As we were about to drive into the city, I noticed that in the last two years that I hadn't been they'd constructed about fifty [maybe more] pieces of tin crap around the border. It was revolting! It was atrocious! And these FMH's want to start building within the city as well, soon the entire skyline will be covered with shiny silver things [it will look suspiciously Sydney-like]
Oh and the weather, it's a major flaw, they have maybe the crappiest weather ever.

Diagram!

And then the real reason we went to Melbourne.. dun dun dun!! [besides the fact that we needed a holiday...] Coldplay!! Oh COLDPLAY, WE LOVE YOU!! They were phenomenal, they were fantastic, they were fucking awesome. Oh man, I sang along with every single song and yes, we had crappy seats [high on a hill was a lonely goat...]but oh man, so awesome, if I'm starting to sound a bit gushy its because they were AWESOME. Did I not say that enough times? Aiee! I'm putting on my squealing fangirl hat. The best bit? You have never known chills until an entire auditorium sings "Fix you" with you.
' Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones/ And I will try to fix you'
I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Tears stream down your face....

Hokai.. now onto the other big news, man I've been typing so much I don't even know if I have enough stamina to write down the rest of this what-feels-like-an-essay. [Isn't writing supposed to be therapeutic?? This is taking a little bit more than an effort] Dun..dun..dun! We've moved house! We've moved back to Chatswood, Me, SB and Tatergirl. Its sort of a nice little cottage/duplex setup type thing, we've been here for close to a month now and I think I'm sorta getting used to this housewife getup, [my feminist sisters are mourning my loss. ha.] Its cook/sweep/mop/wash and at first I used to resent Tatergirl to some degree for not doing anything. But then I thought back to the time of Yim and Wollongong, and I rolled my eyes.. I am not going through that again, forget it I'd rather just sweep the G*ddamn floor and let this house be harmonious. Well its harmonious but not particularly quiet, which is good I like lots of people coming through [ok now that I've said that, I'm sure that no-one will come around again for the next two months. jinxed.]

SB and I had some problems when we first moved in too, but we seem to have figured them all out, boy that was some rough patch. There was a real stretch when I didn't think we were going to make it. [hahaha, I typed makeout]


However, however! We may not stay here too long because the landlord is really fricking unstable with what he wants to do with the place.

Have I missed anything?
That was a good thousand words. I think they can wait til next time!

And every breath we drew was hallelujah.

Thanks Jeff Buckley. Sometimes you're happy to be alive and sometimes you're not. But when you are, thats what it feels like.

Maybe its because I'm finally getting some time off, but I feel like my grip is lossening slowly. I'll just be talking to someone [at work, at home, anywhere] and I'll look down and realise that my fist is clenched into a little ball, boy I hope this isn't indicative of anger management issues. [I! DON'T! HAVE! ANY!.. hrrrr]

Meanwhile..things, things, things.

did I mention Saffron* is leaving? I thought it would be a long and drawn out process, with big withdrawals but it hasn't turned out to be. It's been weird and awkward and I don't want to foist myself onto someone who doesn't want to see me [who do you think I am?! I'm my Dad's daughter of course] I may regret this later that I didn't take my time to spend more of her last week with her, but all signs point to no, give her her space. [Ha! look at me. how mature]

Meanwhile at the casino, Alana turned up to work drunk. She wasn't fired. And thats my cue to turn up with half a pint of vodka in my system. See? She's good for something, she sets precedents. Everyone slosh!


I love when Minnie sleeps on my foot. There's a trust thing going on [she probably trusts that I won't get up from the computer.. but beside the point..]

Things I'm looking forward to: The Coldplay concert, the Coldplay concert, The. Coldplay. Concert. If you see me wiggling my hips in Central station its probably because I'm going off to 'Clocks', I loove looove loooove the instrumentals in Clocks. [Man, I feel so cool when I strut to it. I also swing to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, I'll play it really loud when I'm walking in a crowd. Y'know to up the ironic alienation factor. Shurrup, yeah I know I'm a dork. I'm geekly proud]


How do angry cows talk?
Moodily.

I know this girl named Sapphire, truly I've only ever met her twice [three times?], she seems like a really nice girl. But I keep getting told that her boyfriend is cheating on her. He calls her ugly and disparages her behind her back. Should I tell her? would I want an almost complete stranger to tell me? [yeah, probably. but thats me] :thunks head on wall: I watched my mum try to tell her in this loopy round about way "There are books, there are old books and new books, old books should always make way for new books, never focus completely on an old book" you should've seen my face and then her face, my eyebrow almost dislocated itself from my head, and she being the nice girl that she was, agreed that people should read all books. Sigh.

I promise to not be so intrusive. No guarantees of course.

V for Vendetta [or Victory]

So work upsets me [Gawd what a lousy day I had yesterday].

I think I might've mentioned it for the quadrillionth billionth time.

However today was a strike back for me. Mish: 2. Casino: 0

I don't feel so upset [sleepy, hungry, not so upset]

Alanah was being a biatch so I told her off..[what came over me? I don't know] and she.. she.. this is the stunning bit... she apologised! power to the people! Mish rules! yeah! [I'm a little bit giddy, but I didn't lord it over her.. cos I'm nice like that]

The customer was being a fricking pain. And he knew it. Yelling across the casino "Hey waitress!! I'm thirsty?! Waitress!" People could hear him in Nebraska. It was neither cute, nor funny especially since he did it repeatedly even after I gave him a drink. Three drinks in fifteen minutes,I don't even know where he was putting them, everybody was fed up. And then the last straw came. "HEY WAITRESS! MISS! DRINK!" I was cleaning the trolley, gloves and everything [well of course, its dirty, hes been piling it with glasses]. I pushed the trolley towards him
"yes?"
"a drink!"
"sure, please hold on a minute"
I rolled the trolley away for a minute.
"MISS! DRINK! MISS! DRINK!"
rolling back, through gritted teeth: what do you want?
" A DRINK!!"
teeth grinding: what kind of drink?
"ANY DRINK!"

Fine. fine! I'll make you the worst drink you ever tasted. Tomato juice and worceteshire sauce? too obvious. Lemon lime bitters with too much bitters. Neh. He might like it. Ping!

I made him a coffee. I put it in a used glass. And then I watched him drink it. The next time I came round he wasn't there. Don't cross the angry cocktail server,I'm on the warpath.

Pebbles

A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet and you can see it in it's true setting, then walk away from it, after all its only a pebble.

This blog is sometimes a rock in my shoe.

Not meant to be

I just spent over an hour detailing how I felt about Saffron, Sesame, Godless, my Aunty, Jabbers, Tatergirl and its all gone.

Thanks a lot internet explorer.

It was probably never meant to be.

It's a tattoo day

So I've decided to get a tattoo, I'm thinking Hello Kitty. Just her head on my shoulder, however the range of responses have been from "I knew it" to "Are you kidding?" to falling over on her butt to laughter.

Nyeah.

In the meantime, I've been trying to convince SB to get a matching one. No Dice. We just don't agree on what to get.

This changed this afternoon [I mean that he decided what to get, not that he decided on a matching one]
SB: [for some odd reason surfing through the Church of Satan site]
Me: Ok, thats freaking me out
SB: But its really interesting!
Me: Getting the heebie jeebies Are you done with the cult thing?
SB: Hey take a look at this pic!
Me: peers at a pentagram with a goats head inside it OOkay.. what about it?
SB: Don't you think it'd make a really cool tattoo??
Me: NO
SB: But look at it!
Me: Starts to rant What if you go swimming with my aunty?? My religious aunty??! Or someone at work saw it, you'd never be promoted. Or what about when you reach the gates of heaven and they're about to let you in??, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT TATTOO?!
SB: blinks* I'm sure God has a sense of humour.

Oh Gawd, I'm sticking with Hello KItty.

Self pity tastes like cookie

So I'm at work today and I feel this sensation in my chest. It's a slow ache.

I recognise it straight away. The recognition sends shock waves through my system and I stand there with tears in my eyes. I'm silently crying because its so familiar and it's a wave I thought I had passed and now have no choice but to bear again.

This time, I have too many responsibilities to hide away in bed, so Imma have to grit my teeth, grin and bear it. If you see me smiling, understand that it's fake, and its not anything I have against you, some of us carry burdens.

It's back.
Welcome Back.
I don't want to go through this again, and I'm so tired of going it alone.