SB's birthday

So it was SB's birthday, and I will dispense with the mushy stuff so you all don't gag all over your keyboards [but i wuv himmm, wuv himmm 4eva! SB4MushMush!]

Ha I lied, commence regurgitation.

Anyhoo I thought I would just post a billion pictures. And do some random commentary, you know you love random commentary.





So yes, as I mentioned before I gave SB a bubble machine for his birthday, he enjoyed it. But Minnie not so much enjoying being sprayed by bubbles.

So at night time we went for dinner in Thai Pathong. Seriously the restaurant is gorgeous, full of gay waiters, pretty cocktails and art for sale.


Frank and Sue


Um.. The birthday boy is giving me gangster fingers




I did mention the cocktails?


Joanne and Caroline






Alan and Christine


Cake!


Me: Thats not a knife......


SB: Are you seriously quoting Dundee to me? now?


It's a birthday surprise


Yes, that bag spent on a whole night on my lap. There was nowhere to put it. I am not showing off.

The guy in black is our waiter. remember the customer is always right and if they ask you to pose then pose!


And just for fun at a completely different restaurant, well this is kind of self explanatory. I think there is food on his tongue.

Shh..

Its Sb's birthday present.

Not yet wrapped for tomorrow. I hope its a sunny day for us to take it outside.

Its one of those days

When you're 5c away from your train fare, when you drop your ipod twice, and the library takes an hour and a half to get you three books. The only thing to do is sleep. Look how happy SB looks. I'm pretty sure I don't look that happy when I sleep*

*See previous post. Anvils! Anvils! Anvils everywhere!

Meet me at the altar in your white dress

Last month I dreamt:

That Mexicana, Saffron and I were standing at the bottom of a very very tall staircase. It was like a giant fire escape with nothing else connected to it. Anyway Mexicana and Saffron had this great idea [sigh. not so great] to climb to the top of this staircase thing, and I was like "are you kidding me? I'm afraid of heights!" and they're all "Nooo! It'll be cool!" so anyway up we go, for some reason they are wearing spangly stilettos and I am wearing flats [although now that I think about it, yeah ok I'm the flats girl] and so we're racing all twenty nine levels of it. When we reach the top, we're so high up that we're kind of surrounded by clouds. Anyway Saffron happy to be there, leans backwards on the railing and shes on those stilettos so she topples right over it and plunges down.. down... down. Mexicana and I rush to the railing to look for her, but when I look down I know theres no hope, because theres no way anyone can survive a fall from twenty nine storeys.

Then I wake up.

Yesterday Saffron told me she was getting married. And this is the part where you tell me I should stop over analysing my dreams.

My robot..

My robot doesn't do anything a robot is supposed to do such as clean the house and cook me breakfast. Instead he walks around in circles all day pausing occasionally to glare at me menacingly, I need a new robot.

Random notes on my life

Yesterday my cousin and his wife had a baby boy. They are only going to speak to him in english, the kid is going to grow up having people swear at him in chinese and only being able to answer them back in hand signals.

I served a pair of sixty year old twins cups of coffee. They were wearing the same clothes and same make-up. However their make-up was identically horrendous. You should never wear blue and green [and purple] eyeshadow at sixty.

We thought my new phone was broken but really we had just plugged it in the wrong way, we are very smart.

I'm sitting here deciding whether I should take an extra bartending shift at a nightclub on Saturday. I'm really hitting the overnighters lately.

The checkout boy thought I was weird when I bought an orange and a jar of honey. I had to explain to him that I was sick not crazy. The orange was moldy anyway.

My Stepdad has offered to pay for my wedding, my Dad has not. SB thinks my Dad will be shitty if he found out.
Me: Do you really think my dad is going to pay for my wedding?? especially with Irene involved?? if I'm lucky I might get a cupcake in a park with a newspaper on my head as a veil. They might pay for the newspaper because they've read it already.
SB: Well he'll be pissed off that he [the Stepdad] paid for it. Hou mou mien (Lost face)
Me: Right... so he's not going to pay for it, and he doesn't want other people to pay for it.. whos going to pay for it?? The government??
SB: Free weddings for all!

Our bar ran out of napkins, so I spent a good two hours cutting up the remaining napkins in half to make them last. Not one customer noticed which makes me think that I'm a great napkin cutter, the best in the bartending business.

Its a weekend blowout

So the weekend it starts off with a bang and finishes on an almighty explosion that wipes out mankind and.. um.. everybody else.

Friday: Mexicana's Bday. Dinner at the Bellevue Hotel, I never want to see another beef chippolata again. Or smell one or have to shove one down my maw. Also when did security at karaoke get so tight? Its karaoke not an airport- I'm just saying. What am I going to hijack? a microphone??

Saturday: I'm too freaking croaky to go to work. I call in sick and my supervisor thinks I'm playing a joke on him. Sigh. So I lay back for the day recovering and then head off to Bamboo.
The best thing about Bamboo is undoubtedly Squishy the mascot panda, he does body rolls and makes coy movements with his paws. He also takes people tackling him quite nicely [far nicer than I'd be if random kept grabbing me for bear (panda?) hugs]. They play "Sweet Home Alabama" over the sound system, which should really tell you something about the club and the likelihood that I'll go back.

Sunday: Holy Fuck. It's seven in the morning. What am I doing at work? I can't keep my eyes open and I'm ridiculously trying to hide the stamp on my arm in a short sleeved shirt. I tell everyone I have the flu. Although I have to say I look quite ok for someone who hasn't slept for thirty hours [of course that might just be my contacts distorting from being in my eyes for the same amount of time]

Monday: It's dinner time and my parents fight over dinner. Everyone cries. The weekend is officially over.

Happy Birthday!

To my best friend who:

-dances with me on the street [while we recite lines from Titanic]

-remembers that I like to take the express elevator

-treats my puppy as her own

-always lends me shoes because my high heels are always two sizes too small

-sits for hours with me while we drink moscato and flip through trashy magazines

-never fails to give me jazz hands

Its totally your day. Muah muah.

So fluey

And so cranky. Its a good day to stay in bed and just feel miserable. I used to think that rain was romantic. I was young and stupid. And obviously read too much Bronte [Even I could tell at fifteen that Heathcliff and Cathy were selfish, manipulative gits, those poor Lintons should've just packed up and moved house]



Yeah I'm special, I don't even use normal tissues. I use specially bought japanese ones, although really theres not much difference.
[Btw I've taken this with my new phone camera not my new chipmunk borked one, I'm hoping my photoes will get better with time, it does look a bit fuzzy though.]

So two months ago..

I asked [I can't think of an appropriate name so we'll call her Squishy- I'm in the middle of a creative drought you know] Squishy to empty the bins at work before she left. She looked at me and said "Only if the supervisors pay me overtime"

Today Squishy asked me to empty the tub of plates before I left, I looked at her and said innocently "Am I getting overtime?"

Tatergirls dictionary defines karma as: the justice by which deeds done during one lifetime affect a persons status in a later incarnation.

In other words empty the damn bin otherwise later no one is going to empty your tubs for you. The End.

[well maybe not the end we'll see what happens tomorrow, maybe we'll just both leave everything everywhere and the casino will be overrun by giant rats.]

Excuse not to study #46832

When she left our house, Tatergirl left a few things- most of them sort of junky, a fifty cent ironing board, packets of salt, a freaking grapefruit, an outstanding loan of ten dollars which I will never see again in my lifetime [and if paid back in thirty years will be worth peanuts] and a Heinemann Australian Dictionary.

It's a dictionary and its supposed to be useful, I mean who ever heard of a useless dictionary? And it was complied by the good and hard working people at La Trobe University [Well, I think they're good and hard working- they could just be manic wife beaters or something. All of them.]

So anyway, I sat down to study yesterday morning [go me!] and there were a few words that I didn't really understand so I pulled it out and started thumbing for meanings.

First word: Kleptocrats .. kleptocrats.. kleptocrats.. nope, nothing, not even kleptomania to tide me over.

Second word: Circumscription.. circumscription... its a noun?? and??

how can I work under these circumstances????! Its an outrage!

I cannot, I'm not studying til' someone buys me a proper fricking dictionary*. Or leaves me one**.

*The stupid thing was published in 1992, it doesn't even feature the word internet, but then what did I expect when she left it behind? a moldy piece of fruit and an outdated book.. gahhhhhhh...

** a new one, not one published in 1665, thanks very much.

Explain yourself phantom!

Today I found a guitar pick while cleaning between the floorboards, so I'm supposing the ghost of a dead guitar player haunts our house*. Or else our useless landlord was serenading our dog while we were away**.

*The previous owner was an old lady, there are just not that many ninety old guitar players around.

**That might help to explain her precocious temperament

My liver just conked out

If you looked at me carefully [not there, you pervert] you would probably come to the conclusion that I am a very sedate, crossword-doing, stay at home on a Friday night, only drinks a glass a year type of person [its true, look at my eyes- so innocently blinking at you]

but if you took an MRI and took a look at my liver [just saying, shuttup] you would then conclude that the liver belonged to a fifty year old woman that wears nothing but stilettos and a boob tube while drunkenly offering herself for another vodka. I will.. I will... not have sex with you if you buy me another drink?

So anyway last week I had:.

Ready?

5 kettles of soju [ thats kettles not shots]
1 shot of chartreuse [gah]
4 Cowboys
6 Quickfucks
a smirnoff black


My liver is making tsk tsk noises and looking to inhabit another body, vampire style.
although really its not as bad as my co-worker who hasn't stopped drinking since he was a wee tot and has recently started vomiting blood. When I start vomiting blood I think I will stop, nah just kidding my liver is making noises again at the thought.

20 Random Facts since I was gone since February

These are not in order by the way.

1. Breast surgery which is not breast surgery is still very expensive. Use health care

2. Men bitch as much as women do, don't believe them when they say they don't.

3. Graphic design class is fun, but ignore the first few lessons when they teach you how to scroll

4. Roaches bounce

5. Sometimes SB's friends don't wash their hands after they pee [dun wipe on your jeans!]

6. "Are you at uni?" is the worst pickup line of all time

7. Don't follow it up with "So you work?", because I will make you cry.

8. No-one [and I have asked about forty people] wants to go to the Easter Show except me, I'm thinking that if I went, it'd just be me alone and a whole bunch of tumbleweeds

9. The 300 is a good film for post analysis shit-kicking, guaranteed to have you and your friends discussing lesbians, hunchbacks and east vs west metaphors [see? now aren't you intrigued?!]

10. Buying a bottle of aloe vera juice on your birthday will result in tears and acrimony.

11. I am the worlds best pictionary player [undisputed!]

12. Two years later, the "violence and civilization" course has the same teacher who is still so boring that he still makes the baby Jesus cry [or at least sleep very soundly]

13. I control the weather by simply saying "Lets go to the beach", it will either result in rain or tsunamis, sometimes both.

14. Verandah bar is too yuppie, even for me. Its Mardi Gras people! Let go!

15. Your fingers in anatomy terms are called the phalanges

16. My hair is black after the first time in eight or so years- back to my asian roots!

17. You can only watch Charlie the unicorn on youtube once, the fourth and fifth time makes your head want to explode

18. When your bf's grandma tells you to stop taking the pill to entrap her darling grandson into marriage, its time for everyone involved to stop watching too much tv.

19. Andy Lau is still hot, but even he can't make me sit through the snooze which is "Battle of the Wits"

20. I don't say this enough but I have the best friends in the world who put up with my neuroses, year in and year out [and they're still here!]

Its a travel blog!

So we're baaaack! All loved up and orange like an oompa loompa. Welcome to Mish's adventures in two of the fastest cities in the world [bring a pillow, its gonna be a long ride, yes I do realise its March and I've missed posting about birthdays, valentines day, surgeries, neh neh neh]

DAY 1: BANGKOK. OMG.

First impressions of Bangkok [and this is coming from the views of a firmly middle class citizen from a firmly middle class country] this place is a mess. Well ok not to the state obvious or anything, lets just quote from the hallowed halls of U2 and be done with it

"The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere"

The traffic here is sensationally insane, crossing a road has a Wile. E. Coyote feel to it, oh sure it misses you now, but sooner or later you're going to end up under the wheels of an anvil/rock/tuk-tuk/motorcycle/hot pink taxi. Dying in Bangkok is not really the way I wanted to go [mid orgasm with Harrison is really my preferred option] so the only real way of avoiding this is convincing yourself that your side of the road is the better side, never mind that it looks like air conditioning on the other side. Your side is better.

And I don't know what they're saying about Bangkok being a prostitute mecca, but I haven't seen a single one let alone been propositioned by one. It's quite disappointing.

Also that King is bugging me. Get out of my face.

DAY 2: BANGKOK. WE'RE STARTING TO ADJUST!

So today was started off at the legendary Khao San! It really wasn't that legendary. Or maybe we were there too early and everyone was asleep [we were still on Sydney time. Bangkok Time? 6 in the morning] except a few drunk backpackers and go-go girls playing pool. Who plays snooker at six in the morning?
Anyway we decided to do something slightly more spiritual, we would visit the temple.

See? Pretty temple and me committing all sorts of sacriliege inside [ and outside] the temple.

Questions that occurred to me inside the temple.
1. OMG. I have a wedgie, should I pull it or wait til I get outside?
2. Why does Buddha have nipples but no genitalia?
3. Will SB kill me if I ask him now?
[Answers. 1. Just pull it, be zapped later.]

Also I got the thrill of seeing a smoking monk, here you can see the picture. I just love it. So after we left the temple, I took my first and last tuk tuk ride. Sorry guys, but never again. ever. If you've ever sat in the back of a tuk tuk without a seatbelt with the driver mowing you into incoming traffic and you think that it would be fun to do it again, you are not doing it with me. Happy tuk tukking to you.

To get out of the heat, we headed to MBK centre! Air con! Woo! Its seven levels of shopping madness, the only thing to avoid in MBK centre is the cult of primary school cheerleaders, really, I don't know what else to call them but they march around in big groups, with their faces painted afterwards they'll stop abruptly and start stomping and singing. It's really bizarre. I don't know if I can really convey to you how bizarre it was, but my ovaries died just a little just watching. [actually I can think of an analogy, its kinda of like the haka in a shopping centre, but miniaturised]

Too much shopping can be hazardous

Day 3: BANGKOK: MIDDLE CLASS MISH

So we got up early because our bodies still hadn't adjusted Bangkokially, its nine in Sydney and five in Bangkok, think about it, it's still dark outside. So we thought we would head up to the world famous Chatuchak market. Kilometres and kilometres of markets, kind of like Paddys' on acid. It was seven o'clock in the morning and it was *hot. It was starting to get very very steamy, not much was open but already it was starting to smell rank. The outsides were ok but the insides were 'hold your breath people, your eyes will start to water' rank. We were there for maybe forty five minutes before we couldn't do it anymore.

So guess where we went? This is how I know I'm so firmly firmly firmly middle class, we headed to a designer shopping centre. Tiffanys! Cartier! Gourmet supermarkets! [I'm sorry I can't help it, air conditioning excites me]

Look at the chips! Have you ever seen so many of the chips in one spot other than in a warehouse? The entire supermarket was like this. Sigh. I could've slept in that supermarket.

That behind me people is a fishtank. A fishtank in a food court. I'm so happy [and decadent].

DAY 4: SORTOF BANGKOK: THE TOUR

I've never been so dusty in my life. I have to tell you by the end of the day I didn't really want to see anymore temples. Temples are pretty, but you can overdose on them. Like drugs.
Me and Sb didn't want to see temples after that for a longlonglonglong time.

See that horrendous yellow shirt? I was made to wear it so I wouldn't show off my scandalous western shoulders. [Don't worry you can see my shoulders in other photoes]

Day 5: PHUKET: WELCOME WELCOME


So we left Bangkok, I couldn't tell you if I missed Bangkok or not, but I was really looking forward to lying on beaches and doing nothing. I don't know what I was expecting of Phuket really. I was expecting it not to smell so much actually and I expected the traffic to be better. You can still get run over in Phuket. I think I was expecting Port Macquarie [and that is what happens when you read too many travel brochures!] We went to the beach, Patong beach to look around and it was positively stuffed with people, it wasn't exactly the quiet retreat I was expecting. I think I may have walked around the rest of the day with my face pinched into an expression of lemony sourness. [you know that look!]


DAY 6: PHUKET: OH YOU CRAZY KIDS

Sooo today we decided we would get away from the mass migration of fanta coloured europeans and take a motorcycle around Phuket, maybe find our own secluded beach and just sleep. Ok, we were silly and foolhardy and did I mention theres traffic in Phuket? And that SB has never driven a motorbike before? oh, and that Phuket is full of HIGHWAYS? Ahh that, you'd think I would think about that before I got on a motorbike with an amateur. Hrrr, obviously the heat was melting my brain. Well the first part of the trip was fine, we biked it to Karon beach which I have to say was perfectly beautiful and there was a real lack of people [hooray!] but when the time came to leave.. lets explore? why not? driving a motorbike on a Phuket highway is nightmare inducing, things are [including babies on harleys] constantly whizzing by you, trucks are honking you, buses are trying to overtake you. I have to tell you I am so proud I never let out a single "eeeeeeeee" possibly I think because my face was frozen in terror and couldn't move any muscles, but still that is besides the point.

We did end up in a mountainous rainforest up the top of Phuket that was really nice, however it said "Do not feed the monkeys, they will bite" There were no monkeys, there were dogs but no monkeys. Oh and some kindly guy stopped us and told us to take off the motorbike brake while we were driving. [yeah, we're amateurs. got it.]

DAY 7: PHUKET: BREASTS! BOYS! SEX!

Admittedly, I do not have really large breasts, they're never going to be the size of my head but you know I have a little bit to work with, but not so much that I'm ever going to put anyone to shame [geez, that was a convoluted way of saying not very big, not very small] but in Phuket apparently my knockers were blocking out the sun. That or Thai girls have no breasts.
I was walking down the street [in a button down shirt, mind you, not a bikini or a singlet] and some guy looked down my shirt and he said "wow". Wow? What wow? Excuse me creepy guy, buy a magazine. Or a dvd. There's lot of them in Thailand. Later on that night I stopped into a lingerie shop, y'know just for looking and I asked the saleswoman [or it might've been a man] "excuse me?" as I pointed to a bra that was probably a minus minus A "do you have anything bigger?".
She/he then hooked her finger around my top looked down my shirt [There's a lot of peeping going on in my shirt!] and said "we don't have anything that big"
I have to say I goggled at her "nothing?"
She pointed at a lone black bra swinging in the breeze at the top of the store.
"Only that one".
That was one lonely b-cup. Needless to say I goggled my way out of there, but not before having a conversation with my chest about how long we could stay in a place that didn't sell bras for anything larger than an a-cup, we couldn't.

DAY 8: PHUKET: AUSTRALIA DAY

So its Australia Day, and SB and I being the patriots that we are thought [after a long day sleeping at the beach] that we would stop by at 'Two Black Sheep' and have a free shooter on the Australians, after all it is our duty!
Hmm.. We got there and harassed the barlady for cocktails we turned around and surveyed the floor. It was some really sad shit. Aussies getting drunk everywhere [which is of course, our international mission] done to a supremely dodgy dance floor with some really supremely dodgy music. Okie doke, I love my country and I would die for it, but you will nevernevernever get me drunk enough to dance to "I am, you are, we are Australian" complete with hand movements, or ummm.. "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" complete with wobbling effects or.. "Pub with no name" [how do you dance to that? huh?!], there are limits to what I will do for my country! So SB and I sculled our drinks and left to watch a Thai drama on tv about witches and zombies, it was infinitely more entertaining than watching everyone falling about to "I still call Australia home".

DAY 9: PHI PHI ISLAND: IT'S PRETTY

What can I say? I think I'll just post some pictures. Very pretty.



DAY 10: PHUKET/BANGKOK/HONG KONG

We spent most of the day taking planes. Goodbye Phuket! Goodbye! SB said he would miss Phuket, but I don't really think I will, I'll miss the holiday aspect of it.. but I dunno, theres not one point of it that I would say "That is what I would miss" and actually genuinely regret leaving it. I'm just glad I'm going where the shit isn't going to hit my feet!
What can I say? When we arrived at Hong Kong I felt like I was coming home, not SB however, his expression was similar to mine when we reached Phuket. Its called "Whatthefuckhave Igottenmyselfinto" face.

DAY 11: HONG KONG: I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

Really I don't have much to say, other than I love it. Even though the people are ruder than .. well there's not much they are ruder than [nazis? fast food restaurants workers? angry lions?]
I feel mostly that if you leave them alone then they will leave you to do your thing as well. However, SB is miseeeerable in Hk, after the habitual Thai politeness, he is going through some extreme culture shock punctured by bouts of "I hate this place!". Me, I can only shrug then turn around to stare at some more shoes.

Well he doesn't look too unhappy, maybe I should've made him stay longer.

All I can say is wowwwwwwwwwww.. its like New Years Eve everyday.

DAY 12: HONG KONG: DISNEYLAND. HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD!

Well ok, It was and it wasn't. But I guess it makes a funny anecdote now.
Anyway I wanted to take a photo with Chip n'Dale. [Everyone here knows Chip nDale right? Of course. Whats wrong with you, if you don't??] and so I handed the camera over to the photographer, however the camera didn't quite reach his hand and it went dunk-thunk-ba-dunk all over the floor. So SB and I and the two chipmunks stood over the camera and examined it [in a deft piece of irony I wish someone had taken a picture of us four studying it] of course there was a queue forming for Chip n'Dale so they had to stop trying to fix the camera [with their paws] and so I started to leave in my distress because nothing could be done to save my brand! new! camera!. But before I left, Dale took my hand and gave me a reassuring hand/paw hold and a sad sad nod. I have to say that was the nicest Chipmunk I ever met.

Stitch was very nice too, I'm thinking that the characters practice their handshakes in their sparetime [after conjuring up magic rats and running from bad guys or something]



DAY 13: HONG KONG: GOODBYE! GOODBYE!

So its with a heavy heart, that our holiday finally ended, with our skin four shades oranger than it used to be, two suitcases full of clothes that we still haven't worn and a completely ruined camera. I need another holiday! Doesn't it look like I need another holiday?

So I'm going again..

I will be gone another two weeks! Goodbye casino! Goodbye house! Goodbye Minnie *sniff.

Hello sunshine, prostitutes and cocktails [wait! I can get that stuff in the cross!]
I swear I will come back with a complete and detailed portrait of Thai sociology.

Until then, try not to get into too much trouble.. I know I will....

Just needed to say!

Thats pretty much sums up my mood today

[Btw. its from www.savagechickens.com. eat a chicken! soon!]

Two movie reviews for your viewing pleasure

Mood: Jeff Buckley- Everybody here wants you [and now you know I'm in the mood for the arthouse]

So because last year I watched like four movies at the cinema, this year I'm overcompensating. I'm in luck too because its that time of the year when arthouse flicks rule the world [Its almost oscar season time you know].

So I parked my lazy ass down to see Marie Antoinette and Babel.

Marie Antoinette

I watched Marie Antoinette by myself, partially because I had a feeling dragging my friends [or even SB] to see it would be a mucho bad idea. I was right. However I'm getting ahead of myself. When I got there, I was completely surprised, the cinema was packed for a tuesday afternoon, it was bizarre I was expecting myself and perhaps a fashion design major to be there. Wrong. The cinema was filled with japanese girls, couples, and ummm.. families [don't worry the lady took her kids out when she realised it was the wrong movie]. So I hunched over my seat and started to watch.
Firstly, I have to mention the first thing that everybody and their handbags notice are the costumes. They are fucking fantastic. You are going to come out of the cinema wanting a corset and some shoes. The detail in it alone is staggering, there are just so many accessories I covet that if I actually wore them everyone would laugh at me [would I like a garland in my hair? yes please, and add some ribbons] oh and the shoes.. *closes eyes and silently cries.. the shoes, Iwantiwantiwant. I came out of there thinking I need my hair to be white blonde and in curls. So bravo to Sofia Coppola, you hit the shallow point in our souls [I almost typed soles -_-].
Oh, and cake, you're going to come out and stuff your face with cupcakes.

Now. now. I loved the Virgin Suicides, it really is one of my favourite movies of all time. Its so ethereal and yet grounded, it just hit the right note so it wasn't completely airy fairy [they were just girls! not images] but the movie is based on an equally awesome book. So y'know Sofia Coppola had a good base to work on.
However I realise Marie Antionette is based on the biography by Antonia Fraser, because I read it a month before the movie. But its not a book to base on a movie on. Its a great book but you know how most books focus on one event in a life and its like BUMP, this book is like all the events and so its not BUMP as opposed to bumpbumpbumpbumpbump, small circumstances do not a movie make. And thats whats wrong with this movie, nothings happening! You get to watch her have dinner, throw dinner parties, attend parties and try to have sex with ol' Louis but thats it! .. That would work if were watching reality tv, but it doesn't really cut it here.
And then you have the patented Sofia Coppola touch with the ethereal aura, but are you trying to establish her as some sort angelic image of a teenager [yeah if so, go the aura], or are you trying to turn her into the Paris Hilton of her time?? [if you're trying to turn her into a shallow party queen- NIX THE AURA]

So nothing much happens in the movie [they didn't show the revolution, well they did about two minutes of it] and I was bored, and I have a high tolerance for long movies. About forty minutes into the movie I started fidgeting and this was even with the parade of dresses. It was much worse for the guy [part of a couple] sitting in front of me, I think he was about to sleep- he kept nodding off.

It doesn't really say much for a movie, if you go in and then come out wanting your hair done. I was highly disappointed, I was really rooting for it to become my new favourite movie. [On my final note, imagine if I had dragged SB to see it?!Ha. I don't think I'd be alive to type this blog out. and I'll leave you with that]

and onto Babel!

Babel

How the heck am I supposed to describe Babel? Now that I've had a day to think about it, I still don't know whether I really liked it or hated it. I think I might have to watch it one more time to tell you. Impressions, impressions. The acting was fan-freaking-tastic, there was not a weak note among the entire cast, they hit all the right notes and I'm pretty sure I cried during the sequence with the surrendering brother [not cried cried, mind you, but I was slightly leaky.] If I think about it, it was about two and a half hours and it was slighhhhhhtly too long, there was a lot of extraenous sequences that could have been cut, but maybe they had some symbolic metaphor that I missed. See? I'm giving it a pass because everyone was fantastic, but if I loved it, I'm pretty sure I would know if I loved it. Mmm, anything else? Oh the nightclub scene! hahahahaha.. I must be completely debauched [or the director is] because I knew exactly how it felt, from the music to the laser lighting. Wooee.. I started squeezing SB's hand at that point and I'm sure at that point he made a point to lock me up and never let me out ever again[ when I asked him about it later he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, but HE KNEW!]

Things that were annoying: The lady in front of me crying so hard that when her mobile rang, she didn't even bother to switch it off. Of course the damn thing rang again, and she was still heaving. WIPE YOUR TEARS AND SWITCH IT OFF.

and as a bonus!

Million Little Pieces by James Frey

I picked this up because of the Oprah debacle, and what an overhyped piece of crap this book was. Best writer of our generation, my ass. In fact, my ass is a better writer [It is!]. I got thirty something pages in and I got utterly sick of the repetition, on two pages alone it mentions that his girlfriend is a smart cheerleader three times and she got hit by a train six times, oh and along the way he chants "I'm an addict, a criminal, a loser" OVER AND OVER AGAIN in the exact same phrasing! I wondered if I was losing my head and reading the same page... wait? I recall turning the pages! Finally I gave up and threw the book against the wall where it currently sits on my bedroom floor gathering dust. [Much to SB's relief and my own] don't read it, actually read it, pick a page in the middle and don't worry you've lost anything, because if you picked any other page it'd be EXACTLY THE SAME [ack! I've picked up his repetitive diseased!!]

Sigh, I'm done. Until next time.

Falling down around my ears

And so domestic life continues..


SB: HOLY CRAP!
Me: What??
[SB points to the fan which has fallen down and is hanging down by a wire in the bedroom]
Me: Frick.
[Runs to the phone, dials angrily and swears angrily to the real estate agent]
[Walks back into the bedroom to see SB exercising under it]
Me: What are you doing?!!*harpie style
SB: Exercising. It seems to be alright
Me: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TURN IT ON??
SB: No, but I think its quite safe
Me: ...... [thats steam coming out of my ears]
[Walks out to drink orange juice from the bottle..]
"BANG"
[Strolls back to the bedroom, looks warily at boyfriend dearest]
Me: What are you doing now?
SB: *innocently nothing
Me: That wasn't a real bang. That was you smacking the floor to make me think the fan fell down
SB: you didn't even run in to see if I was hurt!!
Me: Thats because I knew it wasn't the fan... also if it had been the fan, you would be screaming like a girl
SB: I don't scream like a girl
Me: If the fan had hit you, you would be screaming like a girl.

Happy New Year!

I'm hungover and sleepy.
I promise that this year I will cut down on the rock n roll lifestyle.
However it might make for a very boring year...

Question and Answer Time

So where have you been FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?

Nowhere. Right here. Acting like a ginormous slug.

How was your christmas?

Most excellent. I make great turkey [or rather SB makes great turkey and I take great credit]. This year my family decided that they that would be even more dysfunctional than usual, but I find I miss then a lot when I'm away from them. STOP FIGHTING PEOPLE!

How was work?

Crap, but I think I'm getting used to it.. its a rather odd feeling, although a year and a half at that hellhole I should be used to it, though come to think of it its not really a hellhole as more of a limbohole.

How was the U2 concert?

Awesome. Although not as awesome as the the Coldplay concert. Chris Martin still rules my heart.

How was the Gold Coast holiday?

It was .... interesting.. The big banana is smaller than I remembered. Byron Bay is beautiful, much better looking than the Gold Coast. [Huh, I however might be slightly biased]


Geez.. how many holidays did you take this year???? Did you actually do any work??

I took two to the Gold Coast, one to Melbourne and one to the Blue Mountains. But they were all quite short trips. Shut Up. No I didn't do any work this year.

Hows your house? hows your dog?

My house is still falling apart, my dog still needs some emotional therapy, we cut her hair, she now actually looks like a sausage dog.

So some comments about this year?

Its been one helluva ride this year, I feel like I lost a lot of friends, but at the same time I'm starting to work out who my real friends are. I'm a lot closer to my mum and my stepdad, though at the beginning of the year I was pretty sure that moving away from my family sounded like a heckuva good idea. I've moved back to Chatswood and I feel much calmer and less stressed out [though I still have a tendency to get cranky when things don't go my way.]

I took a lot of time off this year [even though it doesn't feel like it] time away from school, I worked less. I discovered where I wanted my career to actually go [after years of dabbling] and I'm going to throw mucho money in that direction.. whether it works out.... ehhh...we'll see.


I've cried and laughed all this year. It seems that this year has been the year of extremes. I think I drank less this year than I did last year however [how do you gage? I have no idea] I broke all of last years resolutions except the one where I promised to not watch more than six movies at the cinemas [I watched four] oh, and I think Rihanna is hot. Does anyone else think shes hot? Apparently not -_-

SB and I almost gave up on each other fifty thousand times this year, but we've settled on a groove. I really think I say that at the beginning of every year.

And Chris Martin takes my heart and stomps on it, pretty much every day.

Lessons I've learned this year.

1. Family is important. Life is more important. Never get in a car with an angry,
drunk relative on a mountain highway.

2. Dee Why is dangerous, stay away from that damn beach.

3. Marijuana makes people sleepy.

4. When you think you need a holiday, you need a holiday.

5. Fighting with random ladies in parks is pointless [especially if said lady is
an idiot]

6. If you disagree with a friends boyfriend. SHUT UP and bite your tongue.

7. Don't watch Thai movies that involve orphans and dying dogs. Its just asking for
trouble.

8. Timtams don't melt into drinking chocolate in the microwave.

9. When googling old friends and finding they've moved on. Don't be sad but rather
be happy that they've found their way in the big bad world.

10. In the case of high school friends, if you've found that you no longer have any
thing in common. Don't sweat it, sometimes life is like that.

11. Don't go into bars that you think are dodgy. Chances are they're dodgy.

12. Time passes so quickly, cherish those around you. Give your dog a hug and your
boyfriend a kiss. Talk to your mum and dad on the phone more often. I bet they
miss you.

It strikes me funny..

Of course theres nothing funny about war or crying babies.. but dead smurfs? comic genius. Whats wrong with the Unicef marketing department??

Back but Only Slightly

Mood: Joker and the Thief [They say the Joker is a wanted man!]

This headline caught my attention at work yesterday.

Thick Sheik

I had to smother my delirious giggles. Ahh, Thank God for tabloid journalism, never afraid of punny puns and blatant subjectivism!


I swear swear swear I will do an update tomorrow. yeep.

It's time to go....

Mish!

Off to the Gold Coast for a much needed vacation. So far this year I've been to the Gold Coast twice and Melbourne once making my holiday time a total of... ten days...
[See? I can't even have my damn holidays normally! They have to be split like pizza slices]

Surfers paradise- palm trees, the beach, awkward family reunions, and sunburn. It'll be good. Kisses til' I come back.

Things that depress me [the new expanded and definitive version!]

Crying babies, Men, Men that don't call when they say they will, SB, Dead puppies, Dead aunties, Work, Customers that put napkins over their faces to play poker, Work, Men, Friends that are not here to listen to me whining [especially those IN TAIWAN], Chicken schnitzel sandwiches that taste like rubber, Single mothers on welfare and the fact that Mark Ruffalo is not riding in to take me away on a white horse/cadillac....

That is all.

[I bet you're all itchy for the companion piece: Things that irritate the holy fugka out of me. Stay Tuned! (Gawd, I need a break)]

The Human Kite

My Goldfish SB died the other day. They were a pair SB and Mish. Geez, I hope God/s isn't trying to tell me something.

I bought a giant canvas today. It was on special. The bastard was almost bigger than I was. And it was a mother:meep: trying to get it home. If you were driving past Chatswood this afternoon, you wouldn't have seen me, you would've seen a humungo white board maneuveuring between people. [And your first thought would be: what are they trying to sell??] If it was a mother:meep: walking along the mall, it was even more unwieldly along the housing strip because then a breeze started up, and this was not even a gust, it was a freaking breeze. I could feel myself and the board being swept to the left towards the road. Mish: the human kite. And so every few moments I stopped to avoid being blown away, Mary Poppins style. Eventually I just hefted the damn thing on my shoulders, if I was going to fly away at least I would fly away in style.

The plans of an ex-housewife.

I may not be a housewife much longer! I'm considering going backpacking in Europe with Dakota*, see I don't know Dakota very well but she seems like a nice enough girl [terrible taste in men however, since she dated Jackass for a while] but I'm sure she won't cut out my kidneys and leave me in a bathtub, well she's smaller than me so I don't think she could.

If I go backpacking, I'd be gone for a month.. wheeeee! No Casino for a month, heaven.

Also I'm possibly going to Thailand with SB in January, relaxing on a beach sipping a maitai, [ok fine not a maitai, maitais are gross].

Gosh I need a holiday.

Whiiiiiiny.

I'm siiiiiick... :sniff, sniffle, moan, whine*

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll...............

[Still coherent as ever!]

It's gonna be a long post/Bet you thought I died!

Okay so I haven't posted in two months, but I have an excuse really! [well excuses..]

Shall we start?

Saffron* [hem], Mexicana and I went out for last hurrahs, and guess who we bumped into? Moneybags. Seriously. I haven't seen him for about three years and then he pops up virus style. I gave him a huuuuuge hug [I was tipsy, I'd probably hug George Bush too] and then I left him to his devices. The thing that got me was the strangeness of his timing, I'm a firm believer in things such as fate and circularity. Moneybags was right there when I met Wheatie and then he disappeared [into a vagina most probably] and then he's right there when it's time for her to leave. I don't know how lucid that sounds, but its.. like the beginning and the end.. all wrapped up...
[huh. Don't ask me for clarification, I'm not suggesting he's somehow the centre of the universe]

I said that Saffron and I had been having problems, but in the last hour we were just talking about nothing and it was.. back to normal. And then it was time for me to go. I'm thinking it was so sudden that I still dream about it, and then I wake up all sad.

So she's left.

Cut to:
Melbourne!
I love Melbourne! For all my Sydney love [Go the mighty swans] I don't think I'm a tried and true sydneysider, unless I'm stuck in Wollongong or the Gold Coast or some other dodgy burg, I don't find that I really miss it. Whereas when I leave Melbourne I always feel immensely sad. It also helps that Melbourne just seems to be more me, slightly quirky and a little bit cosmopolitan in a very small space. Yep, that sounds like me. Anyway sidetracked once again, back to my holiday.
We arrived fairly broke, our taxi fare cost ninety dollars.. say that with me again, ninety dollars. I could buy a new pair of shoes with ninety dollars.
But at least we had arrived! Now thats it been so long ago, bits and pieces are a bit jumbled in my head, we ate chips and wandered around, and I fell just that much more in love with the city, with the trams and the shops [Gawd, they have so many vintage clothing shops I almost fell over, however SB was like "What is with all this hippie stuff?!"], we strolled around Flinders Street and had a go at the Crown [yeah ok I should stay away from Casinos on my holidays. I know.] but we won forty dollars so it was really all good. Also the Crown is fifty times bigger than Star City, the gaming floor had us positively lost. Its all marble and cream, where as Star City is lights and.. flashing lights, and shiny lights, you get the idea. Out of the casino and back to Melbourne..
Things that enchanted me: besides the sheer amount of pretty girls. yikes. the eccentric shops. [its not as if we don't have eccentric shops here in Sydney, its just that we seem to have fewer, either that or we've been overrrun by Sportsgirl]. Art! Art! everywhere! Just everywhere there are street sculptures, giant purses, and disembodied people, and my favouritest of all square cows in trees.
Me:[ me in tram] Ohmigod what are those??
SB: [squinting] they look like cows in trees.
Me: Squee! [fumbles for camera, but its passed] damn.
And last but not least, the architecture or at least the layout of the city, it so rocks. I can't even put in words my enthusiasm for how the city looks. Firstly with cities like Sydney [and possibly the Gold Coast], it expands way way way too quickly, first its a hovel, then two hovels, then its a street. then its a village and then a village stuck onto another village, and parts of it are pretty but its not really together, its a big smush of different types of architecture. And it's not Sydney's fault, it just had too many people at any one time and no-one to sit down and go "well, this goes here... and this should go here...", but Melbourne actually looks like its been put together nicely, the trams go around the rectangle and the shops are within. simple! easy! and the buildings have that beautiful European gothic thing going for them. sigh.

Which brings me to: things that get my ire [number #244654645646] what kind of fickle mushheads are constructing all this modern crap around the city?? As we were about to drive into the city, I noticed that in the last two years that I hadn't been they'd constructed about fifty [maybe more] pieces of tin crap around the border. It was revolting! It was atrocious! And these FMH's want to start building within the city as well, soon the entire skyline will be covered with shiny silver things [it will look suspiciously Sydney-like]
Oh and the weather, it's a major flaw, they have maybe the crappiest weather ever.

Diagram!

And then the real reason we went to Melbourne.. dun dun dun!! [besides the fact that we needed a holiday...] Coldplay!! Oh COLDPLAY, WE LOVE YOU!! They were phenomenal, they were fantastic, they were fucking awesome. Oh man, I sang along with every single song and yes, we had crappy seats [high on a hill was a lonely goat...]but oh man, so awesome, if I'm starting to sound a bit gushy its because they were AWESOME. Did I not say that enough times? Aiee! I'm putting on my squealing fangirl hat. The best bit? You have never known chills until an entire auditorium sings "Fix you" with you.
' Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones/ And I will try to fix you'
I still get goosebumps thinking about it. Tears stream down your face....

Hokai.. now onto the other big news, man I've been typing so much I don't even know if I have enough stamina to write down the rest of this what-feels-like-an-essay. [Isn't writing supposed to be therapeutic?? This is taking a little bit more than an effort] Dun..dun..dun! We've moved house! We've moved back to Chatswood, Me, SB and Tatergirl. Its sort of a nice little cottage/duplex setup type thing, we've been here for close to a month now and I think I'm sorta getting used to this housewife getup, [my feminist sisters are mourning my loss. ha.] Its cook/sweep/mop/wash and at first I used to resent Tatergirl to some degree for not doing anything. But then I thought back to the time of Yim and Wollongong, and I rolled my eyes.. I am not going through that again, forget it I'd rather just sweep the G*ddamn floor and let this house be harmonious. Well its harmonious but not particularly quiet, which is good I like lots of people coming through [ok now that I've said that, I'm sure that no-one will come around again for the next two months. jinxed.]

SB and I had some problems when we first moved in too, but we seem to have figured them all out, boy that was some rough patch. There was a real stretch when I didn't think we were going to make it. [hahaha, I typed makeout]


However, however! We may not stay here too long because the landlord is really fricking unstable with what he wants to do with the place.

Have I missed anything?
That was a good thousand words. I think they can wait til next time!

And every breath we drew was hallelujah.

Thanks Jeff Buckley. Sometimes you're happy to be alive and sometimes you're not. But when you are, thats what it feels like.

Maybe its because I'm finally getting some time off, but I feel like my grip is lossening slowly. I'll just be talking to someone [at work, at home, anywhere] and I'll look down and realise that my fist is clenched into a little ball, boy I hope this isn't indicative of anger management issues. [I! DON'T! HAVE! ANY!.. hrrrr]

Meanwhile..things, things, things.

did I mention Saffron* is leaving? I thought it would be a long and drawn out process, with big withdrawals but it hasn't turned out to be. It's been weird and awkward and I don't want to foist myself onto someone who doesn't want to see me [who do you think I am?! I'm my Dad's daughter of course] I may regret this later that I didn't take my time to spend more of her last week with her, but all signs point to no, give her her space. [Ha! look at me. how mature]

Meanwhile at the casino, Alana turned up to work drunk. She wasn't fired. And thats my cue to turn up with half a pint of vodka in my system. See? She's good for something, she sets precedents. Everyone slosh!


I love when Minnie sleeps on my foot. There's a trust thing going on [she probably trusts that I won't get up from the computer.. but beside the point..]

Things I'm looking forward to: The Coldplay concert, the Coldplay concert, The. Coldplay. Concert. If you see me wiggling my hips in Central station its probably because I'm going off to 'Clocks', I loove looove loooove the instrumentals in Clocks. [Man, I feel so cool when I strut to it. I also swing to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, I'll play it really loud when I'm walking in a crowd. Y'know to up the ironic alienation factor. Shurrup, yeah I know I'm a dork. I'm geekly proud]


How do angry cows talk?
Moodily.

I know this girl named Sapphire, truly I've only ever met her twice [three times?], she seems like a really nice girl. But I keep getting told that her boyfriend is cheating on her. He calls her ugly and disparages her behind her back. Should I tell her? would I want an almost complete stranger to tell me? [yeah, probably. but thats me] :thunks head on wall: I watched my mum try to tell her in this loopy round about way "There are books, there are old books and new books, old books should always make way for new books, never focus completely on an old book" you should've seen my face and then her face, my eyebrow almost dislocated itself from my head, and she being the nice girl that she was, agreed that people should read all books. Sigh.

I promise to not be so intrusive. No guarantees of course.

V for Vendetta [or Victory]

So work upsets me [Gawd what a lousy day I had yesterday].

I think I might've mentioned it for the quadrillionth billionth time.

However today was a strike back for me. Mish: 2. Casino: 0

I don't feel so upset [sleepy, hungry, not so upset]

Alanah was being a biatch so I told her off..[what came over me? I don't know] and she.. she.. this is the stunning bit... she apologised! power to the people! Mish rules! yeah! [I'm a little bit giddy, but I didn't lord it over her.. cos I'm nice like that]

The customer was being a fricking pain. And he knew it. Yelling across the casino "Hey waitress!! I'm thirsty?! Waitress!" People could hear him in Nebraska. It was neither cute, nor funny especially since he did it repeatedly even after I gave him a drink. Three drinks in fifteen minutes,I don't even know where he was putting them, everybody was fed up. And then the last straw came. "HEY WAITRESS! MISS! DRINK!" I was cleaning the trolley, gloves and everything [well of course, its dirty, hes been piling it with glasses]. I pushed the trolley towards him
"yes?"
"a drink!"
"sure, please hold on a minute"
I rolled the trolley away for a minute.
"MISS! DRINK! MISS! DRINK!"
rolling back, through gritted teeth: what do you want?
" A DRINK!!"
teeth grinding: what kind of drink?
"ANY DRINK!"

Fine. fine! I'll make you the worst drink you ever tasted. Tomato juice and worceteshire sauce? too obvious. Lemon lime bitters with too much bitters. Neh. He might like it. Ping!

I made him a coffee. I put it in a used glass. And then I watched him drink it. The next time I came round he wasn't there. Don't cross the angry cocktail server,I'm on the warpath.

Pebbles

A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it puts everything out of focus. Hold it at proper viewing distance and it can be examined and classified. Throw it at your feet and you can see it in it's true setting, then walk away from it, after all its only a pebble.

This blog is sometimes a rock in my shoe.

Not meant to be

I just spent over an hour detailing how I felt about Saffron, Sesame, Godless, my Aunty, Jabbers, Tatergirl and its all gone.

Thanks a lot internet explorer.

It was probably never meant to be.

It's a tattoo day

So I've decided to get a tattoo, I'm thinking Hello Kitty. Just her head on my shoulder, however the range of responses have been from "I knew it" to "Are you kidding?" to falling over on her butt to laughter.

Nyeah.

In the meantime, I've been trying to convince SB to get a matching one. No Dice. We just don't agree on what to get.

This changed this afternoon [I mean that he decided what to get, not that he decided on a matching one]
SB: [for some odd reason surfing through the Church of Satan site]
Me: Ok, thats freaking me out
SB: But its really interesting!
Me: Getting the heebie jeebies Are you done with the cult thing?
SB: Hey take a look at this pic!
Me: peers at a pentagram with a goats head inside it OOkay.. what about it?
SB: Don't you think it'd make a really cool tattoo??
Me: NO
SB: But look at it!
Me: Starts to rant What if you go swimming with my aunty?? My religious aunty??! Or someone at work saw it, you'd never be promoted. Or what about when you reach the gates of heaven and they're about to let you in??, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT TATTOO?!
SB: blinks* I'm sure God has a sense of humour.

Oh Gawd, I'm sticking with Hello KItty.

Self pity tastes like cookie

So I'm at work today and I feel this sensation in my chest. It's a slow ache.

I recognise it straight away. The recognition sends shock waves through my system and I stand there with tears in my eyes. I'm silently crying because its so familiar and it's a wave I thought I had passed and now have no choice but to bear again.

This time, I have too many responsibilities to hide away in bed, so Imma have to grit my teeth, grin and bear it. If you see me smiling, understand that it's fake, and its not anything I have against you, some of us carry burdens.

It's back.
Welcome Back.
I don't want to go through this again, and I'm so tired of going it alone.

Square between the eyes

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and if you use your head to deflect it, you can't really complain when it hurts.

I decided that the new job at the Hotel wasn't right for me. And so instead of doing the right thing and calling up to say I wasn't coming in [I am really irresponsible lately] I just didn't turn up.
[Why not? It works for Tatergirl and ShanghaiArchitect, they waltz in, waltz out. Guilt score? Nada them. Mish: One]
But the morning after I am burdened by guilt, its as if I had left a baby in the garbage or something. It was awful. But it wasn't just the guilt that woke me, they woke me. The stalking began.

They started calling at seven in the fricking morning. And gave eight continuous calls all the way to ten o'clock. I am not picking that up, I don't care.

The phone calls continued until five in the afternoon. Lalalala I can't hear it!

The next day more of the same, thats a phone? It's not my phone. Ten or so missed calls. It had started to ease, thank God.

Its Monday and I'm at work, still steadfastly ignoring it, by this time I've turned my phone to silent and letting it vibrate under some clothes. When I get home, my mum says "Did Mercure call you? They called [home]. I told them to call you on your mobile" Oohkay. They've started calling my house. Not just by the standard 9218 but from their OWN mobiles.

This is getting excessive.

The home phone started to ring this morning, it can't possibly be them, it'd be those lifesaver telemarketers and I'll just tell them I'm busy.. lalala...
"Hello?"
"Hello, is Michelle there?" [Oh FUCKING CRAP]
"Michelle speaking""
"Hi, this is Joe from Mercure, you missed your shift on Saturday"
[OH REALLY?!]
"Did I? I'm sorry"
"Can you work tomorrow?"
"Uhhh.. no." [Can you just fire me and this would be less painful for both of us?]
"It's only for a couple of hours"
[Crapcrapcrapcrap...] "Sigh..What time?"
"Seven til Eleven"

And this is how I was roped [hounded] back into working for Mercure. This never happened to Tatergirl. Why do I always end up with the crazy ones??

Yelling, crying, yelling.

Yesterday I saw a rainbow.

Then I went to work.

And ever since all I've been doing is crying and yelling, crying and yelling.
[Minnie is officially afraid of me]

I need to pull it together.

It might have been that damn rainbow.

Things to say, Things to do

I've been so busy lately running around like a chicken without a head.
So in news...

I got the job at the Mercure Hotel as a waitress [No, I'm not quitting Star City yet so you can stop your pre-empted whooping], he said he was over the moon with me. Gosh.

I lied to get out of working on a Friday night. I'm terrible, I know. The guilt [and the fear that I would be caught!] was astonishing, but welcome to the dark side.
Of course then I went and had sushi, drank cointreau, sang karaoke and watched porn movies. It was a Friday night. [and thats how I'm justifying it, thank you very much have a nice day.]

Struggling to get my assignments finished. The skin of my teeth.

Am still looking for a place to move out with. If the ad says neat: it means old. Cosy: means small. Original bathroom: means the bathroom was built in the 1800's and still smells like it.
Oh and watch for streets covered in For Sale signs, it means that at the end of your street there's a big electrical tower giving you good tv signals and terminal cancer.

SB told me that Puripuri just dumped her model banker billionaire boyfriend for that lousy sleazy scumbag who makes her sleep on the floor. I don't get it. [Don't give me that 'It's love' shit]

I've gotten told that I look like a lot of things in my time, Joey Wong, a porn actress, a koala, Bec Cartwright [uh huh], Canadian.. the beat goes on but now its time to add something completely new and insulting to this list.



Olive Fricking Oyl!

[Should I have a sense of humour about this or not?]

Public Servants..

I'm the first one to defend police in an argument.

The arguments are:

-Without them, there would be anarchy.

-They do their best

-On very low pay

-And if there is corruption, I'm sure its a very small minority..

"Bah" says my friends, Pigs are pigs [Though whats wrong with pigs?? They're cute and they taste good, and are convenient for human disposal, also George Clooney owns one. Case closed]

However, however in the future I may not be so quick to support them, I mean people they're public servants! Shouldn't they be more helpful?? No, apparently not.
First, reception. Me "HimynameisMichelleandimhereforanassignmentforuniicalledlastnightbutigottoldtojustrockup"
The receptionist sniffed at the phrase "rock up", why are you so hoity toity?! you're a public servant! a receptionist, and not a very good one from what I can see.
But que sera sera. He husband probably left her this morning.
Next the mountain of rock, a stone face of a police man. He refused to be taped, wasn't happy about answering any questions [yeah, he was busy. Busy shuffling papers from one side of his desk to another] and he said five minutes. Fine. I managed to get in "Socanyoutellmewhatex---" And he said "Can't do it" Excuse me??
Rightio, optimistic til the end, "Well can you give me a number to call who WOULD give me the information?" [The stone shifted]
"This is state crime"

Its a good thing I went outside to call and not waited til I got home because that.. that.. poor bloody excuse.. of an object.. had given me a fax number! [Hallelujah and thank God for the NSW police force, competent til the end!]
I barged right back in there.
"Did you still want something?"

"YOU'VE GIVEN ME A FAX NUMBER"

"Oh."

Oh okay, you know I've probably made a mountain out of a molehill, he was busy [huh] but it was the callous way I was treated, I had only come in there to ask questions for an assignment, I mean thats nothing, what if I had really come in there with something actually distressing like robbery or assault. I imagine that if I had been treated the same the damage would've been compounded. And thats what disturbs me so much.

[I also had an incident with a real estate agent later today but that was probably to be expected]

Happy birthday/Mother's day!

This year we combined Mothers day and SB's birthday to create one big Happmothbirmer day, the soulsucker has me this weekend so the only celebrating is to be done now!

The presents:
An iPod nano
An Oroton Bag [worth a good four hundred big ones]

The reaction? Uhh.. not so good. Neither of them really liked their presents! So either my present-dar is off [or its off]

The setting: a warm and inviting italian restaurant, cosy and amibient. Where parents get drunk and try to hide lamb bones in that four hundred dollar bag. Where parents sing happy birthday to SB in loud off-key tones, to a cake without candles, and try to think up ways to defraud the lottery office [adding extra zeroes to a cheque should do it].

Did I mention I love my parents? They're crazy.

Job interview

Sometimes its better the devil you know.

Today I went to a job interview in a bid to escape the clutches of that evil soul sucking sucker.
It's a good job, Its a small restaurant/bar type set up, there's only forty people in the entire hotel, so I don't have to be worried that Nutbag from Laundry is bitching me out to Peeweehead in kitchen, who tells Numbnuts something mean about my face [or to my face, alternately]. I am not going to take it. [Look! look! I'm insane!] I don't think I could survive on the kind of pay cut they're offering. Eighteen dollars an hour before tax on a five hour shift. Duuuuude. Thats seventy dollars after tax.

So here we are, ever so pragmatic, going to turn it down. If I took it there's no way in heck, I could afford my course, there's no way I could move out, hell I'd probably struggle to put Minnie through daycare. I'm justifying this to myself because I feel terrible, I know on Thursday I have to go back to working with dipshits [dirty,gamble-aholic dipshits I might add!] and feckers who would stab me with a spare chopstick because they would rather do that than actually work. Money, money, money.

On an interesting note: The intervieweer asked me where I'm from, whats up with my accent? I don't have an accent! I think I might be watching too much American tv.

Hoo boy.

So here I am, five hours til its time for me to get up for school, and I'm still here. Not sleeping. Not doing the draft of my assignment. Thats right! Not doing it!
Ha.. that'll teach me.. to... to...

[You think I should do it really? really? no.]

In other news, SB and I are looking for an apartment [to move out into, no funny stuff going on here!], we need to find a place to accomodate our wooden floor fetish, a train trip to wollongong and an autistic dog.. all under 300.. where are we going to find that?? :wails: [oh when I leave here I plan to steal that bottle of Chivas and the jungle painting. Hurrah!]

Oh me in my self absorbed little world, welcome Matthew! [53cm] and already a looker [and according to his mum, a sleeper].